Psychobabble!

The Examiner

2010-09-15T02:34:00.002-04:00

Hello Folks,

Howdy? Hope all is well!! :)

Its been long but I want to write again. Trying a new avenue this time.

In case any of you still get updates from this blog and happen to read this post, please subscribe to my page on the Examiner.

Hope to see your comments on my articles there!!

Thank you!

Thank You ALL!

2009-01-07T04:04:00.003-05:00

Thank you all for your kind words, birthday wishes, and smiles!!

I am back from my vacation, severely jet-lagged, very homesick and familysick, and very unwilling to go to work each morning. Sigh! Such is life, I guess.

However, what keeps me going is the excitement about the release of THE ELEVEN by Sai-Kiran Publications. Yes! It's finally out!

Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement all along the way. I hope that you will continue to support my by buying the book and giving me your honest feedback.

Please feel free to email me at solitaire2009@gmail.com for a reference code before you purchase the book at this website for a 10% discount on the book!
(Please click on the highlighted words).

And before I forget, please also check out my new story "THE MURDER" on Calm Frenzies!

Hear from all of you soon.
Much love,
Solitaire

Trips, Pain, Smiles, Birthdays, and Anticipation

2008-12-24T13:01:00.003-05:00

Hello Everyone! Hope you are doing well. I did get many of your emails after I left blogger...some unhappy, some hopeful, some angry, and some wishing me well. Thank you all for your heart-felt words. They mean a lot to me...truly. I may not be around in person but I am definitely around in spirit. I often wonder what you are doing, how your blogs are going, and what must have transpired in your lives. I wonder if you do the same about me too. And if so, here is a small update for those who really care.

In the past few weeks, a lot has transpired in my life. Some events were planned while some decided to surprise me. For beginners, I took several trips. One to Las Vegas, one to Malaysia, one to Thailand, and am currently in Singapore. Las Vegas was great, and surprisingly, eye-opening to me in many ways. I discovered personal things about myself that I had no way of knowing prior to this trip. That was not all. I also developed some sort of a neuroma after I returned from the trip which could have been caused by wearing heels and trotting along like a model all day long for 4 days in Vegas.

What's a neuroma? The doctor said its a kind of a tumor caused by the nerves. As of now, it is not clear to the doctors what the problem is. I was frustrated. But more than that, I was in pain. I could not walk and when I did, I cringed, and often cried. What did the doctors do? They injected me in my foot with steroids. I am a thousand times better now. I can walk. I cannot run, though. I am still confused about the problem too. And I have no idea of when I will find the solution.

Today is the 6th day of my vacation in Singapore. I am smiling. I love this city. I always have..for years together. What I am smiling about is the fact that I met several of my family members this trip who I had not seen for a decade. I find that I still love them. I find that we still connect. And I find that their presence still fills my heart with warmth.

Now let's come to the selfish part. I have missed you...some more than the others. Now that my birthday is only 2 days away, I find that I miss you all even more. I remember my birthday post last year and I remember how your warm wishes came in and wish the same for myself this year. I also take this opportunity to wish Kanan and Ceedy a happy birthday for I know that their birthday is around the corner too. And yes, MERRY CHRISTMAS!

I have saved the best for the last. There is a book coming out on the 4th of January. I hope and anticipate that nothing untoward will happen at the last minute. I wanted to share the good news with all of you on the d-day but cannot contain my excitement anymore!! Its not MY book. However, its a beginning. One of my stories features in that book. I will keep you all posted more about it as the time approaches. Looking forward for your support and thanking you all a zillion times for your strong words of encouragement all along my journey. You are my inspiration!

GOD BLESS YOU ALL!

Crossroads

2008-11-01T17:38:00.003-04:00

Every so often, on the path of life, we come across crossroads which lead to several paths. This creates dilemmas within us. Questions arise. We wonder. We think, ruminate, ponder, fret, despair, consult, and finally take a decision and walk ahead on the path that we choose in that particular moment. Miles later, we may realize that it was the wrong path. We come to a decision making point again. Do I turn back? Or do I walk ahead looking for fresher pastures and hoping that what lies ahead is what I will grow to like and want.

When we all decided to blog at whatever points in our lives, we pretty much made an active decision at a crossroad. We decided whether we should blog or not. And then some of us started like there was no end to it, while some abandoned it at another point, and some never took off. When I decided to blog, it was out of sheer boredom. Writing was always a passion. Writing for people never occurred to me, though.

It served as a medium for me to connect to other people. It normalized my conflicts. It validated my emotions. It made me laugh. It made me cry. More than anything, it made my conviction stronger, my desire to write a book even deeper. I was blessed enough to have readers who genuinely encouraged me. I was blessed enough to realize who was actually engaging only in social desirability. Above all, I was blessed enough to have met some angels along the way who have enriched my soul in many ways. Some have stayed. Some have left. And some forgotten.

Today, I stand at another crossroad; one that I had never envisioned I would be at. Rather, one that I had hoped I would never come to stand at. And yet, I have. To continue blogging or not. I have realized over the last few weeks that what I had been seeking has already been attained in many ways. Once a white shirt is washed, bleached, and starched, it cannot get any whiter and crisper than that. That's how my soul feels right now. Blogging has changed my life in many ways. And yet, there is no deeper fulfillment as I continue blogging today.

I would like to leave this world and choose another path for myself while the positive energy still remains so that the sweet memories linger on for days to come. Sometimes, I wonder if I should return with another profile and another name. Sadly, if I did that, I would only be fooling myself. What's in a name? The soul and spirit remains the same.

Comfortably numb, as I write this post. I do not know if it is impulsive. I have been thinking about it for the past few days on a very subconscious level. Today, I decided that if I did not choose another path soon, it would only get harder for me. Do not ask me what my new path is. I have no clue myself. I can only say this...if in walking away from this world, I realize that this decision was a wrong one, I will not hesitate in returning.

All my dear friends, the ones who care, and the ones who think they care..I am much into closure. I hate rejection. I hate abandonment. So I would like to reiterate again, that in no way, is this a reflection of what we have shared together. It is only a choice that I make for myself. I am right here in my physical being in the same world as you live. I will visit you every so often and I will remember you even more than that. You all have been good to me. While I personally cannot thank each one of you, do know that we all learn from each other, either in grand or in simple ways. I wish you all the best of luck. Life moves on. So shall we.

Yours lovingly,
Solitaire

Any presents? Anyone?

2008-10-25T02:05:00.002-04:00

We often hear things like..

"Live in the present. Not the past."
"Learn from your past and move on."
"Forgive and forget."
"The present is a gift."

What great words. Great ideology. Great philosophy. Awesome consolation. Words of wisdom. No, really.

But hey, how many times are we constantly reminded of the past even when we want to move on?

A girl married at the age of 22, naive, gullible, and innocent, divorced later, may constantly be reminded of her "one mistake" when she attempts to find a partner again, a mammoth task for those who live in conservative cultures.

A woman who has had an abortion for practical reasons may be told later when she indeed wants to embrace motherhood that her chances of conceiving are now close to minimal due to that one abortion.

A teenager, drunk at a club, involved in a fight, may have charges of misdemeanor placed against him and will continue to face issues when trying to find employment even at 40 after years and years of a dry spell.

A man who has unprotected sex with his partner just this one time realizes that he now has the HIV and will never be able to lead a normal life again.

Rash driving, road antics, cheap thrills causing someone to fall off their motorbike, hitting their head on the pavement, losing consciousness, and perhaps mobility for the rest of their life.

Sometimes, try as we might, we may want to learn from our mistakes. The question is will we ever be able to? Sometimes, try as we might, we may want to undo just that one moment. The question is can we do that? Will we be punished for the rest of our lives only to hear over and over again.....what we always do. Those golden words of wisdom.

Sweetest Day

2008-10-17T01:48:00.003-04:00

October 18th is SWEETEST DAY. I have no idea where and how it originated. I also am positive that many people even in the United States have never heard of it. I, on the other hand, have gone to the extent of celebrating it, and even expecting presents on that day. My enthusiasm had always been short-lived when the others did not really appreciate my sentiments about a Hallmark created birthday. I grew to come to terms with it..only until the next Sweetest Day arrived. It has, once again.

Diamond rings, flowers, cookie bouquets, and personalized candygrams are currently being advertised on air for those cheesy romantics like me. I have no money to buy those for myself nor know anyone who would be invested in buying those for me. Frankly, the excitement of receiving those presents would also wear off in a couple days. So on the occasion of Sweetest Day this year, I would like to acknowledge some sweetness that pervaded my life last week.

Last Wednesday, something dreadful happened. Something that I knew was going to happen and yet I was not really that well-prepared for it. No one knew about the pre-planned horrible event save a couple very, very close friends. And as I was driving back from the event at 8 am almost in tears, M, my best friend, who I had not spoken to in 2 weeks, texted me out of the blue asking me how I was. Later that day, another friend, P, took it upon herself to send me a good morning email every single day to brighten my mornings. She has been doing such a good job of it that I actually trot to work happily only to see what she has written for me each day.

Around 3 pm that day, N, asked me to cheer myself up by hanging out with friends. I was reluctant. He pushed. I listened. I hung out with friends, had a great time, and thanked God for the push that he gave me. I thanked him too but he thought nothing of it. As I walked out of work at 5 pm, S, a dear friend of mine, who had last called me to share the news of his engagement two months ago, called me "just to catch up". And last but not the least, I got a very dirty email from someone that very same day but somehow I did not chance upon it until Friday, out of sheer luck.

Last Wednesday was ironically one of the SWEETEST DAYS I have had in a long time. It was full of reaffirmations, signals, and signs that someone up there loves me and cares for me, and is there to protect me, sending across guardian angels when I needed them the most. Friends with who I have built great connections but who have been busy in their daily lives called me as if it was a telepathic connection. Life has not been the same since last Wednesday. I did not expect it to. But neither did I expect to find so much love and warmth around me.

Thank you sweet friends for being there. I now no longer need to wait for a Hallmark created cheesy day to recognize the sweetness around me. I need no diamond rings, for you are my gems.

What's your Sweetest Day story? Are you going to spread some sweetness today and make someone recognize who their guardian angel is?

Hail the Queen!

2008-10-11T03:54:00.004-04:00

Just got back from a club where Bally Sagoo played his music and did whatever he is good at. Meanwhile, there were men all over trying to grab girls' attention, shaking their hips vigorously, and trying to touch them wherever they thought was safe enough to not be slapped in return. On the sides, there were a few men who perhaps thought they were quite macho and ended up in a fist fight. It seemed straight out of a movie, where the two men in question were punching each other in the stomach, and other men were trying to stop them. Alas! They got kicked out of the club by the bouncers. Meanwhile, a guy comes up to me and puts his arm around my shoulder as if to protect me, as I gaped in shock at the men in the fight. I shrugged and pushed him away.

Not too much later, a guy came up to me and said, "Yaar. Tu badi soni lag rahi hai. Teri umar kya hai? Haan I know its not good to ask a girl her age but still..bata de." I simply shrugged and said, "I am not telling." He left. Another guy immediately made the decision to take up his position and tried to grind against me. I froze. And thus, the night passed with me trying to avoid the sleazy men and they trying their hardest to woo me. The last guy I met in the club was the funniest. He held my hand and said, "yaarrrrrrrrr sneha...number de de yaar!" I said no and walked out. And if you know what my latest post on Warm Fuzzies is all about, you perhaps also realize that I have the least amount of patience for guys who are trying to win girls over based on their so called non-existent charm.

A few days ago, a guy friend of mine asked me not to apply perfume in his presence. When I asked why, he said, "I would like to believe that girls naturally smell lovely". Is that what we always were and will continue to be? Are women just sexualized objects meant to be great to look at, good to smell, and sensual to hold? Are men not looking for like-mindedness, ambition, intelligence, and love? Are we women mere showpieces always under the pressure to look great. How come we have to tolerate men farting in public, growing their nose hair, and flaunting their measly chicken legs during the summer while we have to always be well-groomed?

Are women never going to be taken seriously? Is Sarah Palin going to end up being the vice-president of the United States only because she is "hot"? Will I always be a Barbie Doll?

What's Love Got To Do With It?

2008-10-01T23:03:00.004-04:00

Picture this.

1. You get a call from your colleague. The one you sit next to all day and exchange a few pleasantries with every morning. He wants to go out with you...yet again. You call your girlfriend and say, "Honey. I have to go out with a friend. Will call you when I get back." She says ok, with a dejected voice and awaits your phone call all night. You come back from a guys' night out, tired and drunk and fall asleep. She sleeps with the phone next to her pillow.

2. Your friends invite themselves over for your birthday. Panicky, you ask your mother to cook up some nice grub. She does. She slogs in the kitchen for two hours so that your birthday party is a success. When your friends come over, you take them to your room, have a gala time, hoping that your mother does not disturb you. When she does come to interact, you say, "MAaaaaaaaaaa" in an embarrassed fashion. She excuses herself and you get the entire evening to yourself and your friends.

As far as I know, all those who read me, have loved ones. Some love their partner to death, some their parents, and some can devote an entire lifetime to a friend. And yet, we sometimes choose to be nice to those who do not really matter and shun those we profess to be most important to us.

Why is having an old grandmother who cannot speak English embarrassing? Why is dejecting a partner okay to do but not okay to say no to a colleague, neighbor, or casual friend? Why do we take for granted those who have been there for us but seek out the attention of those who never have and probably never will? Do we like challenges or does familiarity breed contempt? Are our priorities messed up or do we like being in control?

There are many souls out there who are loveless in life. So please. Cherish those who have chosen to love you and you have chosen to love back. Your colleague may not be in your life 10 years from now but your loved one most likely will be. Remember, just because someone loves you, it does not mean that you can treat them anyway you want.

Watering Your Trees?

2008-09-24T19:27:00.004-04:00

When the Houston heat kills, most of us at work scramble to find a tree to go sit under. The hour passes under its rich foliage, with mouthfuls and giggles, and then we walk away with content to our overly air-conditioned offices. The tree is left alone.

Then Ike arrives and decides she does not like the tree , kills it, brings it down, and leaves. When we return to work, we see the tree is dead, groan and grumble, and find another upright tree to sit under. The dead tree is left alone. And ultimately gotten rid of by some random stranger who never sat under it, ever.

This is what we do with some people, too. We take from them, just like we take from the tree, and leave without saying anything. Yeah...sometimes, we do say thank you, and then quickly forget about what they gave us, assuming that it was our birthright to receive what we did in the first place. We assume that the janitor gets paid for sweeping the floor and needs no acknowledgment. We assume that the auto driver is doing his job when he takes us from place to place safely and yell at him when he asks for a rupee more than what you think it should be. We assume that the maid is supposed to replenish our beauty supplies when out of them and get irritated and have a bad day when she does not.

We take a lot from others. We give them back a lot too but not necessarily what they want. Irritation is not what they asked for. Nor cold looks or admonishment. Sometimes, all that it takes for the tree to flourish is some nourishment. If you think the tree SHOULD give you shade, it is your duty to make sure that the tree remains capable of doing so.

Go and thank someone today who made your day once upon a time. Go and thank someone today who made your life easier once upon a time. Go and thank someone from who you learned a valuable life lesson.

Go water your tree today.

Movie Stills and Reviews

2008-09-18T10:23:00.011-04:00

Ike released last Friday and still has people awed by its performance. Rated R, this movie is a sure-shot hit. Dramatic, brilliant, and a tearjerker. Guaranteed to run for at least another 6 weeks if not more!!

Here are some movie stills captured by an amateur photographer on a mobile phone.

This is what the university of Houston (and the roads of Houston) looks like these days.

This is what remains of a once beautifully landscaped restaurant.

Traffic lights are not working. Not only that, some of them are on the roads.

Some houses are damaged beyond recognition.

Broken fences.

For more information about the movie, you can visit http://www.chron.com/ or http://www.galveston.com/. Here is a brief snapshot of what life was before the movie and how it is today.

As of today, 1.93 million residents in Houston still do not have power and water. Grocery stores (if open) have signs up that say "You can shop but there is no light. Only buy canned foods." Essentially, all the shelves are empty. Gas stations have long lines often forcing customers to wait for hours.

Some people at work complained about their windows breaking and causing puddles in their homes. Some talked about the roof blowing away. Some complained of car damages. The people who are not complaining are those stunned beyond words. Their relatives are missing, their homes are swept away, some even saw their family members being engulfed by the waves and swept away into the sea.

The world is becoming a dangerous place to live in. Hurt, tears, grief everywhere..either due to a bomb blast, hurricane, or floods. These movies continue being made whether we like them or not. Sometimes they are super hits. Sometimes flops. I prefer the latter.

Let's pray for those affected by all these movies today and everyday. Thank you.

A Dramatic Movie

2008-09-14T23:48:00.006-04:00

On early Saturday morning, she arrived. Hurricane Ike came with a majestic power that left many powerless, helpless, and some without even a real life anymore. At precisely 2 am, we decided to go to bed because a friend thought "the storm was not fun" and no point staying awake for. He wanted drama. He wanted howling winds. He wanted rainfall. He wanted excitement. Nothing happened. Not until 4 am, at least.

And then he got a blockbuster hit. We lost electricity. The winds howled like I had never heard them howl before. It was like one of those horror movies that you want to watch but do so with your eyes shut through most of it, except here, there was no obvious blood or gore (unless trees swaying from one side to the other count as gore). At least when a horror movie ends, you can turn a comedy movie on and try and forget about it. This was different. I woke up to worse horror. Trees had died, blocking roads, traffic signals had either changed direction or fallen on the street, roofs and fences were shattered, and I felt that I was walking through the sets of a disaster movie. It felt like a scene from a CNN news broadcast that I am used to watching on tv. This time it was real. And the same excitement-seeking friend said, "yaar itna nuksaan nahi hua." I guess he wanted a blockbuster hit that lasts for 365 days. Little does he realize that it may very well be one for those who are homeless today thanks to Ike.

Amidst all this, I get a message from someone asking me to come online for free counseling. Yet another someone asks me why I am not publishing his comments. And then there was a someone who called me to ask me "How is Dayton?". There was a friend grumbling that he ran out of cigarettes and that the stores were closed. Another someone was worried that his taxes would go up while the government tries to restore the 4th largest city in the United States. And then someone else who thought it was funny to say "Why are you not online? Did Ike damage your internet?" Everyone was starring in their own dramatic movies assuming that it would entertain their audience.

Today as I write thist post, I am seated at a friend's place who is among the 1% of Houston's population who has power and water. I am amongst the 99% who does not have power and has no chance of having it restored for another 4 weeks at least. We are surviving on frozen foods and hoping that we don't run out of it. And yet, life has to resume on Tuesday. I don't know when this dramatic/horror movie will end for me. I move to my own apartment tomorrow night. I wonder how it will be go to work without showering and wearing unironed clothes and eating candlelight dinners by myself. But that's not all.

Someone else at this moment is probably thinking how it will be for them to live in their own home once again. They are starring in a horror movie that someone else is watching seated in their very own home theater.

NOW!

2008-09-08T22:58:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, the weather was perfect. The skies were blue, the waters green, the sun shone bright, and a cool breeze blew. Yes, it did seem picture-perfect as I enjoyed every minute of my lazy afternoon watching little children jump joyously, splashing water at each other in the lake. Nearby, their parents watched them lovingly, enjoying a beer or two, and basking in the sun, wearing the bare minimums. Couples held hands and kissed in the water while I sat there on the grass with a smile on my lips, thanking God for a wonderful day.

And then it happened. On my way back home, I began to dread Monday. Monday blues are something that we all commonly experience at some point in our lives, whether or not we love our jobs or whatever else we do for a living. I began to groan in my head at the thought of waking up to a shrill alarm clock at 7:20 am, dressing up to go to work, juggling my way through horrible traffic, and going through boring training seminars for half the day. For dinner, I stopped by at my favorite cafe to eat a healthy sandwich and enjoyed it thoroughly as I bit into the greens smothered with feta cheese and a mediterranean dressing. The moment I set foot into my car, my Monday blues returned.

I came back home and turned on the TV, a luxury that I have now begun to afford after my school days. And yet, I could not focus. I kept glancing at the clock, wishing bedtime never came. However, as hard as I tried, I was unable to change my destiny. The clock did strike midnight. My eyes did get droopy. I did fall asleep. And I did get up on time to go to work today.

As I write this post, another Monday has passed by. I now await the weekend and am counting my days till Friday. But then I wonder, what is the point? In waiting for the Friday, I am losing out on all the experiences of joy that I could have encountered today or might tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that too.

In waiting for the future, am I spoiling my present? Did I miss out on experiencing the full joy of hearing from someone I had not in ten years today? Did I miss out smiling genuinely when the cashier at the gas station told me that I looked beautiful today? Did I miss out on the great sunset while driving back home on Sunday evening?

Some of us are truly living in the future with the hope of making it better without realizing that in doing so, we are losing out the opportunity of enjoying an already good present. We have to live in the NOW. Not in the THEN. They don't say "tomorrow never comes" without a reason.

Are You Multi-Faceted?

2008-09-01T02:32:00.005-04:00

Last week, when I wrote up an intake interview of one of my clients, the first sentence read as...

"Client is a 22-year-old heterosexual White female, majoring in Biology, currently in her senior year, seeking counseling for issues related to depression."

Essentially, I captured her age, gender, sexual orientation, major, educational qualifications, and emotional problems in one sentence. But was that all there was to her? Was she only a young white female majoring in biology, about to graduate, and all that jazz? NO. She was much more than that.

She played the guitar. She had grown up poor. She had been sexually abused as a child. Her boyfriend is in prison. She has a cute dimple. She likes pizza. She has a heart. She loves her boyfriend. She is all that and much more.

Sometimes we focus too much on what we see and less on what we do not see. They say "seeing is believing". But then they also do not see God and yet believe in Him. So maybe not seeing can also be believing. And maybe, sometimes it would do us good to see the entire picture and not just the small dot on a big white poster board.

This post has been inspired by Neeku who beat herself up and called herself a bad person who failed in multitasking. Frankly, I think a lot of us do that...a lot of us are harsh on ourselves (and others) when we do not meet with our own expectations and standards. We forget that that one mistake or failure is not the only thing that makes us.

So what if you failed a test? So what if you lost your driving license? So what if you burned the vegetables while daydreaming? So what if you did not understand the joke? So what if you cannot drive? So what if you put on weight? So what? That does not make you a BAD PERSON. Maybe a bad test-taker, maybe a clumsy person, maybe inattentive, maybe a bit slow, maybe challenged in your motor skills, maybe impulsive....but not a BAD PERSON. Likewise, so what if the person next door wears mini skirts too short for your taste? So what if your classmate got her belly button pierced? So what if your best friend only eats out and does not cook? So what if your blogger friend forgot to give you an award? Maybe it is a flaw that they have, maybe not. But it definitely does not make them a BAD PERSON.

Remember friends. You are all multi-faceted. You all have wonderful qualities. You all have some weaknesses but are also blessed with some strengths. Do not let your weaknesses define you. Do not hate yourself (or anyone else) for slipping and committing an error. We were not all born perfect and learn through our mistakes. So go forth and appreciate all that you do. Be nice!

I expect it to be that way!!

2008-08-26T00:09:00.002-04:00

Suppose you are 25, a fresh graduate out of college, a newbie in the world of work, gone through a couple failed romantic relationships, and in the eyes of others, a trifle bit inexperienced. Get the picture?

Then you meet a 35 year old, who "obviously" has more experience than you in all these aspects of life. Correct?

WRONG!!!!!

Sometimes, we indulge ourselves too much with an EXPECTATION BIAS. Yes!! Yet another term coined by psychologists. All that the expectation bias suggests is that when we expect something to happen or be a certain way, even when results suggest it is not true, we continue to be in denial and believe what we always expected. So even if the 35 year old turns out to be "stupid", not really a genius full of wisdom, and certainly has nothing valuable to offer in terms of experience, we continue to believe that he/she is more experienced than us!!

Yes. There is no denying that some people genuinely know more than us but sometimes, they do not. Likewise, when we expect someone not to fulfill our expectations, even when they do, it is hard for us to believe that they did!!

This is an error that we really do not commit as much as the fundamental attribution error or the out-group homogeneity bias, but nevertheless we do. Can you think of times when you committed this error unknowingly only to realize later that you were under an illusion?

DIRTY INDIANS!!

2008-08-19T00:03:00.003-04:00

All Indians are dirty!!!

All Indians are great at Math!!!

All Indians live in villages in India.

All Indians are poor and malnourished!!

All Indians have arranged marriages!!!

All Indians have family values!!!

All Indians speak Hindi!!

All Indians are poor!!!

All Indians are smelly!!!

All Indians eat curry!!!

All Indian women are pretty!!!

This are only a few of the perceptions that non-Indians have about us Indians. Some may be right. Some may be wrong. Some stupid. Some worth a thought. Some plainly to be ignored. Maybe some of you are FURIOUS at what others have to say.

Want to know the psyche behind this thought process? It is called OUT-GROUP HOMOGENEITY BIAS. Yes. There is a name for it. What it means that we humans believe that all those who do not belong to our group are the same while we all in one group are different!! Now before you get furious too much, stop to think. Don't we do that too at some level or the other?

All Chinese look alike.
All women take too much time to get dressed.
All men are practical.
All Gujjus are business-minded.
All goris are good in bed. (Read this post of mine on Short and Sweet if you have not already done so!)
All Westerners have no family values.

So the next time, someone says something about Indians that offends you, take a chill pill. Forgive them for the outgroup-homogeneity bias, educated them about the truth, tell them about the bias they committed, and then do not go and tell someone else..."ALL THESE PEOPLE FROM SO AND SO COUNTRY ARE SO DARN IGNORANT!" Not all of them are.

Gay and Happy?

2008-08-12T17:03:00.003-04:00

You are a heterosexual man. In other words, you are straight. Your sexual preference is the opposite gender. You prefer a female partner.

Now here is the twist. You are a heterosexual in a homosexual world. Everyone around you has same sex partners. Amongst your school, college, and work friends, no other person prefers someone of the opposite gender. You are committed to a woman and she lives at home with you. But no one knows about it. Sometimes people tease you about the way you walk and talk and make jokes about your sexuality. You just bear it all and hide it quite well.

While driving to work, you turn on the radio and listen to George Michael croon about his boyfriend. You change channels and find the same song playing. It is on the top 5 that week. Sadly, you turn the radio off and play the CD in your player that has the very few opposite sex partner songs in the market. Billboards and commercials talk about proposing to your same-sex partner on 08.08.08. You are unhappy because you know you can never get married to your love because society looks down upon it. You are furious when a billboard advertises shared insurance rights only when living with a same-sex partner.

At work, people ask you what you did over the weekend. You quickly say "nothing", when people begin to share their experiences with you. How can you tell them that you went to a "straight bar"? When using the restroom, you overhear people outside talking about you in a hushed manner.

Do you think he is straight?
Oh no. I hope not.
Ya I heard that's why he never invites us to his place. He lives with a woman.
Oh my god. He seemed like such a nice guy.
Ya. Too bad, isn't it?

You do not know what to do. You are sad. Unhappy. You do not how long you can hide it from the world. You feel judged because of your sexual preference. You do not know how to face your adoptive mothers. You tried therapy in the past to change your sexuality but it did not work. Now you do not know where to go to.

This is how a gay/lesbian feels in a heterosexual world everyday.

On the Highway

2008-08-07T14:11:00.003-04:00

Imagine buying your first vehicle. It could be your cycle, your motor-bike, your car, your van, your truck, or even your own bus. It gleams and shines while adrenaline rushes through your body.You cannot wait to be seated on or in it, resting your hands on the steering and driving/riding away to some place that makes you happy. You speed, you slow down for bumps, you accelerate again, you dodge puddles and potholes, brake, change gears, stop at traffic lights, swerve, take a u-turn, come back home, and park your new precious vehicle. And then you look for excuses to go out on it again....maybe.

Many of us get overwhelmed with life, its worries, its stressors, often wanting to run away from it all, wanting someone to come save us, wanting to move ahead happily. How many of us do that while driving, though? If we come across a bridge that is closed for the day, do we not turn around and find another way? If we come across a bump, do we not slow down and go over it such that we don't fall off the bike? If we fall off a two-wheeler or are in a motor-crash, do we not find someone to nurse our injuries, take the required rest, and go about our daily ways as soon as we are well?

Speed breakers are those problems in life that halt us when we are being impulsive or rash, often causing a dent in our plans. Potholes are those problems in life that often come unexpectedly causing us to detour or fall right into it. Closed roads are those problems that cause us to start everything right from the beginning, wasting precious time and energy. One-way roads are those problems that have you stuck in them once into them and there is no looking back. And then we have accidents where someone else's plan does not co-incide with ours and there is a crash, often causing much damage, to our mental health, relationships, stability, and so on. And yet, when these things happen on the road, many or most of us survive with some assistance or not.

Maybe, life is not that hard as we think it to be. Maybe, when the traffic gets too bad, we can take a detour. Maybe, highways are not always the best or the fastest. Maybe, its ok to take another route sometimes. Maybe, we need someone to lend us a helping hand when we are stuck.

This is what I was thinking this weekend as I drove 21 hours from Dayton to Houston for my final stint in my doctoral program. I am now in a new territory, on new roads, trying to find my way around. What road are you on?

Life or Death

2008-07-30T21:19:00.003-04:00

Listen to the song on the sidebar. What does it talk about? Nothing but the positive contribution that death makes on life. We always view death to be something hurtful, painful, that which makes us nothing but a dead body from a once living being. Maybe, there is something that we can learn from death. Something that will make our lives worth living.

I am young, have never been diagnosed with a terminal illness, and have never had a close encounter with death. I believe that I have at least another 50-60 years to live in this world and yet, when I look at that number, it almost feels like time will fly by. I have already lived 1/3 of my life and I have no idea where they went!

People usually fear the end of their lives. What I fear is not living life completely before I die. What is living life completely to you? Buying your own house, earning a 6-figure salary, owning a Mercedes Benz, wearing only branded clothes, or mingling in a high-profile social circle? Is it being able to travel around the world, eating exotic foods from different countries, or going dancing, bungee jumping, skydiving? Or is it having a huge family, becoming a parent, and living a life full of love and kindness?

As I hear about the bomb blasts, violence, terror, around the world, I begin to realize more each day that life is uncertain. Though common sense and family history tells me that I will live to die very late, I might also live today to die tomorrow. I do not care if its a painful death. I do not care if its an early death. I do not care if its a lonely death. But I do care if its a death after having lived life the way I want to.

So today I hope and pray that I do not begin to take precious time for granted, do not leave things I can do today until tomorrow, begin appreciating life's little blessings more and more everyday, and live today like there is no tomorrow.

This was a class assignment, a journal I wrote that wanted us to talk about "death anxiety".
Sorry folks, been tied up with some stuff. Will come around to your blogs in a few days. Will also respond to my commentors in the previous post soon. Take care!

Bad Women Drivers?

2008-07-26T02:04:00.005-04:00

I recently saw SEX and the CITY..twice! Needless to say, I loved it. The first time I went with a few girlfriends. The second time I coaxed a guy friend to come with me. He agreed...reluctantly. On the D-day, he called me and said, "Will I be the only guy there?". I could almost feel him breaking out in a sweat. I laughed and said, "No. There will be many other guys there who may have come to look at the beautiful audience, if not the movie." I knew he was not assured but he decided to be nice and come anyway. Right before the movie began, his friend called and asked him what he was doing. Quite embarrassed, he told him where he was. His friend chuckled and said, "Tum ladkiyon wala kaam karo. Kal baat karte hai". (You do what's meant for women. We will talk tomorrow).

I was irritated at his friend. My friend was irritated at me. I decided to keep mum but the train of thoughts continued. Why? Why is there an assumption that men will not like the movie? When I told my friend about the several husbands who have stated that they enjoyed the movie, he managed to grunt, "They only said that to make their wives happy". I felt like he had already assumed that he would not like the movie and felt that he was not giving it a chance!

Why do we stereotype genders so much? Why do we assume that certain behaviors are appropriate only for one gender and not the other? Why do we expect certain behaviors from one gender and not the other? And if God forbid, the opposite gender acts in a way that they are not supposed to, they are teased, poked fun at, and ridiculed until they pray for the skies to fall on them. Why?

Why do people assume that all women are bad drivers?

Why do people assume that all men make good engineers?

Why are women expected to be good cooks?

Why are men expected to be more practical and less emotional?

Why are women expected to be less aggressive?

Why are men forgiven for infidelity just because they are "born that way"?

These are only a few of the stereotypes that we hold in our minds when thinking about a particular gender. I am sure there are a lot more "should"s and "must"s and "have to be"s in our minds. Whether we began thinking like that because that's what we observed in the world around us, or picked it up from adults during our childhood, or saw it on TV, is altogether another issue. But I do know that we were not born with these ideas and thoughts. I also know that we do see many examples of those who do not appear to fit these stereotypes. In an effort to comfort our confused minds, we end up saying, "Oh they must be an exception" to ourselves.

Look carefully. How many women do you know who are good cooks? How many men do you know who are cheats? Are you an exception or a stereotype? Or is the exception actually the norm? And the stereotype just a silly error, a quirk, a human tendency? Do we really have to stereotype? Do we really have to attribute people with certain traits just because they are men or women? Can we not just see them as UNIQUE INDIVIDUALS? Can we not accept them the way they are?

Maybe we can...if we try harder.

Oh, and those, who still believe that women are bad drivers, you might wanna read this.

You are STUPID. I was FOOLED!

2008-07-23T18:35:00.003-04:00

This is a repost for people who have missed knowing how they are stupid but I was only fooled. Do not understand? Let me ask you a few questions!

Why is that when you are not able to respond to someone's calls or emails, its because you are "BUSY" but when they do the same to you, they have an "ATTITUDE"?

Why is it that when you are being noisy when you have a party, you are being HEP and FUN but when your neighbors do the same, they are being "INCONSIDERATE"?

Why is it that when you are late, its because you were "CAUGHT UP IN TRAFFIC" but when they are late, they are labeled as "ALWAYS LATE"?

Why is it that when you do not like what someone said, its because its "TRULY RUBBISH" but when they do the same, they are "JEALOUS"?

Why is that when someone tells you some good news and all did not end well, its because of "BAD LUCK" but when you tell them something and it fails, its because they cast "THE EVIL EYE"?

Why is it that when you hang out with people who speak your native language, you are only being friends with people you are "COMFORTABLE" with, but when they do the same, they are being "CLIQUISH"?

Why is that when you forget to share some information with someone, you assumed "THEY ALREADY KNEW" but when someone else does the same, they are being "SECRETIVE"?

Why is it that when you don't invite someone to a party, its because its for a "SELECTIVE GROUP" but when someone else does the same its because they "DO NOT LIKE YOU"?

Why is it that when you write a post on your blog, its "GENERAL" but when someone else does it, its keeping "YOU IN MIND"?

Now you know why when someone cheats you, you are STUPID but when someone cheats me, its because I WAS FOOLED!

We all commit the Fundamental Attribution Error more times than not, until we become aware that we are doing so. Don't get too bogged down by the term. All it means is that when something bad happens, we attribute it to outside causes for ourselves and internal causes for others. Likewise, when something good happens, we attribute it to internal causes for ourselves and external for others.

Example:
If I do well in an exam, its because I studied hard. If I do badly in an exam, its because the paper was difficult!!

Get it?? Now reflect back and think of the times when you did that. And if you cannot think of any, make sure you are aware of that in the future?

Go forth!

Words

2008-07-20T23:42:00.006-04:00

Words help us communicate. Words help us feel. Words help us think. Words help us live. Words are those groups of letters without which our life is very hard. Words act like magic. You think of something, you form a sentence, you express them and voila...there is a reaction to them.

The words in a great book can move us to tears. The words in a melodious song can create a wave of emotions. The words in a well-scripted movie can remain etched in our minds.

Unfortunately, harsh words created in an agitated mind can pierce our hearts like daggers. Even more unfortunate is that many of us live with bleeding hearts waiting for someone to come lick our wounds and nurse us. We rant, we cry, we crib, we bitch, we yell, we shout, we scream, we cuss, we mock, we accuse, we judge, all in a desperate plea for help.

Why? Because we are hurt. Because we relied on others for OUR self-worth. Because we gave them the right to control our emotions. Because we are insecure with ourselves. Because we think someone else is better than us. Because we think we do not have it in us. Because we believe them.

The truth is...YOU, I, Him, and Her. we all are unique. I have my own set of fingerprints that you don't. I have a face that you don't. You have a fashion style that I don't. You have a writing style that I don't. He has a thought process that I don't. She has a talent that I don't. That is the ultimate truth. I am special. You are exception. You are you. I am me. And so are they, they. Together, we add diversity, beauty, and variety to this world. That is the ultimate truth.

So when they try and put you down, realize that you are worthy of much more and beyond. When someone says, "I hate you", realize that you love yourself. When someone says, "You are mean!", realize that you are different from what they want you to be. When someone says, "You suck!", realize that that does not necessarily make them a better person. When someone lies about you, it does not necessarily become the eternal truth. You know it. And last of all, realize that these are words that were created in someone else's mind. You do not have to believe these words and bring your self-respect down.

"Don't let those prickers bother you", says A mother of two....

You are special and you know it. If you did not, now you do. All that you need to do now is remember it. ALWAYS.

Those Married Folks!

2008-07-18T02:34:00.004-04:00

Most of us have been placed in a stage where matters of the heart are taking priority over all else. If its not you, then its perhaps a friend who is looking for his or her soul-mate, or a parent perplexed over your nonchalant attitude. Or maybe it IS you wandering helter-skelter, month after month, keeping your eyes and ears open for the ONE. And then there are some of us, who have found our mates, and are basking in the glory of being a part of a couple.

In interacting with many of my counterparts raised in India, I often get the impression that marriage is put on a pedestal and is portrayed either by our family, friends, or media to be the ultimate goal in life. So come our 20's and that's all that everyone talks about!

At a cousin's wedding, you may hear, "You are next!" or "When are you giving us the good news?". The usual yawns.

At home, you may hear, "Beta. If you start looking now, you will find someone in a couple years". The usual trap.

From committed friends, you may hear, "Come now. Its high time you too joined the bandwagon". The usual camaraderie talk.

And then some of us succumb to the pressure, either out of frustration or perhaps boredom. The rest exert free will and do what their heart tells them, whatever it may be.

What do observers do? The ones who are not ready for marriage make derogatory comments about the institution. The famous shaadi ke laddoo phrase. Calling married couples (no matter how young they are), uncle and aunty. Emphasizing over and over again about how excited they are about their freedom. The ones who are ready but are not yet in the institution put them on the pedestal. The "Wow you are married?!" phrase with an expression of awe. "Oh my God, please don't change!" phrase with an expression of helplessness. The "Oh when will my turn come?" phrase with an expression of longing.

What follows is the categorization of married couples. Yes, we singles categorize them as if they have their own clan! I was once introduced to a guy through another friend at my university. My friend said, "Hey Rajeev, this is Solitaire. Hey Solitaire, this is Rajeev. He is married." Is marriage the only thing that makes Rajeev's identity? Was that sort of an introduction necessary? Was it a subtle warning to me from my friend as if to say, "Stay away..not our type!"

Why? Why do we make such a big deal about someone being married? Why is it not ok to call a married friend at 3 am but ok to call a single friend at 3 am? 3 am is an unearthly hour for a phone call, married or not married. Why is it assumed that married people have a real life and single people really do not (now this altogether is worthy of another post)?

Why?

You OR Them?

2008-07-14T02:31:00.003-04:00

You open a birthday present with great eagerness. It is a small box, (apparently jewellery), and think its a diamond ring from your better half. Turns out to be a coral pendant. You are very disappointed and say, "wow!" and put it aside, forgetting about it the next day.
Your friends invite you home and you plan on going there at noon. At about 2 pm, they ask you if you are hungry and offer you some cookies. Obviously, they did not cook lunch. You are shocked, suppress your hunger somehow, and walk out bitterly and drive into McDees for a quick sandwich.
You have a very important interview for a job that you have coveted all your life. You have been studying for it for a month. On the D-day, your best friend does not call you to wish you good luck. You get the job. You call him to tell him the good news. He says, "Congratulations. Guess what movie I saw today...it is called blah blah.............." You are irked by his behavior.
Its Saturday night. You have made no major plans for the day and intend on spending a quiet evening with your partner/spouse. He announces that he is going out with his friends for dinner. You tell him about what you wanted to do. He apologizes and says he did not know and has already given his word. You are very angry, throw a tantrum, and refuse to talk to him the rest of the day.
You have a flight to catch tomorrow. You call your brother who lives on the other side of the town to drop you off. He says he cannot make it because he has a party to go to. You are furious with his attitude and vow never to call him again for help.

Can you identify with any of these situations? Have you ever felt disappointment when you EXPECTED someone to do something for you but did not live up to YOUR expectations? Whose fault is it? Yours or theirs?

They never made promises, they never gave you false hopes, but they DISAPPOINTED you when they were unable to read your minds.

Sometimes, we assume that people will do certain things for us, just like we think we would for them. But that is not always true. People have their own priorities, their own values, their own set of thoughts, and their own way of doing things.

Just because we like chocolate cake, we cannot expect them to like it, can we?
Let's stop expecting from others. Maybe, that will lead to lesser disappointments and more contentment in our relationships.

I AM BACK!!

2008-07-11T02:56:00.002-04:00

Over the last few months, many of you have sent me comments, messages, offliners, emails asking me about when Psychobabble would be up. Its up on the day Solitaire babbled her way through her dissertation. And today, I am back...as promised.

I remember the day a friend sent me an I-pod in the mail as a surprise gift. It was something that I had been yearning for for months together. When it arrived, my joy knew no bounds, as would be the normal reaction, one would assume. A few hours later, I was shopping for skins on e-bay, checking the manual out, and begging savvy friends to give me songs. From then on, I was actively hunting for those who had I-tunes and would be willing to allow me to steal a few numbers off of their computers. For days, and even months, I regularly recharged my precious I-pod, now decorated in a pastel blue skin, and even slept with the earphones stuck in my ears until the wee hours of morning. Today, exactly 21 months later, I do not even know where my I-pod is. I mean I do have a remote memory of it being in my laptop bag somewhere but its novelty has worn off. No more is it the precious little gadget that I cannot live without. I have moved on to the Blackberry Pearl now.

I wonder then, is that how we react to all the new things in our life?

The excitement over finding a new friend who has the exact same interests as you. The excitement of getting a saree of the latest fashion from India. The excitement of the first roses that your new boyfriend sent you. The excitement of the first time you shook hands with a celebrity. The excitement of the first time. The excitement over getting admitted into a competitive doctoral program. The excitement about having your first blog post.

Do we all move on eventually from one state to another, some quickly, some at a slow pace? Is this what we call "change"? Is this evolution? Growth? Maturity? Ficklemindedness? Aging? What is it called?

A friend recently had a message on his profile which read, "Change is the law of life". If it indeed is, and if excitement does wear off so quickly, and if what excited us ten days ago, does not anymore, is it not the same for negative emotions as well? Think about it. If you have changed in ways described above, then maybe you have the capacity to change and overcome the sorrows that face you.

Remember that sad breakup? Remember that death of a family member? Remember that job that you did not get? Remember that precious thing that was stolen? Remember how you bawled your eyes out, or probably felt miserable for days, skipping meals, not sleeping well, and wondering how you would do after the tragedy. If you reading this, you are doing fine. You have survived. And you will continue to survive.

I am back! How does it feel?

*Thank you for all those who patiently waited. Your support and encouragement means much to me!

Story Time

2008-06-25T04:03:00.001-04:00

Its your turn to get creative on CALM FRENZIES.

Check out my new story..."With Love From Bangladesh" and give it a twisted ending in less than 40 words!

Enjoy!

Answer to Trivia

2008-05-07T15:25:00.001-04:00

Now on "Woes of a Psychologist"..Check it out!
For those interested in an invite, please leave me your email address in the comments section.
It won't be published.

Trivia + Tagged

2008-04-30T03:19:00.002-04:00

Anyone wanna answer a trivia question? Go here (if you have been invited).

Tagged to do God Knows What...(Some love link apparently where I see no signs of love at all!)

Copy paste the link below in your post and add your name and pass it along..(What is the purpose of this? I have no idea and everyone refuses to tell me like its a mafia code or something!!)

BennyLiew, RamblingMoo, Mum & Kids In Wonderland, Judelittle, Our mini blogsphere, Rooms in My Heart, http://janiceng.blogspot.com/, ChinNee, Jo-N, LadyJava's Lounge, Strange but True, Mariuca's Perfume Gallery,Meet Uncle J-Uncle J, Farah,aNgRiAniWoRLd,How’s Life Bout,The Three Heroes, Ceedy, Veena (the girl who tagged me!), Solitaire, (You here)...

Here are the next ten victims of "love"...

Satish Bolla
Nirmal
AmitL,
Karthik S
Iceman
Soham Shah
Crimson Feet
Brocasarea
Badshah Khan
Sutta

Go figure!

Short and Sweet

2008-04-22T10:47:00.002-04:00

Hey all,

Psychobabble is resting a bit but Short and Sweet is still up for those who want a quick smile, less debate, and some fun!

Check out today's post. There might just be a compliment from someone for you. Spread the joy!

-Solitaire

No Ordinary Friday

2008-04-18T00:05:00.003-04:00

Thank God It's Friday. I have lots to catch up on. I have to focus on classes that I missed recently, go to a semi-formal (prom) this evening, and decide on what sari to wear for the International Friendship Affair at school. I also have to do four loads of laundry, some cleaning and tidying around in a pig-sty looking apartment, go grocery shopping, and amidst all this, find time to relax.

Sounds like a usual story, doesn't it? Especially to those folks who do not have any domestic help and work five days a week spending their Monday to Thursdays waiting for a Friday. But today is no ordinary Friday.

Today is the day that I had been hoping would never come. But it has alright! Its the second half of April, the second week into my final quarter, and time seems to be flying by. It seems to me that in the past four of five months, I have lived my life more as Solitaire than who I am since I was born. I have made friends on blogosphere, met many interesting people virtually, read many creative blogs, and built my own little sweet world that I loved to bask in. Amidst all this, I forgot that in my non-virtual world, I have a dissertation pending, a degree to focus on, and a lot of hard work to put in.

I was so reinforced by the love and appreciation that you all gave me that I ignored the threats that my advisor gave me. It hurts me to say this but I still have to...

I have to go.....

I told you. It is no ordinary Friday. Its a sad Friday for me and Psychobabble. I have loved all of you, all you precious people who left your valuable words in the little comment box, all you silent readers who have returned time and again to see what I have to offer. Psychobabble is now taking a short break from blogosphere for I have to put other things up my priority list.

I promise you. I will be back. How soon, I cannot say. But no later than July of this year. Will you guys promise to remember me? Will you guys leave a light on for me? Will you guys take care of yourselves? Will you guys stick around? Will you guys welcome me when I am back?

Hugs and Kisses!

Friday Angels

2008-04-16T01:17:00.004-04:00

You and I. We discussed how we categorize our friends in this post. But did we talk about uncategorized friends at all? Friends who are just there....friends who may or may not come out for sushi.....friends who we do not know will come watch a movie....friends who we think about often but hardly talk to....friends who are friends.

I had a couple friends that I had categorized as "Friday night movie/dinner friends." And it was on a Friday, I found out that they were more than that. Friday of last week was a BAD FRIDAY. It was the day my symptoms of a "severe kidney infection" displayed themselves. I have often wondered who would care if I did not come home for two days but never answered the passing thought. On Friday, I found out.

Friday morning, I called S and told him to come pick me up from school. He came promptly no questions asked. On my way home, I told him about my condition, how unwell I was, and blah blah. At home, N and S discussed my condition, made quick plans of what they should feed me, and attended to me, all without being asked to. Ok..that is for humanity's sake, I suppose.

I think the cause of humanity was carried too far. One of them stayed by my side constantly. They checked my temperature at regular intervals. They gave me medication per schedule. They even bribed me with bourbon biscuits when I threw tantrums. And they constantly reassured me that I would be fit and fine the next morning.

They were wrong. I had to be taken to the hospital the next morning. Any guesses who took me? Any guesses who stayed there the entire time? Any guesses who ate only cookies and cereal bars in the hospital so that they don't leave me alone when they go out to grab something to eat? Any guesses who ran to the pharmacy for more medication? Any guesses who went and bought edible food for me? Any guesses who took complete care of me? S and N.

Oh wait! Do you think this is shortlived? 5th day in a row and still going strong. Same treatment. Same concern. Same care. Yes...humanitarian attitude carried too far. This is an angelic attitude.
And angels cannot be categorized. They can only be thanked for coming into your life and being there when you needed them the most. In a world where coochie cooing on the phone with a boyfriend, watching FRIENDS on TV, going to the gym, and cooking a lavish meal is more important than dropping a quick phone call to ask a friend how she is feeling, such angels are far, few, and rare.

On Friday I found out that I had angels in my life. Bad Friday was not that bad actually.

Precious Life

2008-04-14T10:30:00.005-04:00

Fever. Ibuprofen. Cold chills. Nausea. Pain. Weakness. Skin irritation.

Clinic. Waiting room. Doctor. Thermometer. Temperature. Blood pressure. Urine test.

Shock. Concern. Panic. Instructions. Warning. Caution. Kidney infection. Prescription. Pharmacy. Tears.

Sleep. More fever. More pain. More chills. Headache. Guests. Liquid diet. Night. Nightmares.

Morning again. Worse condition. Emergency room. Nurses Admission. Doctors. IV. Saline. Morphin. Antibiotics. Blood test. Nurses. Doctors. 8 hours. Discharge.

Evening. Fever. Pain. Weakness. Guests. Flowers. Fruits. Night. Sleep.

Morning again. Nausea. Puking. Red swollen eyelid. Weakness. Get-well-soon card. Time. Slow recovery. Liquid diet. 12 pills. Guests. Evening. Movie. Night. No fever. Sleep.

Morning again. Doctor. Examination. Change in medication.

Home. Blogger. 100th post.

Life is precious. Health is wealth.

Are you her?

2008-04-09T13:42:00.002-04:00

I would not be surprised if an 8-year-old boy chose to buy his grandmother a video game? Would you chuckle? I would not. Most kids tend to be "egocentric" (not to be confused with selfishness). Egocentrism is the phase where children are unable to separate their beliefs from others. They think that if they would love to have a video game from Christmas, so would grandma!! Gradually kids learn to put themselves in other shoes and learn that everyone's life experiences are different. REALLY?? Then why do I see so many of us adults still egocentric, unable to believe that others are different than us, that what others may want or not want may be different from what you think they should want or not want?

I recently put up a post on how some women are still oppressed, not treated equally to men, and that they maybe need some upliftment. Some of you agreed, some disagreed, some with passion, some with nonchalance, and some of you felt that the woman has many choices to be in or out of a situation. REALLY?

Do you think that a girl child in Africa who is genetically mutilated (as per cultural practice) for the preservation of virginity, enhancement of male sexual satisfaction, and prevention of promiscuity is treated fairly and has a choice of being or not being in that situation?

Do you think that a woman in Iran, Iraq, or Afghanistan who has to walk around in a burkha everyday, unable to work, having no access to health care because the doctors are not female, and has to submit to domestic violence, is being treated fairly and has a choice in being who they are?

Do you think that when a girl child in countries such as China, Korea, and India who is abandoned, not favored, or even killed before she is born because of gender favoritism is in a fair position and has a choice in removing herself from being at risk for her own killing?

Do you think that the women who continue to practice Sati in the remote villages of India do so out of immortal love for their husbands? Do you think that the pressure from their relatives to commit this act is fair and that the girls have a choice in going against them?

REALLY?

Think again. You might think that the world is changing, that the women are in a much better position than they were years ago, and that there is gender equality present today. All true to some extent. But there is a lot that needs to change. There are a lot of women out there who are not as fortunate as you, or your mother, sister, friend, are. So before arguing with women who appear feminists about making false accusations against men, stop to answer this question.

Are you that woman in India, China, Africa, Korea, Pakistan, Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan....

ARE YOU HER?

Whiners Winners?

2008-04-07T18:55:00.003-04:00

They said, "Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone". Recently, I conjured up another quote of my own, "Laugh and the world laughs with you. Whine and the world comforts you.", based on personal experiences and observations.

Picture this.
A girl in her mid-twenties, immigrated to the United States, lost both her parents at age 18, working hard to make both ends meet and goes to school full-time to get an education. No one knows about her family background. Works daily from 8 am to 8 pm. Always has a smile on her face. Only a few close friends know that she is having boyfriend issues, problems with finishing her thesis, and is afraid that she might not be able to return to India soon to visit her older brother. When you meet her and ask her, "How are you?", she says, "Hanging in there!"
An outsider would say, "What a nice girl. What a smooth life."

Now picture this.
A girl in her mid-twenties, immigrated to the United States, lost both her parents at age 18, working hard to make both ends meet and goes to school full-time to get an education. Everyone knows about her family background. Works daily from 8 am to 8 pm. Always has a frown on her face. Her advisor, roommates, teachers, employers, neighbors, friends all know that she is having boyfriend issues, problems with finishing her thesis, and is afraid that she might not be able to return to India soon to visit her older brother. When you meet her and ask her, "How are you?", she says, "Ohhh I am having such a hard time. Life sucks man. Its all so hard..blah blah."
An outsider would say, "Poor girl. What a sad situation to be in."

In graduation ceremonies, I have seen special awards being given to people who have graduated despite hardships and I have wondered, " Who told them about the hardships?". Sometimes, as the MC rattles on the list of those hardships, I picture two other people in my head that I personally know who have gone through harder times and yet not being given any special award of that sort.

When the girl in scenario 1 eventually breaks down at some point, and starts crying, or becomes aggressive, something that she normally is not, people look down at her. Wonder how such a strong girl suddenly became weak. Wonder if she is a weirdo. And wonder if she needs anger management treatment. And no one bothers to ask her what she needs. On the other hand, when the girl in scenario 2 breaks down, cries, becomes aggressive, people lend her a shoulder to cry on, appear sympathetic, and ask her what they can offer her.

Are we punishing people who are self-reliant and independent, when they do reach out for help of some sort, by rejecting their "new personality"? Are we encouraging people to talk more about their problems if that is their habit? Are we reinforcing extroverts who may like to talk about their problems? Are we giving rewards to extroverted people who like to announce to the world their poor plight as compared to those those people who like to suffer in silence so as not to elicit false sympathies?

Are we then as a society rewarding people who whine in comparison to those who do not?

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

2008-04-06T00:19:00.003-04:00

Some people have lots of friends. And some people few. But most people have friends. Correct?

As a 5-year-old, the entire kindergarten class was my best friend. As a first-grader, the first girl to offer me candy on my first day of school was my best friend. Later on, the girl who sat with me during lunch became my best friend. And then the girl who also talked to me in the auto rickshaw back and fro to school became my best friend. Then as I grew older, the girl who knew about my first crush was my best friend. And later, the girl who comforted me when I found out that my crush already has a girlfriend, became my best friend. In high school, the girl who lent me her notes when I bunked classes became my best friend. In college, the girl who shared the same fashions as me became my best friend. In my Master's degree, the girl who took me home because I was not a localite, and fed me home-cooked food became my best friend. And then in the United States, the girl who offered me rides to school became my best friend...and amongst all these best friends, I had a gym best friend and a work best friend and a class best friend and a phone best friend and many others. And these days people have orkut and facebook and myspace best friends.

I can boast of over 200 friends on Orkut. And I can boast of over a 100 contacts on Yahoo Messenger. But I cannot boast of being in touch with all these people. Hell yeah...I do not even know what some of these people are doing, where they are, whether they are married or not, and if they still remember me. And yet, they are "friends".

I have been realizing over the years that we categorize our friends too.
Today, I have a group of friends that I know will always be ready to go out to eat if I give them a buzz. Another group will always be ready to have me over and play games all night. Yet another group will always be ready to travel with me. And another group will be ready to go to a club or movie with me. And then there is an online group, blogger friends, orkut friends, IM friends.

But how many of these people will be there when I need them? Who is that friend that you can call in the middle of the night when you need to go to the emergency room? Who is that friend who will answer your call even when at work in a meeting when you might be in an accident? Who is that friend who will come help you clean out your apartment and help you pack when you are moving permanently? Who is that friend who will cook dinner for you when you have a broken leg? Who is that friend who will answer your call to hear you wail and yet not get bored?

Who is that one friend?
AND
Are you that one friend to someone?

Anger Management

2008-04-03T23:46:00.002-04:00

Seen the movie Anger Management? Heard about "Anger Management"? It had been a fad a few years back to send a child for "anger management" counseling. Though the fad now is to have one's child be diagnosed as "bipolar", anger management continues to be trendy to some folks. I have one client who is coming to me right now for "Anger Management" (which a lot of you will read about on the weekend on "The Woes of a Psychology Student".

I always am amused when my clients come to me saying we need anger management. "Why! The very reason you are here is that you have managed your anger in some way, just not the right way!!", is what I think to myself!

Anyway, this blog is focused on how I have personally seen some people manage their anger. You might find it appropriate or you might find it amusing. Maybe it is, maybe it's not. Whatever you think, don't get angry...simply manage your anger.

Disclaimer: Any resemblance to any person, living or dead, is surely not coincidental.

Here are some ways that you might wanna try that I have already observed in the recent past..

Make faces at the person they are mad at and say "neneenenene.." on their face...
Bang doors as well as pots and pans....oh and even the car door of the person you are mad at...
Pull your own eyebrows...
Clean the kitchen, the bathroom, and whatever else that you can set your hands on to clean...
Delete your scraps from the other person's scrap book and delete the ones that you received from them as well, or delete them off from your list!
Not respond to their scraps but respond to everyone everyone elses...(Orkut again!)
Shake your head like you would in a "halo" shampoo ad and walk away...
Shake your leg vehemently while being seated...
Give warnings on ORKUT to the other person about getting their act together...

(WOW Orkut seems to be a good medium these days..talk about anger management on the internet huh..)

And maybe there are many others such as speeding and driving as if you are the hero/heroine of a hindi movie and braking with the most unpleasant screech, yelling and being dramatic and rattling dialogues from a movie such as "how could you do this to me?" and "You broke your promise, I will never forgive you", and finding a private place to cry which sometimes turns out to be a dry bathtub. Of course cussing, getting thoughts of slapping the other person, or even punching them to give them a blue eye seems normal these days. My technique is to sulk, yell out expletives, go red like a beetroot, and say "I am pissed" at least ten times!

Anyone got any more interesting observations that they can add to my little list?

Thanks, and don't get mad that this is a repost. :)

I love Play Doh

2008-04-02T00:38:00.003-04:00

Have you ever played with Play Doh? Not as a child but more recently? Which color do you prefer? What shapes do you like to make? How soft do you like it to be? Do you hammer it, pull it, stretch it, pound it, or roll it? How long do you hold on to it? How does it smell? Do you like your fingers sinking into it?

Precisely, do you like Play Doh? And why?

Aaaaah what again? Not played with play doh ever? You are lying! Why, you ask?

Let me tell you why. I think you are lying because I see YOU as play doh yourself. Not weird, at all. Picture this. The hand that pounds and stretches the play doh is LIFE that stretches you thin with its problems. At first you resist. You remain hard. Then gradually you learn your ways through it. You become flexible and malleable, something that easily adapts, and does not appear uncomfortable.

Doesn't life hammer us with problems forcing us to become stronger? Doesn't life roll us over with its incessant running around? Doesn't life pull at us, forcing us to make certain decisions, tugging us in all possible conflicting directions? Doesn't life poke us, prick us, and abuse us sometimes? And yet we sail along. Some of us take a bit longer, and some of us sometimes don't (like the play doh that has been left out too long to dry). But the truth is that most of us do.

We hear ourselves or others saying, "I am never going to fall in love again" after one heartbreak. And yet, after some time, we realize it was a phase.

A very dependent girl married into an abusive home may never think that she would be able to survive on her own, and yet when she chooses to leave her husband's home for her own safety, she has adapted to life and is able to make the right choices.

A young girl enjoying her teens and dreaming about crushes may never in her nightmares imagine that she would get cancer, and yet when she does, she bears with the unusual circumstances of being in a hospital day in day out rather than attending proms and parties.

So you see. Never underestimate your power. If you feel that life is hard and that its knuckles may break your bones, think once again. Maybe they will, but the fractures will heal and you will be up and running before you know it. Keep that chin up. You are adaptable and now you know it.

Dejavu..

2008-03-31T15:45:00.002-04:00

Do you have over 20 pairs of shoes, a closet overflowing with clothes, and 4 vip bags full of more clothes that did not fit into the closet? And yet, do you look at your clothes each morning and let out a sigh while saying, "I dont have anything good to wear!"?

This is a repost but apt to be published again. Ten days ago (when those dreaded floods turned my life topsy turvy), I realized that I fell into this category of girls described above. The number of clothes in my possession overwhelmed me as I cleaned out my closet in frustration. I came across something I bought in 1995 that looks hideous in 2008. I am proud to say that it used to fit me up until last year. Perhaps, one of the reasons I never threw it away!! Maybe I was waiting for a day that I would outgrow it (today is the day!) and hence have a "valid" reason to chuck it instead of merely being bored with it, and thus be in the danger of looking like someone with whimsical tastes and a lot of money to spare and spend.

And as I spent the entire week unfolding and folding the huge mountain of clothes, I realized that there are some garments that I bought just for the heck of them being on sale and had never worn them, while there were some that I had held on to with the hope that I would one day be "thin" enough to look good in them. Needless to say, that point of satisfaction has still not come and they still remain new with labels on them.

Well, the 4 VIP bags have now been reduced to 1. And the wardrobe that was once overflowing is now quite open to newer clothes. What an irony!! Guilt laden, I think of the number of rupees and dollars spent on these clothes, and how I could perhaps use this money today towards the gas that my car guzzles each week these days. Thank God for Salvation Army (who accepted 8 trash bags yesterday from yours truly) that accepts donations. At least, I know that these clothes will be put to good use as opposed to being used as a mop for the kitchen floor.

Now let's start talking about the shoes and the handbags..(or maybe not)!! I guess, by now, you must have an idea. Are you one of those girls too (or in the company of one of those girls)? Any Carrie Bradshaws reading this article and wanting to rave about the number of Manolo Blahniks they have!!?

I love my Vicco!

2008-03-29T15:37:00.001-04:00

Beauty..the much coveted attribute. Sighs of relief ,when a baby is born fair-skinned in India, are commonalities. Children these days aim to be Miss Universe. Teenagers read Cosmo Girl and persuade their gullible and giving parents to pay green to straighten their hair. Young women live through crash diets and find more to experiment with. And the others ogle at them, reinforce them, and say, "WOW! You are so skinny. I wish I were like you" or "She is so beautiful".

Beauty...the most coveted attribution and perhaps, the least useful for a worldy woman. What use are admiring glances and compliments apart from the momentary sky-rocketing self-esteem and maybe, some unwanted vanity? Heard of derogatory terms such as bimbos? I also take the word "chick" to heart. I do not wish to be a doll for someone to look at until they are bored with it or the object of someone's lustful fantasies.

Beauty..the most coveted attribution and perhaps, also a curse. Your face value remains your only value. People fail to appreciate your intelligence, your hard work, your qualities, and your achievements. And when they do, its usually a "Beauty with Brains" comment...with a topping such as "a rarity".

Is that really true? Do beauties rarely have brains or do we fail to pay attention to their brains because we are so smitten by their beauty, because beauty in our minds is more glamorous, or because beauties are not that common? People often ask me why I dont exercise to enhance my curves, of course in not such an explicit way. They also ask me to go get my hair done or to wear certain shades of lipstick. They are often appalled that I dont like to wear make up to work. I only say, "Thank you very much. I love my Vicco Turmeric. That suffices!"

Thanks, and pay attention to the beauty within.
*Repost*

And the winner is...

2008-03-29T15:35:00.003-04:00

And the winner is............................rolling drums.......

Story 6 by Ashish!

It was a bright sunny afternoon. He arrived in his Chaddis at his own wedding .

Guests came out, saw him, and screamed.

He smiled and said "Ye Andar ki Baat Hai".

She fainted.

*CLAP CLAP*

Ashish, you will soon receive a gift hamper in the mail (which might get lost)!

Thanks a ton everyone for your votes, and stories, and smiles, and laughs. This was fun!!!

The Future

2008-03-27T23:35:00.003-04:00

I was asked a few days ago, "What are you looking forward to in life?".

After much thought, I said, "Nothing" and I meant it.

A simple question led to a series of thoughts. I felt ashamed that I had nothing to look forward to in life, and that if I did, I was unaware of it. I wondered if I had reached a stagnation point in life where all my dreams either were fulfilled or not that important anymore, or was I simply weary and sleep-deprived and unable to look beyond my basic needs that day, or better still, was I very present-oriented, like the sages in the Himalayas?

I wonder if others feel the same way. Some people look forward to the weekends, just like I do. Some people look forward to graduation, just like I do. Some people look forward to retirement, just like I do. Some people look forward to marriage, just like I do. Some people look forward to children, just like I do.

But I remember looking forward to coming to the United States. But I remember looking forward to working here. But I remember looking forward to buying my own car. But I remember looking forward to a doctoral degree.

What changed? I was happy and satisfied when I achieved all these, for a fleeting moment, maybe a few months in some instances but then what happened? More wants, more desires. Are we innately not satisfied with what we have, always wanting more? Are we always looking forward to a future that seems more complete than our present? Is that why we run to psychics, get excited when a friend can read our palms, and read up our daily horoscope in the newspaper? Does the unknown seem more exciting? Yet, when asked, I said I was not looking forward to anything.

Is your future better than mine? Are you looking forward to something?

Short Story Series III

2008-03-26T19:39:00.002-04:00

Now its time for those Late Lateefs..those who submitted stories long after the contest was over..

After you folks are done reading, please please take the new poll on the sidebar.

Story 17 by Amit L!

It was a bright sunny afternoon. He arrived in his UFO at Mars Disco.

His wife came out, saw him, and screamed.

He smiled and said 'Guess what-I married an Indian girl during my Earth visit.

She fainted.

Story 18 by Pavi

It was a bright sunny afternoon. He arrived in his "B'day suit"(ie nude!) at the "Blog club" .

The Bloggers came out, saw him, and screamed.

He smiled and said "I'm the Psycho, sneha was talking about"!.

They fainted.

Story 19 by Sam!

It was a bright sunny afternoon. He arrived in his car at the villa.

She came out, saw him, and screamed.

He smiled and said Mom, I'm home.

She fainted.

Story 20 by Mansi!

It was a bright sunny afternoon. He arrived in his santa costume at her bar .

Bartender Lila came out, saw him, and screamed.

He smiled and said Ho burp Ho burp Ho burrrrrrp.

She fainted.

Story 21 by Keshi!

It was a bright sunny afternoon. He arrived in his shirtless-status at Keshi's place.

Keshi came out, saw him, and screamed.

He smiled and said 'come get me babeh John Abraham is finally here'.

She fainted.

Short Story Series II

2008-03-26T12:56:00.004-04:00

Here are some more!!! First timers, this is just a continuation of readers' contributions from two days ago. More stories later!! BTW, the contest is now closed!!

Enjoy!

Story 9 by Amit!

It was a bright sunny afternoon. He arrived in his bullockcart at Ny int'l airport .

Angelina Jolie came out, saw him, and screamed.

He smiled and said "would like to have a test drive, maa'm??

She fainted.

Story 10 by Rohit!

It was a bright sunny afternoon. He arrived in his shorts at her office.

She came out, saw him, and screamed.

He smiled and said I forgot the condom in you bag. ;)

She fainted.

Story 11 by Ceedy!

It was a bright sunny afternoon. He arrived in his swimming trunks with his large belly hanging out at the apartment complex's community center.

Guests and family came out, saw him, and screamed.

He smiled and said (embarisingly) thank you all and specially YOU for the suprise birthday party

She fainted.

Story 12 by Vivek!

It was a bright sunny afternoon. He arrived in his bicycle at 12am .

Grandma came out, saw him, and screamed.

He smiled and said "your time is up"!.

She fainted.

Story 13 by Deobrat!

It was a bright sunny afternoon. He arrived in his coffin at the door .

She came out, saw him, and screamed.

He smiled and said "Darling, I am not going to leave you in peace".

She fainted.

Story 14 by Ankur!

It was a bright sunny afternoon. He arrived in his Limo at the airport, where Deepika must be arriving soon.

She came out, saw him, and screamed.

He smiled and said, "i want to ask you something, i was waiting, for you, the moment you come to India" , "Will you marry me?"

She fainted.

Story 15 by Vagabond Dreamer!

It was a bright sunny afternoon. He arrived in his Beatup jalopy at her apartment building.

Sarah came out, saw him, and screamed.

He smiled and said honey i shrunk the kids.

She fainted.

Story 16 by Iceman!

It was a bright sunny afternoon. He arrived in his "langot" at the birthday party.

The birthday girl came out, she saw him, and screamed.

He smiled and said should I do a favor by taking that off as well & did a full monty!

She fainted.

Short Story Series

2008-03-25T23:03:00.011-04:00

Hey folks! Thanks for your response on Short and Sweet.

Enjoy the stories...and be sure to take the poll on the side bar regarding this post.
More of these to come in the next post!

Story 1 by Ghost Particle!

It was a bright sunny afternoon. He arrived in his boxers at Wendy's.

Sneha came out, saw him, and screamed.

He smiled and said happy birthday poochkins.

She fainted.

STORY 2 by Hiren!

It was a bright sunny afternoon. He arrived in his Tarzan outfit at Taj’s Conference Room for the meeting with prospective high profile clients from South Africa.

His secretary came out, saw him, and screamed.

He smiled and said "Darling, relax, this is a new strategy to get these delegates notice our weather friendly clothesline ... On such a scorching day there’s no other attire so comforting ... is it? Roy has done a superb job in designing this one; look how conspicuous he has made our brand tag too; make a note we have to give him a raise this time ...”

She fainted.

Story 3 by Big Omi!

It was a bright sunny afternoon. He arrived in his Brooklands , Bentley, at East Front of Buckingham Palace.

The Queen came out, saw him, and screamed.

He smiled and said , "Your Highness, Camilla Parker shall coup d'état as Queen and proceed to Rule English Land hereafter".

She fainted.

Story 4 by Satish Bolla!

It was a bright sunny afternoon. He arrived in "his car(which is badly out of shape), his face bruised and his clothes are torn and covered with mud" at "sharp 8PM(already late b 3 hours" .

"His mother" came out, saw him, and screamed.

He smiled and said "Mother, I was trying to come in time and in a hurry, didn't notice the parked truck on the turn".

She fainted.

Story 5 by Nirmal!

It was a bright sunny afternoon. He arrived in his new Porshe at Jennifer's place.

Jennifer came out, saw him, and screamed.

He smiled and said " Sorry sweetheart meet my new love Angelina".

She fainted.

Story 6 by Ashish!

It was a bright sunny afternoon. He arrived in his Chaddis at his own wedding .

Guests came out, saw him, and screamed.

He smiled and said "Ye Andar ki Baat Hai".

She fainted.

Story 7 by Preeti!

It was a bright sunny afternoon. He arrived in his 'broken-down, blue Maruti 800' at her 'sprawling mansion'.

She came out, saw him, and screamed.

He smiled and said "I just got married"

She fainted.

Story 8 by Rayshma!

he arrived in his impeccable grim reaper costume at A's doorstep.
A's mother came out, saw him and screamed.
he smiled and said "i've come for A"
she fainted.

6 Word Memoir

2008-03-24T23:10:00.003-04:00

Taken up from Ceedy's blog....

This is my current state...very sad state...very stressed out...very chaotic...very tired...

"My apartment ruined by Midwestern floods".

For those who are wondering why I am not visiting their blogs, commenting, or updating my posts, please be patient and accept my apologies. My apartment was flooded last Wednesday and I had to move to a new apartment in 24 hours. I am still trying to set it up, which is a mammoth task considering I am a huge shopper and a hoarder! Morevoer, I have NO internet connection at home YET. Am using the internet at a friend's place. Will be back soon in full form!

Hum Tum V

2008-03-22T21:41:00.020-04:00

What Women Want...
Seems like there is not much confusion here even though men and women do emerge as poles apart..
This post took me more than 10 hours to compile!!

Thanks for all your input, feedback, comments!!!

HERE GOES!

She: If only men would love for love itself

He: If only women would understand that there are things in this world other than love.

(Like what? Sex?)

*********************************

She: If only men would be more patient before jumping on to the next level of a romantic relationship.

He: If only women would understand that sports, sex and beer are really the only things that guys really care about.

She: If only men would realise the depth of relationships than see it as a great past-time.

(But relationships do end up being a good past-time....you keep waiting by the phone for hours and your whole day passes in crying!)

***********************************

She: If only men would try to understand us.

He: If only women would understand men.

(If the above two happened, this post would not be here!)

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He: If only women would understand that mostly we don't understand

She: If only men would stop saying that it is in their nature to not understand.

(Then what will you fight about? Then Tu Tu Main Main would not have existed!)

*************************************

She: If men would understand that women are different - not better, not worse, just different - and let them be.

He : If only women would come with manuals or probably come out with an idiots guide to girls.

She: If only men would realize that women are actually simple and not as complicated as they think!

She: If only men would realise we are actually not very difficult to understand or for that matter please... :D

He: If only women would explain things rather than simple "hmpf!!"

She: If only men would be a little sensible.

(Is this idiot's guide good enough men?)

**************************************

He: If only women would talk less

She: If only men would actually hear and UNDERSTAND!

He: If only women would shut up and not yap

She: If only men would understand the importance of
communication and conversations

He: If women would realize that guys are not perfect but are willing to listen. :)

She: If only men would learn to listen, not just hear.

(Women, I think that even if men heard or listened, they will not DO anything about it and only turn to sports again...will you complain more then?)

**************************************

He: If only women would be women

She: If only men would realize that it's not all that easy being a woman.

He: If only women would be a man for few days

She: If only men would be a little like us!

(Imagine hairy women and pregnant men walking down the streets...what a scene!)

**************************************

He: If only women would tell us how they can cry at the drop of a hat.

She: If only men would dare to shed a tear

He: If only women would not start crying just when we are about to win an argument

She: If only men realise that women don't cry without a reason.

He: If only women be less vain and more sensible, there would be less tears to cry.

(Seems like if men start crying and women stop crying, Kleenex is going to benefit anyway!)

****************************************

She: If only men were emotionally as strong as women.

He: If only women would be less emotional.

She: If only men would have the courage of displaying their emotions!

He: If only women would understand that men are not the emotionless, heartless freaks that they are made out to be.. just because we do not say all the mushy talk expected out of us.

She: If only men would NOT BE SOO INSENSITIVE

He: If only women would understand that men are as sensitive as themselves if not more.

(They do display emotions!! Their eyes bulge out when they see a nice rounded ass, they punch the wall when their favorite sports team loses, and they swear when they lose the lottery!)

************************************

He: If only women would understand the value of men, world would achieve peace for ever...

She: If only men would not doubt too much ... that we love them for who they are.

*************************************

He: If only women would not pretend and confess they like our chivalry.

She: If only men would stop plucking their nose , and think that farting and burping is just OK!

(Women, don't tell me you do not pluck your nose and fart EVER?!)

**************************************

He said: If only women stop cribbing/bi*ching and start living.

She said: If only men looked into our eyes than simply heard the words.

************************************* *

She: If only men would understand what goes on in a girl's mind, perhaps that would solve all complications and complexities of relationships..

He: If only women would say what's in their heart rather than expect guys to understand.

She : If only men would think with their head rather than with their d***

*****************************************

He: If only women keep their legs together, they could leash God!!!

She: If only men knew a woman more than what they choose to know.

******************************************

She: If only men would learn to respect EVERY WOMAN they meet.

He: If only women would realize someday.. That they are not GOD..!!!

*******************************************

He: If only women would realize the importance of an india-australia cricket match

She: If only men loved greys anatomy as much as women do :)

He: If only women understand men and sports

She: If only men would understand what goes on in a girl s mind, perhaps that would solve all complications and complexities of relationships

********************************************

She: If only men wud stop being protective...life would b heaven!!

He: If only women would allow us to pamper to our fulfillment

She: If only women would come out of their perceived notions about how they must behave to b classified as a 'hunk'

********************************************

She: If only men would wax or shape eyebrows, they would appreciate women a little more

He: If only women would not care too much about how they look :)

*************************************

She: If only men would quit thinking that every female fren might be a potential girlfren.....

He: If only women try being less judgmental upon meeting any stranger!

*************************************

He: If only women would realize, a world without men would mean, lots of happy fat women.

She: If only men would see the heart that still beats for them after (say) 10yrs of marriage and not the monotony, not the thick flab..not anything else.

***************************************

He: If only women would drink beer and watch sports

She: If only women would find life around them to be as interesting as world news.

****************************************

She: If only men would not assume that the fairer counterpart is stupid and weak at Math. Dude we do brains ... and at times they work faster than yours!

He: If only women would realize that NOT every man is a perverted jerk/asshole or whatever you call.

(Men, heard about Shakuntala Devi?)

******************************************

He: If only women would carry on being the sweet angels that they can be!!

She: If only men would love us for what we are.

(Women, try it. Stop waxing. Let's see if they still think we are angels and love us!)

*******************************************

Over and above all, an irate woman said
"If only men go back to Mars or let me go back to Venus!"

Another woman wishes "If men were a little taller." while another woman wishes that "men would see beyond those eyes."

(If men were taller, they would be able to look beyond the eyes, and even above the head!)

These two women want two different things...
One says, "If only men would open up than keep quiet like they missed their toilet break" but the other cannot stand them talking and says, "if only men could shutup for a moment and LISTEN, not just HEAR.

(Good luck guys!!)

All these understanding and emotional women have a consensus in saying,

"If only men were not all logic and practicality and understood us and our emotions better!"

"If only men care to express their emotions and feelings"

"If only men not be afraid to realize their emotions."

"If only men would realise that there is nothing embarrasing abt expressing/ demonstrating feelings."
(Ladies, men did express their feelings, remember!!? They said they LOVE beer and sports!)

"If only men realize the value of a hug (not the romantic one)."

(They will say that they realize the value of a sexual hug instead..sigh!)

"If only men do not run from commitment like its plaque."

"If only men would be a little less hyper and a little more decisive...."

(Of course they run from commitment and cannot decide real quick when you expect a $6000 ring from Tiffany's!)

"If only men would return appreciation."

(They do give you orgasms for cooking good food...sigh!)

"If only men would delve half as deep as we do in a relationship."

And last but not the least, these women bring the men back to earth and say,

"If only men would clean up after themselves."

(If you clean up after them, they will call you angels, though!)

"If only come out of their perceived notions about how they must behave to be classified as a 'hunk'."

"If only men would stand up for us not just in physical wars but emotional as well."

(Don't you think you are expecting too much when you want these men to switch their eyes from the TV to you, stand up for you in physical wars despite the fact they are not tall, and fight emotional wars too when their emotions are limited only to love for sports?)

Men...are you willing to give women what they want???????????

Prelude to Hum Tum V

2008-03-21T14:45:00.002-04:00

So what do you think will Hum Tum V look like?

Do you think all the women will be unanimous or as confused as the men appeared to be?

How different do you think the men and women will emerge?

Do you think the women will fit the stereotype you have about women's demands?

Do you think Men are from Mars and Women from Venus?

Are Mars and Venus so different?
Check it out here.

Hum Tum IV

2008-03-17T14:58:00.008-04:00

WHAT MEN WANT! (Ladies...are you reading???)

Here's what men said they would like women to be or not be..
These are verbatim (longer comments have been edited).
If for any reason your comment is not in here, drop me another comment about it!
Enjoy!

If only women would

..understand that there are things in this world other than love

..become a mother, would teach first the love and care to exist.

..show us how a soothing touch and a warm strengthen them for any trouble

(So while one man says there are other things besides love the other wants the woman to teach others how to love and even show how to touch...hmmmmmmmmmm)

..Stop behaving like men: No Cutting Hair Short, No Smoking, No Cussing.

..be women

..be a man for few days

(So while man does not want the woman to even behave like men, the other wants her to become a man for a few days, and yet another wants women to be women (as if they are something else now?)....LOL!)

..Shut up and not yap

..Talk Less

..realize that guys are not perfect but are willing to listen. :)

(Aaah..so this means that when they ask women to shut up they are not perfect but when they don't, they are willing to listen..right?)

..understand that mostly we don't understand :P

..try understanding a lil more better than they normally do!

..Understand men

(Aila!! A few want women to be more understanding but then another openly states that MEN will not understand, though...how fair is that?)

..be less vain and more sensible, there would be less tears to cry.

..allow us to pamper to our fulfillment

..stop behaving like grown ups when they want to treated like a child

(One man wants women to be less vain and more sensible, and the other wants to pamper and treat the woman like a child...maybe women should just act like sensible children..what say?)

..only know that they are always beautiful.

..not care too much about how they look :)

..realize, a world without men would mean, lots of happy fat women.

(Are you listening gals?? STOP going to the beauty parlor. Grow a moustache, let your eyebrows look like a unibrow, show off those hairy arms and legs. They profess that women not only should not care too much about how they look but also know that they are always beautiful. Even when you are fat.)

...understand that men are not the emotionless, heartless freaks that they are made out to be.. just because we do not say all the mushy talk expected out of us.

..understand that men are as sensitive as themselves if not more.

..Be less emotional.

(Ladies, PLEASE understand that men ARE emotional and sensitive but hey...you be less emotional, ok?)

..tell us how they can cry at the drop of a hat

..not start crying just when we are about to win an argument

(Ok..who wants to tell them about how the tear glands and physiology is different in men and women? Maybe they can read it themselves here.)

..keep their legs together, they could leash God!!!

(This guy clearly knows the difference between men and women's anatomy but how does religion come into the picture?)

..complete this sentence I wouldn't have been doing it.

..come with manuals or probably come out with an idiots guide to girls.

(OMG! Did these guys just admit that they do not know how to complete a task or that men are idiots????!)

.. realize the importance of an india-australia cricket match

..understand Men and Sports

..drink beer and watch sports

..teach us how they can take on so much trouble and not bat an eyelid

(Ladies, can you please explain to the gentleman how you tolerate men and their obsession with sports without batting an eyelid?)

..understand that sports, sex and beer are really the only things that guys really care about.

..that NOT every man is a perverted jerk/asshole or whatever you call.

..understand the value of men, world would achieve peace for ever.

(WOMEN...when will you understand the value of men who value only sports, sex, and beer? Come on now..buck up!! And don't you call the men who value only sex, perverts, jerks or assholes ok????)

.. stop cribbing/bi*ching and start living.

..say what's in their heart rather than expect guys to understand.

..explain things rather than simple "hmpf!!"

..carry on being the sweet angels that they can be!!

(Let's be tactful girls. When you say what's in your heart, make sure that its not so much that it seems like you are bitching, and not as little as a hmpf but just enough to make you look like an angel and for men to understand, ok? And when you master that technique, stay that way!!!!)

..love me.

..be crazy about me.

..join my company(that too my section), i'll have better office life.

..Realize Someday.. That they are not GOD..!!!

..Live and Let Live!

(Aww the first three chaps don't realize like their other counterparts yet that women are not GOD and you don't need them to live, not at home nor at work!)

..be a trifle less, life wud be simpler.

..not pretend and confess they like our chivalry.

(What does that mean? Ooops..I am a woman and I truly cannot understand! Were you being chivalrous with your first statement?)

..try being less judgmental upon meeting any stranger!

Ok men and women..don't be too judgmental in your comments so much so that Psychobabble turns out to be a battlefield for the battle of the sexes. Remember, this is part of the Hum Tum series. Meant to be funny. You can moan, groan, sigh, roll your eyes, and engage in any nonverbal behavior you want (no violence please!) but please no expletives or name calling!

Go for it!! Muhahahahahahahahahah!

Am I Crazy?

2008-03-16T01:58:00.001-04:00

Here are some sentences that you may have uttered to someone else, heard them being uttered to someone else, or you may have been at the receiving end of them. It takes a second to say them and maybe several days for the listener to forget them..

"What!! You like Tuna Fish Salad? Yuck!"

"Gosh! You need to lose weight! You look fat in those shorts."

"How can you not cry? You must not be emotional enough."

"If I would have been in your place, I would have broken up with her a long time ago!"

"Look at the presents her husband gives her. Why can't you do the same?"

"What! You picked Commerce? Are you crazy?"

"You still single at 35? Everything alright?"

"Its high time you plan for a child now. Are you guys nuts to wait so long?"

"Baap re! How can you talk to your boss like that?"

"Have you no discipline? How can you wake up so late?"

"You are already 28. Why aren't you guys getting married? Is your mom not worrying?"

"What direction does your mind work in? How can you think like that?"

"Did you have a head injury when you were young? You are weird."

"All that you care about is sports. How come?"

"Oh my God! You are so boring. You always follow the speed limit."

I only have one answer for all the above statements..

"I am not crazy. I am just not you."

Think about it. Do people seem weird to us only because they are different from us and are not the way WE expect them to be?

My First Love..

2008-03-13T19:34:00.002-04:00

My last post may have sounded very realistic but to tell you the truth, I am quite romantic at heart. As a child, merely ten, I was swayed by romantic movies, and dreamed that I would be part of a similar love story one day. I would play soft music, and roll on the bed, with my dupatta flying all over the place, pretending that I was in love. Everyday, after I got back from school, I would practice feeling shy in front of the mirror. I would fling my hair like I was starring in a Halo Shampoo commercial and position the fan on my face so that I would look like a model. All this when my mom was busy.

I have even fantasized being a martyr, the sacrificing mother who goes hungry only to feed her children and see to it they are healthy. With my little babies, I travelled through murky waters during the floods, and even had a huge towel stuffed under my skirt to dramatize the effect. What can be more painful than to see a pregnant young mother dragging her babies in a boat in knee deep water?

All this was imaginary. Until I experienced the real deal. I fell in love. With a real man.

I truly lost my sleep at night, I swear. I was unable to concentrate on my homework. And I no longer had to act like I was in love when I lay down on my bed. It came naturally; the blushes, the shyness, the rolling on the bed, everything. Every song that I listened to reminded me of him. Aaah..I was in love.

I envisioned getting married to him, and that soon became a recurrent dream. I hunted for his phone number and even asked around. And when I finally did get it, I did nothing with it. Everytime I picked up the phone to call him, my fingers trembled, my heart fluttered, and I was tongue-tied. And then the martyr that I was, I decided that loving him was enough and that I did not want him to know how much I loved him.

One dreadful day, my friend called me and told me that he was married. I was dumbstruck and refused to believe her. However, many other sources told me that this fact was true. I was truly heartbroken. But I was not angry at him. It was not his fault, I told myself. If only he had met me earlier, he would have married me. Needless to say, I hated his wife, without knowing anything about her.

This is the story of my first love, my one-sided love, my encounter with Aamir Khan. I still love him today (I SWEAR!). When he decided to marry Kiran Rao on the 28th of December, 2005, I was heartbroken once again. Especially since I was in Mumbai on that day, and it was only 2 days after my birthday. And I told myself once again, "if only he had met me earlier....."

Oh well!! Today is a special day. Its my first love's birthday! So let's come together and wish him many many happy returns of the day.

MWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Love you Aamir.

P.S: Comments with kisses to Aamir Khan will not be published. I am very possessive.

Love Actually...

2008-03-12T00:32:00.003-04:00

When will I fall in love?
When will I find true love?
When will I find my Prince Charming?
Will anyone love me?

Wondering what happened to Solitaire all of a sudden? Nothing really. These are just some of the questions that a million posts ask of the readers. All these posts look similar. They talk of rosy, romantic dreams. They reminisce about old times with a first crush, the first kiss, their first flowers, their first compliments, and all that a first-timer thinks about.

Sadly, when we are blooming in our youth, we mistakenly equate romance with love. Romance can come with love. Love can come with romance. But do the two always go together? Not necessarily! I find that many of us dream about "true love" and then wonder when we will find someone to go out with on Valentine's Day, exchanging butterfly kisses and whispering sweet nothings on the backseat of a car, gazing at the starry skies. Some of us go from one relationship to another waiting for those butterflies in the stomach, the loss of appetite, the fixed gaze into space, and flushed cheeks as a sign of having fallen in love. And then some of us, wait for a guy to "propose" down on one knee, flowers in one hand, and a cheesy poem on their lips.

I wonder if in waiting for these signs that SRK (ugggggggggggh!) so fondly portrays as the epitome of love, we are very blindly ignoring the real signs of "true love". The comfort that we experience, the companionship that we share, the unknowing smiles that we flash, and the feeling of being at ease with the other person WITHOUT the loss of appetite and lack of sleep may not necessarily be romantic or make you feel like Bhagyashree in MPK or Salman Khan in HAHK but it may very well be that you have found your companion for life.

You may be fortunate enough to have a candlelit dinner waiting for you the day you complain about having a hard day at work. BONUS! But do not pooh pooh the warm hug or the concerned, "hope you are doing well" from your mate.

The roses that the flowerman delivers look beautiful for a couple days.
The look in his eye when he/she says, "I love you and will always be here for you" will keep you secure forever.
Romance is great. Love is even greater.

I am Woman!

2008-03-08T02:37:00.002-05:00

On the occasion of Women's Day, I take the opportunity to talk about some of my fears. It is not easy being a woman in a man's world. People say that the world is changing. Ask a woman that. She will tell you how much the world has changed. How she is whistled at even when dressed in a saree, how she is groped in the darkness of the cinema halls, how she is not taken seriously in her work place by the men who are envious of her, how she changes her name after her marriage, how she is expected to make sacrifices for her family, and many other woes.

I am a woman and proud to be one but I hope I never....

Turn into that woman who will forget about her girlfriends because she is in love, engaged or married..
Turn into that woman who looks more like her husband's mother than his wife..
Turn into that woman who constantly talks about her mother-in-law's antics and the neighbor's romance life.
Turn into that woman whose topic of conversation surrounds jewellery, clothes, shoes, hair, and makeup..
Turn into that woman who will put on 60 lbs during pregnancy never to lose it back again..
Turn into that woman who is constantly bitching to her husband about what others did..
Turn into that woman who spends 50 dollars a week on her beauty parlor appointments..
Turn into that woman who is lazy to not go back to work even after her children have grown up..

AND

Turn int a "typical" woman.....the one who nags, the one who has "no brains", the one who" "cannot drive", the one who "cries at the drop of a hat", the one who "looks good only in the kitchen", the one who used to belong to her father and now to her husband, the one who will come back home from work and cook and keep house clean while her husband drinks beer and watches Family Guy......

I am afraid I will be one of these women, one day. I am afraid I will be one of those gender-boxed women. A woman that society expects a woman to be and will then look down upon her for being that way. I am afraid that I might be snubbed for trying to be a different woman...and out-of-the-box woman. And I am afraid that no matter what I do, people will look at me as a woman...and not the woman.

User Manual on Cheating

2008-03-06T01:34:00.004-05:00

Look to the right of this page for the responses to a poll conducted in the last couple days on the subject of cheating. There are more people who have cheated on their partners or have considered it than the ones who think that cheating is an absolute No-No! Disturbing, isn't it?

This post is a repost not read by many of you. I think it is a post that should be posted over and over again. Not enough can be said about this.

Are you cheating on your boyfriend or girlfriend or significant other?

Then you surely need a user manual to do so, for research says that the truth always comes out! Also, there are some "poor" cheaters out there who always get caught sooner than the mean of the population. So if you want to improve your cheating skills, here is a user manual for you. There is no guarantee that your partner won't find out but he/she will find out later than the average population does.

1. Always delete your text msgs to your lover-inbox/sent/trash...all folders.

2. The same applies to your emails.

3. Make sure that you "do stuff" discretely, not in public.

4. Make sure you don't absolutely have this need to "have a girls night out" or "hang out with the guys" every single night.

5. Make sure that you have a different telephone line to talk to your lover and that you always answer your partner's phone calls.

6. Make sure you get rid of all receipts of the flowers you sent or the movies you saw together.

7. Make sure that you don't bring back the scent of his/her perfume on your clothes when you return home.

8. Make sure you don't talk in your sleep at night and blurt out what you are dreaming about.

9. Make sure that you have sworn your friends to secrecy if they know about your "adventures".

Ok..you perhaps get the hang of it..be absolutely careful!

However, this manual is not complete without the next set of tips. Last but not the least:

10. Make sure that your heart is made of steel because you WILL eventually lose the one who is oblivious about your deeds and continues to be loyal to you...if not completely, at least a part of them.

11. Be prepared for your lover to leave you for someone else, just like you left your partner for him/her.

12. Be prepared to live a life filled with guilt, and hopefully some remorse.

13. Be prepared for people to point fingers at you.

14. Be prepared to lose some of your friends who will disapprove of what you did.

15. Be prepared to live a lonely life full of insecurities.

16. Be prepared to be cheated on for what goes around comes around.

Hope this user manual is helpful to those out there who think variety is the spice of life. Maybe it is, but there will be a price to pay for it. Willing to do so..go for it!! If you think, that you have a right to be happy and are not happy in your current relationship, GET OUT OF IT and then find another partner.

My advice for the victims (their partners)..hang in there!! Everything happens for a reason!

Thanks, and stay loyal.

I remember..what about you??

2008-03-02T12:56:00.003-05:00

I wrote this one a long time ago but went back to it again today after talking about the past with a few friends last night. How those days were so different and how things have changed so much now that though more luxurious, our lifestyle can never be the way it was. Here are a list of things that I remember from good old days..

I remember those days.........

When Wednesday and Friday evenings were spent watching Chitrahaar in Black and White..
When the use of a remote control (the size of a brick) was only to increase/decrease the volume or to turn the TV on/off..
When Saturday nights were reserved for movie rentals from the one and only rental store in the area...
When relatives used to gather every Saturday evening to watch that one special movie...
When the remote control connected to the VCR through a long wire...
When I used to listen to Binaca Geet Maala (later known as Cibaca Geet Mala) hosted by Amin Sayani religiously every Tuesday night on Vividh Bharti...
When the people in my apartment complex gathered at my place to see the new color TV...the only one that they had ever seen...
When DD-2 released, people were ecstatic that they could now watch a second channel.
When cable TV released, it had only 5 channels.
When going to the airport or the railway station meant I would get to drink Thums Up...
When we did not have a cassette player in our car and used to carry a portable one with me everytime I travelled in it...
When having a cordless phone was not only a big deal but was also the size of a vanity case with the shrillest sound possible...
When letting my hair loose was a privilege...
When I saw QSQT for the third time and told my mom that I was in love with Aamir Khan and I was allowed to buy a poster of him...
When cellphones were the size of a cordless phone and each minute used to cost 16 rupees...
When I asked the store keeper if he could copy a CD for me just like an audio cassette and he laughed at me and said that it was not possible...
When I used to play solitaire on the black and white monitor of my computer...
When opening an internet site like hotmail would take ten minutes...
When the family used to make special plans to go eat pizza at the only restaurant in town that served pizza with mozzarella cheese...
When Maggi used to cost only 5 rupees and was known to be sold in Prawn, Sweet and Sour, Capsica, Masala, and Chicken flavors....
When I was allowed to have Maggi only on Thursdays and I used to count down the days to Thursday....
When Frooti was available only in Mumbai and we used to request people to buy us a crate when they visited the city...
When the milkman used to bring milk to our place in a big container and sell it to us according the quantity we needed as opposed to today's poly packs...
When people used to ask relatives to buy them jeans from abroad because they were not sold in India...
When being seen talking to a boy would mean that you are going out with him...
When I was young and innocent..ignorant of the responsibilities that adulthood brings with it...when my life was about smiling, laughing, dancing, and singing...and not about careers, education, bills, money, cars...

I remember those days...the days of my childhood...which remain only a memory.

What do you remember? Put in a comment and I will add it to your list with your name next to it!

Help!

2008-02-29T20:10:00.002-05:00

Hey everyone! Finally, that day that I dreaded has arrived. I have a whacko who is not only writing cheap comments to some of my blogs but is also plagiarizing my writing.

Can anyone suggest a technology-duh person like me about what I can do? How do I ban him from coming to my site? And do you think that the best option would be to make my blogs private to prevent this?

Serious Hum Tum

2008-02-28T18:10:00.005-05:00

I poked fun at the innate differences that exist between men and women in Hum Tum I and Hum Tum II, very recently. These days a tag is making the rounds, a tag that involves writing down ten things that you hate about the opposite gender. Some people have taken it very seriously and have vented out their frustrations without paying heed to any limits, while some have been polite enough to refrain from swearing and have been diplomatic enough to express what they wanted without getting into anyone's bad books! Phew now that is a task!

Seriously, why are we so hung up on the differences between the two sexes? It is a known fact that we cannot live without each other. And even if you can, the bitter truth is that one cannot reproduce without the other. And if technology takes care of that, it is the norm that ultimately, a man will marry a woman and vice versa when they so desire (otherwise gay men and lesbian women would be well-accepted.

Men say women talk too much. Women say men never listen. Men say they do not listen because the women talk too much. Women say that because the men do not listen, they talk too much hoping that some of it is registered. Who started the cycle?

Women say men stare at their breasts while talking. Men say if they wore decent clothes they would not be distracted. Women say who are the men to tell them what to wear when men wear whatever pleases them. And if women do indeed start wearing "decent" clothes, men call them names such as "maniben" (at least in Gujjuland).

Men say women drive horribly. Women say men do not keep their eyes on the road and stare at female pedestrians.

Women say men are interested only in having sex. Men say they are born with those needs.

Men say women are too hormonal. Women say that only because of those hormones, can they give birth.

This can go on and on...It is a never-ending battle.

Is there a point to asking questions and making statements that will only make living with the opposite sex harder? Its hard to begin with....(judging from the number of posts that men and women write about how their loved ones left them in the lurch).

ACCEPTANCE and SHUTTING UP is the key.
Boys will be boys. Girls will be girls! Unless you have a sex change operation.....(that is altogether another story)......

I HATE MATH!

2008-02-26T17:12:00.003-05:00

Life is not math, even though we sometimes think it is.

We see a girl coming out of a room with a boy after 2 hours of locked silence. We add two and two together and assume they are lovers, when they could very well be clearing off a misunderstanding without wanting to be disturbed.

We watch TV, do our homework, cook, IM, and talk on the phone at the same time. We divide our attention between all these tasks and fail to do justice to any of them.

We hear rumors about what someone had to say about us, how so and so really hates us, how tom, dick, and harry tried to dupe us, and we instantly subtract them from our lives.

And then, we are always multiplying. You lie to your friend about how you need to study for an exam when they invite you for dinner, and then later you have to lie to them about why you ended up watching TV instead of studying, and yet again, lie about how the TV program concerned your assignment. The lies continue to multiply.

And then comes the worst part (but the easiest); rounding off!! In other words, generalizations.

If a girl on the road is driving bad, all women drivers are bitches and poor at driving.
If a black guy is caught breaking into someone's home, all black men are dangerous and criminals.
If one rich boy is arrogant and vain, all rich boys think no end of themselves.
If one bengali, gujarati, chinese, mexican, punjabi is smelly, stingy, a poor english speaker, lazy, all of them are the same.
If one beautiful girl fails her examinations, all beautiful girls come with "no brains".
If one man who walks with a pronounced gait and has dramatic hand movements is a gay, all men who do that are homosexual.

Are we doing all this math in life to make it simpler? Do generalizations help people who appear different than us seem less complicated? Is it fair that we do all this math? Can we not keep life simple?

I hate MATH. Do you?

It's All About Control...

2008-02-25T09:39:00.004-05:00

It's All About Control..

You control your diet so that you do not put on weight.
But you might still get cancer and die.

You match horoscopes with a potential partner before getting married.
But you still might end up getting a divorce.

You monitor your partner's cellphone bill so that you know that they are not cheating on you.
But they might still not love you and you will be unhappy.

You ask your child to sign up for an engineering or medicine program.
But they might still not do well and fail.

You balance your checkbook each time and keep your extravagant purchases under check.
But you might still be robbed and lose all your savings.

You might keep your car shining bright and sparkling clean so that it continues to look brand new.
But you might still have someone scratch it and bump into it without you knowing.

You might spread rumors or bite someone in the back so that they are not liked.
But you might end up being the one who is disliked.

You might plan your next vacation spot to a T.
But you might still face stormy weather and never take off.

It's all about control, we think. You control our life, your actions, your behaviors, other's choices, and then cry when things do not work out. Planning is good..but control?

It's all about control. Yes! A different kind of control. Control that thought that things should always be a certain way. Control that worry of what will happen if things do not happen they way you planned them. Control the rigidity. Sometimes, things do not work out. And no matter how hard you try to hold them a certain way, they will slip away..just like sand in your palms. Control what you can. And be open to what comes along.

There is only so much you can do.

Drowning In A Swimming Pool

2008-02-21T12:21:00.004-05:00

This post is related to a lot of different posts that I have seen going around lately about how things are getting mean on blogosphere, how people are being rude, arrogant, immature, judgmental, and how people are shocked about that! Some disappointed, some angry, some disillusioned, and some helpless.

Come on now! Are you really shocked? This is blogosphere, no doubt. A virtual world. Did you expect this to be paradise? A refreshing respite from the bitterness and the politics that exist in the real world? Did you expect to form life-making friendships here in an effort to escape the hard work that we need to put in to maintain relationships face-to-face? But we do not really have virtual people and characters created only for blogosphere by E-Blogger, do we? The people who make this blogosphere are real people. Feelings are going to be projected onto this world. More so, I would believe, because it is easy to say what you want here. You type, delete, rephrase, edit, feel happy, click, post! Voila!!

It is not so easy to do that in real life. Once the words pop out of your mouth, its over! There is no looking back. Sometimes people think hard before they talk, for the very same reason. Therefore, many conflicts in real life are avoided and suppressed. However, when typing, its easier (well lets say, at least for me it is). We often may not be aware of how the other person might react. We have no fear of facing punches in our belly or suffering from black eyes. And we think, "If they feel bad, too bad." because you do not have to be in their face all day. With the touch of a button, you will ignore them! Click!

Think about it. Blogosphere is like a swimming pool compared to the big oceans out there. Its a part. Do not make it a whole. If you find yourself drowning, do not pull someone else in with you. If you find yourself scrambling for the floor beneath you, be calm, and glide over to the shallow end. I am sure you know swimming. Otherwise you would not have jumped into the pool to begin with. And if you jumped in for the sake of learning, stay at the shallow end please!! There are no lifeguards here. Someone might come to your aid, or they might not. We all have to look out for ourselves.

Let's play it easy.

NEW BLOG

2008-02-19T11:07:00.003-05:00

Hey friends and readers,

I started with a new blog today.

Its all about the woes of being a psychologist.

Always thought I had to write something about them but some recent events have motivated me even more to do so!

Please do stop by!

Thanks,
Solitaire

I Love To See You Cry

2008-02-18T22:58:00.002-05:00

I was tagged recently by Neetal to write about the 51 things that make me smile. Boy ooh boy! It was a huge task. I barely made it to 31. It was hard because I could easily think of 51 things that made me frown and those were the ones that kept popping into my head. That set me wondering..."Is my life really that sad?" and "Am I really that frustrated?".

The answer is NO.

My life is normal. Its not perfect. It has its shares of ups and downs. Just like yours.
I cry too. I feel frustrated too. Just like you.
I have lost relationships. I have suffered some pain too. Just like you.
And I focus on the sadness too, sometimes a bit too much. Is that like you too?

Have you experienced the loss of an intimate relationship or independence or a job or a societal status or physical ability or intelligence or a role or anything that was precious to you? Have you experienced the downs of normal life and asked yourself, "Why me?" Do you really think its just you? Do you really think that the guy next door has never experienced any of that? When you get in an accident, and say why me, did you really want the car behind you to be in your place? Will someone else's misery make you happy?

Have you experienced any recent joy, maybe a new relationship, a new friend, a nice compliment, or something that made you smile? Did you jeopardize that happy moment by pitying yourself and saying, "But he left me. I should not be happy".

Are you holding on to your past? Do you love to see yourself cry?

Think about it. Do not get defensive. Introspect. Are you learning to become depressed and make that your identity? Do you feel uneasy when you are happy? Do you feel like you do not deserve to be happy and that because you are, something bad is going to happen to you? Maybe, just maybe..you are subconsciously designing your life in such a way that you remain unhappy. Perhaps, you are learning to love to be unhappy.

Think about those people who whine, grumble, and complain all the time. Do you want to be like that person? Maybe you already are.

Forget Enrique Inglesias's song.
Next time, when you look into the mirror, flash your best smile.

I love to see you smile.

Post Valentine's Day

2008-02-17T13:34:00.003-05:00

Technically, this post should go to the "Warm Fuzzies" blog. However, I felt this is more apt here since I announced my Post-Valentine's Day party on Psychobabble.

This party happened yesterday.

Shopped for decorations, party stuff, food, etc. last afternoon. Had friends clean up the mess in my apartment last evening (for those of you who have visited "Short and Sweet", you all know what a mammoth task that can be) and decorate it with lights, hearts, and what nots!. Had my roommate help me make desserts (Pizookis and Strawberry Jelly in heart shaped aluminium foils). Planned for several interesting games. Gave nicknames to everyone for the night (Mine was FEMME FATALE). And dressed up nice and pink (the dress code was red or pink).

The party was scheduled to begin at 8. Of course, it began at 10.

And then streams of red and pink poured in. Some carried food with them, all carried gifts with them. Some wore smiles, some wore excitement, and some nonchalance. Some demanded food, some demanded games, while some sat demure. And as we ate, the noise level in the apartment rose...in a nice way.

And then we played..for 4 hours non-stop. No one demanded alcohol. No one was drunk. And yet people were able to be goofy. People who never danced in their lives danced like Madhuri on Aaja Nachle. People who never looked at a girl in the eye before had a girl wink at them over and over again. People who do not talk in real life were paired up as partners. People who do not like to play games, played.

The Post-Valentine's Day was truly a success. Not because everyone showed up in red. Not because everyone liked the desserts. Not because everyone played and danced without alcohol. Not because the apartment looked like a child's bedroom, a child who was obsessed with the color red. Not because everyone liked the gifts that they received. But because everyone was together, happy, joyous. Some single, some not. And yet no one was a couple. We were all together. No grudges remembered, no new grudges formed.

The love was truly being shared and spread. A couple days late. But it was a Valentine's Day celebration after all!

Have A Nice Day!

2008-02-13T23:20:00.000-05:00

Valentine's Day is finally here. The much awaited day. The much dreaded day. Excited lovers. Heartbroken people. Rich folks. Poor blokes. Valentine's Day impacts every one of us in a different way. And I say time and again. It is not just for the gooey-eyed, drooling, warm-blooded youngsters gushing over the fair-skinned, slender newcomer in college, nor just for those who have 2-carat diamond rings weighing on their ring fingers. It is for all of us who have nurtured love in our hearts at some point and continue to do so today.

With this I would like to wish all of the following a very nice day!

You, who gave birth to me, loved me, accepted my mistakes, forgave me for my foolish acts, and continue to support me everyday.

You, who treat me like your own daughter, without expecting anything from me in return.

You, who taught me, what unconditional love is all about, what selfless love is all about, what sacrifices is all about.

You, who never told me that you love me but ask me in a very concerned way, "Di are you okay?" when you sense I am not my usual self.

You who told me that you want to be just like me..in every way possible, and make me feel respected and loved, each time I talk to you.

You, who text message me randomly after weeks of nothingness to say hi and to make my day.

You, who call me at least once a day just to see how I am doing, no matter what kind of fight we might have had the day before.

You, who never tell me that I am harping on the same subject over and over again, even when I am, and listen to me patiently each time.

You, who sent me sweet, encouraging, and inspiration messages, when you felt that I needed some cheering up!

You, who call me up in the middle of the night, whenever I ask you to, pay a fortune on those long-distance calls, and yet never talk about hanging up, because you know I need you at that time.

You, you, and you.

All of you who make a big difference in my life.

My blogger friends who encourage me to write, my IM friends who encourage me to talk, my psychologist friends who encourage me to take care of my self, my college friends who encourage me to stay young, my school friends who gave me great memories to live with.

My best friends who encourage me to live, and laugh.

Those random strangers who have made life easier for me without having known it. The man who held the door when my hands were full. The man who helped me when I was injured in an accident. The woman who gave me directions when I was lost. The woman who held my hand when I was sick........

Valentine's Day is not about nursing broken hearts, cursing old lovers, pitying one's self, being angry at couples. Its about spreading love.

Have you spread some love today?

Have a nice day, you all!

What Are You Complaining About?

2008-02-12T20:14:00.000-05:00

Disclaimer: This product contains facts. Any resemblance to any person, living or dead, is not coincidental. It is intentional.

She was married at the age of 13, a widow at the age of 34, is currently 83.
She gave birth to 4 children, lost one a few years ago, and currently lives with her daughter.
She studied till the 7th grade but educated her children all the way through college.
She was born in a rich family but her father squandered all the money on vices. She worked as a maid to help raise her siblings, and later on her own children.

You dont have shoes to match your outfit.
You dont have enough clothes.
Your roommates suck.

What are you complaining about?

She was born beautiful and won several hearts.
She married at the age of 25 and was divorced at the age of 29.
Her husband abused her for four years and she decided to keep quiet for the sake of her family's reputation in society.
She is currently single and lonely because she is "divorced". Still beautiful.

You don't have a date on Valentine's Day?
You are 5 pounds overweight?
Your hair is too frizzy on a humid day?

What are you complaining about?

He was diagnosed with leukemia at the age of 8.
He went through a bone marrow transplant every few months for several years.
He lost several years of education, normal childhood, fun and frolic.
His parents now live hand to mouth because they spent all their earnings and savings on their child's treatment. He survived.

Gas prices are too high?
You hate your professor?
You got a B in one of your classes?

What are you complaining about?

Life is too short and precious to worry about grades, a small checking account or idiotic people around you. Live like there is no tomorrow. Who knows, today may be your last day on this earth. Make it count!

The Wonder Years

2008-02-11T09:41:00.001-05:00

65+=seniors...wonder years? Hardly...from the eyes of the young ones. What does old adulthood bring with itself? Poor physical health, disabilities, cognitive decline, retirement, empty nests, loneliness, loss of spouses and friends, and a nearing of death. Along with these grim realities, old adults also face a change in socialization, possess more wisdom that is assumed to be correlated with aging, and may be able to engage in leisure activities that they never had the time for in the past.

Coupling...can you imagine these older adults trying to find a "romantic" partner during this age? But many of them do. They do not actively set out on a search but with spouses gone, children on a quest for an independent life, and employment as a part of history, these adults need to find another meaning to life, someone to live for, someone to live with, someone to die beside.

I recently saw "Life in a Metro" where a couple reunites after 4o years and engage in physical intimacy. I heard some groans, some moans, and some exclamations of surprise amongst the audience. Some people vehemently protested the act and exclaimed that this was something not acceptable..the physical act as well as the emotional bonding. Not acceptable? Why? Don't these adults have emotions? Dont they want companionship? Dont they need to feel loved? Some people in the audience yelled, "Oh so cute. This is so sweet". Sweet? Are you sure? Would you "allow" your parent to do the same if the situation arose? Or is it sweet because you want to appear openminded?

Can you know how your life will be when you are 65? You can dream about it, hypothesize about it, and try to work towards that path. But can you know for sure? Likewise, you dont really know what those people are going through. So why pass judgments on who should do what and what is not acceptable when you are not at that stage and not in that situation? Let's just let people live their lives according to their realities and let's focus on creating our own.

Happy Birthday!

2008-02-07T08:51:00.000-05:00

The day you were born, I was very excited. And yet skeptical. Would I be able to manage you? Would I be able to handle you with care? Would I be able to do justice to you? Would people accept you for who you are? Would you be loved?

And most importantly, would I be happy?

Today....as I celebrate your birthday, I can firmly say that I am proud of you. And thankful to everyone who has been a part of you; to all those who have played a big role in making you who you are.

Happy Birthday Psychobabble!!

P.S: Birthday dedications are being accepted.

Unbreak My Heart

2008-02-05T10:52:00.000-05:00

February 14th is only 8 days away.

Precisely, Valentine's Day is 8 days away.

And some of us squirm in our seats each time someone asks us "What are your plans for Valentine's Day?". We tend to scream silently when a committed, engaged or married friend asks us the same question, knowing very well that we are single, perhaps heartbroken, and somewhat lonely. Maybe they do that so that we can ask them what their plans are in return. And then maybe out of courtesy, we indeed do that, trying to switch the focus of the conversation onto them. Result: We painstakingly feign interest and enthusiasm when they blurt out details of their spa reservation, candle light dinner at home, and the surprise bubble bath that they have planned.

What we, them, and the media fail to emphasize is that Valentine's Day is indeed about love, but not necessarily about romantic love. Its not all about expensive presents, fancy chocolates, teddy bears, and huge red hearts floating around. The day is about spreading love and joy, may it be with a partner, parent, sibling, best friend, roommate, or coworker.

Remember how cheesy Madhuri Dixit looked buying gifts for herself in "Dil To Pagal Hai" on Valentine's Day? She did that for herself because she loves herself. I know for a fact that we all have someone that we love and who loves us back in return. So whether you are partnered or not, think about those loved ones this Valentine's Day.

You are not lonely. You are not heartbroken. You have someone you can plan a Valentine's Day for. You do not have to wait for Mother's Day, Father's Day or Friendship Day. You do not need an excuse. Go ahead and walk around the stores with larger than life hearts hanging there. You don't have to be love struck to do that. As for me, I am going to throw a party next week and spend a wonderful evening with people I call friends!

What's In A Name?

2008-02-03T14:45:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, I feel like we give too much importance to names. Our names, their names, everyone's names. And we forget the personality that lies underneath that name.

When I was born, my mom wanted to pick one of these two: Samta and Sneha. My friends say, "Thank God she did not pick Samta". I wonder, if being Samta would have changed anything. I would still look the same, have the same friends, have the same grades, pick the same profession, still live where I do, and still write blogs.

Many of us have been blessed with modern, short, and sweet-sounding names. The kind that are in vogue now. Raj, Rahul, Rohit, Isha, Riya, and what not! And therefore, we take the liberty of saying "Yikes! What a name!" when we hear a peer having a name such as "Chandrakant" or "Balaji". But can you imagine the plight of these people who get teased incessantly about a name that their parents gave them and they have no control over. So many children have known to suffer from low self-esteem solely because they hate their name.

And then we have the parents of the groom, and the groom himself who pester the bride to change her last name as soon as possible. Have the men wondered how it would be to be Raj Malhotra one day and be Raj Patel within one hour of a ceremony just because they got married? We hear brides say, "I want to feel part of the family and so I will". I wonder if its nothing but learned helplessness or accepting what society has it out to be.

So what's in a name?

Technically, nothing! It's just a label to identify different people.

Societally, it is your self-esteem. So the next time you reject a friendship or an alliance based on someone's name, stop to think. If someone's name is Nirodh, it could be that they were born before the contraceptives were introduced in India!

Musical Tag

2008-02-01T16:20:00.000-05:00

I tagged myself!! And I totally loved this one!

http://mm-mm-mm-good.blogspot.com/2008/01/musical-tag.html

I tagged three people but for those who can't think of anything more to write about..here's something for you! Let me know if and when you get it done. Will rush to your blogs to read it!

Hum Tum-II

2008-01-31T12:43:00.000-05:00

Alright! Enjoyed Hum Tum-I where women received some bashing and men chuckled to themselves? Then I decided to write another Hum Tum where men would feel not so wonderful and guess what? Everything serious came to my head!! Does that mean that women make a big deal out of small things and men a bigger deal out of small and big things? Or does that mean that some arguments are frivolous and can be resolved through humor but that some differences between men and women are so stark that they might actually cause serious rifts in the relationship?

Warning: This MIGHT make you smile but it will make you angry too!

SCENE ONE:

He: Who is that guy?
She: Oh he is my best pal Rakesh. Remember I told you about him?
He: I think he likes you.
She: HUH?
He: Yeah I can tell from the way he talks to you.
She: But he knows I have a boyfriend.
He: It does not matter. I know men. I tell ya!
She: Haha. You are crazy.
He: I don't want you talking to him.
She: I can't stop talking to him.
He: FINE!

She is upset. He is angry. Rakesh is oblivious.

SCENE TWO.

He: I am sorry I cannot make it to the party tonight.
She: But you promised.
He: Something came up.
She: Please.
He: Work is important, you know.
She: Finish it fast.
He: NO! I cannot!!!
She: Stop being rude.
He: You do not understand, do you? Why do we have to go through this every single time?
She: Then don't do this everytime!
He: Fine! I will come if that's all you care about.
She: No need to. (hangs up)
He: (calls again)
She: (does not answer)
He: (calls up again)
She (does not answer)
He: (After 8 hours, calls again): I am sorry.
She: That's ok.

She lets go after being miserable for 8 hours. He got his work done.

SCENE THREE:

She: Sheela had a baby last week and guess what they named the baby?
He: Uh huh.
She: Guess.
He: I don't know. You tell me.
She: Chitranjan.
He: Okay.
She: No reaction?
He: Ya. It's an odd name.
She: And guess what? Ratna told me that our boss is laying people off next week.
He: Uh huh.
She: Are you listening?
He: Not really.
She: What?
He: So what can I do if they are laying people off?
She: I am just telling you because I am worried.
He: But there is nothing I can do about it. What do you want me to do with information?

She picks up the phone to call her mother. He goes back to reading www.cnn.com

Hum Tum

2008-01-29T12:52:00.000-05:00

Men. Women. So different. Yet want to live together. Sometimes it beats me how they manage.

Here are some common scenarios. And when I say common, I mean it!

SCENE ONE

She: You don't call me enough.
He: But I texted you.
She: So why could you just not call?
He: Cos there was nothing to talk about!
She: How come I always have something to talk about and you don't?
He: Cos you like to tell me about the whole world and I don't really care.
She: Are you saying you don't care about what I say.
He: No I am saying I don't care about those people you talk about.
She: So you don't care about the people who are important to me.
He: When did I say that?
She: Never mind!

She walks off in a huff. He wonders what he did wrong.

SCENE TWO

She: Did you like what I cooked?
He: Yeah I did. Can you pass me the chili sauce?
She: So it's not spicy enough for you?
He: Its good but I like it spicy.
She: So that means you really did not like it.
He: No I liked it.
She: If you liked it, why didn't you tell me on your own?
He: I had just eaten a bite. If you would have waited a little bit, I would have told you.
She: Never mind, I am not going to cook fancy stuff again.

She is upset. He keeps eating.

SCENE THREE

She: You always fall asleep early.
He: But I wake up at 7 am.
She: But it's the weekend.
He: But this is a habit.
She: You never sit up and watch movies with me.
He: I try to but I cannot help it if I fall asleep.
She: Then how do you stay up when you your "boys night out"?
He: That's because we are out and I am with a bunch of people.
She: So are you saying that they are more interesting than me?
He: No what I am saying is that I cannot fall asleep in a bar or a club.
She: I guess because there are so many pretty girls there for you to look at.
He: Huh?
She: Do you think I am pretty?
He: Yeah you are beautiful.
She: Then how come you never tell me that?
He: I am going to sleep. Good night.

She sobs. He sleeps.

And it never ends...................

Tagged!

2008-01-27T16:27:00.000-05:00

Tagged by Badshah Khan.
Here goes!

http://mm-mm-mm-good.blogspot.com/2008/01/tagged.html

Single No More-II

2008-01-27T01:07:00.000-05:00

Since that post created a lot of hot debate and healthy discussions, I decided to do an informal survey by asking friends and acquaintances of Indian origin, if they would marry a divorcee or a widow. And here are some of the answers I got. Also included are some statements that I have heard in the past.

1) No way..used maal!

2) I don't know. I would have to ask my mother.

3) No. (no explanations given)

4) I don't know but maybe I would.

5) No because I do not want to marry someone who has wanted someone else to change in the past and did not want to change herself for the marriage.

6) No. My parents' heads will hang in shame.

7) I would but my parents would abandon me and I would not be able to live with that.

8) Yes. If I love her as much as I love my present girlfriend, I would.

9) If I love her, it would not matter.

10) I would. Yes she carries a baggage of a failed marriage but if i think i can help her carry it and handle it with her ... i think there is nothing wrong.

I will add more comments as and when I get them but I suspect that people might even fear me when I ask that question if they have already read this blog. I am glad that the ones above were open and frank enough to give me their honest opinion. But the results are very disturbing (barring a few ones that are encouraging). Most of these people are not even 28 yet. And we say "India is changing"!

Another twist to this. Today I was reprimanded for asking this question. I was told by a 22-year-old today that it is people like me who create these categories between single and divorced/widowed individuals by asking people such questions. Talk about projection!

P.S: Readers are also welcome to participate in this survey by asking around. I will be glad to include the responses here.

Let's Be (UN)fair!

2008-01-25T14:23:00.000-05:00

My mom used to tell me, that when I was born, she used to pinch me several times a day for several weeks, to make sure that I was born fair-complexioned and that that was to stay. Apparently, if you pinch a baby, if the skin turns pink, the baby is dark complexioned, and if the skin turns white, the baby is fair-complexioned. My mother is of a darker complexion and was reminded of this fact all her growing life with the implication that it would be difficult to find a groom for her.

As I was growing up, I got to hear words such as "beautiful", "pretty", "eligible" all the time just because I was/am fair. I often felt that my intelligence, achievements, personality, nature, never mattered as long as I was fair. I also got to hear the word "lucky" all the time, because now I would have a variety of potential grooms to choose from. Matrimonial ads never failed to stress how fair the boy or the girl was and that they in turn were seeking fair partners. Now is that really fair (pun intended) to pick or reject one's partner based on their complexion? I remember what a hard time my uncle had in convincing his mother about marrying my aunt just because she was darker. His words, "I want to marry a Black Beauty"! Her words, "But you can find someone better because you are fair!".

That suggests that the word beauty is paired with a fair complexion, amongst Indians. And when the beauty is not lighter, one feels the need to specify that the beauty is black! The result of this phenomena is that the not so fair people grow up with low self-esteem, body hatred, regrets, and spend a whole lot of money on fairness creams and lotions (which thrive on these people's naivety and play with their emotions).

Looking at the bigger picture, in the United States, there is a separate label of people who are not white. They are called "people of color". Blacks (African Americans), Browns (Indians), and Yellows (East Asians) all fall in this category. And often discriminated against.

The implications of this kind of an attitude are broad. And the reasons for the diffence in skin color are simple.
http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/ngm/0211/feature2/online_extra.html
Skin color has nothing to do with bad luck and darker skin color does not mean that your life is potentially ruined. Let us try and accept who we are, make the others realize that who we are does not change if we decided to get ourselves tanned or bleached, and that it is not fair (literally!) to put darker people down!

Single No More..

2008-01-22T00:54:00.000-05:00

This blog is dedicated to all those beautiful people out there who are divorced or widowed.

Over the past few years, I have encountered more and more people who were married once, but not anymore. More divorcees than widows or widowers. Some single and happy, some single and lonely, and some isolated, not by choice. Some regret their decision and some feel lost and wonder what to do.

Over the past few years, I have encountered more and more young people who were never married but are considering marriage. And yet, will never consider marrying a divorcee or widower/widow. Why? Some reasons are attributed to the others such as, "My parents would never allow it" while some reasons are atrocious such as, "They have their own community". I understand that it is hard for Indian parents to digest such open-mindedness because they come from times when divorces were not prevalent. They have their own "community"? What does that mean?

Clearly, they are labeled. Labeled as flawed. Labeled as outcasts in the marriage market. Labeled as unacceptable. Fit to be in a community with other flawed people.

I say damn right they belong to another community. And I say damn right they should marry only other divorcees or widows/widowers. They belong to a community of people who have ridden emotional roller coasters, who have gone through hell, who have suffered a lot at a young age, and someone who has never married before will perhaps not understand what they have gone through.

Divorcees and widows/widowers are not in the phase of life they are in as a matter of choice. They did not enjoy it. And they clearly do not deserve this treatment.

My Best Friend

2008-01-17T06:49:00.000-05:00

How many times have you looked in the mirror and said:

"I am fat!"

"My shoulders are too thin."

"I wish I was fairer"

"If only I were two inches taller".....

How many times have you made a mistake and said:

"I am so stupid"

"So dumb of me"

"I just cant do this"

We are always finding faults with ourselves. Yet we find faults with the people who find faults with us. And then we complain that we are lonely, that the people we put our faith in betrayed us, and that we do not deserve to be treated this way.

Yes, you are right. You do not deserve to be treated this way. You are special. Maybe not a VIP, maybe not a bollywood star, maybe not a renowned artist, and maybe not the richest person in the whole world. Yet, you are special to a select few...like your parents, siblings, friends, etc. And if you feel like all of the above really do not care for you, then do not forget that you are special to yourself. After all, are you not the one who spends time with you 24 hours a day? Are you not the one who knows you inside out? Are you not the one who talks to yourself in your head? Then why put yourself down?

Numerous people walk in and out of our lives. A boyfriend could now be an ex-boyfriend. A best friend could now be just a memory. A carpool partner could only be a once-a-month-phonecall friend. But someone who is always there for you is you. So when you feel lonely and alone, do not forget that you are there. Pamper yourself. Take care of yourself. Treat yourself as your own best friend. Do things that you would for a best friend.

When was the last time you cooked something special for yourself, or treated yourself just for the heck of it? Maybe today is that day. The day to celebrate a best friend called "I".

Which half are you?

2008-01-13T23:38:00.001-05:00

They call a spouse the "better half". That means that the two halves are making a one. Sometimes that one piece does not look right. Just like gaudy plastic violet roses in a crystal vase, or salsa over spaghetti, or diesel in a Mustang. Result: chaos, breakdown, misfit, and so on.

So when we come together with our soulmates and unify in a romantic relationship, it is not always what you may dream of or expect it to be. Salsa goes well with chips. Spaghetti goes well with marinara sauce. But salsa with spaghetti is a very unusual combination. Such unusual combinations are also found in relationships, often discovered late by those experiencing them and ignored by those observing them.

This post is dedicated to all my questioning friends. Those who recently got out of bitter or not-so-bitter-yet relationships and are questioning fate. Maybe you were the crystal vase in the relationship; beautiful, precious, and containing. You held on to the pink gaudy roses no matter how ugly they looked in you, just because you liked the feeling of holding them. But if those flowers have left you for another vase, don't fret. More flowers will come your way. Pretty flowers, precious flowers, and REAL flowers.

Sometimes what we think is best for us may not be best for us. And if they go, let them go. Only if the vase is empty, can it make way for the best. Keep shining. This phase too shall pass!

Pets or People?

2008-01-09T12:22:00.000-05:00

Do you have any pets? I don't.
Do you like pets? I don't. Not yet.
Would you like to have a pet? Maybe. I think so.
What kind of a pet would you like to have? A dog.

I cannot believe, I just said that! A dog? I am afraid of dogs. Puppies, maybe not. Full grown dogs? Definitely. And yet, last night, as I was pondering over certain people that I have encountered in my life, I realized that I was better off having a dog in my life rather than them. I, also for the first time, did not laugh or feel sorry about these so called "lonely Americans who buy Get Well Soon greeting cards for their sick pet".

I have never had a pet but heard many stories, especially of dogs. And as I write this blog, I realize..

A dog will never not answer your call because he or she is not in the mood, busy with his or her significant other, or has his or her phone on silent.
A dog will never not answer the door because he or she is asleep, is screening visitors, or still at work.
A dog will never laugh at you, ask you to "get over it", or get bored of listening to your problems over and over again.
A dog will never cheat on you, lie to you, or break your trust.
A dog will never go "bitch" (no pun intended!) about you behind your back.
A dog will never tell you that you need to lose weight or get your eyebrows done or get a face lift.
A dog will never hit you, or abuse you.
A dog will never fuss over the food that you have cooked.
A dog will not change overnight and dump you!
A dog will always feel sad when you are sad and be happy when you are happy.
A dog will always be loyal to you.
A dog will always go shopping with you if you wanted him or her to.
A dog will sleep next to you if you want him or her to, whether or not you have had a fight with him or her.
A dog will always..............be there for you!

And so, the next time I switch apartments, I am going to rent a pet-friendly one. And buy myself a friend who will always be my friend. Any advice for a first-timer? BTW, I do know that barking dogs seldom bite!

Switch the channel please!!

2008-01-03T20:09:00.000-05:00

Are you one of those people who is unable to watch one TV channel for hours?
Are you one of them who is tempted to switch channels when a commercial comes through, often forgetting to go back to the original program?
Are you one of those who has to watch two programs at one time because both are your favorite and you cannot miss one for the other?
Are you one of those people who feels handicapped when the remote control is missing?

If you answered no to all the questions above, then are you one of those people who feel mighty irritated at those who do the above??

Well, don't be. Think about this. Don't we all sometimes wish that someone talking to us would just shut up like a droning professor or a snappy boss? Sometimes, we often wish that the person talking changes their topic of discussion such as a nagging wife who wont stop talking about how you left the toilet seat up or an angry mother who is displeased with the time you came home. Wouldn't a remote control work wonders in this case? Play, pause, lower volume, and switch channels as you please!!

And then taking it up to a deeper level..don't we often wish that we could just get rid of some people who came into our lives but are completely useless to us? Easier said than done! But if we had a remote, just like the couch potato, we could have switched on to a better person, and forgotten about what we were wasting our time on, in a jiffy!

Yesterday, I found new respect (for lack of a better word) for channel switchers. They are able to forget quickly, move on quickly, not live in the past, not worry about the future, and get rid of whoever or whatever they think is a waste of time! Wish I could do that...

Now will someone switch the channel of my life please? I am bored!

8th year in the 21st century?

2007-12-30T19:07:00.000-05:00

2008 is almost here. We pride ourselves in being in the 21st century. We talk of the 1980's as being the "olden times". Life is different today. We can get information about anything at the touch of a mouse, within seconds. We do not have to yell out loud on long distance calls in order to be audible. We do not have to rely on telegrams to send messages quickly. We do not have to travel by ship for three weeks to travel within one continent.

And yet, some attitudes are still as old as they can be. For specifically, I would like to talk about the superstitious world that we live in.

Last year, I recall having paused for a second when a black cat crossed my path on my way to school for a test. I drove on but nevertheless, I did think about what I should do for that one fleeting second.

My mother will not let me leave the home if I have expressed a need to drink or eat something right before I step out. She will make me drink water to negate that sentence. And without any argument, I do.

More recently, a friend of mine got married. She told us all (at least 20 of us) that she was getting married only a week prior to the wedding. Her defense was "buri nazar". I am surprised she took the risk of telling us a whole week early. If someone wanted to caste a black eye, they could have even in that short period of time, right?

And then finally, I met with several accidents, lost a lot of money, and suffered from poor health all in a span of 6 months. Someone told my mother, that a certain someone, was doing black magic on me!!

As a student of science, I question these superstitions that we have, often ingrained within us since childhood thanks to our moms, grandmoms, and great grandmoms. How true are these? And God forbid, if we defy this, and something bad happens, would that be coincidental or would we actually be facing the negative consequences of being oversmart and modern? And how will we find out?

Oh by the way, please do not clip your nails after dusk!!

Happy New Year!!

A Happy Day..A Happy Birthday!

2007-12-27T14:35:00.000-05:00

People say birthdays are about cakes, presents, and parties. I say partially true! I say birthdays are also about friends and about knowing who really cares. They are also about growing older, and hopefully wiser.

Yesterday, was one of those days for me. The day that comes once a year, and makes me wait all year for it. But yesterday was not an ordinary birthday for me. It was a revealing birthday, quite an introspective one. For the first time in XX years, I did not get a birthday present wrapped in colorful paper, with a cute little bow on it. Neither did I get any flowers that would make my jaw drop with awe and my eyes cry like a beauty contest winner. And yet, I remained unperturbed and experienced no shame in answering people when they asked me what I got for my birthday, much to my surprise.

When people asked me what I was doing or what big plans I had, my answer was "walking around in the malls and shopping". I could sense the disguised disappointment in some voices while some appeared nonchalant, unsuccessfully. And yet, I experienced no embarassment. In fact, I was amused. How could this be for I have always made a huge deal out of my birthdays!?

And then I realized that when I was being materialistic in the past, there was something amiss in my life, or so I thought. I had certain expectations of how a birthday "should" be, and how people around me celebrate their birthdays. In a futile attempt to fill that void, I pledged to have "happening" birthdays and wished for expensive presents that I could display with a smug demeanor. But yesterday, I was content. I was content with what I have in life, and content with what is to follow. Expensive presents, fancy restaurants, or apple-picking and wine-tasting activities would not have added to the joy (as it would have last year, and the year before that, and as far behind as I can remember).

Yesterday, I probably realized that I had grown wiser. I had no need to boast of the red silk top that I bought from New York and Company (which I did not) or the Christmas tree that I decorated (which I did not), or the number of birthday wishes I got on orkut within a couple hours of my birthday starting. I had no need to boast about how I am capable of winning the Miss Popularity contest. I had no need to show anything off to people who dont really care.

I was secure being who I am. I knew that the people who had my phone number and actually bothered to call or text message me, truly cared. I knew that the people who did not have my phone number, and actually bothered to write me an email, truly cared. I knew that my blogger friends, who had no access to any reminders, and sent me birthday messages, truly cared. I knew that I was loved. I knew then that my birthday was an eye-opener.

Some Things Never Change

2007-12-24T15:04:00.000-05:00

Often times we wish for things that are not. For example, we wish to be thinner, we wish that our next door neighbor was nicer, we wish that our exams were easier, we wish that our paycheck was bigger, and we wish that we were happier.

With the advent of the NEW YEAR, there are lots of people writing blogs on the things that they wish to change in 2008, a few new resolutions, a few old ones never fulfilled, and a few that are in the process of being fulfilled. Anything new brings us hope, revives us, and makes us more optimistic.

But some things never change.

Some people will not stop complaining about their bad luck.
Some people will not stop fighting for control in their relationships.
Some people will not stop valuing money over people.
Some people will not stop bitching about others, on the telephone, on orkut, through blogs, through private messages, and in person.
Some people will not stop being jealous.
Some people will not stand up for themselves or others.
Some people will not stop being selfish and vain.
Some people will not respect others or their property.
Some people will not be appreciative no matter what you do for them.
Some people will judge others based on their beauty.
Some people will not stop being annoying or irritable.
Some people will just not change.

Sometimes, our new year resolutions dont matter if they involve others. Sometimes, it is two-way traffic. Sometimes, no matter how much we wish to change, we cannot because others wont let us. Sometimes, only sometimes.

Merry Christmas. Wish you all good luck with your new year resolutions!

Happy Birthday Mommy !

2007-12-21T13:21:00.000-05:00

No it is not my mother's birthday today, and not in the next 6 months either. This blog has been born out of the question that people have been asking me very recently, "What plans for your birthday?"

Honestly, I usually make a big deal out of my birthday. I always have something planned out (at the expense of others) and await that morning with great eagerness, my materialistic spirit very evident in my gawking eyes, hunting for wrapped presents. This year, I have nothing planned. Maybe its my graying brain cells or the dwindling bank account. And I have no morose about it. However, my heart ached when my mom (hundreds of miles away) told me on yahoo messenger, "I will call you on your birthday."

And then I began thinking about how selfish I have been all these years. As I have counted the number of days to December 26 each year, making demands to my mom for presents, of things I wanted to eat that day, and making her pay for my parties, I never once thought about how she must have felt on that day so many years ago. The day her first child was born. It must truly have been a joyous moment, a wonderful experience, taking her first step into motherhood holding a 5 lb 6 oz baby in her arms. I have often heard people say that the happiest moment of their lives has been the time their babies were born. Surely then, December 26th must then have been the happiest day in my mother's life.

So this year, I will send my mother a present for my birthday. This year, I will celebrate her joy. This year, I will thank her for bringing me into this world.

The Working Woman

2007-12-16T13:20:00.000-05:00

We have all heard or known of so many men who have rushed to India during a 4 week (often only a week) break to "see" the lovely maidens that their over eager parents have lined up for them. They pick one and voila! A few days later, they are married and have a "dependent" tagging along with them to the USA.

Some of these women had longed to be in the USA and thought that their only route would be through marriage while some had always wanted to pursue education here but never had the means to. Some of the former women hence are content with staying at home and being a "homemaker", a fancy word replacement for the word "housewife", used more frequently in India.

Before, I continue, would like to make it clear that I have nothing against housewives. We all should be happy doing what we do and if that's what makes them happy so be it. However, I am a little confused here. I often hear from wives (not yet mothers) on H4 visas that they are awfully busy and have absolutely no time to do extra stuff..stuff as in catch up with old friends, attend events such as those held by CRY, and get an oil change on the car (if their new husband decided to buy them one). I wonder, what are they so busy with? Cooking three meals a day would probably take up three hours, I am sure there is not a whole lot of laundry, vaccuming, and bathroom cleaning to be done everyday. Groceries are probably done when the husband is at home (since that car that I am talking about is not there OR the wife is scared to drive alone in the snow). So if we as full-time students and employees study, work, and take care of the home, and write blogs, and IM, and stay in touch with friends, how are we able to do that?

Is there something I do not know about or am missing out on or am I the exception who is super smart in managing my time well? What is truly going on? I often wish that I was an H4 wife. I fantasize waking up at at 7, making tea for my husband, going back to sleep, waking up at 10, cooking lunch, watching TV, playing games on the computer, cooking "nashta", taking a nap, cooking dinner, going out, and sleeping! What a life that would be! But as I have always said, the grass is always greener on the other side. Maybe that life is not as fun and leisurely as I assume it to be. Maybe what these wives say is true??

A whole new world!

2007-12-13T20:28:00.000-05:00

When we were born, we curled up our toes, made cute little fists, and cried our hearts out. We were vulnerable. We felt insecure. We were no longer in the warmth of our mother's womb. We were born into a whole new world. When our mother held us, we sensed comfort again. It was familiar. Her familiar touch.

Today as adults, we are no different. When we come home from work, school, or wherever, we curl into our blankets and turn our laptops on. We feel insecure in the loneliness of our small apartments. It is not a whole new world and yet a sense of something amiss. And then, with the touch of a button, we walk into our safe world. We talk to friends online, some who we have never met, some who live across the street and yet greet us only on the messenger, and some who truly live far away. We build new connections, we try and revive old connections, and we take some connections for granted.

The internet has introduced to us a whole new virtual world. In this world, we write, we cry, we smile, we buzz, we fake expressions, we swear, and we make funny sounds. Ironical that we feel safe in the company of those we have never met, that we form illusions about these people, and we think about these virtual people even when walking in the real world.

There are more and more people walking into this whole new world each day leaving behind the real world that is out there..at least for a few hours. What is missing in the real world that we find the virtual world more interesting? Is the unknown more attractive or does facing people threaten us?

If we can get so addicted to this new world, are we capable of being addicted to the real world and living life to the fullest? What is your opinion, my unattached online friends?

What's your number??

2007-12-11T01:46:00.001-05:00

About ten years ago, with internet gaining quick popularity in India, people used to boast about the number of active email accounts they had and the variety of chat ids they had on ICQ and what not!

Today, its all about Orkut! Gone are the days when people would make special trips to a studio to have a professional picture taken. With the advent of digital cameras, studio like pictures are only a click away. People click pictures and say, "Yes!! This is an Orkut picture" implying that this picture is worth showing everyone. That's not enough! People specifically click pictures to put up on Orkut. This being the norm, I suppose this fact does not seem ridiculous at this point.

How about fan numbers and friend numbers?? I know that there are some people who are fond of talking about the number of fans and friends they have on Orkut, secretly compete with their rivals in gaining more of these, and even become someone's fan just so that they will return their favor and increase their numbers!! And when the person does not reciprocate, they gather the courage to ask, "When will you become my fan?"Some even have their own fan list memorized and know exactly when someone adds themselves to their list or God forbid, decides to "unfan" themselves. That amazes me! Is that a norm? Or am I outdated?

And hey, what's your number? Yes, I mean your fan number and friend number? Really? How authentic is that number? How many are truly your fans and friends and not people who are seeking to increase their number or have the strong need to be liked by you? How many of these fans and friends can you count on in your times of need? Which fan and friend of yours are you able to call in the middle of the night to ask for help?

My fan number is 45 today and friend number is 245. Maybe, when this blog is published, it may dwindle to 25 out of 200 or something. And that's ok.

PS: Am about to make a list of all my fans this minute. So if you decide to unfan yourself, I will know. Hope that's ok too! :)

My word for your word.

2007-12-10T13:42:00.000-05:00

wuo hern ni

Do you know what those words mean?

They mean something in a particular language. Try and say them out loud. Are you afraid you might pronounce them wrong? But who's listening?

What emotion would you experience if someone came and said these to you? Confusion, bewilderment, excitement, hatred? Would you think about it for days or would you let it go? Would you ploy revenge or would you smile to yourself?

I hate you

Do you know now know what those words mean?

What would you do if someone came and said these words to you? Would you experience anger, frustration, sadness, hurt, disappointment, or amusement? How long would these words stick in your mind? What will you do about that?

Words. A mere jumble of letters. They may look funny. May be difficult to pronounce. And may not mean anything. To US. But they could change someone else's life, their mental state. Just three words can alter a person's self-esteem and peace of mind.

Words. They so easily slip out of our mouths. And yet, can be so profound to the listener.

Words. They can change someone's life.

Words. So precious. Use them wisely.

All I want for Christmas..!!

2007-12-07T19:13:00.000-05:00

Christmas is 18 days away.

I walk into the malls and smell the unfamiliar scent of money pouring out of wallets, pockets, and purses into cash registers.

I see the same old lanky man standing out in the cold for 8 hours ringing his bell without any enthusiasm, attracting mere glances.

I hear the festive music that fails to escape my attention even while driving, in the gas station, and in grocery stores.

I see people hurrying and scurrying, some with coupons and catalogues, and some with blank tired faces.

And I wonder..I wonder if these people dread buying so many presents or whether they truly are intentionally shopping for the 5-second smile on their loved ones' faces. I wonder how many people will get what they want and how many people will pretend to have gotten what they wanted. I wonder how many letters have been mailed to Santa and how many children will be happy with Santa this Christmas.

And I wonder.....what do people really want? Ipods, Massage Chairs, Wiis, Coach Handbags, Diamond Rings....or contentment with life?

For a second, imagine that Santa does exist and will fulfil your wish this year. What would you ask for? ALL YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS??

It does not matter...

2007-12-06T17:17:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, my client walked in and reported he was suicidal. Told me that he would give me no guarantee that he would not act on it. I had to do my intervention. The right one. There would be no second chances or trials here. After 45 minutes, though not very convinced, I was convinced enough that he would not do anything to himself. At least not that day. He promised to return the next morning to see me.

Today, my client did not show for his appointment, did not return my calls nor my emails. Not in the morning, not in the afternoon. And I panicked. Rightly so. I was not sure if my client was dead or alive.

And at that time, some things just did not matter.

It did not matter that I have put on weight.
It did not matter that I need a haircut.
It did not matter that my back hurts chronically.
It did not matter that my bank account is dwindling.
It did not matter that I dont have a new dress to wear on my birthday.
It did not matter that it took me an hour to drive to work today.
It did not matter my friend is hen-pecked.
It did not matter that my friends ganged up on me.
It did not matter that my friend broke my trust.
It did not matter that I got a B in an easy class.
It did not matter that I live in a boring city.
It did not matter that I dont like my car.
It did not matter that gas prices are so high.
It did not matter that I am going to miss my best friend's wedding.
It did not matter that it was so cold today.
It did not matter..did not matter at all.

All that mattered was my client's life, his safety, his well-being. All that mattered was human life.

My client called late that day. Reported he was alright, that he had only been so tired that he had slept through the day. That mattered. That phone call mattered.

A disclaimer

2007-12-05T15:08:00.000-05:00

By no means is this plagiarism.

Should have had a disclaimer a long time ago but stumbled upon one by chance today.

With due respect to Abhinav, am posting one of his blog links here. Very well said. Applicable to all my readers. For a second, just imagine I wrote it..

http://y-abinavk.blogspot.com/2006/12/disclaimer.html

Thank you, and keep reading (even those who dont want to comment!)!

Where does your devil work?

2007-12-04T20:42:00.000-05:00

"An idle mind is a devil's workshop"

We have heard that so many times and have often used it to describe and calm our frenzied state of mind during times of frustration, when we have nothing to do, and when the devils crawl through and irritate our brain cells to trigger unwanted thoughts.

So does that mean that these devils avoid busy brains because they feel claustrophobic in there? I dont think so. I believe that these devils are constantly gnawing in these brains, whimpering, and gradually screaming for them to be noticed. When people are busy, they are simply pushing these negative thoughts to the back. Momentarily. And then whether they want it or not, these devils manage to show their power.

And then suddenly, the whole world seems against you. The girls whispering on the bench next to yours are talking about you. The group of students talking in their native language are talking about you. Your professor hates you and is deliberately giving you a bad grade. Your employer does not like your race and is giving you a hard time. The cab driver is out to get you. The poem that your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend wrote has a special meaning for you. Your friend did not return your text message because she does not like you. Even the snow that attacked your town today fell only because you had an important appointment to reach on time to. Because you are so important.

These devils exist in everyone's minds. For some people, they are more in number, for some more powerful, and for others, powerful and numerous but unable to deter the individual with their incessant screeching. What is their key? I don't know. For I dont fall in that category. However, I am assuming that it would mean awareness, the presence of mind, and the ability to remain unperturbed. The awareness these devils exist, the presence of mind to fight them and let them allay, and the ability to be able to ignore the fact that sometimes these devils are not evil and may in fact be telling us the truth. In short, to be calm no matter what you think others are saying.

Thanks, and keep your chin up. You are not that important to others. And because you are important for yourself!

I love my Vicco!

2007-12-03T20:16:00.000-05:00

Double Cheese Burger or Diet Coke?

2007-11-18T01:50:00.000-05:00

People who are single wish they were double (no pun intended) and that they had someone to live their life with.
People who are double wish that they had the freedom and independence that they lost when they chose not to be single anymore.
People who are stuck, neither single nor double, are frustrated with sitting on the fence.

And the people in each category think that the people in the other category are the luckiest.

The single woman feels that she would rather be unhappy with someone next to her rather than be unhappy alone.

The married woman feels that she wished she had never married this man/family or married at all.

The "committed" woman anxiously awaits the day that she will be married but at the same time struggles to keep her relationship going.

So which situation is the best? In my opinion, they all are either the best or the worst, depending on how you view it. As children, some loved school and some didn't. Some loved chocolates and some did not. Some loved playing indoors and some did not. As adults, some love movies and some don't. Some love cooking and some don't. Likewise, some love to be independent and some don't. That does not make one better than the other. However, relationships and marriages are bonds that are difficult to break. Not only are they legally and morally binding but also emotionally intense. So if you are unhappy about your relationship status, do not compare. We never know what's going on in other people's lives. What situation seems the best for you may be the worst for them and vice versa. All that we can do when unhappy is to try our best to change the situation. And if you cannot, so be it. Exasperation will worsen your situation. So stay put and wait for fate to make its turn!

Thanks, and be patient. What is meant to be will happen!

A lost chance!

2007-11-12T00:32:00.001-05:00

We are only human, living in a society with other social animals. Often in conflict, often in disharmony, often in disagreements with these others. And more than often, our pride overcomes humility and shame and we hesitate to make amends despite the fact that this will only make our lives more positive.

Yet, much to our chagrin, time does indeed throw us some opportunities that may force us to forget what has happened, and head back to normalcy. These incidents would include meeting the other social animals unexpectedly such as in a shopping mall, cafeteria, or even a stairway. Then one has two choices: either to turn one's face away and not acknowledge anyone's presence or two flash a fake smile out of politeness.

And then, time sometimes throws us other chances that may encourage us to let bygones be bygones and start afresh. Such examples would be that of birthdays, weddings, festivals and similar positive events. Let's take Diwali for example; the festival of lights, the victory of good over evil, the perfect occasion to get rid of one's negativity and embrace positive energy. And yet, we let these chances slip by. We choose to adorn in lavish outfits and pretend like the festivities amuse us. And yet, inwardly, there is nothing new about us. We hold the same grudges, present the same superficial demeanor, and let the grudges grow.

Some of us celebrated Diwali in a way that was not celebration at all. We let a chance go..A chance to make our world a better place!

Thanks, and happy diwali...we still have a chance!

Diwali...one step away from loved ones!

2007-11-10T16:25:00.000-05:00

On the auspicious day of my "New Year", I decide to write this blog on how diwali is NOT about eating sweets, buying new clothes, lighting diyas, creating rangolis, going to the temple, and watching fireworks. Its NOT about whose laddoo is better, whose saree is the prettiest, whose lights are the brightest, who invited who to the temple, who spent the most on fireworks. Its NOT about exchanging smiles, shaking hands, monotonous "happy diwali" messages, and fancy e-cards.

Diwali is about the victory of good over evil, or so they say. And yet, there are many children today who do not even know the significance of this festival. Not their fault! There predecessors have turned it into a huge festival of some sort which brings a glow to the heart for all the wrong, materialistic reasons.

Today, I have lit my apartment up with Christmas lights, made a make-shift rangoli with the colorful lentils from my modest kitchen, and am in the process of making sweets. And yet there is a feeling of emptiness. Strangers walks past the apartment and say "WOW!", the rangoli is ignored, and the sweets will be shared amongst friends and acquaintances long deprived of feasts. Where are the people that we love? In pursuit of materialistic pleasures and high ambitions, we leave loved ones behind. We walk ahead only to pause momentarily, to suppress our feelings of doubt, and continue walking. Along the way, we meet several pedestrians, some in the same pursuit, some stuck, and some walking back.

Diwali...the festival of lights...and yet just another day, another beginning of a new year, more time and distance from loved ones left behind, and the desperate hope of one day celebrating the same diwali that I did 20 years ago!

PS: Dedicated to all the Indian immigrants who left their families behind.

Thanks, and Happy Diwali!

Soulmates for life....NOT!

2007-11-03T23:54:00.000-04:00

*Note: The events in this blog are true but the names are fictitious so that the non-soulmates are not offended for not having included them as soulmates..read on for more clarification.

Amisha invited me over to her house to play for a whole day. She shared her lunch with me everyday. And she lent me her textbook when I forgot to bring it to school. She was my soulmate in the 1st grade before I changed schools. I met her only once after that...when I was about 13 years old and we barely talked to each other then.

Anjana called me everyday to chitchat over the phone. She invited me over for lunch during the summer break. She wrote me letters for a year when she moved to another city. She was my soulmate in the 4th grade. I have met her several times after that. But I do not even know the names of her children today.

Shilpa knew about the first crush I had. I was the only one who was invited to her sister's birthday party. I slept over at her house for one night during navratri. And then we both ended up liking the same guy. She was no longer my soulmate. We picked new ones.

Manisha's mother called me their second daughter. I practically lived there two days a week during the summer. We wrote letters to each other everyday when she went to her grandmother's house for vacations for a month. And then we switched streams. She went into the arts and I chose the sciences. She was my soulmate in the 10th grade.

Ashima did not have a phone at home. We both yearned to meet each other everyday in college because that was the only time we could talk, gossip, confide, and bitch. We often stayed back for hours after classes so that no one would interfere in our "private conversations". The other 4 members of our group were jealous. But we could care less. We were soulmates for 3 whole years until we went to different cities for our Master's degree.

Samrat was a friend that I could call any time of the day and always know that he would be available. I have cried about the same issues over and over again without him flinching even one bit at any given moment. We never proclaimed each other as "best friends" but we still knew that we were soulmates. Yes, we were. Until Samrat moved back to India. Now we speak to each other about 4 times a year.

Today, I have met another soulmate, a best friend. Another angel that God has sent over to help me through a phase of my life. What his purpose is is being revealed gradually, as it always does. As children, best friends were our lifelines. Everything surrounded around friends. At any given point, it seems like our best friend is the best thing that happened to us. That we finally found our soulmate!! Until an event occurs, our so-called soulmate's purpose in our life is fulfilled and he or she leaves only to give way to another soulmate standing in line.

Soulmates for life?? Maybe through wedlock. Through friendship? Maybe in movies, novels, rare occasions. Are you reading this and saying, "HAH! Not me! My friends will be my friends forever!". Will not challenge you. Only urge you to read this blog again ten years from now. You will know what I am talking about today.

Thanks, and dont regret a lost friendship. It was something that began and ended for a reason. More friends (or should I say soulmates to make you feel special?) await you.

Bitter Sweet Doses

2007-11-01T19:39:00.000-04:00

Have you met someone who is genuinely content and happy with their lives or present state of mind? I am sure you have. I have met several of them and wish to meet more. As I write this blog, a picture of my friend comes to mind. She is one who I have never heard complaining, whining, crying, or getting angry. She is content with what she has. She does not have any expectations from anyone and so when something marvelous occurs in her life, she is elated. And if something marvelous did not occur, or worse still, if she encounters a disaster, she takes it in her stride for she has no other scenario to compare it with. And most importantly, I have NEVER heard her put anyone down. In her viewpoint, everyone is great, some with a few more bad qualities, some with a few less but nevertheless, everyone is worth respecting no matter how they behave.

And then I have another friend who is extremely critical of what others do; constantly looking for flaws in her life, jealous of others' successes, intolerant of others' being imperfect, easy to flare up when things seem out of control, and someone who people like to avoid for fear that they are being analyzed and ripped apart in her mind. Any guesses why she chooses to be this personality when she is clearly not like by others? Heard the phrase, "misery loves company"? She is unhappy with her life and has low self-esteem. What better way to make oneself feel elated and superior to others than to put them down?

When people make baseless accusations, criticize you for a reason you cannot fathom, and create bitter chaos, it is easy for you to retaliate in self-defense. After all who likes to be called ugly, selfish, stupid, worthless and so on without any clear explanations? But also pay attention to how lonely these poor souls are, how isolated they feel when they perceive others around them to be having more fun than themselves, and how bad they feel about themselves. Maybe retaliation will keep them from criticizing you but their low self-respect will force them into putting more victims down for a sense of deluded power.

I believe my former friend is so happy with her life, that she never feels the need to eye someone else's greener grass, while the latter feels insecure about her grapes being sour. These are the bitter sweet chocolates that we will get to eat all our lives. Some dark bites sweetened by the sugary aftertaste. When the extra dark chocolates seem to create a bitter taste in your mouth that makes you nauseous, go ahead and ignore the dark chocolate, and find some sugar for yourself!

Thanks, and try and be content. Will make others around you feel the same too!

Age no bar!

2007-10-29T23:50:00.000-04:00

Easy to say that I befriend all..age no bar, caste no bar, gender no bar!
Difficult to implement...!

Have you noticed teens, preteens, and young children playing in the playground. Rarely, have I seen teens accepting preteens in their rowdy soccer manhandling, and preteens accepting young children in their "investigative" adventures. Young children on the other hand are more accepting, more open. As we grow older, we lose these attributes. Sad but true.

Notice how young adults in their early 20's like to address over-the-hill adults in their 30's as "aunty" or "uncle" or worse still, "grandma", just because they are just a few years older? Notice how they address teenagers as "kids" because they are a few years younger? Notice how young adults in their 20's do not lose some of their late teenage traits of being obstinate and "I am old enough to make my own decisions" attitude and yet continue to prove themselves wrong with their faulty assumptions about the world and life in general? Notice how people in their 30's will smirk and say, "Been there done that!" and choose to snicker in silence. Notice how they look at those in their 40's and say, "There is no way I am going to act old like them!"

Notice how teenagers will want to play video games and watch porn in their free time, while young adults in their 20's will like to get together and go bowling or to the dance club, while those in their 30's will prefer to have dinner parties and watch movies..it gets more and more subtle each decade. So I cannot fathom how there is an "AGE NO BAR-I am very open-minded" attitude when in reality to find a common point will not only be difficult to find but also frustrating every single time.

May I point out that there are exceptions to every age group as well. I know of people in their early 20's with the wisdom of someone much older and yet possess the innocense and naivety of a young adult. At the same time, their very own "best friends" perhaps look 30 but talk like they are 13, full of the arrogant air that accompanies good looking teenagers in their puberty age with the ambition to rule the world. No problem with that..except they want to be dictators. And then I see people in their 30's with similar issues as well. And some who truly do act like "grandmas" and hence, the rest of the clan get the privilege to be teased that way.

This blog stems from some exhaustion from witnessing the immature attitudes that the "young ones" portray each day, the relief that I have long outgrown that phase, and the fear that arises from witnessing those older to me with a more serious attitude. I like who I am today. I want to be with people my age who act the way I do! That does not mean I did not like who I was ten years ago. And may in all likelihood like who I am at 45. I can only pray and hope that I say the same ten years from now!

Why hate when you can love?

2007-10-27T20:28:00.000-04:00

Think of someone you hate, dislike, cannot stand....like maybe a "friend", neighbor, co-worker, relative, roommate, teacher?

Think of the effort that you put into your interactions with them? None, you would say because you prefer not to interact with them if you help it. What about the times when you absolutely cannot get away without doing so..situations such as bumping into them on the street, settling accounts, working on a team, obliging to a request they make?
Imagine the scenario..

Muscles tensing, mouth drooping, a conscious effort to not grimace, an internal sigh, a crooked smile, a frantic effort to sound polite, a reminder to self to not have an outburst, and a sour one hour after the interaction.

Think of someone you love, like, adore....like maybe a friend, neighbor, co-worker, relative, roommate, teacher?
Think of the effort that you put into your interactions with them? None, you would say because your interactions come naturally to you. What about the times when you get into situations such as bumping into them on the street, settling accounts, working on a team, obliging to a request they make?
Imagine the scenario...

Cannot imagine what the muscles are like, mouth smiling upward, no conscious efforts, no sighs, natural politeness or maybe even some jovial comments, no reminders to self, and a great day ahead.

I am not going to ask you what sounds better. We all know that talking to people we love is more enjoyable than those damned people we hate, right? But which one had you put in more effort? Where was there more energy utilized...not only then but also after that? Which one had you exude negative energy? The first situation, I would assume. Then why do we say things like "I dont care if that B**** said that"..If you dont care about it, why talk about it? And what about the physical effects of your anger? The blood pressure and the pounding heart? Fretting and fuming is not helping. So how about letting go...easier said than done....but think about it rationally.

Its better to forgive and forget and move on. Let's focus on love and not hate. Remember the song from "Satwaan Aasmaan"...Where is the time to hate..when there is so little time to love???

Hypocrites

2007-10-25T10:34:00.000-04:00

Why is that when I dont return someone's phone calls, I am supposed to have an attitude but that when other people don't respond to my text messages, its because they are "busy"?

Why is it that if I am egoistic and jealous, I am supposed to stay away from someone's orkut profile, when they seem egoistic just to even make that statement?

Why is it that when I watch a movie in the middle of the night, I am being inconsiderate but when they create noise they are just being "girly and fun"?

Why is it that when I am late, its a big inconvenience but when others are, they just were caught up and are forgiven?

Why is that I am jealous if I dont like what someone said but if they don't like what I said, its truly because its not good?

Why is it that if someone told me some good news and all did not end well, it was because i cast a black eye but if the same happened to me its only because of bad luck?

Why is it that when I hang out with people who speak my native language, I am in a clique but when they do it, they are only being with friends they are comfortable with?

Why is it that if I forget to share some information with someone, I am being secretive, but if they do it, then they simply assumed that everyone already knew?

Why is it that if I dont invite someone to a party, its because I dont like them but if they do that, its because they only wanted a selective group?

Why is it that you think I wrote this blog keeping you in mind when if you do it its only to voice out some common concerns?

Why is it that I am asking you so many questions that you think need to be answered but if you do the same, its only a comment with a question mark at the end?

Why is that this blog is boring because it talks about the fundamental attribution error again while if you would have done it, it was just because its important?

Spring forward...fall backward?

2007-10-13T15:43:00.000-04:00

Daylight savings time..some people react to it like just another event in the million that occur, and some moan and groan like it is the end of the world and take a long time in adjusting to the one hour difference!

How about you when it comes to springing forward or falling backward in life? How often are we put in situations where we have to move ahead of our times or go behind to connect with what we missed on the way?

Example: AGE! As we physically age, we grow wiser ( I hope). Sometimes, a ten year old may have to act like a 2o year old in the presence of abnormal situations such as the lack of parents in the home to tend to a younger sibling and hardships that have made the child stronger and more mature.

How about the example of an older woman who marries a younger man and often needs to go back developmentally in order to "stay compatible" with her partner? Consider the example of a woman who is married and is mentally and emotionally ahead on the path of wanting a child while her partner is not. Is is possible to go a step behind and suddenly not be prepared to have the child. At the most, one can sacrifice one's desire and make a compromise. One might be happy or discontent with one's decision but that would not mean taking a step backward. On the other hand, the partner might be able to take a step forward to keep up with the pace of his partner.

They say ignorance is bliss. I believe it truly is. Once we have the knowledge about something, it is truly difficult to "unlearn" it. Heard of anyone unlearn how prejudice and discriminate affect South Asians in the workplace? No..and we cannot. We have already taken a step forward in gaining that information. Sometimes, I wish I had never known things. That I could live in the paradise of oblivion and stay stagnant in one place. Once I spring forward, I cannot fall backward. I cannot function like the clock in the United States and Europe on the last weekend of October.

When I interact with people younger than me, carefree and unaware of life's hurdles, I wonder if I could step backward and turn into a 20-year-old again. And then I stop myself...because I do not want to go through the pain of stepping forward and bidding silent goodbyes to those who I leave behind, yet again. I now only have to keep moving ahead. And forward, I will spring...into the future...to see what lies ahead.

Thanks, and keep moving ahead..chin up..look forward.