Gay and Happy?

You are a heterosexual man. In other words, you are straight. Your sexual preference is the opposite gender. You prefer a female partner.

Now here is the twist. You are a heterosexual in a homosexual world. Everyone around you has same sex partners. Amongst your school, college, and work friends, no other person prefers someone of the opposite gender. You are committed to a woman and she lives at home with you. But no one knows about it. Sometimes people tease you about the way you walk and talk and make jokes about your sexuality. You just bear it all and hide it quite well.

While driving to work, you turn on the radio and listen to George Michael croon about his boyfriend. You change channels and find the same song playing. It is on the top 5 that week. Sadly, you turn the radio off and play the CD in your player that has the very few opposite sex partner songs in the market. Billboards and commercials talk about proposing to your same-sex partner on 08.08.08. You are unhappy because you know you can never get married to your love because society looks down upon it. You are furious when a billboard advertises shared insurance rights only when living with a same-sex partner.

At work, people ask you what you did over the weekend. You quickly say "nothing", when people begin to share their experiences with you. How can you tell them that you went to a "straight bar"? When using the restroom, you overhear people outside talking about you in a hushed manner.

Do you think he is straight?
Oh no. I hope not.
Ya I heard that's why he never invites us to his place. He lives with a woman.
Oh my god. He seemed like such a nice guy.
Ya. Too bad, isn't it?

You do not know what to do. You are sad. Unhappy. You do not how long you can hide it from the world. You feel judged because of your sexual preference. You do not know how to face your adoptive mothers. You tried therapy in the past to change your sexuality but it did not work. Now you do not know where to go to.

This is how a gay/lesbian feels in a heterosexual world everyday.

Drowning In A Swimming Pool

This post is related to a lot of different posts that I have seen going around lately about how things are getting mean on blogosphere, how people are being rude, arrogant, immature, judgmental, and how people are shocked about that! Some disappointed, some angry, some disillusioned, and some helpless.

Come on now! Are you really shocked? This is blogosphere, no doubt. A virtual world. Did you expect this to be paradise? A refreshing respite from the bitterness and the politics that exist in the real world? Did you expect to form life-making friendships here in an effort to escape the hard work that we need to put in to maintain relationships face-to-face? But we do not really have virtual people and characters created only for blogosphere by E-Blogger, do we? The people who make this blogosphere are real people. Feelings are going to be projected onto this world. More so, I would believe, because it is easy to say what you want here. You type, delete, rephrase, edit, feel happy, click, post! Voila!!

It is not so easy to do that in real life. Once the words pop out of your mouth, its over! There is no looking back. Sometimes people think hard before they talk, for the very same reason. Therefore, many conflicts in real life are avoided and suppressed. However, when typing, its easier (well lets say, at least for me it is). We often may not be aware of how the other person might react. We have no fear of facing punches in our belly or suffering from black eyes. And we think, "If they feel bad, too bad." because you do not have to be in their face all day. With the touch of a button, you will ignore them! Click!

Think about it. Blogosphere is like a swimming pool compared to the big oceans out there. Its a part. Do not make it a whole. If you find yourself drowning, do not pull someone else in with you. If you find yourself scrambling for the floor beneath you, be calm, and glide over to the shallow end. I am sure you know swimming. Otherwise you would not have jumped into the pool to begin with. And if you jumped in for the sake of learning, stay at the shallow end please!! There are no lifeguards here. Someone might come to your aid, or they might not. We all have to look out for ourselves.

Let's play it easy.

A whole new world!

When we were born, we curled up our toes, made cute little fists, and cried our hearts out. We were vulnerable. We felt insecure. We were no longer in the warmth of our mother's womb. We were born into a whole new world. When our mother held us, we sensed comfort again. It was familiar. Her familiar touch.

Today as adults, we are no different. When we come home from work, school, or wherever, we curl into our blankets and turn our laptops on. We feel insecure in the loneliness of our small apartments. It is not a whole new world and yet a sense of something amiss. And then, with the touch of a button, we walk into our safe world. We talk to friends online, some who we have never met, some who live across the street and yet greet us only on the messenger, and some who truly live far away. We build new connections, we try and revive old connections, and we take some connections for granted.

The internet has introduced to us a whole new virtual world. In this world, we write, we cry, we smile, we buzz, we fake expressions, we swear, and we make funny sounds. Ironical that we feel safe in the company of those we have never met, that we form illusions about these people, and we think about these virtual people even when walking in the real world.

There are more and more people walking into this whole new world each day leaving behind the real world that is out there..at least for a few hours. What is missing in the real world that we find the virtual world more interesting? Is the unknown more attractive or does facing people threaten us?

If we can get so addicted to this new world, are we capable of being addicted to the real world and living life to the fullest? What is your opinion, my unattached online friends?

It does not matter...

Yesterday, my client walked in and reported he was suicidal. Told me that he would give me no guarantee that he would not act on it. I had to do my intervention. The right one. There would be no second chances or trials here. After 45 minutes, though not very convinced, I was convinced enough that he would not do anything to himself. At least not that day. He promised to return the next morning to see me.

Today, my client did not show for his appointment, did not return my calls nor my emails. Not in the morning, not in the afternoon. And I panicked. Rightly so. I was not sure if my client was dead or alive.

And at that time, some things just did not matter.

It did not matter that I have put on weight.
It did not matter that I need a haircut.
It did not matter that my back hurts chronically.
It did not matter that my bank account is dwindling.
It did not matter that I dont have a new dress to wear on my birthday.
It did not matter that it took me an hour to drive to work today.
It did not matter my friend is hen-pecked.
It did not matter that my friends ganged up on me.
It did not matter that my friend broke my trust.
It did not matter that I got a B in an easy class.
It did not matter that I live in a boring city.
It did not matter that I dont like my car.
It did not matter that gas prices are so high.
It did not matter that I am going to miss my best friend's wedding.
It did not matter that it was so cold today.
It did not matter..did not matter at all.

All that mattered was my client's life, his safety, his well-being. All that mattered was human life.

My client called late that day. Reported he was alright, that he had only been so tired that he had slept through the day. That mattered. That phone call mattered.