Single No More-II

Since that post created a lot of hot debate and healthy discussions, I decided to do an informal survey by asking friends and acquaintances of Indian origin, if they would marry a divorcee or a widow. And here are some of the answers I got. Also included are some statements that I have heard in the past.

1) No way..used maal!

2) I don't know. I would have to ask my mother.

3) No. (no explanations given)

4) I don't know but maybe I would.

5) No because I do not want to marry someone who has wanted someone else to change in the past and did not want to change herself for the marriage.

6) No. My parents' heads will hang in shame.

7) I would but my parents would abandon me and I would not be able to live with that.

8) Yes. If I love her as much as I love my present girlfriend, I would.

9) If I love her, it would not matter.

10) I would. Yes she carries a baggage of a failed marriage but if i think i can help her carry it and handle it with her ... i think there is nothing wrong.

I will add more comments as and when I get them but I suspect that people might even fear me when I ask that question if they have already read this blog. I am glad that the ones above were open and frank enough to give me their honest opinion. But the results are very disturbing (barring a few ones that are encouraging). Most of these people are not even 28 yet. And we say "India is changing"!

Another twist to this. Today I was reprimanded for asking this question. I was told by a 22-year-old today that it is people like me who create these categories between single and divorced/widowed individuals by asking people such questions. Talk about projection!

P.S: Readers are also welcome to participate in this survey by asking around. I will be glad to include the responses here.

Single No More..

This blog is dedicated to all those beautiful people out there who are divorced or widowed.

Over the past few years, I have encountered more and more people who were married once, but not anymore. More divorcees than widows or widowers. Some single and happy, some single and lonely, and some isolated, not by choice. Some regret their decision and some feel lost and wonder what to do.

Over the past few years, I have encountered more and more young people who were never married but are considering marriage. And yet, will never consider marrying a divorcee or widower/widow. Why? Some reasons are attributed to the others such as, "My parents would never allow it" while some reasons are atrocious such as, "They have their own community". I understand that it is hard for Indian parents to digest such open-mindedness because they come from times when divorces were not prevalent. They have their own "community"? What does that mean?

Clearly, they are labeled. Labeled as flawed. Labeled as outcasts in the marriage market. Labeled as unacceptable. Fit to be in a community with other flawed people.

I say damn right they belong to another community. And I say damn right they should marry only other divorcees or widows/widowers. They belong to a community of people who have ridden emotional roller coasters, who have gone through hell, who have suffered a lot at a young age, and someone who has never married before will perhaps not understand what they have gone through.

Divorcees and widows/widowers are not in the phase of life they are in as a matter of choice. They did not enjoy it. And they clearly do not deserve this treatment.