Hey everyone! Finally, that day that I dreaded has arrived. I have a whacko who is not only writing cheap comments to some of my blogs but is also plagiarizing my writing.
Can anyone suggest a technology-duh person like me about what I can do? How do I ban him from coming to my site? And do you think that the best option would be to make my blogs private to prevent this?
Friday, February 29, 2008
Hey everyone! Finally, that day that I dreaded has arrived. I have a whacko who is not only writing cheap comments to some of my blogs but is also plagiarizing my writing.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
I poked fun at the innate differences that exist between men and women in Hum Tum I and Hum Tum II, very recently. These days a tag is making the rounds, a tag that involves writing down ten things that you hate about the opposite gender. Some people have taken it very seriously and have vented out their frustrations without paying heed to any limits, while some have been polite enough to refrain from swearing and have been diplomatic enough to express what they wanted without getting into anyone's bad books! Phew now that is a task!
Seriously, why are we so hung up on the differences between the two sexes? It is a known fact that we cannot live without each other. And even if you can, the bitter truth is that one cannot reproduce without the other. And if technology takes care of that, it is the norm that ultimately, a man will marry a woman and vice versa when they so desire (otherwise gay men and lesbian women would be well-accepted.
Men say women talk too much. Women say men never listen. Men say they do not listen because the women talk too much. Women say that because the men do not listen, they talk too much hoping that some of it is registered. Who started the cycle?
Women say men stare at their breasts while talking. Men say if they wore decent clothes they would not be distracted. Women say who are the men to tell them what to wear when men wear whatever pleases them. And if women do indeed start wearing "decent" clothes, men call them names such as "maniben" (at least in Gujjuland).
Men say women drive horribly. Women say men do not keep their eyes on the road and stare at female pedestrians.
Women say men are interested only in having sex. Men say they are born with those needs.
Men say women are too hormonal. Women say that only because of those hormones, can they give birth.
This can go on and on...It is a never-ending battle.
Is there a point to asking questions and making statements that will only make living with the opposite sex harder? Its hard to begin with....(judging from the number of posts that men and women write about how their loved ones left them in the lurch).
ACCEPTANCE and SHUTTING UP is the key.
Boys will be boys. Girls will be girls! Unless you have a sex change operation.....(that is altogether another story)......
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Life is not math, even though we sometimes think it is.
We see a girl coming out of a room with a boy after 2 hours of locked silence. We add two and two together and assume they are lovers, when they could very well be clearing off a misunderstanding without wanting to be disturbed.
We watch TV, do our homework, cook, IM, and talk on the phone at the same time. We divide our attention between all these tasks and fail to do justice to any of them.
We hear rumors about what someone had to say about us, how so and so really hates us, how tom, dick, and harry tried to dupe us, and we instantly subtract them from our lives.
And then, we are always multiplying. You lie to your friend about how you need to study for an exam when they invite you for dinner, and then later you have to lie to them about why you ended up watching TV instead of studying, and yet again, lie about how the TV program concerned your assignment. The lies continue to multiply.
And then comes the worst part (but the easiest); rounding off!! In other words, generalizations.
- If a girl on the road is driving bad, all women drivers are bitches and poor at driving.
- If a black guy is caught breaking into someone's home, all black men are dangerous and criminals.
- If one rich boy is arrogant and vain, all rich boys think no end of themselves.
- If one bengali, gujarati, chinese, mexican, punjabi is smelly, stingy, a poor english speaker, lazy, all of them are the same.
- If one beautiful girl fails her examinations, all beautiful girls come with "no brains".
- If one man who walks with a pronounced gait and has dramatic hand movements is a gay, all men who do that are homosexual.
I hate MATH. Do you?
Monday, February 25, 2008
It's All About Control..
You control your diet so that you do not put on weight.
But you might still get cancer and die.
You match horoscopes with a potential partner before getting married.
But you still might end up getting a divorce.
You monitor your partner's cellphone bill so that you know that they are not cheating on you.
But they might still not love you and you will be unhappy.
You ask your child to sign up for an engineering or medicine program.
But they might still not do well and fail.
You balance your checkbook each time and keep your extravagant purchases under check.
But you might still be robbed and lose all your savings.
You might keep your car shining bright and sparkling clean so that it continues to look brand new.
But you might still have someone scratch it and bump into it without you knowing.
You might spread rumors or bite someone in the back so that they are not liked.
But you might end up being the one who is disliked.
You might plan your next vacation spot to a T.
But you might still face stormy weather and never take off.
It's all about control, we think. You control our life, your actions, your behaviors, other's choices, and then cry when things do not work out. Planning is good..but control?
It's all about control. Yes! A different kind of control. Control that thought that things should always be a certain way. Control that worry of what will happen if things do not happen they way you planned them. Control the rigidity. Sometimes, things do not work out. And no matter how hard you try to hold them a certain way, they will slip away..just like sand in your palms. Control what you can. And be open to what comes along.
There is only so much you can do.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
This post is related to a lot of different posts that I have seen going around lately about how things are getting mean on blogosphere, how people are being rude, arrogant, immature, judgmental, and how people are shocked about that! Some disappointed, some angry, some disillusioned, and some helpless.
Come on now! Are you really shocked? This is blogosphere, no doubt. A virtual world. Did you expect this to be paradise? A refreshing respite from the bitterness and the politics that exist in the real world? Did you expect to form life-making friendships here in an effort to escape the hard work that we need to put in to maintain relationships face-to-face? But we do not really have virtual people and characters created only for blogosphere by E-Blogger, do we? The people who make this blogosphere are real people. Feelings are going to be projected onto this world. More so, I would believe, because it is easy to say what you want here. You type, delete, rephrase, edit, feel happy, click, post! Voila!!
It is not so easy to do that in real life. Once the words pop out of your mouth, its over! There is no looking back. Sometimes people think hard before they talk, for the very same reason. Therefore, many conflicts in real life are avoided and suppressed. However, when typing, its easier (well lets say, at least for me it is). We often may not be aware of how the other person might react. We have no fear of facing punches in our belly or suffering from black eyes. And we think, "If they feel bad, too bad." because you do not have to be in their face all day. With the touch of a button, you will ignore them! Click!
Think about it. Blogosphere is like a swimming pool compared to the big oceans out there. Its a part. Do not make it a whole. If you find yourself drowning, do not pull someone else in with you. If you find yourself scrambling for the floor beneath you, be calm, and glide over to the shallow end. I am sure you know swimming. Otherwise you would not have jumped into the pool to begin with. And if you jumped in for the sake of learning, stay at the shallow end please!! There are no lifeguards here. Someone might come to your aid, or they might not. We all have to look out for ourselves.
Let's play it easy.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Hey friends and readers,
I started with a new blog today.
Its all about the woes of being a psychologist.
Always thought I had to write something about them but some recent events have motivated me even more to do so!
Please do stop by!
Monday, February 18, 2008
I was tagged recently by Neetal to write about the 51 things that make me smile. Boy ooh boy! It was a huge task. I barely made it to 31. It was hard because I could easily think of 51 things that made me frown and those were the ones that kept popping into my head. That set me wondering..."Is my life really that sad?" and "Am I really that frustrated?".
The answer is NO.
My life is normal. Its not perfect. It has its shares of ups and downs. Just like yours.
I cry too. I feel frustrated too. Just like you.
I have lost relationships. I have suffered some pain too. Just like you.
And I focus on the sadness too, sometimes a bit too much. Is that like you too?
Have you experienced the loss of an intimate relationship or independence or a job or a societal status or physical ability or intelligence or a role or anything that was precious to you? Have you experienced the downs of normal life and asked yourself, "Why me?" Do you really think its just you? Do you really think that the guy next door has never experienced any of that? When you get in an accident, and say why me, did you really want the car behind you to be in your place? Will someone else's misery make you happy?
Have you experienced any recent joy, maybe a new relationship, a new friend, a nice compliment, or something that made you smile? Did you jeopardize that happy moment by pitying yourself and saying, "But he left me. I should not be happy".
Are you holding on to your past? Do you love to see yourself cry?
Think about it. Do not get defensive. Introspect. Are you learning to become depressed and make that your identity? Do you feel uneasy when you are happy? Do you feel like you do not deserve to be happy and that because you are, something bad is going to happen to you? Maybe, just maybe..you are subconsciously designing your life in such a way that you remain unhappy. Perhaps, you are learning to love to be unhappy.
Think about those people who whine, grumble, and complain all the time. Do you want to be like that person? Maybe you already are.
Forget Enrique Inglesias's song.
Next time, when you look into the mirror, flash your best smile.
I love to see you smile.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Technically, this post should go to the "Warm Fuzzies" blog. However, I felt this is more apt here since I announced my Post-Valentine's Day party on Psychobabble.
This party happened yesterday.
Shopped for decorations, party stuff, food, etc. last afternoon. Had friends clean up the mess in my apartment last evening (for those of you who have visited "Short and Sweet", you all know what a mammoth task that can be) and decorate it with lights, hearts, and what nots!. Had my roommate help me make desserts (Pizookis and Strawberry Jelly in heart shaped aluminium foils). Planned for several interesting games. Gave nicknames to everyone for the night (Mine was FEMME FATALE). And dressed up nice and pink (the dress code was red or pink).
The party was scheduled to begin at 8. Of course, it began at 10.
And then streams of red and pink poured in. Some carried food with them, all carried gifts with them. Some wore smiles, some wore excitement, and some nonchalance. Some demanded food, some demanded games, while some sat demure. And as we ate, the noise level in the apartment rose...in a nice way.
And then we played..for 4 hours non-stop. No one demanded alcohol. No one was drunk. And yet people were able to be goofy. People who never danced in their lives danced like Madhuri on Aaja Nachle. People who never looked at a girl in the eye before had a girl wink at them over and over again. People who do not talk in real life were paired up as partners. People who do not like to play games, played.
The Post-Valentine's Day was truly a success. Not because everyone showed up in red. Not because everyone liked the desserts. Not because everyone played and danced without alcohol. Not because the apartment looked like a child's bedroom, a child who was obsessed with the color red. Not because everyone liked the gifts that they received. But because everyone was together, happy, joyous. Some single, some not. And yet no one was a couple. We were all together. No grudges remembered, no new grudges formed.
The love was truly being shared and spread. A couple days late. But it was a Valentine's Day celebration after all!
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Valentine's Day is finally here. The much awaited day. The much dreaded day. Excited lovers. Heartbroken people. Rich folks. Poor blokes. Valentine's Day impacts every one of us in a different way. And I say time and again. It is not just for the gooey-eyed, drooling, warm-blooded youngsters gushing over the fair-skinned, slender newcomer in college, nor just for those who have 2-carat diamond rings weighing on their ring fingers. It is for all of us who have nurtured love in our hearts at some point and continue to do so today.
With this I would like to wish all of the following a very nice day!
You, who gave birth to me, loved me, accepted my mistakes, forgave me for my foolish acts, and continue to support me everyday.
You, who treat me like your own daughter, without expecting anything from me in return.
You, who taught me, what unconditional love is all about, what selfless love is all about, what sacrifices is all about.
You, who never told me that you love me but ask me in a very concerned way, "Di are you okay?" when you sense I am not my usual self.
You who told me that you want to be just like me..in every way possible, and make me feel respected and loved, each time I talk to you.
You, who text message me randomly after weeks of nothingness to say hi and to make my day.
You, who call me at least once a day just to see how I am doing, no matter what kind of fight we might have had the day before.
You, who never tell me that I am harping on the same subject over and over again, even when I am, and listen to me patiently each time.
You, who sent me sweet, encouraging, and inspiration messages, when you felt that I needed some cheering up!
You, who call me up in the middle of the night, whenever I ask you to, pay a fortune on those long-distance calls, and yet never talk about hanging up, because you know I need you at that time.
You, you, and you.
All of you who make a big difference in my life.
My blogger friends who encourage me to write, my IM friends who encourage me to talk, my psychologist friends who encourage me to take care of my self, my college friends who encourage me to stay young, my school friends who gave me great memories to live with.
My best friends who encourage me to live, and laugh.
Those random strangers who have made life easier for me without having known it. The man who held the door when my hands were full. The man who helped me when I was injured in an accident. The woman who gave me directions when I was lost. The woman who held my hand when I was sick........
Valentine's Day is not about nursing broken hearts, cursing old lovers, pitying one's self, being angry at couples. Its about spreading love.
Have you spread some love today?
Have a nice day, you all!
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Disclaimer: This product contains facts. Any resemblance to any person, living or dead, is not coincidental. It is intentional.
She was married at the age of 13, a widow at the age of 34, is currently 83.
She gave birth to 4 children, lost one a few years ago, and currently lives with her daughter.
She studied till the 7th grade but educated her children all the way through college.
She was born in a rich family but her father squandered all the money on vices. She worked as a maid to help raise her siblings, and later on her own children.
You dont have shoes to match your outfit.
You dont have enough clothes.
Your roommates suck.
What are you complaining about?
She was born beautiful and won several hearts.
She married at the age of 25 and was divorced at the age of 29.
Her husband abused her for four years and she decided to keep quiet for the sake of her family's reputation in society.
She is currently single and lonely because she is "divorced". Still beautiful.
You don't have a date on Valentine's Day?
You are 5 pounds overweight?
Your hair is too frizzy on a humid day?
What are you complaining about?
He was diagnosed with leukemia at the age of 8.
He went through a bone marrow transplant every few months for several years.
He lost several years of education, normal childhood, fun and frolic.
His parents now live hand to mouth because they spent all their earnings and savings on their child's treatment. He survived.
Gas prices are too high?
You hate your professor?
You got a B in one of your classes?
What are you complaining about?
Life is too short and precious to worry about grades, a small checking account or idiotic people around you. Live like there is no tomorrow. Who knows, today may be your last day on this earth. Make it count!
Monday, February 11, 2008
65+=seniors...wonder years? Hardly...from the eyes of the young ones. What does old adulthood bring with itself? Poor physical health, disabilities, cognitive decline, retirement, empty nests, loneliness, loss of spouses and friends, and a nearing of death. Along with these grim realities, old adults also face a change in socialization, possess more wisdom that is assumed to be correlated with aging, and may be able to engage in leisure activities that they never had the time for in the past.
Coupling...can you imagine these older adults trying to find a "romantic" partner during this age? But many of them do. They do not actively set out on a search but with spouses gone, children on a quest for an independent life, and employment as a part of history, these adults need to find another meaning to life, someone to live for, someone to live with, someone to die beside.
I recently saw "Life in a Metro" where a couple reunites after 4o years and engage in physical intimacy. I heard some groans, some moans, and some exclamations of surprise amongst the audience. Some people vehemently protested the act and exclaimed that this was something not acceptable..the physical act as well as the emotional bonding. Not acceptable? Why? Don't these adults have emotions? Dont they want companionship? Dont they need to feel loved? Some people in the audience yelled, "Oh so cute. This is so sweet". Sweet? Are you sure? Would you "allow" your parent to do the same if the situation arose? Or is it sweet because you want to appear openminded?
Can you know how your life will be when you are 65? You can dream about it, hypothesize about it, and try to work towards that path. But can you know for sure? Likewise, you dont really know what those people are going through. So why pass judgments on who should do what and what is not acceptable when you are not at that stage and not in that situation? Let's just let people live their lives according to their realities and let's focus on creating our own.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
The day you were born, I was very excited. And yet skeptical. Would I be able to manage you? Would I be able to handle you with care? Would I be able to do justice to you? Would people accept you for who you are? Would you be loved?
And most importantly, would I be happy?
Today....as I celebrate your birthday, I can firmly say that I am proud of you. And thankful to everyone who has been a part of you; to all those who have played a big role in making you who you are.
Happy Birthday Psychobabble!!
P.S: Birthday dedications are being accepted.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
February 14th is only 8 days away.
Precisely, Valentine's Day is 8 days away.
And some of us squirm in our seats each time someone asks us "What are your plans for Valentine's Day?". We tend to scream silently when a committed, engaged or married friend asks us the same question, knowing very well that we are single, perhaps heartbroken, and somewhat lonely. Maybe they do that so that we can ask them what their plans are in return. And then maybe out of courtesy, we indeed do that, trying to switch the focus of the conversation onto them. Result: We painstakingly feign interest and enthusiasm when they blurt out details of their spa reservation, candle light dinner at home, and the surprise bubble bath that they have planned.
What we, them, and the media fail to emphasize is that Valentine's Day is indeed about love, but not necessarily about romantic love. Its not all about expensive presents, fancy chocolates, teddy bears, and huge red hearts floating around. The day is about spreading love and joy, may it be with a partner, parent, sibling, best friend, roommate, or coworker.
Remember how cheesy Madhuri Dixit looked buying gifts for herself in "Dil To Pagal Hai" on Valentine's Day? She did that for herself because she loves herself. I know for a fact that we all have someone that we love and who loves us back in return. So whether you are partnered or not, think about those loved ones this Valentine's Day.
You are not lonely. You are not heartbroken. You have someone you can plan a Valentine's Day for. You do not have to wait for Mother's Day, Father's Day or Friendship Day. You do not need an excuse. Go ahead and walk around the stores with larger than life hearts hanging there. You don't have to be love struck to do that. As for me, I am going to throw a party next week and spend a wonderful evening with people I call friends!
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Sometimes, I feel like we give too much importance to names. Our names, their names, everyone's names. And we forget the personality that lies underneath that name.
When I was born, my mom wanted to pick one of these two: Samta and Sneha. My friends say, "Thank God she did not pick Samta". I wonder, if being Samta would have changed anything. I would still look the same, have the same friends, have the same grades, pick the same profession, still live where I do, and still write blogs.
Many of us have been blessed with modern, short, and sweet-sounding names. The kind that are in vogue now. Raj, Rahul, Rohit, Isha, Riya, and what not! And therefore, we take the liberty of saying "Yikes! What a name!" when we hear a peer having a name such as "Chandrakant" or "Balaji". But can you imagine the plight of these people who get teased incessantly about a name that their parents gave them and they have no control over. So many children have known to suffer from low self-esteem solely because they hate their name.
And then we have the parents of the groom, and the groom himself who pester the bride to change her last name as soon as possible. Have the men wondered how it would be to be Raj Malhotra one day and be Raj Patel within one hour of a ceremony just because they got married? We hear brides say, "I want to feel part of the family and so I will". I wonder if its nothing but learned helplessness or accepting what society has it out to be.
So what's in a name?
Technically, nothing! It's just a label to identify different people.
Societally, it is your self-esteem. So the next time you reject a friendship or an alliance based on someone's name, stop to think. If someone's name is Nirodh, it could be that they were born before the contraceptives were introduced in India!
Friday, February 1, 2008
I tagged myself!! And I totally loved this one!
I tagged three people but for those who can't think of anything more to write about..here's something for you! Let me know if and when you get it done. Will rush to your blogs to read it!