Saturday, June 30, 2007

The Wonder Years

65+=seniors...wonder years? Hardly...from the eyes of the young ones. What does old adulthood bring with itself? Poor physical health, disabilities, cognitive decline, retirement, empty nests, loneliness, loss of spouses and friends, and a nearing of death. Along with these grim realities, old adults also face a change in socialization, possess more wisdom that is assumed to be correlated with aging, and may be able to engage in leisure activities that they never had the time for in the past.

Coupling...can you imagine these older adults trying to find a "romantic" partner during this age? But many of them do. They do not actively set out on a search but with spouses gone, children on a quest for an independent life, and employment as a part of history, these adults need to find another meaning to life, someone to live for, someone to live with, someone to die beside.

I recently saw "Life in a Metro" where a couple reunites after 4o years and engage in physical intimacy. I heard some groans, some moans, and some exclamations of surprise amongst the audience. Some people vehemently protested the act and exclaimed that this was something not acceptable..the physical act as well as the emotional bonding. Not acceptable? Why? Don't these adults have emotions? Dont they want companionship? Dont they need to feel loved? Some people in the audience yelled, "Oh so cute. This is so sweet". Sweet? Are you sure? Would you "allow" your parent to do the same if the situation arose? Or is it sweet because you want to appear openminded?

Can you know how your life will be when you are 65? You can dream about it, hypothesize about it, and try to work towards that path. But can you know for sure? Likewise, you dont really know what those people are going through. So why pass judgments on who should do what and what is not acceptable when you are not at that stage and not in that situation? Let's just let people live their lives according to their realities and let's focus on creating our own.

Thanks and stay spirit!

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

"Should" I?

How many times have we seen girlfriends fight with their boyfriends saying, "I am 27 now, I should be getting married!"? How many times have we seen boyfriends retaliate saying, "I dont have a good job yet. I should be making more money than this."? How many times have we said to ourselves, "I should be doing better than this."? How many times have we heard children saying, "I should have the new toy in the market."? How many times have we heard parents saying, "She should have known that that was a bad choice."? SHOULD? Who decided on what a good job "should" be? Who determined that one "should" get married at 27? You? Society? Your parents? YOUR BRAIN? And so what exactly will happen if you dont get married according to your should? It will be delayed by another year? And so? Is that the end of the world? What will happen if you dont have your ideal job when you are getting married? You will struggle to make ends meet until you find one? Is that the end of the world? And how many times have we made a big deal just because things SHOULD not have been this way. But hey guess what, they are, at the very moment you utter those words. Well, what can you do about that? If you can do something, move on and do it. And if you can't, accept it as another hurdle in your path of life. And is that the end of the world?

I should maybe not preach in my blog and be keeping my thoughts to myself. Says who? And should I?

Thanks and should you happen to be impacted by this blog, share your comments with me. You definitely should!

Saturday, June 23, 2007

It takes two to tango!

All humans commit the "fundamental attribution error". As victims, we despise it. When we err, it works to our advantage! In the past one week, I have experienced that I have been at the receiving end of false accusations and judgmental statements. Boy oh boy! They were like a dagger that shredding my heart. "How the hell can she say that?", "What bullshit!", "What a retard!", "He has lost it big time", "Such an idiot"! are some of the statements that came to my mind when I heard the statements. And bingo! Here I was...making judgmental statements about others myself! Someone might say that I have a good reason to do that. Well, I would then say that maybe the persons who did that in the first place, probably did too!

Therefore, when someone says something that you don't like, take it with a pinch of salt. Sit back and reflect on it. Maybe, just maybe, there is a grain of truth to it. Or maybe, the other person is having a bad not necessarily a retard. No active change is required on your part. Mere acceptance of the truth is the first step towards change. And for those, who are mere spectators and not involved in the situation, be sure to listen to both sides of the story before you form an opinion or judgment in partiality. After all, it takes two to tango!

And hey you, yes, especially you. Do not think that I am accepting the accusations as truth. This is no apology. Only a mere blog for you also to reflect on it and think..maybe, just maybe, I was having a bad day too!

Thank you and stay cordial!

Friday, June 22, 2007

A "normal" world

At that age of 10, I reached the conclusion that I wanted to be a psychologist one day only because I thought I needed to explore more about why people behave the way they do. Little did I know then, that I would not get the answer to my question and that I was digging a grave for myself: a grave that was far from the "normal" world.

I write this blog from the far end of my grave. I see the light at the othr end of it but I am too far below now. Care to see what's in my grave?

I have been like a gypsy since 1998. Moving apartments often, changing roommates frequently, and people coming in and out of my life like I never had imagined. Quite an interesting path to my grave spot. On my way, I have lived and interacted with people who have suffered from histrionic personality disorder, borderline personality disorders, bipolar disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, and many other less interesting conditions.

Boy! These people have taken a toll on me worse than my clients have! With my clients, I talk to them, write notes on them, lock the office and forget about them the moment I step out. With my roommates and friends, they become a permanent fixture in my present world no matter where I go. The question here I somehow stumble upon these people as fate has them lined up for me, or is it that I recognize and seek them out instantly due to my years of experience in this field of insanity? In other words, do I by chance, meet all the abnormal people in the world as a way to increase my tolerance or am I living in an abnormal world which is perhaps the very criteria for "normalcy"? If the latter is true, it would mean that the normal people through the lens of a psychologist are actually the abnormal ones in this world!

It is a question that I may ponder over for years only to find myself farther into my grave. The grave has been dug and I will rot in here. Now there is no looking back. Unless, I become schizophrenic! Then...I will truly be in a normal world!

PS: For those of you who identify yourself as suffering from any of the disorders listed above, you may have some hope if you seek professional help...but please dont come to me for it! For those who don't, you may be suffering from denial. Also, NO! This blog was NOT written keeping you in mind. If you think so, you suffer from paranoia. By the way, I am known to suffer from Dissociative Identity Disorder. So there is no guarantee about who wrote this blog at this time.

Thank you and stay sane!