Crossroads

Every so often, on the path of life, we come across crossroads which lead to several paths. This creates dilemmas within us. Questions arise. We wonder. We think, ruminate, ponder, fret, despair, consult, and finally take a decision and walk ahead on the path that we choose in that particular moment. Miles later, we may realize that it was the wrong path. We come to a decision making point again. Do I turn back? Or do I walk ahead looking for fresher pastures and hoping that what lies ahead is what I will grow to like and want.

When we all decided to blog at whatever points in our lives, we pretty much made an active decision at a crossroad. We decided whether we should blog or not. And then some of us started like there was no end to it, while some abandoned it at another point, and some never took off. When I decided to blog, it was out of sheer boredom. Writing was always a passion. Writing for people never occurred to me, though.

It served as a medium for me to connect to other people. It normalized my conflicts. It validated my emotions. It made me laugh. It made me cry. More than anything, it made my conviction stronger, my desire to write a book even deeper. I was blessed enough to have readers who genuinely encouraged me. I was blessed enough to realize who was actually engaging only in social desirability. Above all, I was blessed enough to have met some angels along the way who have enriched my soul in many ways. Some have stayed. Some have left. And some forgotten.

Today, I stand at another crossroad; one that I had never envisioned I would be at. Rather, one that I had hoped I would never come to stand at. And yet, I have. To continue blogging or not. I have realized over the last few weeks that what I had been seeking has already been attained in many ways. Once a white shirt is washed, bleached, and starched, it cannot get any whiter and crisper than that. That's how my soul feels right now. Blogging has changed my life in many ways. And yet, there is no deeper fulfillment as I continue blogging today.

I would like to leave this world and choose another path for myself while the positive energy still remains so that the sweet memories linger on for days to come. Sometimes, I wonder if I should return with another profile and another name. Sadly, if I did that, I would only be fooling myself. What's in a name? The soul and spirit remains the same.

Comfortably numb, as I write this post. I do not know if it is impulsive. I have been thinking about it for the past few days on a very subconscious level. Today, I decided that if I did not choose another path soon, it would only get harder for me. Do not ask me what my new path is. I have no clue myself. I can only say this...if in walking away from this world, I realize that this decision was a wrong one, I will not hesitate in returning.

All my dear friends, the ones who care, and the ones who think they care..I am much into closure. I hate rejection. I hate abandonment. So I would like to reiterate again, that in no way, is this a reflection of what we have shared together. It is only a choice that I make for myself. I am right here in my physical being in the same world as you live. I will visit you every so often and I will remember you even more than that. You all have been good to me. While I personally cannot thank each one of you, do know that we all learn from each other, either in grand or in simple ways. I wish you all the best of luck. Life moves on. So shall we.

Yours lovingly,
Solitaire

I love Play Doh

Have you ever played with Play Doh? Not as a child but more recently? Which color do you prefer? What shapes do you like to make? How soft do you like it to be? Do you hammer it, pull it, stretch it, pound it, or roll it? How long do you hold on to it? How does it smell? Do you like your fingers sinking into it?

Precisely, do you like Play Doh? And why?

Aaaaah what again? Not played with play doh ever? You are lying! Why, you ask?

Let me tell you why. I think you are lying because I see YOU as play doh yourself. Not weird, at all. Picture this. The hand that pounds and stretches the play doh is LIFE that stretches you thin with its problems. At first you resist. You remain hard. Then gradually you learn your ways through it. You become flexible and malleable, something that easily adapts, and does not appear uncomfortable.

Doesn't life hammer us with problems forcing us to become stronger? Doesn't life roll us over with its incessant running around? Doesn't life pull at us, forcing us to make certain decisions, tugging us in all possible conflicting directions? Doesn't life poke us, prick us, and abuse us sometimes? And yet we sail along. Some of us take a bit longer, and some of us sometimes don't (like the play doh that has been left out too long to dry). But the truth is that most of us do.

We hear ourselves or others saying, "I am never going to fall in love again" after one heartbreak. And yet, after some time, we realize it was a phase.

A very dependent girl married into an abusive home may never think that she would be able to survive on her own, and yet when she chooses to leave her husband's home for her own safety, she has adapted to life and is able to make the right choices.

A young girl enjoying her teens and dreaming about crushes may never in her nightmares imagine that she would get cancer, and yet when she does, she bears with the unusual circumstances of being in a hospital day in day out rather than attending proms and parties.

So you see. Never underestimate your power. If you feel that life is hard and that its knuckles may break your bones, think once again. Maybe they will, but the fractures will heal and you will be up and running before you know it. Keep that chin up. You are adaptable and now you know it.