Any presents? Anyone?

We often hear things like..

"Live in the present. Not the past."
"Learn from your past and move on."
"Forgive and forget."
"The present is a gift."

What great words. Great ideology. Great philosophy. Awesome consolation. Words of wisdom. No, really.

But hey, how many times are we constantly reminded of the past even when we want to move on?

A girl married at the age of 22, naive, gullible, and innocent, divorced later, may constantly be reminded of her "one mistake" when she attempts to find a partner again, a mammoth task for those who live in conservative cultures.

A woman who has had an abortion for practical reasons may be told later when she indeed wants to embrace motherhood that her chances of conceiving are now close to minimal due to that one abortion.

A teenager, drunk at a club, involved in a fight, may have charges of misdemeanor placed against him and will continue to face issues when trying to find employment even at 40 after years and years of a dry spell.

A man who has unprotected sex with his partner just this one time realizes that he now has the HIV and will never be able to lead a normal life again.

Rash driving, road antics, cheap thrills causing someone to fall off their motorbike, hitting their head on the pavement, losing consciousness, and perhaps mobility for the rest of their life.

Sometimes, try as we might, we may want to learn from our mistakes. The question is will we ever be able to? Sometimes, try as we might, we may want to undo just that one moment. The question is can we do that? Will we be punished for the rest of our lives only to hear over and over again.....what we always do. Those golden words of wisdom.

NOW!

Yesterday, the weather was perfect. The skies were blue, the waters green, the sun shone bright, and a cool breeze blew. Yes, it did seem picture-perfect as I enjoyed every minute of my lazy afternoon watching little children jump joyously, splashing water at each other in the lake. Nearby, their parents watched them lovingly, enjoying a beer or two, and basking in the sun, wearing the bare minimums. Couples held hands and kissed in the water while I sat there on the grass with a smile on my lips, thanking God for a wonderful day.

And then it happened. On my way back home, I began to dread Monday. Monday blues are something that we all commonly experience at some point in our lives, whether or not we love our jobs or whatever else we do for a living. I began to groan in my head at the thought of waking up to a shrill alarm clock at 7:20 am, dressing up to go to work, juggling my way through horrible traffic, and going through boring training seminars for half the day. For dinner, I stopped by at my favorite cafe to eat a healthy sandwich and enjoyed it thoroughly as I bit into the greens smothered with feta cheese and a mediterranean dressing. The moment I set foot into my car, my Monday blues returned.

I came back home and turned on the TV, a luxury that I have now begun to afford after my school days. And yet, I could not focus. I kept glancing at the clock, wishing bedtime never came. However, as hard as I tried, I was unable to change my destiny. The clock did strike midnight. My eyes did get droopy. I did fall asleep. And I did get up on time to go to work today.

As I write this post, another Monday has passed by. I now await the weekend and am counting my days till Friday. But then I wonder, what is the point? In waiting for the Friday, I am losing out on all the experiences of joy that I could have encountered today or might tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that too.

In waiting for the future, am I spoiling my present? Did I miss out on experiencing the full joy of hearing from someone I had not in ten years today? Did I miss out smiling genuinely when the cashier at the gas station told me that I looked beautiful today? Did I miss out on the great sunset while driving back home on Sunday evening?

Some of us are truly living in the future with the hope of making it better without realizing that in doing so, we are losing out the opportunity of enjoying an already good present. We have to live in the NOW. Not in the THEN. They don't say "tomorrow never comes" without a reason.

Happy Birthday Mommy !

No it is not my mother's birthday today, and not in the next 6 months either. This blog has been born out of the question that people have been asking me very recently, "What plans for your birthday?"

Honestly, I usually make a big deal out of my birthday. I always have something planned out (at the expense of others) and await that morning with great eagerness, my materialistic spirit very evident in my gawking eyes, hunting for wrapped presents. This year, I have nothing planned. Maybe its my graying brain cells or the dwindling bank account. And I have no morose about it. However, my heart ached when my mom (hundreds of miles away) told me on yahoo messenger, "I will call you on your birthday."

And then I began thinking about how selfish I have been all these years. As I have counted the number of days to December 26 each year, making demands to my mom for presents, of things I wanted to eat that day, and making her pay for my parties, I never once thought about how she must have felt on that day so many years ago. The day her first child was born. It must truly have been a joyous moment, a wonderful experience, taking her first step into motherhood holding a 5 lb 6 oz baby in her arms. I have often heard people say that the happiest moment of their lives has been the time their babies were born. Surely then, December 26th must then have been the happiest day in my mother's life.

So this year, I will send my mother a present for my birthday. This year, I will celebrate her joy. This year, I will thank her for bringing me into this world.

All I want for Christmas..!!

Christmas is 18 days away.

I walk into the malls and smell the unfamiliar scent of money pouring out of wallets, pockets, and purses into cash registers.

I see the same old lanky man standing out in the cold for 8 hours ringing his bell without any enthusiasm, attracting mere glances.

I hear the festive music that fails to escape my attention even while driving, in the gas station, and in grocery stores.

I see people hurrying and scurrying, some with coupons and catalogues, and some with blank tired faces.

And I wonder..I wonder if these people dread buying so many presents or whether they truly are intentionally shopping for the 5-second smile on their loved ones' faces. I wonder how many people will get what they want and how many people will pretend to have gotten what they wanted. I wonder how many letters have been mailed to Santa and how many children will be happy with Santa this Christmas.

And I wonder.....what do people really want? Ipods, Massage Chairs, Wiis, Coach Handbags, Diamond Rings....or contentment with life?

For a second, imagine that Santa does exist and will fulfil your wish this year. What would you ask for? ALL YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS??

Creating history

I have often heard young children say when asked what they want to grow old to be, "I want to be famous".

Today, my professor, colleagues and I chatted about our heritage; where we all came from, what values we shared, what our ancestors were like, and how our lives had molded up till this point. And as I rattled off my story beginning from the time my grandparents married, I was surprised at myself. Never had I given that part of my history so much thought. It was all taken for granted. Very matter of fact. Just something that had happened and was over and gone. And yet, today I felt this strange emotion, a lump in my throat, and a sense of panic. I panicked that I did not know enough and that it was too late now to discover more.

We may not be world renowned. But one day, our grandchildren will be talking about us and the impact our life decisions had on them the way I talked about my grandparents today. And then we will be famous and a part of their history. Today, for a change, I focused on my present and not on my future. It is my present that will be history tomorrow. The future will one day be my present and that is when I will worry about it.

Thanks, and live in the present to make a wonderful past for those in the future.