You are a heterosexual man. In other words, you are straight. Your sexual preference is the opposite gender. You prefer a female partner.
Now here is the twist. You are a heterosexual in a homosexual world. Everyone around you has same sex partners. Amongst your school, college, and work friends, no other person prefers someone of the opposite gender. You are committed to a woman and she lives at home with you. But no one knows about it. Sometimes people tease you about the way you walk and talk and make jokes about your sexuality. You just bear it all and hide it quite well.
While driving to work, you turn on the radio and listen to George Michael croon about his boyfriend. You change channels and find the same song playing. It is on the top 5 that week. Sadly, you turn the radio off and play the CD in your player that has the very few opposite sex partner songs in the market. Billboards and commercials talk about proposing to your same-sex partner on 08.08.08. You are unhappy because you know you can never get married to your love because society looks down upon it. You are furious when a billboard advertises shared insurance rights only when living with a same-sex partner.
At work, people ask you what you did over the weekend. You quickly say "nothing", when people begin to share their experiences with you. How can you tell them that you went to a "straight bar"? When using the restroom, you overhear people outside talking about you in a hushed manner.
Do you think he is straight?
Oh no. I hope not.
Ya I heard that's why he never invites us to his place. He lives with a woman.
Oh my god. He seemed like such a nice guy.
Ya. Too bad, isn't it?
You do not know what to do. You are sad. Unhappy. You do not how long you can hide it from the world. You feel judged because of your sexual preference. You do not know how to face your adoptive mothers. You tried therapy in the past to change your sexuality but it did not work. Now you do not know where to go to.
This is how a gay/lesbian feels in a heterosexual world everyday.
Just My Thing
15 years ago
171 Words of Wisdom:
Thanks for the perspective! It must feel so suffocating to bear that every waking moment of your life, being judged for one's sexuality!
ya...we must be making em feel so left out rite..but we ll never know how it feels..its like unless ur blind..one never quite realizes how tht world is.
it's a complicated life. being straight, we think it's unfair. i can only imagine how difficult it must be to be gay. it's admirable. when people come out of the closet. and decide to face the world. truly admirable.
How do u know all this?
Wow that was intense.. But hopefully the world and its outlook is changing. There will always be people resistant to change, but hopefully these sticklers will one day be only in the history books
@ anu,
Yes the world is definitely changing. I do think people have come a long way from what it must have been a 100 years ago. I hope your vision comes true.
@ vrij,
How does it matter?
@ rayshma,
I admire that too. Imagine..in India where people are afraid of talking about being divorced, how it must be to come out?
hmm...i understand what you are coming to say...in school,everyone accuses each other as 'gay'...i have tried explainging to them that if a person was really a homosexual,then he would not be comfie around us...but sense fails in society....
I had to read this a couple times, to really get the full effect..
I know it is hard, my cousin has been gay for such along time and he had to hide it all the way untl he found out he was HIV positive!! he carried the burden of that for along time before he told us!!
It is hard for them, we tease them and make fun of them so to speak without knowing we are really hurting them!!
Great post Soli!
Ne
very well put.
hopefully this 'change' will be seen as 'normal' soon.
Brilliant perspective...
@ sunshine,
It must be. So many gay men and lesbian women commit suicide because we heterosexuals are proud of the sexuality we are born with and disregard all others.
@ Pavi,
Ya it is like ignorance is bliss.
@ vishesh,
Right! It is an irony that mankind is so intelligent and we abuse that and treat those different from us badly.
@ ne,
Thank you for sharing your cousin's experience. I cannot even imagine what he must have gone through all that without support from his loved ones. How is he doing now?
I wish we were more accepting of those different than us.
@ metrosexual
Thank you. I hope so too!
@ southpaw,
Thank you!
We all are in the habit of thinking in opposites..It is more of a habit.We are not much bothered about weapons of mass destruction.we are ready to accept killing for no reason...we are ready to accept betrayal as bussiness..But we cannot address a minor difference in somebody's personal needs..
it is strange..
nice thoughtful post..
MIP
Well, I dont really agree .. Those gays/lesbians have already made their presence felt in the world by some violent protests ..
I really dont like them .. It's against the nature's dignity .. This is not what nature indends for .. If pigs do'nt fo it, why do you??
a hard hitting post
true, they feel left out but I don't see a reason why they should...
See its like this...like we have men, women, why can't gays and lesbians be treated as a 'sex' or people with a particular sexual preference.Once that happens I thing much of the problem would be solved.
nice perspective.. makes one think. It is that we already have our mind set and people are not that eager to change it for the sake of anyone except themselves.
you understood them so well! so much of imagination :)
u r so right solitaire...act in a way we all r responsible for it...we all have to be more sensitive towards their sexuality n let the live the way they want to...
cheers...
true, the only way to realllly relate and understand people is to put oneself in their shoes!
What a great insight into the life of a homosexual!
But then,they choose to differ from the norms,so they need to bear the brunt as well.
@ sameera,
Its not a choice. They are born that way. Just like you and me were born heterosexual and cannot turn lesbian.
@ busy,
Yeah! Or to know one personally and shatter the myths that we build.
Wow.. this is a different perspective altogether. Hmm, to each his own I say.
Oh! Yesterday only they showed us a beautiful cuban film called "Strawberry and Chocolate".
It deals with a psyche of a homosexual guy. His rights in the society and the right to participate in the cuban revolution and how he tries to woo another man who is strictly against gays. But later with unfolding of events they both build up great friendship.
Truly psychobabble! :P only u have the creativity to write a post like this I guess! :D If I whr in such a scenario with a girl in my apartment I would be blissfully delighted! Who cares about what others say? Its the individual preference that matters!
@ Parul,
Well-said. We should live and let live.
@ Lukky,
Thanks!
I did understand them. Did you?
@ Lena,
Yes that's truly sad, isn't it?
People even disown their own children for being born homosexual.
@ Anjuli,
They ARE actually treated as the people with that "wierd sexual preference". They ARE recognized as different. And that is where the problem lies. The difference is not accepted.
@ Amrita,
Thanks!
Society has the tendency to kill when one is out of place...
I guess at the end of the day. Condemnation does not save anyone's day at all.
Interesting perspective..:)
@ Soham,
***Well, I dont really agree ..
You do not agree with what? That they are miserable?
***Those gays/lesbians have already made their presence felt in the world by some violent protests ..
Aren't hindus and muslims doing that too? Aren't all people who are oppressed doing that just because they want their voice to be heard somehow? I am not encouraging violence but I also feel that if we were more accepting of them, that kind of situation would never have come. And these people are only now coming out of the closets. They have existed for years and years.
***I really dont like them.
That's your choice. But it is not right to JUDGE someone based on what they do in their bedrooms. It is none of our business.
***.. It's against the nature's dignity ..
And it is not their fault. We cannot punish someone for something they did not do.
***If pigs do'nt fo it, why do you??
I am appalled. I have nothing more to say to you.
@ Man in Painting,
Yes. Your comment has hit home harder after reading Soham Shah's comment.
@ J,
I wish everyone thought the way you did.
@ Viswajith,
Thanks!
You know you are able to say that right now because you live in a world where a relationship between a man and a woman is considered "normal" and natural. But you would not be saying that if it was looked down upon.
@ Sweetsticky,
Thanks!! Society..I do not know whether it builds or kills. At the end of the day, we all are part of it.
@ Sutta,
WOW! Such movies should be telecasted everywhere for people to build awareness and shed stereotypes.
They say an "immersion experience" is the best one to change one's negative attitude towards something.
@Solitaire:
** And it is not their fault. We cannot punish someone for something they did not do. **
ofcourse it's their fault .. YOu just cant get attracted to a same gender no matter what how dumb you are ..
Those brainless animals never get attracted to the same sex then how can so-called powerful and genious intellectual Human Beings can get attracted to the same sex ..
It's all fake .. they r psychos, weird and abnormal humans ..
it's none of my business what one does in his/her bedroom but when it's against the nature's dignity, you have to stand for that ..
Funny enough, a world like that wouldn't last all that long, would it? Breeding and such. Sometimes I think the world would be better off if it was like that.
Also, there are places that believe, for the most part, that what two adults do in the privacy of closed doors is their own business. Places like Ontario, where I'm from.
Wherever you are that has this attitude has a BIGGER problem than a complete social intolerance towards gays and lesbians. I mean that this social intolerance is bred from a bigger societal issue.
@ Soham,
****ofcourse it's their fault ..
How is it their fault? They did not do this on purpose!!!! Just like some people prefer sweet food over spicy food and mexican food over chinese food, similarly these people are also born with preferences different from yours.
***YOu just cant get attracted to a same gender no matter what how dumb you are ..
This has NOTHING to do with intelligence, talent, or anything. Its just the way their physiology is.
***Those brainless animals never get attracted to the same sex then how can so-called powerful and genious intellectual Human Beings can get attracted to the same sex ..
Enough said! They are NOT animals.They are humans just like you and me, they also have the same emotions going through them, like you and me. Once again it has nothing to do with being genious.
***It's all fake .. they r psychos, weird and abnormal humans ..
FAKE? Why would someone FAKE something that will cause them so much trouble in society? What exactly is a psycho to you? You just cannot label like that for what they do in their bedroom.
***it's none of my business what one does in his/her bedroom but when it's against the nature's dignity, you have to stand for that ..
Its not causing YOU any harm. So what is the problem?
I donno...I still believe that if as an individual I prefer something then I am entitled to my preference!
Excellent post Sol! So true!
As I'm sure you know, even here in the US, so much of the gay community is ostracized for being themselves. Its getting more and more accepted in bigger cities though. For example, if you were a gay person living in New York, you would sport your sexuality with pride, rather than shame.
And for those who think that it is 'against nature' to be gay, well, such people are completely ignorant, and need a reality check. Often times I have noticed that people who have doubts about their own sexuality, are the ones that make all the noise about others! Such bullshit!!
@ Viswa,
I think so too. I agree with you. But society does not. And hence, those who are in the minority are afraid to be who they are.
@soham
I couldn’t resist replying to ur comments. I’m offended! N im not even gay! I can’t begin to imagine how hurt the reaction of a homosexual will be. Who are you to judge the sexual preference of any1 else n comment in a derogative manner about it? What gives u the authority? The fact that ur a part of majority hetrosexulas?
How do u know they fake it?How do u know that one cant attracted to ppl of the same gender?How do u know wat nature intends for?
Wat makes u think ur entitled to call them weird n psychos n wat not. I am honestly shocked that someone who is educated n had some basic schooling has such a closed mind. Ur a standing example of how education really doesn’t teach us everything..in the least..it doesn’t teach one how to be a human ! pls open ur mind a wee-bit.
n I can’t help laughing.. YOU are calling THEM Brainless…atleast they are not small-minded enuf to start ridiculing n insulting all people who are unlike ‘em!
@ Mike,
Don't you think its better that we do not mind about people's business in their bedrooms than ostracizing them?
As for breeding, there can always be test tube babies, right?
@ CG,
Thanks girl!
I am happy about the way things are progressing in the United States now. I have had clients in catholic universities come out with the help of a priest. Can you imagine? Awesome stuff!!
****And for those who think that it is 'against nature' to be gay, well, such people are completely ignorant, and need a reality check.
I think these people have no idea what they are talking about and simply mimic what is taught to them. How come they do not understand that they did not CHOOSE to be heterosexual and therefore, the gay guy also did not choose to be that way?????
***Often times I have noticed that people who have doubts about their own sexuality, are the ones that make all the noise about others! Such bullshit!!
Haha! You are funny!
@ Pavi,
Very well-expressed. I did not find the right choice of words myself but you hit the nail hard on the head!! Could not have said it better.
@Pavi
Loved your comment!!
its all in the mind...the brain...there is also the research on how the lesb or gay brain reacts...it was something about the "odour" or the "sweat"...humans or animals (should i use mammals..pls correct me!) have this release of some "odour"...by which one is drawn or attarcted to the same or opposite sex....the brain of a hetero or homo too is attracted in some way.......
whether this is pathological or physiological or psychological...tell me!!!
you have seen at the way someone thinks or feels...but then why does it happen to certain humans? is it in their DNA?? tel me Soul...
*Solitaire:
The religious right would have you believe being gay is a choice. They proceed to ostracize them for being gay.
If it was a choice, wouldn't you choose not to live with horrible prejudice and torture?
The fact is, you choose your sexuality in the same way you choose your eye colour.
I find Soham's comment about it being against nature laughable, when in reality it is nature itself that determines your sexuality.
What goes on behind closed doors with consenting adults is THEIR BUSINESS ONLY. That goes for gays, straights, and everything in between.
Judge people for who they are, and how they act, not for their private affairs, I say.
i give you some situations:
1) if a young female is touched (you know what i mean) by some grown up female, how does the young one react? whether the young one will grow up to like the same sex partner?
2) if a young male is touched by a grown up male? (rest of question as in (1) above?
3) if a young female or male is touched by some grown up opposite sex? whats the effect?
4) whether the thought of someone growing up to be a gay or lesb sprouts and germinates in the younger years?
5) whether being a gay or lesbian is acceptable as per the books of psychology or is it some kind of disorder?
6) whether the gay or lesbian relationship is in rise in the recent years or was this prevalent since ages? how is it seen in india, whether influence of western culture?
Hard hitting!!
oops...never gave it a thought tat wat goes on in their mind....
so are you into this psychology stuff? u r posts are inclined along that direction!
@ mike,
Agree with you wholeheartedly. That is the point that I have been trying to make to everyone and soham. Sexuality is not a choice. Its something you are born with. Sigh! Apparently, some people just do not open up their minds.
@ princess,
Hey! Now will you give it a thought? And where is your blog? I tried getting to it today and it said user profile not found!
@ mez,
Yeah. That's how it was intended to be.
How are you doing?
@ viswa,
What? You do not know that? Heck ya!
LOL...so am I right or am I wrong? is it the way psycho u to make things convoluted?
@ Viswa,
What does that mean?
@ Phantom,
What do you mean "its all in the brain"? It definitely is physiology and not a figment of one's imagination if that is what you mean. Yes, there are a lot of research studies going on in this matter. They are talks about the hypothalamus size and what not. But no one knows yet what is cause and what is correlation. And it is not inherited either.
It is by no means pathological.
Why does it happen to certain humans? Can you answer why only some are born with writing talents, only some as math geniuses, some retarded....just that way, some are homosexual and some are heterosexual.
BTW, the name's solitaire..not soul!
@ Phantom,
Are you for real? You really want me to answer these questions?
What does "young female" mean? You mean a girl child? How is child sexual abuse related to homosexuality may I ask????????
Do you think all of us who turned out heterosexual were "TOUCHED" by the opposite sex when we were children?
To be homosexual is not a "thought" that comes and you act on it. It is a sexual urge. Just like we heterosexuals do not "think" about becoming that way...
Yes, being gay and lesbian is acceptable OF COURSE.
IT IS NOT A DISORDER.
I am pretty sure it was prevalent in olden times too. Just that people now are able to come out with courage. And people now are beginning to be more accepting.
Everything sexual in India is blamed on the western culture isn't it? Do people forget that Kamasutra originated in India?
So very well expressed. Loved the post.
You know some of your posts it is not only interesting to read the post but the discussion that happens henceforth.
Good arguments from Pavi, CG and you....
and as far as feeling "what they feel" I strongly suggest an hour at the gays only bar or gays only beach. Have done both and in that microcosm one can realize what goes on through their mind as you are the odd one out.
Recently I came to know of a case in my community which appalled me.
A guy married due to sheer pressure from everyone - divorced in matter of 6 months as he was gay but could not come out of the closet.
Appalled because he could not celebrate his sexuality due to the myopic stature of the Indian society and more sad for the girl as now she is a divorcee for no apparent fault of hers.
The comments by some people are outrageous and at the same time, laughable! Do these people even read their comments and think about them, before they hit the 'publish' button??
sorry..i blabbered...:P that sentence doesnt even seem to make sense to me!
this is amazing!
on another note I love to know more about bipolar disorder. :)
Huh... Well written. Hats off for brining the perspective
@ Soham:
While going through what people had to say.... I read your comment and somehow some of such insensitivity responses was expected !
** Those gays/lesbians have already made their presence felt in the world by some violent protests ..**
Your argument is not only negatively defensive but also it infers that you have phobia of it. By pointing this issue as "THOSE Gays & Lesbians" you are discriminating them as if they are Lepers or an Outcast.
How would you feel if you were in their shoes (like the post suggests)? Would you like to be treated that way? Would you like such injustice to prevail for you? Probably not !
**I really dont like them .. It's against the nature's dignity .. **
We are not born the way we are... and they are just born differently. And this difference does not make them undignified individuals.
AMEOBA the first ever microscopic organism existed on this earth is actually Asexual and produces with Binary Fission. And thats Nature's creation too !
What is really undignified and shameful is when some individuals blame and bad mouth a loudly a situation/event/fact based on either their phobia or ignorance. For instance,
your statement "If pigs do'nt fo it, why do you??"
This in my opinion morally undignified.
Solitaire,
i dont know..wont the population become extinct if this happens...
i do understand their feelings and frustrations...but deep in mind i feel a 'yuck' when its all about homo sexuality..!!
but, i liked the perspective..i mean the way you had put things from the angle of a straight person itself..
wonderful
hmmm some perspective...I don't interact ne diff with a homo sexual person...in a democracy everyone has a right to do what they want..for themselves...:)
Hidden angst? ;)
Well written. :)
nice thought !! and a very different perspective :)
keep posting
@All:
Guys, clam down .. These were just my opinions about gays and lesbians .. Rather than saying I dont like them, I should have said I dont like their sexual preference .. Bad choice of words, I guess !!
If I start a company and one gay guy comes for an interview and if he passes it then I m not gonna kick him out .. I will accept him with the same respect and with the same honour as I will accept the other straight ones .. There will be no bias at all ..
But I would certainly love to read his mind why he chose that path .. Is he psycho? or does he want to be different than others?? or is it really naturally chosen path??
so sorry if my words have hurt you but yeah once again I dont like their sexual prefences .. These r my thoughts and at least I can express it here ..
@ soham
Can you define 'psycho' ? Wow! I am amazed that you will want to hire a dumb weird fake animal in your company.
@ ceedy,
An immersion experience is always the best experience. Good you got the chance to do it.
Did you know about the prince from gujarat who also has a similar story? He came on the Oprah show too.
2 WEEKS AGO WHEN A OFFICER WAS TRYING TO SEDUCE ME I SAID I DONT HATE GAYS BUT I SURE HATE THE ONEW WHO TRY TO FORCE THEMSELVES..HE SAID THANK U AND WENT AWAY... I WENT 3 DAYS BEFORE TO HIS HOUSE AGAIN..NOW WE ARE GOOD FIRENDS...!
Not necessarily that all homosexuals are born so.I know of some who have changed thanks to circumstances,and they felt that choice was the best way out.
Very well put..in a way that MOST ppl wud u'stand wut it is to be 'different'. And its not a crime to be different.
Good job hear Sol!
Keshi.
**here
I mean :)
Keshi.
Nope...just googled it...
@ Sameera,
If someone changes their sexuality (which I do not understand how that can happen. Just like you are born a certain color, you are born a certain sexuality), those are exceptional cases. I know of girls who say, "I am turning lesbian" when they have a bad breakup and I simply laugh inwardly cos that is not possible.
Many homosexuals also supposedly "change" their sexuality when forced to get married. However, just like an NRI will still be an Indian no matter what country his or her passport is from,a homosexual who turned heterosexual is still a homosexual by birth. Vice versa.
@ Keshi,
Thanks!
I like how you put MOST as the key word in your sentence. It is quite evident that some people still do not get it.
@ Paratrooper,
Good for you!!!
Now can you tell me where you have been and what happened to your blog?
@ Soham,
I have one more question for you. How will you know that the guy interviewing for your company IS gay? You know that it is against the law to ask someone about their sexual preference or any other personal data when hiring for a position (unless laws are different in India).
@ Nefarious,
Thank you!!
@ Idling,
It sure is angst. Never hidden.
@ Aphrodite,
That's good! I wish everyone were the same. You might have noticed. Some people here itself have resorted to name-calling.
@ Vinz,
With technology and test-tube babies, we can still reproduce. However, the point is not about the world that I talked about being realistic. The point is about how they feel.
Yes, I know it feels yuck because you are heterosexual. Similarly, for gay men, to have sex with a woman is yuck. And yet, they are pressurized to do so. Is that fair?
I do not like so many religious practices and custom and think they are YUCK. Not because its not my religion but because it truly disgusts me. But what do I say or do about it? Nothing. Live and let live.
@ Neeku,
Loved your comment and perspective. HOMOPHOBIA...a very apt word!!
Thanks for introducing that term into the comments!
@ CM,
Thanks!
wow never really thought abt it this way...
puts things in perspective
hi sol,
came through this way after Pavi mentioned about this post. Kind of apt that I should start the blog by reading this amazingly empathetic post and also kinda like it that my comment is the 100th.
I would say the pseudo moralistic buffoon (read soham) stole a lot of your thunder as its him people seem to want to respond more.....and I'm no exception.
Reading his comments were an education in itself. I think I would need year of homophobic rearing and a cloistered upbringing to just begin to fathom his views.
*Pigs don't do it, why do you?
Oh heavens...
I guess the field of anthropology is missing one of its brightest researchers. Maybe when he has the time and inclination to do some armchair research rather than rip open his can of worms, he can stumble upon excellent theses on homosexuality, hermaphrodites and gender change in the entire mammal phylum (and in some non mammals too)
But I guess no. He wouldn't have the time off from his perverse beliefs.
I do not think i am inclined to homosexuality but that doesn't mean that I hate them or feel repelled by their very existence. To each their own and that should be the end of it.
Had read somewhere that peace is possible only when religion attains the same stature of secrecy as your sex life but here we have people who are quite willing to take it to the other end. Do we really need more discrimination? or more facets to discriminate with?
Oh by the way...So generous that you have an open job offer for any homosexual person at your work place if they are capable enough. Can't believe that you would be ready to suppress your feelings and sacrifice so much? or is it the true side of you that pops up?
Go back in time my friend, the third reich misses you!!
@ La Vida,
Thanks!
Why bipolar?
@ Carolinagal,
Apparently not because they make complete sense to them!
@ Rashmi,
Thanks! Why have you not written in a long time?
just a qstn here solitare...
if someone was sexually abused as a child by same gender, he/she does not understand what that means,the person who is abused person enjoys it,will that effect him/her and make him/her like the experience enough to turn into a homosexual? just wondering...
**If I start a company and one gay guy comes for an interview and if he passes it then I m not gonna kick him out**
How big of you Soham!! Especially, because it is AGAINST THE LAW to ask someone about their sexual preference!!
**But I would certainly love to read his mind why he chose that path .. Is he psycho? or does he want to be different than others?? or is it really naturally chosen path??**
Even after this long saga that you wrote in response to everyones' comments, you OBVIOUSLY missed the point!! They don't choose to be gay!! The only thing they can choose is whether to come out or not!! Its like asking you to pretend to be of the opposite sex...all the time!!
Get it?? I don't think you ever will. I feel sorry for you.
hey Sol
Can you please add, @Soham in the beginning of my last comment. I think I forgot to put that in.
nice perspective....i gues only u cud write it :)
Hi,Sol-well,that was a 'different'look at homosexuality..and,yes,it did make me wonder,what would I feel if the situation were the 'other way round',i.e.us straight ones being the rare ones,shunned by the rest of the world.Well,frankly,I think there shouldn't be any taboos on homosexuality or lesbianism..I mean,to each his or her own,na? Why should we feel appalled if someone else has got different preferences than we do?In fact,frankly,I have the same opinion on one-nite stands,pre-marital relations,et al...i.e. to each his or her own-everyone's mature enough to make his or her own decisions,so,why should society look down upon them with a sense of sham shock? To all those cribbers,I say'you're happy the way you are,so let others be happy the way they are'-as long as they don't harass you or get in your way,what's your problem?I guess society does need a more broad-minded perspective on this topic.
And,to all those who feel shocked at my views,don't be-when you think over it-anything and everything in life,if it was not meant to be,would not be.The fact that it is,means it was meant to be!Right,Sol?
@Harish:
Dude .. Get a life .. Watch out for your words ..
I just put my thoughts on the entire gay community and not on any single person ..
But ur shit was all on me and it became personal .. so dude, chill out .. Rather than advicing me, read carolinagal's comment .. ofcourse, she has criticized me and my thoughts but there should be a way to do that .. SO u better watch out and spend ur time in researching about homosexuality and gays and lesbians and become one coz I have other more important works to do and I am very much clear about my thoughts ..
@carolinagal:
DOnt feel sorry for me ... I am happy way I am .. I am very much clear about my thoughts ..
ANd I dont hire him just because I am afraid of LAw .. I will hire him because of his capability, intelligence and skills ..
Again I am saying this: I am against their sexual preference but I am not against them as human beings ..
And solitaire, plesae watch out for the comments.. Harish's comment was really bitter and was way too personal .. So u plz delete such comments or tell me otherwise so I wont publish my thoughts on ur blog .. Healthy criticization is welcome but abuse and derogatory words I can accept..
so let me know..
I am so glad you brought this up. Especially amongst us desis, men take it as a huge threat to be even around gay men...like what? such losers!
Why does it matter which gender are we attracted to?
Very good perspective and I hope everyone reconsiders before commenting bad on this issue,
You hit the nail on the head :) What a wonderful perspective! This is such a sensitive and personal topic to discuss.
I always wonder whether homosexuality defies laws of biology, like propagation of species etc. But, if nature intended for some to get attracted to the opposite sex and others to the same, there must be a reason for that! It must be a natural phenomenon rather than a 'state of the mind'! Will homosexuality survive 'natural selection' in the decades to come? With science it is possible!
In any case I wish the time comes when people can say freely 'I am gay’ just like saying ‘I like blue’ or ‘I like coffee’…
once again you have corrected me for the usage of the word "soul"...
seems too much attached to name...ha ha ha ......h ha ha ha ....
@ phantom,
How about I start callin you venom or something! Let's admit it. We all like our names unless its weird like chironjilal or something.
And you have nothing to say about my responses to your questions?
yeah..live and let live..
since i havent come accross a gay/lesbian (indian society scares people to brand themselves like that) i dont know how they feel.. watching them in movies, make me feel sad for them...mmm...was thinking too much about this topic..imagined if the guys in the apartment were gays..?? how would i have approached them..?what would have been my attitude towards them..?
mm..wtever, life is full of complications..mm..rather, we make them so...
@soham
when opinions are intertwined with the person who makes them, sometimes when you attack them, some muck falls on the person too...I guess that's the price you should pay for being so deviantly opinionated...
I end it here as I respect this space.
@Solitaire
Didn't mean to create this ruckus here. Please delete the post if it offends in anyway.
Soham Im sorry to say this but ur comment screams 'BIG BIGOT'.
**I really dont like them .. It's against the nature's dignity .. This is not what nature indends for .. If pigs do'nt fo it, why do you??
Did u design NATURE? U sound like u know all the rules of Nature and what ppl should behave like etc etc.
Nature's dignity? WTH is that? Wuts NATURAL to one person is not the same to someone else! And the fact that u cant u'stand that makes u the DUMBER person...not the gays/lesbians.
Besides, how does one person's sexuality BOTHER u so much? Its a personal thing. It's as if ur saying all the ppl in the world should MAKE LOVE the way u MAKE LOVE!
And not everyone in the world eats the same food, dresess the same kinda clothes, speaks the same langauage etc etc. So does that make u angry? LOL funny shit!
Get over yourself mate!
Keshi.
i think lesbains dont face as much quasi-ostracisation as gays face. reason? maybe 'men' are supposed to be masculine in attitude and any deviation from that makes them gayish? i dunno. what does the pscyhologistni inside you think?
1) I dont know the meaning or the definition of the word "Solitaire".
2) I see your readers refer to you as "Sol" instead of "Solitaire"!!!...I found the word "Soul" seemed better. "Soul" means "atma" and is a good word. I have not used the word "Sole"!!
3) Your name, whatever it may be, does not make any difference to me. As i told you earlier, i visited you blogs thru the blog of "maybeiamaddicted" of Anjuli ma'am. And i thought you as a student of psychology, must be knowing about the head, but as i said in one of my comments to Anjuli "Solitaire needs to read more!". Well, even by saying so, i meant "Solitaire, read a lot more then you read in the books! you have to understand more from reading! The crux or conclusion of any long paragraphs of books may just be a single sentence or line!". I see quick in your comments or conclusions, which you must improve upon. As I say "think twice" if you want to be a good psychologist. Human brains do not follow the same pattern though manytimes seen common. Your writings are good and have depth. Thats why, i found your blogs interesting. I have nothing in personal with anyone here or anywhere.
4) I have not responded to you responses to my questions, because, they did not seem upto mark and apt. I had expected some better explanations from a student of psychology. The questions were put out of curiosity and as a layman, not just to have some argument or fun.
Hope, i am clear in my comments and hope you appreciate all my comments. I may be wrong in my understanding, if thats so, then i do need to be corrected.
@ Phantom,
1) FYI
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/solitaire
2)It is laughable to me that you decide that a random word is better than my name and decide to address me whatever YOU feel like without paying respect to me.
3)Maybe just like you do not know what a solitaire is, you do not know what a psychologist is all about. It is definitely NOT about the head, as you put it. BTW, there is point "thinking twice" about being a good psychologist. I already am a GREAT psychologist, my clients love me, I have improved many lives and my supervisors swear by my work. And I presume they know better than you. So thanks but really no thanks!
4)Not a good feeling to know that I wasted my time answering a layman's rather presumptious questions only to learn that he wanted something of a "mastery" level and did not find them to be apt. Thanks though. Will know better the next time onwards.
Yes, of course I appreciate your comments. Tells me about the wide variety, nature, and quality of the readers here.
Thanks.
@ Jitendra,
True. There is a lot of pressure on men to be "macho" and masuline. So a slightest feminine trait and people presume they are gay! On the other hand, media portrays lesbians as glamorous and appealing. Some men get excited knowing there is going to be a lesbian scene in a movie and fantasize about them. It would be worthwhile to know what straight women think about lesbians.
@ Harish,
No problem. I really appreciate you respecting my space and not abusing it. I think everyone has some right to express their opinions. I believe you were furious on reading Soham's comments. I was too. I am an advocate of the GLBT population and such attitudes disgust me.
@ Vinz,
I am sure there are several gay men in India but as you said, people are afraid to "come out". But the thoughts that come to your head are perfectly valid.
Things sometimes get complicated and sometimes we complicate them. Sigh! I wish there was an easy way out.
@ Jira,
Thank you!!
***But, if nature intended for some to get attracted to the opposite sex and others to the same, there must be a reason for that!
True!! Only if we accept this phenomena can we be open to the reasons!
***It must be a natural phenomenon rather than a 'state of the mind'!
It is!
***In any case I wish the time comes when people can say freely 'I am gay’ just like saying ‘I like blue’ or ‘I like coffee’…
Me too! :(
@ Mansi,
Thank you! I wish people would not only stop commenting bad but also shed their myths and wrong notions about homosexuality being caused by sexual abuse, or being a choice to be different, etc.
Maybe I am asking for a bit too much.
@ AmitL
***Well,frankly,I think there shouldn't be any taboos on homosexuality or lesbianism..
Yes! Why should we care who does what in the bedroom?
You are very open-minded and that is a good thing!
***To all those cribbers,I say'you're happy the way you are,so let others be happy the way they are'-as long as they don't harass you or get in your way,what's your problem?I guess society does need a more broad-minded perspective on this topic.
I wonder what is the problem too. People can continue to be straight and have kids. Why are they so bothered about the others being "against nature"?
I dont think many will be shocked at your views. I think a lot of people agree with this post and will perhaps appreciate your views.
@ Maverick,
Thanks!!
@ Rashmi,
Phantom also asked me this question in a somewhat different manner and my response to him is the same as to you.
CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE has nothing to do with future homosexual tendencies. One is usually born homosexual or heterosexual.
Well said.
One must ignore what society says and lead their life according to them. If we care for the society for what they say, life becomes tough.
makes me remind of de 1st time i hv been approached by a lesb, i found de idea shockingly strange .i tot dis ws sumthn u read n articles & mag or watch n movies , but hell! i ws wrong..des r real ppl too & v need 2 accept dat & make it easier for dem too.
admirable write up!
& hey i wonder y it is dat men find de idea of lesb sex so attractive. for crissake v r nt curious of gay sex or r we..
"soul" is a very good word...
why do you think that i did not respect you?...
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...
i dont know what your clients and supervisiors think about your work dear...as I said "i have put my thoughts here!"...i believe what you say about your qualities and work...i appreciate your writings da :) :))
"Not a good feeling to know that I wasted my time answering a layman's rather presumptious questions only to learn that he wanted something of a "mastery" level and did not find them to be apt. " Solitaire...i dont think you wasted your time.......
ha ha ha ...be happy...
nicely written .. and i think you have hit the nail by making the reader feel from the victim's point of view ...
i think at the end of the day its the majority law ... what the majority does becomes good and what the minority does become taboo ... I think thats the way all the rules of the society have evolved ... but things are slowly changing now ...
hope that in coming years/era people can leave a normal life irrespective of their sexual orientation, race, creed, education etc etc
being judged always is so yuck~~!
interesting view .... never looked at it from their eyes.
not conforming to social norms will certainly cause plenty of heartache.
too bad!
maybe decades down the line when same-sex marriages become a norm, our grandchildren will look upon and laugh/ridicule/lament at our generation, the same way we now look upon the practice of Sati in the olden days.
ohmygod. ohmygod. now i gedit.
i think.
Hate is hate. Discrimination is discrimination. Today sexuality is the excuse to be nasty like colour might have been decades ago.
I personally don't understand how some one can be homophobic but I never get into an argument with them about the issue (mainly because I know they are the kind of people who will not harass gay people but maybe not interact with them). Sexuality and acceptance of things we don't understand are both very complex issues and at the end of the day it's all about which way you have been brainwashed (or what beliefs you tend towards accepting).
I don't think people will ever understand what it feels like to be a non-conformist (many times not by choice) in a world that likes things in a standard way. Only people who have been different/haven't fit in, know how difficult life can be when people look at you because you don't fit the 'set norms'.
Btw not sure how the blogger templates work but I think you shouldn't choose white as text unless you are sure you are never going to have white as a background again.
If you do go back to white as a background, the text that you have selected to be white right now will just look like blank space. I doubt blogger will change the colour automatically to something else.
Solitaire,
Very nicely projected. Hope people in general can understand and not be judgemental on one's sexual preference.
Take care
It must be a turmoil. I expect it to be. Anything varied from the norm is a turmoil. Well depicted.
i think people should be be allowed their own preferences as long as they donot interfere with others around them....
i personally, do not have anything against homosexuality...if someone is comfortable with the way they are, then i shouldent be having any problem with it....and neither should anyone else!
nice piece...i hope itl'l help some biased minds approach the topic better :)
After Women libration moments..I guess your homo...libration moment going to make it big!
You are empathetic!Then u need to be empathetic for drug dealers next, drug addicts next!Rapist!...it will be endless.Cant we just call a spade a spade?If children make mistake do we allow it?Think!Dont encourage anything aginst nature and make it famous.Save the world!
@ Sri,
Your analogies and comparisons are PATHETIC.
Homosexuality is not a crime such as RAPE or DRUG DEALING.
It is NOT a mistake either.
@ Pri,
Thanks!!
As we can see, not much has changed in the minds of some really orthodox and conservative, yet well-educated people.
@ Bubbly,
Thanks!!
@ Jack,
I hope so too!
@ Deepali,
This is blogger template from another website and not blogger itself. I can modify the color of the font as and when I want to. So no worries. :)
Thanks!!
@ Deepali,
Very good thoughts.
You say that some homophobics do not really cause harm to the homosexual but just merely may not interact with them.
We can see in the comment section here that we have a few individuals who have very evidently displayed their homophobia by using names for homosexuals or comparing it to rape and such. Don't you think that if a gay or lesbian reads those comments, they would be highly hurt causing damage to their peace of mind?
@ Ferrin,
:)
@ Nik,
I hope that day arrives!!!
@ Veens,
Yes it is!
@ Hiren,
You are right! Majority wins! I wonder when things will change completely. I might be dead by then.
@ Phantom,
I would appreciate if you called my Solitaire, and not by a name you cooked up for your convenience.
Thanks.
@ Miss Illusion,
Your reaction was so normal! Its always a first time, some time! But I like your attitude now!
@ Manasa,
I think they are trying to lead their lives they want to. But society pokes too much into their affairs.
I just read Sri's comment and couldnt keep myself from commenting abt it. So here it is SRI:
**You are empathetic!Then u need to be empathetic for drug dealers next, drug addicts next!Rapist!...it will be endless.
Sri, let me assure u that Sol is not being EMPATHETIC towards a CRIMINAL. Being gay/lesbian is not a CRIME. It's their sexuality. I cant believe u compared that to RAPE??
**Cant we just call a spade a spade?
Exactly! Call gays/lesbians just gays/lesbians. Lets not try to CHANGE wut's inherent to them.
**If children make mistake do we allow it?Think!Dont encourage anything aginst nature and make it famous.Save the world!
LOL that was so patehtic! MISTAKE? Sexual preferences are not a MISTAKE Sri. Not u'standing that is a MISTAKE!
Sol this is yet again an issue that ppl who hv never travelled/lived overseas and are not exposed to various kinds of cultures, ppl, traits etc hv trouble u'standing. Sadly.
Keshi.
dont know/ cant say!!
Wonderfully written! Thanks for your comment on my blog.
I'll now forward your blog to my sister.
:)
To, Sol,Keshi
I know, Homosexuality is not a Crime, but its a sin.Against the law of nature.
Homosexuality is a bad habit.Its wrong way of satisfying desire,can u say all the homo's are inherent?
All of us at a particular stage in our early childhood have such thoughts..if not developed/mis treated, it will form as a habit.
Your(sol) blog is supporting/singing a sad song for Homos..indirectly you're supporting the habit.
My point was why you guys support such bad habits? Cant you call a spade a spade? If somebody does a mistake, correct them, they are mistakenly following a bad habit..help them.You cant say I am wrong because I am not in that group.
I personaly dont want to be a Homo..thats my view point
If you start encouraging such bad acts, you need to support smoking habit,..which I exaggerated to the Drugs...
I dont take anything personal here, I am also open to hear other's view point also...
My request is that you pl stopping thinking of OUT-GROUP HOMOGENEITY BIAS!!! and help ppl if not dont propogate a wrong idea.
Sri heyy!
**I personaly dont want to be a Homo..thats my view point
u said it in that line. Its a PERSONAL preference! Thats it.
So lets just let ppl be who they are and not try to make them what we want them to be.
Sol, I or anyone else here is not 'supporting' any sexuality as u put it. We r only saying why be so upset over someone else's PERSONAL preference of sexuality. Its NATURAL to them as much as some other things r NATURAL to us.
It takes alot more than your PERSONAL choices to understand that!
Keshi.
@ Sri,
***I know, Homosexuality is not a Crime, but its a sin.Against the law of nature.
Sin? Sin has something to do with religion and we are not talking about religion here at all. And if it is against the law of nature, why did nature create them this way?
***Homosexuality is a bad habit..
First of all, homosexuality is not a HABIT. It is just a way of life. BTW, masturbation is also a "bad habit".
***Your(sol) blog is supporting/singing a sad song for Homos..indirectly you're supporting the habit.
I am advocating for them amongst some homophobics. Don't need to point out here what a homophobic is. I am sure you know quite well.
**My point was why you guys support such bad habits? Cant you call a spade a spade? If somebody does a mistake, correct them, they are mistakenly following a bad habit..help them.You cant say I am wrong because I am not in that group.
Yeah I am calling a spade a spade. I am calling a gay man a gay man and not trying to change him into a club.
***I personaly dont want to be a Homo..thats my view point
If you don't want to be one, then thank your stars that you are not born one. And pray that none of your loved ones turn out "homo".
***If you start encouraging such bad acts, you need to support smoking habit,..which I exaggerated to the Drugs...
Not comparable at all.
***I dont take anything personal here, I am also open to hear other's view point also...
Good for me and you.
My request is that you pl stopping thinking of OUT-GROUP HOMOGENEITY BIAS!!! and help ppl if not dont propogate a wrong idea.
*** I don't understand what you are talking about.
Ok for the sake of you ppl here..I agree Homosexuality is just a disorder, elton john is happily married, he has no complaints....Lets live and let others to live !!!
thats kewl!!!
@ Sri,
So sorry to tell you yet again that you are WRONG.
Homosexuality is not a disorder either.
Hi, don't know what made u to write about this topic. there is a simple psychology behind this entire blog is "Negativity Bias: people show greater sensitivity to negative information than to positive information" can attract more attention in discussing odd topics.do you know something about homosexuality till 1990's DSM III diagnised it as disorder as there is some difference found in their brain structure later on DSM IV it is no more a disorder because the PEOPLE WHO ARE HOMOSEXUAL ARE NEITHER UPSET ABOUT THAT NEITHER DEPRESSED OR THEIR DAILY FUNCTIONING IS NOT AFFECTED THEY ARE DOING VERY WELL. homosexual is not new to any ancient culture or religion, egyptians used to practice it in front of their god as a symbol of offering, we have a god born to two men ( anyway one took the form of female) in hindu religion lord ayyappa. Ok. coming to the topic we are to be more concerned with the eco system what will happened to our reproduction cycle my dear, and what is the use in feeling pity for them . one need to be empathetic rather than sympathetic to address such problems. If they are deviant or have such tendencies what is the solution to it. They are not trans sexuals. The cause of it need to be analysed in more detail. if you are a student or faculty of psychology i would like to give u a bit of mind don't try to be narcissit through negativity bias. Do some Scientific research expain things more factually and sensibly rather than sympathetically asking everybody to understand how they might feel. IT is just waste of time . to tell you more they are living happily as same as we are only difference is gender and even if you live with the opposite sex with out marrying in the same house ,people of society is going look down and crticize it b'coz , we are suppose to abide certain social norms my dear if we don't then we are going to be in a soup . U can't argue that i won't abide the society norms and i should be given red carpet treatment - things cannot happen that way. if it happens it is going to affect the harmony of the society. already we have done enough to disturb the eco system don't be sympathetic and give a ticket for more disturbance. In future try to be more solution oriented and discuss a postive topic and if you are really a good student concentrate on the in and out of the topic and approach scientifically why things happen this way. and don't waste time in fabricating facts. Homosexuals are normal and they live life like heterosexuals and they are not suffering so they don't need sympathy and in many countries it is crime . so try to bring about method which are scientific to prevent them from getting in to it, if it is acquired. IT is too some extent BIO and Social crime. Can prevent prevent people from getting AIDS. it is one of the main reasons. ok dear. DO something useful.
I am not a blogger saw ur article thru my friend .Felt like giving a piece of mind to it so used his blog to respond. I am a professional Psychologist. Thank u.
@ Sri,
****there is a simple psychology behind this entire blog is "Negativity Bias: people show greater sensitivity to negative information than to positive information" can attract more attention in discussing odd topics.
There is no "psychology" behind this blog and neither are we discussing "odd" topics. Homosexuality is a part of today's world and one needs to learn to accept it.
**do you know something about homosexuality till 1990's DSM III diagnised it as disorder as there is some difference found in their brain structure later on DSM IV it is no more a disorder because the PEOPLE WHO ARE HOMOSEXUAL ARE NEITHER UPSET ABOUT THAT NEITHER DEPRESSED OR THEIR DAILY FUNCTIONING IS NOT AFFECTED THEY ARE DOING VERY WELL.
Dude. Which world are you living in? DSM-III is outdated! DSM IV also has a TR and DSM-V is on its way back and yet you go around making statements that Homosexuality is a disorder? And you say you are a trained psychologist? Your license should be revoked. Oh wait, do you even have a license?
***homosexual is not new to any ancient culture or religion, egyptians used to practice it in front of their god as a symbol of offering, we have a god born to two men ( anyway one took the form of female) in hindu religion lord ayyappa. Ok. coming to the topic we are to be more concerned with the eco system what will happened to our reproduction cycle my dear, and what is the use in feeling pity for them .
Who is talking about religion here? Who is talking about novelty? And who is talking about pity. We ARE talking about EMPATHY and am asking people to learn to accept them.
Wait, you know what. I have wasted enough time on you. Thanks.
Sri...
** even if you live with the opposite sex with out marrying in the same house ,people of society is going look down and crticize it b'coz , we are suppose to abide certain social norms my dear if we don't then we are going to be in a soup
omg u say this and u also call urself a 'trained' Psychologist? So d u treat the Person or the Society?
Anyways, like Sol said, after ur last comment abt HS being a disorder, sin, religious act etc etc I realised its not even worth discussing this with u anymore. Really, I've wasted my time too!
Sol btw is a SUPERB Psychologist/Shrink. Cos u know why, she didnt diss u or ur career while discussing this topic, but u did that to her. It takes a stronger personality to remain on the topic, without going on to dissing the author and her qualifications etc.
Best of luck to ya Sri!
And good on ya Sol!
Keshi.
@ Keshi,
Sri wrote a lot many comments which are totally inappropriate which I have not published here. I guess it would be better for us to stay quiet and maintain our own dignities. Barking dogs seldom bite.
i like it sol.. the attitude of urs.. barking dog never bites... how true! :P
hehehe
mast wala hai!! :D
even i wanted to jump in... but nahi nahi.. tu mujh par toh waise hi jaldi gussa karti hai! :D
Hey, You have very good knowledge on the issue than a gay person.One day you will be a great pschologist as I can see you understand the issue indepth. I was upset to see that there are many homophobic and ignorant people in India. Narrowminded people will change only when their son/daughter or brother or sister turn out to be gay. It is difficult for them to look from other side. If they have to understand , meet any regular pschologist from the famous hospitals in India. The pschologists have studied indepth on this issue and they are the experts to talk about this issue , than me or any other gay person.
Here is a good link from American pschologist association about homosexuality and sexual orientation.
http://www.apa.org/topics/sorientation.html
.India has many gay people as anywhere else in the world. But our society doesnt accept it . So we have to live in a different country where we have equal rights and respect.
yep I agree. :) Good attitude Sol.
Keshi.
phew... just wondering how we'd stack up if the tables were reversed!!
That was one helluva grim picture!!
Very well said! In fact I have known someone closely who is gay. This was in 2005. I was the first person to whom he confessed that. I was shocked to learn about it. The immediate feeling was one of revulsion and disgust towards him. I always felt that he was a homosexual because of his evident effeminate nature. But I never really cared about it because that didn't really matter. The problem started when he became overly attached to me. I understand it was not his fault, his brain was "wired" that way. He was not my fast friend but at work he was my team mate and we would go out for lunch or have lunch together. I had to been to his place and met with this family once.
Meanwhile, I had started liking his sister and she was reciprocating my feelings. He learned about it( rather elicited the truth from me) and encouraged the whole matter for reasons I will tell later.
Because of his sister I was going to there place more often now. His family(mother) was not aware of it.
However his growing attachment to me was making me uncomfortable. He was obviously making advances towards me in a covert manner like passing suggestive remarks, seeking my company all the time etc. I warned him politely on two occasions that I am okay with his sexual preference but our relation can not be based on passion because I like women. He apologetically said he would take care of it. Then in November that year, we both had gone to meet his sister who lives in Mumbai( my love interest). On that trip he again started behaving in the same way, expressing his attachment verbally, through his body language. This really ticked me off. Once back at work, I strongly disapproved his behaviour and warned him that this will alienate me from him forever. My words were bitter and caustic and they hurt him greatly. We tried to sort things out. I told him that we need to maintain some distance for the time being but I have no issues being friends with you. He only agreed partially, then the jealousy factor kicked in. The very idea that his sister liked some one made him extremely jealous. He had once confessed to me that he always felt jealous of her. But he didn't just stop at that. He always passed disparaging remarks on her, sought opportunities to put her down and their mother remained silent always. She would never reprimand her son. Since I was visiting their family regularly to meet his sister, later I also became the target of his put downs and sarcasm. I warned him once about it but he just toned down its intensity. I chose to follow the policy of ignorance because I didn't have time to go after a sick soul like him.
Gujjuben, you tell me, it is not his fault that nature or god whatever you call it, made him a homosexual. But does that mean he should become jealous of his sister to the point where he harbors malice towards her? Does that solve his problem? I told him on several occasions then, that you need to seek people who can share your passion with you. He was not ready to do anything about it. Incidentally, he doesn't have a single good friend, usually such effeminate men are likely to have more girl friends but in his case that was not so. In short he had anti social personality. But he would mix up with his relatives well.
Secondly, since he being the pre dominant earner in the family his mother always condoned his misgivings and ill behaviour towards his sister. Is it ethically right on her part?
I chose to ignore his stupid remarks but deep down it did hurt me.
How do you analyze his personality?
I chose to not disclose some interesting behavioral aspects about him and his motives for encouraging my relationship with his sister initially. I can provide those details over a more secure channel of email. What I have told you is just the beginning. There is much more than that.
Btw, a close friend of mine knows you well.
Thanks,
The Rationalist
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