Trips, Pain, Smiles, Birthdays, and Anticipation

Hello Everyone! Hope you are doing well. I did get many of your emails after I left blogger...some unhappy, some hopeful, some angry, and some wishing me well. Thank you all for your heart-felt words. They mean a lot to me...truly. I may not be around in person but I am definitely around in spirit. I often wonder what you are doing, how your blogs are going, and what must have transpired in your lives. I wonder if you do the same about me too. And if so, here is a small update for those who really care.

In the past few weeks, a lot has transpired in my life. Some events were planned while some decided to surprise me. For beginners, I took several trips. One to Las Vegas, one to Malaysia, one to Thailand, and am currently in Singapore. Las Vegas was great, and surprisingly, eye-opening to me in many ways. I discovered personal things about myself that I had no way of knowing prior to this trip. That was not all. I also developed some sort of a neuroma after I returned from the trip which could have been caused by wearing heels and trotting along like a model all day long for 4 days in Vegas.

What's a neuroma? The doctor said its a kind of a tumor caused by the nerves. As of now, it is not clear to the doctors what the problem is. I was frustrated. But more than that, I was in pain. I could not walk and when I did, I cringed, and often cried. What did the doctors do? They injected me in my foot with steroids. I am a thousand times better now. I can walk. I cannot run, though. I am still confused about the problem too. And I have no idea of when I will find the solution.

Today is the 6th day of my vacation in Singapore. I am smiling. I love this city. I always have..for years together. What I am smiling about is the fact that I met several of my family members this trip who I had not seen for a decade. I find that I still love them. I find that we still connect. And I find that their presence still fills my heart with warmth.

Now let's come to the selfish part. I have missed you...some more than the others. Now that my birthday is only 2 days away, I find that I miss you all even more. I remember my birthday post last year and I remember how your warm wishes came in and wish the same for myself this year. I also take this opportunity to wish Kanan and Ceedy a happy birthday for I know that their birthday is around the corner too. And yes, MERRY CHRISTMAS!

I have saved the best for the last. There is a book coming out on the 4th of January. I hope and anticipate that nothing untoward will happen at the last minute. I wanted to share the good news with all of you on the d-day but cannot contain my excitement anymore!! Its not MY book. However, its a beginning. One of my stories features in that book. I will keep you all posted more about it as the time approaches. Looking forward for your support and thanking you all a zillion times for your strong words of encouragement all along my journey. You are my inspiration!

GOD BLESS YOU ALL!

Happy Birthday!

The day you were born, I was very excited. And yet skeptical. Would I be able to manage you? Would I be able to handle you with care? Would I be able to do justice to you? Would people accept you for who you are? Would you be loved?

And most importantly, would I be happy?

Today....as I celebrate your birthday, I can firmly say that I am proud of you. And thankful to everyone who has been a part of you; to all those who have played a big role in making you who you are.

Happy Birthday Psychobabble!!

P.S: Birthday dedications are being accepted.

A Happy Day..A Happy Birthday!

People say birthdays are about cakes, presents, and parties. I say partially true! I say birthdays are also about friends and about knowing who really cares. They are also about growing older, and hopefully wiser.

Yesterday, was one of those days for me. The day that comes once a year, and makes me wait all year for it. But yesterday was not an ordinary birthday for me. It was a revealing birthday, quite an introspective one. For the first time in XX years, I did not get a birthday present wrapped in colorful paper, with a cute little bow on it. Neither did I get any flowers that would make my jaw drop with awe and my eyes cry like a beauty contest winner. And yet, I remained unperturbed and experienced no shame in answering people when they asked me what I got for my birthday, much to my surprise.

When people asked me what I was doing or what big plans I had, my answer was "walking around in the malls and shopping". I could sense the disguised disappointment in some voices while some appeared nonchalant, unsuccessfully. And yet, I experienced no embarassment. In fact, I was amused. How could this be for I have always made a huge deal out of my birthdays!?

And then I realized that when I was being materialistic in the past, there was something amiss in my life, or so I thought. I had certain expectations of how a birthday "should" be, and how people around me celebrate their birthdays. In a futile attempt to fill that void, I pledged to have "happening" birthdays and wished for expensive presents that I could display with a smug demeanor. But yesterday, I was content. I was content with what I have in life, and content with what is to follow. Expensive presents, fancy restaurants, or apple-picking and wine-tasting activities would not have added to the joy (as it would have last year, and the year before that, and as far behind as I can remember).

Yesterday, I probably realized that I had grown wiser. I had no need to boast of the red silk top that I bought from New York and Company (which I did not) or the Christmas tree that I decorated (which I did not), or the number of birthday wishes I got on orkut within a couple hours of my birthday starting. I had no need to boast about how I am capable of winning the Miss Popularity contest. I had no need to show anything off to people who dont really care.

I was secure being who I am. I knew that the people who had my phone number and actually bothered to call or text message me, truly cared. I knew that the people who did not have my phone number, and actually bothered to write me an email, truly cared. I knew that my blogger friends, who had no access to any reminders, and sent me birthday messages, truly cared. I knew that I was loved. I knew then that my birthday was an eye-opener.

Happy Birthday Mommy !

No it is not my mother's birthday today, and not in the next 6 months either. This blog has been born out of the question that people have been asking me very recently, "What plans for your birthday?"

Honestly, I usually make a big deal out of my birthday. I always have something planned out (at the expense of others) and await that morning with great eagerness, my materialistic spirit very evident in my gawking eyes, hunting for wrapped presents. This year, I have nothing planned. Maybe its my graying brain cells or the dwindling bank account. And I have no morose about it. However, my heart ached when my mom (hundreds of miles away) told me on yahoo messenger, "I will call you on your birthday."

And then I began thinking about how selfish I have been all these years. As I have counted the number of days to December 26 each year, making demands to my mom for presents, of things I wanted to eat that day, and making her pay for my parties, I never once thought about how she must have felt on that day so many years ago. The day her first child was born. It must truly have been a joyous moment, a wonderful experience, taking her first step into motherhood holding a 5 lb 6 oz baby in her arms. I have often heard people say that the happiest moment of their lives has been the time their babies were born. Surely then, December 26th must then have been the happiest day in my mother's life.

So this year, I will send my mother a present for my birthday. This year, I will celebrate her joy. This year, I will thank her for bringing me into this world.