What's Love Got To Do With It?

Picture this.

1. You get a call from your colleague. The one you sit next to all day and exchange a few pleasantries with every morning. He wants to go out with you...yet again. You call your girlfriend and say, "Honey. I have to go out with a friend. Will call you when I get back." She says ok, with a dejected voice and awaits your phone call all night. You come back from a guys' night out, tired and drunk and fall asleep. She sleeps with the phone next to her pillow.

2. Your friends invite themselves over for your birthday. Panicky, you ask your mother to cook up some nice grub. She does. She slogs in the kitchen for two hours so that your birthday party is a success. When your friends come over, you take them to your room, have a gala time, hoping that your mother does not disturb you. When she does come to interact, you say, "MAaaaaaaaaaa" in an embarrassed fashion. She excuses herself and you get the entire evening to yourself and your friends.

As far as I know, all those who read me, have loved ones. Some love their partner to death, some their parents, and some can devote an entire lifetime to a friend. And yet, we sometimes choose to be nice to those who do not really matter and shun those we profess to be most important to us.

Why is having an old grandmother who cannot speak English embarrassing? Why is dejecting a partner okay to do but not okay to say no to a colleague, neighbor, or casual friend? Why do we take for granted those who have been there for us but seek out the attention of those who never have and probably never will? Do we like challenges or does familiarity breed contempt? Are our priorities messed up or do we like being in control?

There are many souls out there who are loveless in life. So please. Cherish those who have chosen to love you and you have chosen to love back. Your colleague may not be in your life 10 years from now but your loved one most likely will be. Remember, just because someone loves you, it does not mean that you can treat them anyway you want.

Which half are you?

They call a spouse the "better half". That means that the two halves are making a one. Sometimes that one piece does not look right. Just like gaudy plastic violet roses in a crystal vase, or salsa over spaghetti, or diesel in a Mustang. Result: chaos, breakdown, misfit, and so on.

So when we come together with our soulmates and unify in a romantic relationship, it is not always what you may dream of or expect it to be. Salsa goes well with chips. Spaghetti goes well with marinara sauce. But salsa with spaghetti is a very unusual combination. Such unusual combinations are also found in relationships, often discovered late by those experiencing them and ignored by those observing them.

This post is dedicated to all my questioning friends. Those who recently got out of bitter or not-so-bitter-yet relationships and are questioning fate. Maybe you were the crystal vase in the relationship; beautiful, precious, and containing. You held on to the pink gaudy roses no matter how ugly they looked in you, just because you liked the feeling of holding them. But if those flowers have left you for another vase, don't fret. More flowers will come your way. Pretty flowers, precious flowers, and REAL flowers.

Sometimes what we think is best for us may not be best for us. And if they go, let them go. Only if the vase is empty, can it make way for the best. Keep shining. This phase too shall pass!

Double Cheese Burger or Diet Coke?

People who are single wish they were double (no pun intended) and that they had someone to live their life with.
People who are double wish that they had the freedom and independence that they lost when they chose not to be single anymore.
People who are stuck, neither single nor double, are frustrated with sitting on the fence.

And the people in each category think that the people in the other category are the luckiest.

The single woman feels that she would rather be unhappy with someone next to her rather than be unhappy alone.

The married woman feels that she wished she had never married this man/family or married at all.

The "committed" woman anxiously awaits the day that she will be married but at the same time struggles to keep her relationship going.

So which situation is the best? In my opinion, they all are either the best or the worst, depending on how you view it. As children, some loved school and some didn't. Some loved chocolates and some did not. Some loved playing indoors and some did not. As adults, some love movies and some don't. Some love cooking and some don't. Likewise, some love to be independent and some don't. That does not make one better than the other. However, relationships and marriages are bonds that are difficult to break. Not only are they legally and morally binding but also emotionally intense. So if you are unhappy about your relationship status, do not compare. We never know what's going on in other people's lives. What situation seems the best for you may be the worst for them and vice versa. All that we can do when unhappy is to try our best to change the situation. And if you cannot, so be it. Exasperation will worsen your situation. So stay put and wait for fate to make its turn!

Thanks, and be patient. What is meant to be will happen!

The Fear Factor

How many things are we missing out on because of our fear?

Some people fear the roller coasters..I think I love them so much that I was born on them.
I get asked, "HOW CAN YOU?" all the time!!
My logic is..We are well tied, well secured, I dont have a heart problem (yet) to get a heart attack, there are other people with me, this roller coaster has been used fo years, so on and so forth!
And after all, how many more people die in automobile crashes as compared to roller coasters? Do we stop driving automobiles?

Likewise, test anxiety. How many of us had upset stomachs prior to a test or blanked out during a test. Only because we fear that we might fail, do bad, or not get the usual A. But do we realize that we work ourselves up to such an extent that we don't remember what we actually learned? Ya maybe we could fail. But how about thinking about it after the fact as opposed to before the fact? Fear controls us. And we allow it to be an obstacle.

And then comes my favorite, RELATIONSHIPS. I have heard people saying that they do not care to have a romantic relationship after they have failed in one. Because they are afraid that it might happen again, fearful that they will be hurt again. Some people fail to trust after being cheated on. Normal reactions. Understandable emotions. But yet, we allow fear to decide the course of our lives. How about giving it a shot? Maybe we will be hurt. But what does not kill us only makes us stronger right?

Thanks, and let's be brave.

Distance makes the heart grow fonder?

No..I am not talking about long distance relationships at all.

I am talking about the long distance relationships that we create in our small world when our relationships are within a minute or within a mile radius.

Let's shoot some real life examples (unfortunately from my life!).

Using IM to talk to your roommate in the next room.

"Hey, what's for dinner?"

Using IM to talk to your colleague in the next cubicle or cabin.

"Hey, are you going out to lunch today?"

Using SMS to message your classmate in the same class.

"Hey wanna grab some coffee in the study lounge during break?"

Calling your neighbor who lives 2 buildings away to ask him how his day was.

"Hey how was your day? No sorry, I can't come over. I am lazy"

What would it cost us to walk a few footsteps to make some eye-to-eye contact, show some facial expressions, smile to make someone's day, or maybe just stretch our own lazy muscles? I am sure that your precious smile or warm voice will be more appreciated than an audible that giggles or screeches, or an emoticon that twists the smiley's cheek bones to create an expression any human might not be able to without distorting some muscles.

We all grimace and dread long distance romantic relationships. We assume that these end at some point without meeting any success. But while we do that, we often forget that we our creating our very own long distance relationships with our roommates, friends, colleagues, neighbors, so on and so forth.

Go ahead and turn off our computer or your cellphone today for people within a mile's radius. Or use it only to inform people that you are going over. (The people who will welcome it, that is.)Walk a few steps and share some human contact with those who are willing to do so the same. Bring back what used to be when these gadgets were not in existence: a sense of connectedness and harmony.

Thanks, and walk just a few footsteps today to talk to your friend. It may be worth it!

Speed Limits and Expiry Dates

What's the speed limit for automobiles in a school zone?

20 miles per hour.

What's the speed limit for trucks on an interstate highway?

55 miles per hour.

What's the speed limit in a relationship?

Unknown.

I wish that relationships also came with a rules and regulations booklet. How fast should you divulge about yourself to a stranger, to an acquaintance, a friend, or a new found romantic partner? When should you yield? And when should you stop and look before going ahead? When should you brake? And when should you go slow? What happens in an accident? And who brings the gas to you when you are low on energy? Above all, what happens when you are driving your relationship under the influence of a substance called infatuation? Who gives you a ticket and how do you pay the price? Above all, how do you develop your driving skills?

I wish that they also came with expiry dates. Sometimes, we attempt to relish the relationship long after its expiry date. Consequence: Ill (mental) health and uneasiness. What do we do with a rotten apple? I wish we could do the same with relationships and forget about it. Unfortunately, the stench of the rot remains in our minds for long periods, sometimes even permanently.

Relationships..sometimes treated as casual as a product available in the market and yet so profoundly affect us in some way or the other. I wish there was a manual to follow. We all sometimes do.

Thanks, and follow the speed limit and do not disregard the expiry dates. They are both there for a reason!