Crossroads

Every so often, on the path of life, we come across crossroads which lead to several paths. This creates dilemmas within us. Questions arise. We wonder. We think, ruminate, ponder, fret, despair, consult, and finally take a decision and walk ahead on the path that we choose in that particular moment. Miles later, we may realize that it was the wrong path. We come to a decision making point again. Do I turn back? Or do I walk ahead looking for fresher pastures and hoping that what lies ahead is what I will grow to like and want.

When we all decided to blog at whatever points in our lives, we pretty much made an active decision at a crossroad. We decided whether we should blog or not. And then some of us started like there was no end to it, while some abandoned it at another point, and some never took off. When I decided to blog, it was out of sheer boredom. Writing was always a passion. Writing for people never occurred to me, though.

It served as a medium for me to connect to other people. It normalized my conflicts. It validated my emotions. It made me laugh. It made me cry. More than anything, it made my conviction stronger, my desire to write a book even deeper. I was blessed enough to have readers who genuinely encouraged me. I was blessed enough to realize who was actually engaging only in social desirability. Above all, I was blessed enough to have met some angels along the way who have enriched my soul in many ways. Some have stayed. Some have left. And some forgotten.

Today, I stand at another crossroad; one that I had never envisioned I would be at. Rather, one that I had hoped I would never come to stand at. And yet, I have. To continue blogging or not. I have realized over the last few weeks that what I had been seeking has already been attained in many ways. Once a white shirt is washed, bleached, and starched, it cannot get any whiter and crisper than that. That's how my soul feels right now. Blogging has changed my life in many ways. And yet, there is no deeper fulfillment as I continue blogging today.

I would like to leave this world and choose another path for myself while the positive energy still remains so that the sweet memories linger on for days to come. Sometimes, I wonder if I should return with another profile and another name. Sadly, if I did that, I would only be fooling myself. What's in a name? The soul and spirit remains the same.

Comfortably numb, as I write this post. I do not know if it is impulsive. I have been thinking about it for the past few days on a very subconscious level. Today, I decided that if I did not choose another path soon, it would only get harder for me. Do not ask me what my new path is. I have no clue myself. I can only say this...if in walking away from this world, I realize that this decision was a wrong one, I will not hesitate in returning.

All my dear friends, the ones who care, and the ones who think they care..I am much into closure. I hate rejection. I hate abandonment. So I would like to reiterate again, that in no way, is this a reflection of what we have shared together. It is only a choice that I make for myself. I am right here in my physical being in the same world as you live. I will visit you every so often and I will remember you even more than that. You all have been good to me. While I personally cannot thank each one of you, do know that we all learn from each other, either in grand or in simple ways. I wish you all the best of luck. Life moves on. So shall we.

Yours lovingly,
Solitaire