Bad Women Drivers?

I recently saw SEX and the CITY..twice! Needless to say, I loved it. The first time I went with a few girlfriends. The second time I coaxed a guy friend to come with me. He agreed...reluctantly. On the D-day, he called me and said, "Will I be the only guy there?". I could almost feel him breaking out in a sweat. I laughed and said, "No. There will be many other guys there who may have come to look at the beautiful audience, if not the movie." I knew he was not assured but he decided to be nice and come anyway. Right before the movie began, his friend called and asked him what he was doing. Quite embarrassed, he told him where he was. His friend chuckled and said, "Tum ladkiyon wala kaam karo. Kal baat karte hai". (You do what's meant for women. We will talk tomorrow).

I was irritated at his friend. My friend was irritated at me. I decided to keep mum but the train of thoughts continued. Why? Why is there an assumption that men will not like the movie? When I told my friend about the several husbands who have stated that they enjoyed the movie, he managed to grunt, "They only said that to make their wives happy". I felt like he had already assumed that he would not like the movie and felt that he was not giving it a chance!

Why do we stereotype genders so much? Why do we assume that certain behaviors are appropriate only for one gender and not the other? Why do we expect certain behaviors from one gender and not the other? And if God forbid, the opposite gender acts in a way that they are not supposed to, they are teased, poked fun at, and ridiculed until they pray for the skies to fall on them. Why?

• Why do people assume that all women are bad drivers?

• Why do people assume that all men make good engineers?

• Why are women expected to be good cooks?

• Why are men expected to be more practical and less emotional?

• Why are women expected to be less aggressive?

• Why are men forgiven for infidelity just because they are "born that way"?

These are only a few of the stereotypes that we hold in our minds when thinking about a particular gender. I am sure there are a lot more "should"s and "must"s and "have to be"s in our minds. Whether we began thinking like that because that's what we observed in the world around us, or picked it up from adults during our childhood, or saw it on TV, is altogether another issue. But I do know that we were not born with these ideas and thoughts. I also know that we do see many examples of those who do not appear to fit these stereotypes. In an effort to comfort our confused minds, we end up saying, "Oh they must be an exception" to ourselves.

Look carefully. How many women do you know who are good cooks? How many men do you know who are cheats? Are you an exception or a stereotype? Or is the exception actually the norm? And the stereotype just a silly error, a quirk, a human tendency? Do we really have to stereotype? Do we really have to attribute people with certain traits just because they are men or women? Can we not just see them as UNIQUE INDIVIDUALS? Can we not accept them the way they are?

Maybe we can...if we try harder.

Oh, and those, who still believe that women are bad drivers, you might wanna read this.

Hum Tum V

What Women Want...
Seems like there is not much confusion here even though men and women do emerge as poles apart..
This post took me more than 10 hours to compile!!

Thanks for all your input, feedback, comments!!!

HERE GOES!

She: If only men would love for love itself

He: If only women would understand that there are things in this world other than love.

(Like what? Sex?)

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She: If only men would be more patient before jumping on to the next level of a romantic relationship.

He: If only women would understand that sports, sex and beer are really the only things that guys really care about.

She: If only men would realise the depth of relationships than see it as a great past-time.

(But relationships do end up being a good past-time....you keep waiting by the phone for hours and your whole day passes in crying!)

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She: If only men would try to understand us.

He: If only women would understand men.

(If the above two happened, this post would not be here!)

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He: If only women would understand that mostly we don't understand

She: If only men would stop saying that it is in their nature to not understand.

(Then what will you fight about? Then Tu Tu Main Main would not have existed!)

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She: If men would understand that women are different - not better, not worse, just different - and let them be.

He : If only women would come with manuals or probably come out with an idiots guide to girls.

She: If only men would realize that women are actually simple and not as complicated as they think!

She: If only men would realise we are actually not very difficult to understand or for that matter please... :D

He: If only women would explain things rather than simple "hmpf!!"

She: If only men would be a little sensible.

(Is this idiot's guide good enough men?)

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He: If only women would talk less

She: If only men would actually hear and UNDERSTAND!

He: If only women would shut up and not yap

She: If only men would understand the importance of
communication and conversations

He: If women would realize that guys are not perfect but are willing to listen. :)

She: If only men would learn to listen, not just hear.

(Women, I think that even if men heard or listened, they will not DO anything about it and only turn to sports again...will you complain more then?)

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He: If only women would be women

She: If only men would realize that it's not all that easy being a woman.

He: If only women would be a man for few days

She: If only men would be a little like us!

(Imagine hairy women and pregnant men walking down the streets...what a scene!)

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He: If only women would tell us how they can cry at the drop of a hat.

She: If only men would dare to shed a tear

He: If only women would not start crying just when we are about to win an argument

She: If only men realise that women don't cry without a reason.

He: If only women be less vain and more sensible, there would be less tears to cry.

(Seems like if men start crying and women stop crying, Kleenex is going to benefit anyway!)

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She: If only men were emotionally as strong as women.

He: If only women would be less emotional.

She: If only men would have the courage of displaying their emotions!

He: If only women would understand that men are not the emotionless, heartless freaks that they are made out to be.. just because we do not say all the mushy talk expected out of us.

She: If only men would NOT BE SOO INSENSITIVE

He: If only women would understand that men are as sensitive as themselves if not more.

(They do display emotions!! Their eyes bulge out when they see a nice rounded ass, they punch the wall when their favorite sports team loses, and they swear when they lose the lottery!)

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He: If only women would understand the value of men, world would achieve peace for ever...

She: If only men would not doubt too much ... that we love them for who they are.

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He: If only women would not pretend and confess they like our chivalry.

She: If only men would stop plucking their nose , and think that farting and burping is just OK!

(Women, don't tell me you do not pluck your nose and fart EVER?!)

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He said: If only women stop cribbing/bi*ching and start living.

She said: If only men looked into our eyes than simply heard the words.

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She: If only men would understand what goes on in a girl's mind, perhaps that would solve all complications and complexities of relationships..

He: If only women would say what's in their heart rather than expect guys to understand.

She : If only men would think with their head rather than with their d***

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He: If only women keep their legs together, they could leash God!!!

She: If only men knew a woman more than what they choose to know.

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She: If only men would learn to respect EVERY WOMAN they meet.

He: If only women would realize someday.. That they are not GOD..!!!

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He: If only women would realize the importance of an india-australia cricket match

She: If only men loved greys anatomy as much as women do :)

He: If only women understand men and sports

She: If only men would understand what goes on in a girl s mind, perhaps that would solve all complications and complexities of relationships

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She: If only men wud stop being protective...life would b heaven!!

He: If only women would allow us to pamper to our fulfillment

She: If only women would come out of their perceived notions about how they must behave to b classified as a 'hunk'

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She: If only men would wax or shape eyebrows, they would appreciate women a little more

He: If only women would not care too much about how they look :)

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She: If only men would quit thinking that every female fren might be a potential girlfren.....

He: If only women try being less judgmental upon meeting any stranger!

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He: If only women would realize, a world without men would mean, lots of happy fat women.

She: If only men would see the heart that still beats for them after (say) 10yrs of marriage and not the monotony, not the thick flab..not anything else.

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He: If only women would drink beer and watch sports

She: If only women would find life around them to be as interesting as world news.

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She: If only men would not assume that the fairer counterpart is stupid and weak at Math. Dude we do brains ... and at times they work faster than yours!

He: If only women would realize that NOT every man is a perverted jerk/asshole or whatever you call.

(Men, heard about Shakuntala Devi?)

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He: If only women would carry on being the sweet angels that they can be!!

She: If only men would love us for what we are.

(Women, try it. Stop waxing. Let's see if they still think we are angels and love us!)

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Over and above all, an irate woman said
"If only men go back to Mars or let me go back to Venus!"

Another woman wishes "If men were a little taller." while another woman wishes that "men would see beyond those eyes."

(If men were taller, they would be able to look beyond the eyes, and even above the head!)

These two women want two different things...
One says, "If only men would open up than keep quiet like they missed their toilet break" but the other cannot stand them talking and says, "if only men could shutup for a moment and LISTEN, not just HEAR.

(Good luck guys!!)

All these understanding and emotional women have a consensus in saying,

"If only men were not all logic and practicality and understood us and our emotions better!"

"If only men care to express their emotions and feelings"

"If only men not be afraid to realize their emotions."

"If only men would realise that there is nothing embarrasing abt expressing/ demonstrating feelings."
(Ladies, men did express their feelings, remember!!? They said they LOVE beer and sports!)

"If only men realize the value of a hug (not the romantic one)."

(They will say that they realize the value of a sexual hug instead..sigh!)

"If only men do not run from commitment like its plaque."

"If only men would be a little less hyper and a little more decisive...."

(Of course they run from commitment and cannot decide real quick when you expect a $6000 ring from Tiffany's!)

"If only men would return appreciation."

(They do give you orgasms for cooking good food...sigh!)

"If only men would delve half as deep as we do in a relationship."

And last but not the least, these women bring the men back to earth and say,

"If only men would clean up after themselves."

(If you clean up after them, they will call you angels, though!)

"If only come out of their perceived notions about how they must behave to be classified as a 'hunk'."

"If only men would stand up for us not just in physical wars but emotional as well."

(Don't you think you are expecting too much when you want these men to switch their eyes from the TV to you, stand up for you in physical wars despite the fact they are not tall, and fight emotional wars too when their emotions are limited only to love for sports?)

Men...are you willing to give women what they want???????????

Hum Tum IV

WHAT MEN WANT! (Ladies...are you reading???)

Here's what men said they would like women to be or not be..
These are verbatim (longer comments have been edited).
If for any reason your comment is not in here, drop me another comment about it!
Enjoy!

If only women would

..understand that there are things in this world other than love

..become a mother, would teach first the love and care to exist.

..show us how a soothing touch and a warm strengthen them for any trouble

(So while one man says there are other things besides love the other wants the woman to teach others how to love and even show how to touch...hmmmmmmmmmm)

..Stop behaving like men: No Cutting Hair Short, No Smoking, No Cussing.

..be women

..be a man for few days

(So while man does not want the woman to even behave like men, the other wants her to become a man for a few days, and yet another wants women to be women (as if they are something else now?)....LOL!)

..Shut up and not yap

..Talk Less

..realize that guys are not perfect but are willing to listen. :)

(Aaah..so this means that when they ask women to shut up they are not perfect but when they don't, they are willing to listen..right?)

..understand that mostly we don't understand :P

..try understanding a lil more better than they normally do!

..Understand men

(Aila!! A few want women to be more understanding but then another openly states that MEN will not understand, though...how fair is that?)

..be less vain and more sensible, there would be less tears to cry.

..allow us to pamper to our fulfillment

..stop behaving like grown ups when they want to treated like a child

(One man wants women to be less vain and more sensible, and the other wants to pamper and treat the woman like a child...maybe women should just act like sensible children..what say?)

..only know that they are always beautiful.

..not care too much about how they look :)

..realize, a world without men would mean, lots of happy fat women.

(Are you listening gals?? STOP going to the beauty parlor. Grow a moustache, let your eyebrows look like a unibrow, show off those hairy arms and legs. They profess that women not only should not care too much about how they look but also know that they are always beautiful. Even when you are fat.)

...understand that men are not the emotionless, heartless freaks that they are made out to be.. just because we do not say all the mushy talk expected out of us.

..understand that men are as sensitive as themselves if not more.

..Be less emotional.

(Ladies, PLEASE understand that men ARE emotional and sensitive but hey...you be less emotional, ok?)

..tell us how they can cry at the drop of a hat

..not start crying just when we are about to win an argument

(Ok..who wants to tell them about how the tear glands and physiology is different in men and women? Maybe they can read it themselves here.)

..keep their legs together, they could leash God!!!

(This guy clearly knows the difference between men and women's anatomy but how does religion come into the picture?)

..complete this sentence I wouldn't have been doing it.

..come with manuals or probably come out with an idiots guide to girls.

(OMG! Did these guys just admit that they do not know how to complete a task or that men are idiots????!)

.. realize the importance of an india-australia cricket match

..understand Men and Sports

..drink beer and watch sports

..teach us how they can take on so much trouble and not bat an eyelid

(Ladies, can you please explain to the gentleman how you tolerate men and their obsession with sports without batting an eyelid?)

..understand that sports, sex and beer are really the only things that guys really care about.

..that NOT every man is a perverted jerk/asshole or whatever you call.

..understand the value of men, world would achieve peace for ever.

(WOMEN...when will you understand the value of men who value only sports, sex, and beer? Come on now..buck up!! And don't you call the men who value only sex, perverts, jerks or assholes ok????)

.. stop cribbing/bi*ching and start living.

..say what's in their heart rather than expect guys to understand.

..explain things rather than simple "hmpf!!"

..carry on being the sweet angels that they can be!!

(Let's be tactful girls. When you say what's in your heart, make sure that its not so much that it seems like you are bitching, and not as little as a hmpf but just enough to make you look like an angel and for men to understand, ok? And when you master that technique, stay that way!!!!)

..love me.

..be crazy about me.

..join my company(that too my section), i'll have better office life.

..Realize Someday.. That they are not GOD..!!!

..Live and Let Live!

(Aww the first three chaps don't realize like their other counterparts yet that women are not GOD and you don't need them to live, not at home nor at work!)

..be a trifle less, life wud be simpler.

..not pretend and confess they like our chivalry.

(What does that mean? Ooops..I am a woman and I truly cannot understand! Were you being chivalrous with your first statement?)

..try being less judgmental upon meeting any stranger!

Ok men and women..don't be too judgmental in your comments so much so that Psychobabble turns out to be a battlefield for the battle of the sexes. Remember, this is part of the Hum Tum series. Meant to be funny. You can moan, groan, sigh, roll your eyes, and engage in any nonverbal behavior you want (no violence please!) but please no expletives or name calling!

Go for it!! Muhahahahahahahahahah!

Serious Hum Tum

I poked fun at the innate differences that exist between men and women in Hum Tum I and Hum Tum II, very recently. These days a tag is making the rounds, a tag that involves writing down ten things that you hate about the opposite gender. Some people have taken it very seriously and have vented out their frustrations without paying heed to any limits, while some have been polite enough to refrain from swearing and have been diplomatic enough to express what they wanted without getting into anyone's bad books! Phew now that is a task!

Seriously, why are we so hung up on the differences between the two sexes? It is a known fact that we cannot live without each other. And even if you can, the bitter truth is that one cannot reproduce without the other. And if technology takes care of that, it is the norm that ultimately, a man will marry a woman and vice versa when they so desire (otherwise gay men and lesbian women would be well-accepted.

Men say women talk too much. Women say men never listen. Men say they do not listen because the women talk too much. Women say that because the men do not listen, they talk too much hoping that some of it is registered. Who started the cycle?

Women say men stare at their breasts while talking. Men say if they wore decent clothes they would not be distracted. Women say who are the men to tell them what to wear when men wear whatever pleases them. And if women do indeed start wearing "decent" clothes, men call them names such as "maniben" (at least in Gujjuland).

Men say women drive horribly. Women say men do not keep their eyes on the road and stare at female pedestrians.

Women say men are interested only in having sex. Men say they are born with those needs.

Men say women are too hormonal. Women say that only because of those hormones, can they give birth.

This can go on and on...It is a never-ending battle.

Is there a point to asking questions and making statements that will only make living with the opposite sex harder? Its hard to begin with....(judging from the number of posts that men and women write about how their loved ones left them in the lurch).

ACCEPTANCE and SHUTTING UP is the key.
Boys will be boys. Girls will be girls! Unless you have a sex change operation.....(that is altogether another story)......

Hum Tum-II

Alright! Enjoyed Hum Tum-I where women received some bashing and men chuckled to themselves? Then I decided to write another Hum Tum where men would feel not so wonderful and guess what? Everything serious came to my head!! Does that mean that women make a big deal out of small things and men a bigger deal out of small and big things? Or does that mean that some arguments are frivolous and can be resolved through humor but that some differences between men and women are so stark that they might actually cause serious rifts in the relationship?

Warning: This MIGHT make you smile but it will make you angry too!

SCENE ONE:

He: Who is that guy?
She: Oh he is my best pal Rakesh. Remember I told you about him?
He: I think he likes you.
She: HUH?
He: Yeah I can tell from the way he talks to you.
She: But he knows I have a boyfriend.
He: It does not matter. I know men. I tell ya!
She: Haha. You are crazy.
He: I don't want you talking to him.
She: I can't stop talking to him.
He: FINE!

She is upset. He is angry. Rakesh is oblivious.

SCENE TWO.

He: I am sorry I cannot make it to the party tonight.
She: But you promised.
He: Something came up.
She: Please.
He: Work is important, you know.
She: Finish it fast.
He: NO! I cannot!!!
She: Stop being rude.
He: You do not understand, do you? Why do we have to go through this every single time?
She: Then don't do this everytime!
He: Fine! I will come if that's all you care about.
She: No need to. (hangs up)
He: (calls again)
She: (does not answer)
He: (calls up again)
She (does not answer)
He: (After 8 hours, calls again): I am sorry.
She: That's ok.

She lets go after being miserable for 8 hours. He got his work done.

SCENE THREE:

She: Sheela had a baby last week and guess what they named the baby?
He: Uh huh.
She: Guess.
He: I don't know. You tell me.
She: Chitranjan.
He: Okay.
She: No reaction?
He: Ya. It's an odd name.
She: And guess what? Ratna told me that our boss is laying people off next week.
He: Uh huh.
She: Are you listening?
He: Not really.
She: What?
He: So what can I do if they are laying people off?
She: I am just telling you because I am worried.
He: But there is nothing I can do about it. What do you want me to do with information?

She picks up the phone to call her mother. He goes back to reading www.cnn.com

Genetics made simple

We are social animals. We are genetically programmed to affiliate, to connect, to build relationships, to love, to share.. And yet, there are some people who are conflicted about this inheritance and seek to fight it. These people are known as commitment phobes.

I wish I could get into the heads of these people. I do not condemn for being who they are. We all are a certain way due to some reason, maybe some experience, some trauma, some social learning. When we avoid something, its because its threatening to us. Like the xenophobic who avoids foreigners like plaque because they are "different" and hence, dangerous. This programming comes from our ancestors who chose to attack anything that was different in order to defend and survive.

So when commitment phobes avoid committing to one person, maybe they are threatened that they will lose their freedom, I suppose. That they will be bound and made to "obey". I know that evolutionary psychologists explain that men are born to sow their seed as widespread as possible. Sounds gross and immoral to me. I hate to believe it. But somehow I do. As a woman, I know how faithfulness and loyalty is important to me. Exactly the same way, multiple partners is important to men, maybe? That means that those men who commit are NOT the norm.

Men are social animals. They are programmed to connect and affiliate with several.
Women are social animals. They are programmed to connect and affiliate with one.
I have met many men and women who differ from the norm. What kind of a man or woman are you?

Thanks men, try and differ from the norm. Thanks women, stay the norm. That way the world will be a happier place.