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Friday, June 22, 2007

A "normal" world

At that age of 10, I reached the conclusion that I wanted to be a psychologist one day only because I thought I needed to explore more about why people behave the way they do. Little did I know then, that I would not get the answer to my question and that I was digging a grave for myself: a grave that was far from the "normal" world.

I write this blog from the far end of my grave. I see the light at the othr end of it but I am too far below now. Care to see what's in my grave?

I have been like a gypsy since 1998. Moving apartments often, changing roommates frequently, and people coming in and out of my life like I never had imagined. Quite an interesting path to my grave spot. On my way, I have lived and interacted with people who have suffered from histrionic personality disorder, borderline personality disorders, bipolar disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, and many other less interesting conditions.

Boy! These people have taken a toll on me worse than my clients have! With my clients, I talk to them, write notes on them, lock the office and forget about them the moment I step out. With my roommates and friends, they become a permanent fixture in my present world no matter where I go. The question here is..do I somehow stumble upon these people as fate has them lined up for me, or is it that I recognize and seek them out instantly due to my years of experience in this field of insanity? In other words, do I by chance, meet all the abnormal people in the world as a way to increase my tolerance or am I living in an abnormal world which is perhaps the very criteria for "normalcy"? If the latter is true, it would mean that the normal people through the lens of a psychologist are actually the abnormal ones in this world!

It is a question that I may ponder over for years only to find myself farther into my grave. The grave has been dug and I will rot in here. Now there is no looking back. Unless, I become schizophrenic! Then...I will truly be in a normal world!

PS: For those of you who identify yourself as suffering from any of the disorders listed above, you may have some hope if you seek professional help...but please dont come to me for it! For those who don't, you may be suffering from denial. Also, NO! This blog was NOT written keeping you in mind. If you think so, you suffer from paranoia. By the way, I am known to suffer from Dissociative Identity Disorder. So there is no guarantee about who wrote this blog at this time.

Thank you and stay sane!

5 Words of Wisdom:

pareekshit said...

wat kinda person are you,, you just sound a little more , i mean , little more matured and a lot sensical than the usual girl. the blog u wrote is kinda lengthy, but does make some sense, actually it made me think.

Solitaire said...

Thanks! And how sensible and mature actually is the "usual" girl?

rohit said...

The way I c it...u have been pushed in2 a grave and forced to rest in peace...but the interaction wid these ppl jus doesnt let peace come by!...now u wanna get out of it and feel the real world...i donno...mayb fate has lined in these ppl to come by and increase ur tolerance to live a peaceful life in the big bad world!...hats off!...

Archangel Lucifer.... said...

Psychobabble...!!!

out since 1998..solitaire..
psychologist...PHd...hmnn
a go getter..wild yet timid..
agression yet desires submission..

looks upon the world from deep in the grave..

tunnel vision with a light bleak at the end...

but..when it comes to be that soothing light at the end of ur tunnel,,its just a frieght train coming ur way ...isnt it...

u pack a powerhouse at life and it responds with tomahawk chops of its own at u...

friends yet disambiguation...BPD, manics, narsciss, nymphos and of course our very own back stabbers..

can we ever look beyond our skills of probing deep into the human recesses...disturbed n tortured..

"i wanna have a good friend for a life time"...is it a myth or reality..

is it our own profession that has become a hazard or the ever so monotonous analysis of the minds has made us a mind reading machine.

can we look superficially at things for a change....

are we in that real world oustside the matrix and are so stressed that we desire the security and illusion of the matrix..

USE EM THROW EM...attitude which we got..should we retort to that..

u must be gettin praises n showers of blessings n gifts from people around you...but does each remark make u smile happy or each bores through like acid as u see the real people through their skins..

have we met people or a person whose mind we cant uncloak or demystify.......

I FEEL LIKE SCREAMING OCCASSIONALLY.....on top of my voice till i drop panting n exhausted...i wanna reboot my system

IS IT A STRESSED OUT WORLD OUT THeRE or IS IT US.......

free association writing has its goods n badd...

i dont wanna comment personally for u in this blog entry..

i would then be again joining the club of people who want to give an opinion on your life...ur views and the way u see it....

i just wanna let u know...U R A SURVIVOR....but deep within all those things which u want to do but are consciously n sub consciously tryin to supress...

LET THEM OUT....

UNLEASH UR SELF ON THE WORLD...

Archangel Lucifer.... said...

UR BLOG HAS A OLIVE GREEN TEMPLATE.

U HAVE A BRIGHT SMILING PIC..
that smile might be a fake

U SHOW UR SELF OFF AS A CHEERFUL GIRL IN CONTROL IN THE PIC

YET UR WRITING IS COMPLETELY THAT OF A CONTEMPORARY AMERICAN KIDD IN CRISIS

Gujjuben !!! THOSE INDIAN ROOTS ARE STRONG.....KEEP THEM FIRM...
DONT AMERICANIZE UR THOUGHTS N UR MENTAL PROCESS......

BE A GIRL.....NOT AN OLE AMERICAN LADY WITH A MID LIFE CRISIS...

SOMETHING ABOUT UR ENTIRE EXISTANCE ABROAD IS FAKE........

U NEED THE REAL GUJJUBEN TO PLEASE STAND UP....

SOMEWHERE DOWN THE NOMADIC LIFE N RESPONSIBILITIES U HAVE LOST HER..

THAT DUMB HAPPY GO LUCKY GUJJUBEN WANTS TO COME OUT I THINK U R AFRAID OF WHAT FORM SHE MIGHT TAKE AND WHAT WILL THE PEOPLE AROUND U AT PRESENT THINK

I PERSONALLY FIND SLEEPIN DEEP INSIDE A COOL GRAVE AND WATCHIN THE ORLD FROM THERE A BETTER N HILARIOUS N A SELF EGO INFLATING XPERIENCE...

FREUD HAD TRIED THAT...SO HAD NEWTON..SO HAD MICHALEANGELO..

WE ARE THE GRAVE PEOPLE...AND I LOVE LAUGHING OUT FROM THE GRAVE..

IF U BEING PUSHED DEEPER IN THE GRAVE...MAY BE U SHOULD STAY BCK AND START HITTIN BACK FROM DEEP INSIDE...

COS NO ONE DARES ENTER A GRAVE...!!

NO ONE...!!!

P.S : Its good this free association writing especially for DPDs like us..within 5 mins u get diff perspecyives from multiple personalities..

cool isnt it girl....

u should be proud...

LONG LIVE THE GRAVE DWELLERS....