Hum Tum-II

Alright! Enjoyed Hum Tum-I where women received some bashing and men chuckled to themselves? Then I decided to write another Hum Tum where men would feel not so wonderful and guess what? Everything serious came to my head!! Does that mean that women make a big deal out of small things and men a bigger deal out of small and big things? Or does that mean that some arguments are frivolous and can be resolved through humor but that some differences between men and women are so stark that they might actually cause serious rifts in the relationship?

Warning: This MIGHT make you smile but it will make you angry too!

SCENE ONE:

He: Who is that guy?
She: Oh he is my best pal Rakesh. Remember I told you about him?
He: I think he likes you.
She: HUH?
He: Yeah I can tell from the way he talks to you.
She: But he knows I have a boyfriend.
He: It does not matter. I know men. I tell ya!
She: Haha. You are crazy.
He: I don't want you talking to him.
She: I can't stop talking to him.
He: FINE!

She is upset. He is angry. Rakesh is oblivious.

SCENE TWO.

He: I am sorry I cannot make it to the party tonight.
She: But you promised.
He: Something came up.
She: Please.
He: Work is important, you know.
She: Finish it fast.
He: NO! I cannot!!!
She: Stop being rude.
He: You do not understand, do you? Why do we have to go through this every single time?
She: Then don't do this everytime!
He: Fine! I will come if that's all you care about.
She: No need to. (hangs up)
He: (calls again)
She: (does not answer)
He: (calls up again)
She (does not answer)
He: (After 8 hours, calls again): I am sorry.
She: That's ok.

She lets go after being miserable for 8 hours. He got his work done.

SCENE THREE:

She: Sheela had a baby last week and guess what they named the baby?
He: Uh huh.
She: Guess.
He: I don't know. You tell me.
She: Chitranjan.
He: Okay.
She: No reaction?
He: Ya. It's an odd name.
She: And guess what? Ratna told me that our boss is laying people off next week.
He: Uh huh.
She: Are you listening?
He: Not really.
She: What?
He: So what can I do if they are laying people off?
She: I am just telling you because I am worried.
He: But there is nothing I can do about it. What do you want me to do with information?

She picks up the phone to call her mother. He goes back to reading www.cnn.com

Hum Tum

Men. Women. So different. Yet want to live together. Sometimes it beats me how they manage.

Here are some common scenarios. And when I say common, I mean it!

SCENE ONE

She: You don't call me enough.
He: But I texted you.
She: So why could you just not call?
He: Cos there was nothing to talk about!
She: How come I always have something to talk about and you don't?
He: Cos you like to tell me about the whole world and I don't really care.
She: Are you saying you don't care about what I say.
He: No I am saying I don't care about those people you talk about.
She: So you don't care about the people who are important to me.
He: When did I say that?
She: Never mind!

She walks off in a huff. He wonders what he did wrong.

SCENE TWO

She: Did you like what I cooked?
He: Yeah I did. Can you pass me the chili sauce?
She: So it's not spicy enough for you?
He: Its good but I like it spicy.
She: So that means you really did not like it.
He: No I liked it.
She: If you liked it, why didn't you tell me on your own?
He: I had just eaten a bite. If you would have waited a little bit, I would have told you.
She: Never mind, I am not going to cook fancy stuff again.

She is upset. He keeps eating.

SCENE THREE

She: You always fall asleep early.
He: But I wake up at 7 am.
She: But it's the weekend.
He: But this is a habit.
She: You never sit up and watch movies with me.
He: I try to but I cannot help it if I fall asleep.
She: Then how do you stay up when you your "boys night out"?
He: That's because we are out and I am with a bunch of people.
She: So are you saying that they are more interesting than me?
He: No what I am saying is that I cannot fall asleep in a bar or a club.
She: I guess because there are so many pretty girls there for you to look at.
He: Huh?
She: Do you think I am pretty?
He: Yeah you are beautiful.
She: Then how come you never tell me that?
He: I am going to sleep. Good night.

She sobs. He sleeps.

And it never ends...................

Tagged!

Tagged by Badshah Khan.
Here goes!

http://mm-mm-mm-good.blogspot.com/2008/01/tagged.html

Single No More-II

Since that post created a lot of hot debate and healthy discussions, I decided to do an informal survey by asking friends and acquaintances of Indian origin, if they would marry a divorcee or a widow. And here are some of the answers I got. Also included are some statements that I have heard in the past.

1) No way..used maal!

2) I don't know. I would have to ask my mother.

3) No. (no explanations given)

4) I don't know but maybe I would.

5) No because I do not want to marry someone who has wanted someone else to change in the past and did not want to change herself for the marriage.

6) No. My parents' heads will hang in shame.

7) I would but my parents would abandon me and I would not be able to live with that.

8) Yes. If I love her as much as I love my present girlfriend, I would.

9) If I love her, it would not matter.

10) I would. Yes she carries a baggage of a failed marriage but if i think i can help her carry it and handle it with her ... i think there is nothing wrong.

I will add more comments as and when I get them but I suspect that people might even fear me when I ask that question if they have already read this blog. I am glad that the ones above were open and frank enough to give me their honest opinion. But the results are very disturbing (barring a few ones that are encouraging). Most of these people are not even 28 yet. And we say "India is changing"!

Another twist to this. Today I was reprimanded for asking this question. I was told by a 22-year-old today that it is people like me who create these categories between single and divorced/widowed individuals by asking people such questions. Talk about projection!

P.S: Readers are also welcome to participate in this survey by asking around. I will be glad to include the responses here.

Let's Be (UN)fair!

My mom used to tell me, that when I was born, she used to pinch me several times a day for several weeks, to make sure that I was born fair-complexioned and that that was to stay. Apparently, if you pinch a baby, if the skin turns pink, the baby is dark complexioned, and if the skin turns white, the baby is fair-complexioned. My mother is of a darker complexion and was reminded of this fact all her growing life with the implication that it would be difficult to find a groom for her.

As I was growing up, I got to hear words such as "beautiful", "pretty", "eligible" all the time just because I was/am fair. I often felt that my intelligence, achievements, personality, nature, never mattered as long as I was fair. I also got to hear the word "lucky" all the time, because now I would have a variety of potential grooms to choose from. Matrimonial ads never failed to stress how fair the boy or the girl was and that they in turn were seeking fair partners. Now is that really fair (pun intended) to pick or reject one's partner based on their complexion? I remember what a hard time my uncle had in convincing his mother about marrying my aunt just because she was darker. His words, "I want to marry a Black Beauty"! Her words, "But you can find someone better because you are fair!".

That suggests that the word beauty is paired with a fair complexion, amongst Indians. And when the beauty is not lighter, one feels the need to specify that the beauty is black! The result of this phenomena is that the not so fair people grow up with low self-esteem, body hatred, regrets, and spend a whole lot of money on fairness creams and lotions (which thrive on these people's naivety and play with their emotions).

Looking at the bigger picture, in the United States, there is a separate label of people who are not white. They are called "people of color". Blacks (African Americans), Browns (Indians), and Yellows (East Asians) all fall in this category. And often discriminated against.

The implications of this kind of an attitude are broad. And the reasons for the diffence in skin color are simple.
http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/ngm/0211/feature2/online_extra.html
Skin color has nothing to do with bad luck and darker skin color does not mean that your life is potentially ruined. Let us try and accept who we are, make the others realize that who we are does not change if we decided to get ourselves tanned or bleached, and that it is not fair (literally!) to put darker people down!

Single No More..

This blog is dedicated to all those beautiful people out there who are divorced or widowed.

Over the past few years, I have encountered more and more people who were married once, but not anymore. More divorcees than widows or widowers. Some single and happy, some single and lonely, and some isolated, not by choice. Some regret their decision and some feel lost and wonder what to do.

Over the past few years, I have encountered more and more young people who were never married but are considering marriage. And yet, will never consider marrying a divorcee or widower/widow. Why? Some reasons are attributed to the others such as, "My parents would never allow it" while some reasons are atrocious such as, "They have their own community". I understand that it is hard for Indian parents to digest such open-mindedness because they come from times when divorces were not prevalent. They have their own "community"? What does that mean?

Clearly, they are labeled. Labeled as flawed. Labeled as outcasts in the marriage market. Labeled as unacceptable. Fit to be in a community with other flawed people.

I say damn right they belong to another community. And I say damn right they should marry only other divorcees or widows/widowers. They belong to a community of people who have ridden emotional roller coasters, who have gone through hell, who have suffered a lot at a young age, and someone who has never married before will perhaps not understand what they have gone through.

Divorcees and widows/widowers are not in the phase of life they are in as a matter of choice. They did not enjoy it. And they clearly do not deserve this treatment.

My Best Friend

How many times have you looked in the mirror and said:

"I am fat!"

"My shoulders are too thin."

"I wish I was fairer"

"If only I were two inches taller".....

How many times have you made a mistake and said:

"I am so stupid"

"So dumb of me"

"I just cant do this"

We are always finding faults with ourselves. Yet we find faults with the people who find faults with us. And then we complain that we are lonely, that the people we put our faith in betrayed us, and that we do not deserve to be treated this way.

Yes, you are right. You do not deserve to be treated this way. You are special. Maybe not a VIP, maybe not a bollywood star, maybe not a renowned artist, and maybe not the richest person in the whole world. Yet, you are special to a select few...like your parents, siblings, friends, etc. And if you feel like all of the above really do not care for you, then do not forget that you are special to yourself. After all, are you not the one who spends time with you 24 hours a day? Are you not the one who knows you inside out? Are you not the one who talks to yourself in your head? Then why put yourself down?

Numerous people walk in and out of our lives. A boyfriend could now be an ex-boyfriend. A best friend could now be just a memory. A carpool partner could only be a once-a-month-phonecall friend. But someone who is always there for you is you. So when you feel lonely and alone, do not forget that you are there. Pamper yourself. Take care of yourself. Treat yourself as your own best friend. Do things that you would for a best friend.

When was the last time you cooked something special for yourself, or treated yourself just for the heck of it? Maybe today is that day. The day to celebrate a best friend called "I".

Which half are you?

They call a spouse the "better half". That means that the two halves are making a one. Sometimes that one piece does not look right. Just like gaudy plastic violet roses in a crystal vase, or salsa over spaghetti, or diesel in a Mustang. Result: chaos, breakdown, misfit, and so on.

So when we come together with our soulmates and unify in a romantic relationship, it is not always what you may dream of or expect it to be. Salsa goes well with chips. Spaghetti goes well with marinara sauce. But salsa with spaghetti is a very unusual combination. Such unusual combinations are also found in relationships, often discovered late by those experiencing them and ignored by those observing them.

This post is dedicated to all my questioning friends. Those who recently got out of bitter or not-so-bitter-yet relationships and are questioning fate. Maybe you were the crystal vase in the relationship; beautiful, precious, and containing. You held on to the pink gaudy roses no matter how ugly they looked in you, just because you liked the feeling of holding them. But if those flowers have left you for another vase, don't fret. More flowers will come your way. Pretty flowers, precious flowers, and REAL flowers.

Sometimes what we think is best for us may not be best for us. And if they go, let them go. Only if the vase is empty, can it make way for the best. Keep shining. This phase too shall pass!

Pets or People?

Do you have any pets? I don't.
Do you like pets? I don't. Not yet.
Would you like to have a pet? Maybe. I think so.
What kind of a pet would you like to have? A dog.

I cannot believe, I just said that! A dog? I am afraid of dogs. Puppies, maybe not. Full grown dogs? Definitely. And yet, last night, as I was pondering over certain people that I have encountered in my life, I realized that I was better off having a dog in my life rather than them. I, also for the first time, did not laugh or feel sorry about these so called "lonely Americans who buy Get Well Soon greeting cards for their sick pet".

I have never had a pet but heard many stories, especially of dogs. And as I write this blog, I realize..

• A dog will never not answer your call because he or she is not in the mood, busy with his or her significant other, or has his or her phone on silent.
• A dog will never not answer the door because he or she is asleep, is screening visitors, or still at work.
• A dog will never laugh at you, ask you to "get over it", or get bored of listening to your problems over and over again.
• A dog will never cheat on you, lie to you, or break your trust.
• A dog will never go "bitch" (no pun intended!) about you behind your back.
• A dog will never tell you that you need to lose weight or get your eyebrows done or get a face lift.
• A dog will never hit you, or abuse you.
  
• A dog will never fuss over the food that you have cooked.
• A dog will not change overnight and dump you!
  
• A dog will always feel sad when you are sad and be happy when you are happy.
• A dog will always be loyal to you.
• A dog will always go shopping with you if you wanted him or her to.
• A dog will sleep next to you if you want him or her to, whether or not you have had a fight with him or her.
• A dog will always..............be there for you!

And so, the next time I switch apartments, I am going to rent a pet-friendly one. And buy myself a friend who will always be my friend. Any advice for a first-timer? BTW, I do know that barking dogs seldom bite!

Switch the channel please!!

Are you one of those people who is unable to watch one TV channel for hours?
Are you one of them who is tempted to switch channels when a commercial comes through, often forgetting to go back to the original program?
Are you one of those who has to watch two programs at one time because both are your favorite and you cannot miss one for the other?
Are you one of those people who feels handicapped when the remote control is missing?

If you answered no to all the questions above, then are you one of those people who feel mighty irritated at those who do the above??

Well, don't be. Think about this. Don't we all sometimes wish that someone talking to us would just shut up like a droning professor or a snappy boss? Sometimes, we often wish that the person talking changes their topic of discussion such as a nagging wife who wont stop talking about how you left the toilet seat up or an angry mother who is displeased with the time you came home. Wouldn't a remote control work wonders in this case? Play, pause, lower volume, and switch channels as you please!!

And then taking it up to a deeper level..don't we often wish that we could just get rid of some people who came into our lives but are completely useless to us? Easier said than done! But if we had a remote, just like the couch potato, we could have switched on to a better person, and forgotten about what we were wasting our time on, in a jiffy!

Yesterday, I found new respect (for lack of a better word) for channel switchers. They are able to forget quickly, move on quickly, not live in the past, not worry about the future, and get rid of whoever or whatever they think is a waste of time! Wish I could do that...

Now will someone switch the channel of my life please? I am bored!