Age no bar!

Easy to say that I befriend all..age no bar, caste no bar, gender no bar!
Difficult to implement...!

Have you noticed teens, preteens, and young children playing in the playground. Rarely, have I seen teens accepting preteens in their rowdy soccer manhandling, and preteens accepting young children in their "investigative" adventures. Young children on the other hand are more accepting, more open. As we grow older, we lose these attributes. Sad but true.

Notice how young adults in their early 20's like to address over-the-hill adults in their 30's as "aunty" or "uncle" or worse still, "grandma", just because they are just a few years older? Notice how they address teenagers as "kids" because they are a few years younger? Notice how young adults in their 20's do not lose some of their late teenage traits of being obstinate and "I am old enough to make my own decisions" attitude and yet continue to prove themselves wrong with their faulty assumptions about the world and life in general? Notice how people in their 30's will smirk and say, "Been there done that!" and choose to snicker in silence. Notice how they look at those in their 40's and say, "There is no way I am going to act old like them!"

Notice how teenagers will want to play video games and watch porn in their free time, while young adults in their 20's will like to get together and go bowling or to the dance club, while those in their 30's will prefer to have dinner parties and watch movies..it gets more and more subtle each decade. So I cannot fathom how there is an "AGE NO BAR-I am very open-minded" attitude when in reality to find a common point will not only be difficult to find but also frustrating every single time.

May I point out that there are exceptions to every age group as well. I know of people in their early 20's with the wisdom of someone much older and yet possess the innocense and naivety of a young adult. At the same time, their very own "best friends" perhaps look 30 but talk like they are 13, full of the arrogant air that accompanies good looking teenagers in their puberty age with the ambition to rule the world. No problem with that..except they want to be dictators. And then I see people in their 30's with similar issues as well. And some who truly do act like "grandmas" and hence, the rest of the clan get the privilege to be teased that way.

This blog stems from some exhaustion from witnessing the immature attitudes that the "young ones" portray each day, the relief that I have long outgrown that phase, and the fear that arises from witnessing those older to me with a more serious attitude. I like who I am today. I want to be with people my age who act the way I do! That does not mean I did not like who I was ten years ago. And may in all likelihood like who I am at 45. I can only pray and hope that I say the same ten years from now!

Why hate when you can love?

Think of someone you hate, dislike, cannot stand....like maybe a "friend", neighbor, co-worker, relative, roommate, teacher?

Think of the effort that you put into your interactions with them? None, you would say because you prefer not to interact with them if you help it. What about the times when you absolutely cannot get away without doing so..situations such as bumping into them on the street, settling accounts, working on a team, obliging to a request they make?
Imagine the scenario..

Muscles tensing, mouth drooping, a conscious effort to not grimace, an internal sigh, a crooked smile, a frantic effort to sound polite, a reminder to self to not have an outburst, and a sour one hour after the interaction.

Think of someone you love, like, adore....like maybe a friend, neighbor, co-worker, relative, roommate, teacher?
Think of the effort that you put into your interactions with them? None, you would say because your interactions come naturally to you. What about the times when you get into situations such as bumping into them on the street, settling accounts, working on a team, obliging to a request they make?
Imagine the scenario...

Cannot imagine what the muscles are like, mouth smiling upward, no conscious efforts, no sighs, natural politeness or maybe even some jovial comments, no reminders to self, and a great day ahead.

I am not going to ask you what sounds better. We all know that talking to people we love is more enjoyable than those damned people we hate, right? But which one had you put in more effort? Where was there more energy utilized...not only then but also after that? Which one had you exude negative energy? The first situation, I would assume. Then why do we say things like "I dont care if that B**** said that"..If you dont care about it, why talk about it? And what about the physical effects of your anger? The blood pressure and the pounding heart? Fretting and fuming is not helping. So how about letting go...easier said than done....but think about it rationally.

Its better to forgive and forget and move on. Let's focus on love and not hate. Remember the song from "Satwaan Aasmaan"...Where is the time to hate..when there is so little time to love???

Hypocrites

Why is that when I dont return someone's phone calls, I am supposed to have an attitude but that when other people don't respond to my text messages, its because they are "busy"?

Why is it that if I am egoistic and jealous, I am supposed to stay away from someone's orkut profile, when they seem egoistic just to even make that statement?

Why is it that when I watch a movie in the middle of the night, I am being inconsiderate but when they create noise they are just being "girly and fun"?

Why is it that when I am late, its a big inconvenience but when others are, they just were caught up and are forgiven?

Why is that I am jealous if I dont like what someone said but if they don't like what I said, its truly because its not good?

Why is it that if someone told me some good news and all did not end well, it was because i cast a black eye but if the same happened to me its only because of bad luck?

Why is it that when I hang out with people who speak my native language, I am in a clique but when they do it, they are only being with friends they are comfortable with?

Why is it that if I forget to share some information with someone, I am being secretive, but if they do it, then they simply assumed that everyone already knew?

Why is it that if I dont invite someone to a party, its because I dont like them but if they do that, its because they only wanted a selective group?

Why is it that you think I wrote this blog keeping you in mind when if you do it its only to voice out some common concerns?

Why is it that I am asking you so many questions that you think need to be answered but if you do the same, its only a comment with a question mark at the end?

Why is that this blog is boring because it talks about the fundamental attribution error again while if you would have done it, it was just because its important?

Spring forward...fall backward?

Daylight savings time..some people react to it like just another event in the million that occur, and some moan and groan like it is the end of the world and take a long time in adjusting to the one hour difference!



How about you when it comes to springing forward or falling backward in life? How often are we put in situations where we have to move ahead of our times or go behind to connect with what we missed on the way?



Example: AGE! As we physically age, we grow wiser ( I hope). Sometimes, a ten year old may have to act like a 2o year old in the presence of abnormal situations such as the lack of parents in the home to tend to a younger sibling and hardships that have made the child stronger and more mature.

How about the example of an older woman who marries a younger man and often needs to go back developmentally in order to "stay compatible" with her partner? Consider the example of a woman who is married and is mentally and emotionally ahead on the path of wanting a child while her partner is not. Is is possible to go a step behind and suddenly not be prepared to have the child. At the most, one can sacrifice one's desire and make a compromise. One might be happy or discontent with one's decision but that would not mean taking a step backward. On the other hand, the partner might be able to take a step forward to keep up with the pace of his partner.

They say ignorance is bliss. I believe it truly is. Once we have the knowledge about something, it is truly difficult to "unlearn" it. Heard of anyone unlearn how prejudice and discriminate affect South Asians in the workplace? No..and we cannot. We have already taken a step forward in gaining that information. Sometimes, I wish I had never known things. That I could live in the paradise of oblivion and stay stagnant in one place. Once I spring forward, I cannot fall backward. I cannot function like the clock in the United States and Europe on the last weekend of October.

When I interact with people younger than me, carefree and unaware of life's hurdles, I wonder if I could step backward and turn into a 20-year-old again. And then I stop myself...because I do not want to go through the pain of stepping forward and bidding silent goodbyes to those who I leave behind, yet again. I now only have to keep moving ahead. And forward, I will spring...into the future...to see what lies ahead.

Thanks, and keep moving ahead..chin up..look forward.

The Fear Factor

How many things are we missing out on because of our fear?

Some people fear the roller coasters..I think I love them so much that I was born on them.
I get asked, "HOW CAN YOU?" all the time!!
My logic is..We are well tied, well secured, I dont have a heart problem (yet) to get a heart attack, there are other people with me, this roller coaster has been used fo years, so on and so forth!
And after all, how many more people die in automobile crashes as compared to roller coasters? Do we stop driving automobiles?

Likewise, test anxiety. How many of us had upset stomachs prior to a test or blanked out during a test. Only because we fear that we might fail, do bad, or not get the usual A. But do we realize that we work ourselves up to such an extent that we don't remember what we actually learned? Ya maybe we could fail. But how about thinking about it after the fact as opposed to before the fact? Fear controls us. And we allow it to be an obstacle.

And then comes my favorite, RELATIONSHIPS. I have heard people saying that they do not care to have a romantic relationship after they have failed in one. Because they are afraid that it might happen again, fearful that they will be hurt again. Some people fail to trust after being cheated on. Normal reactions. Understandable emotions. But yet, we allow fear to decide the course of our lives. How about giving it a shot? Maybe we will be hurt. But what does not kill us only makes us stronger right?

Thanks, and let's be brave.

Genetics made simple

We are social animals. We are genetically programmed to affiliate, to connect, to build relationships, to love, to share.. And yet, there are some people who are conflicted about this inheritance and seek to fight it. These people are known as commitment phobes.

I wish I could get into the heads of these people. I do not condemn for being who they are. We all are a certain way due to some reason, maybe some experience, some trauma, some social learning. When we avoid something, its because its threatening to us. Like the xenophobic who avoids foreigners like plaque because they are "different" and hence, dangerous. This programming comes from our ancestors who chose to attack anything that was different in order to defend and survive.

So when commitment phobes avoid committing to one person, maybe they are threatened that they will lose their freedom, I suppose. That they will be bound and made to "obey". I know that evolutionary psychologists explain that men are born to sow their seed as widespread as possible. Sounds gross and immoral to me. I hate to believe it. But somehow I do. As a woman, I know how faithfulness and loyalty is important to me. Exactly the same way, multiple partners is important to men, maybe? That means that those men who commit are NOT the norm.

Men are social animals. They are programmed to connect and affiliate with several.
Women are social animals. They are programmed to connect and affiliate with one.
I have met many men and women who differ from the norm. What kind of a man or woman are you?

Thanks men, try and differ from the norm. Thanks women, stay the norm. That way the world will be a happier place.

I am jealous!! Stay away!!

Someone once told me that if you dont like someone, its because you might be jealous of them. I poohed poohed the idea.

Until...................................

I heard things that people were saying about me, through close friends. And those things did not make sense! One might say against my defense that I was only trying to brush away my behavior that ticked the other person off or made them not like me.

So then.............................

I started the painful process of examining my feelings and the underlying hidden reasons for why I "hated" certain people. And yes, true enough...of all the people that I hated, they had something in their life that I was jealous about. But that got me wondering, is jealousy the only cause of hate? So then I got thinking about the people that I "disliked" (not as bad as hate huh!!). And there...I disliked something that they had, a trait I could not stand, a behavior that was annoying, or a habit that was standoffish..but I did not hate them!! And most importantly, I felt sorry for them more than anything else!!

I so sincerely wish that I could give you some real life instances but I am a bit cowardly in this matter. I have no problems in telling you who I hate. But by no means do I want those people to know that I envy them! Ironic..I am being vulnerable and honest but only to a certain point.

But hey, I can give you some filmi examples to make it more dramatic for you (no pun intended). I hate Shahrukh Khan, from the bottom of my heart. In fact, I often feel homicidal towards him to the extent that I dont even attempt to watch his movies anymore in fear that I might break my TV set. I actually feel like kicking myself right now for even including him in my precious blog. But I think this is important to get my point across. And as much as I hate to admit it, I think there is some jealousy that I experience with regards to this man. SRK has received accolades and recognition for his work way beyond what he deserves. Aamir Khan on the other hand, is a master at what he does and still does not get that. I love Aamir Khan and therefore, am jealous of SRK, and therefore, I hate him! Makes sense?

One last point that I would like to make here is that in my mind, jealousy and envy are two ends of the same continuum. I think that though both have their own negative connotations, envy can be healthy, especially in a competitive world where the fittest survives. If you are envious of someone's achievements, you might be able to motivate yourself to work harder. Jealousy on the other hand can be fairly unhealthy, anger provoking, negative, and debilitating. Thankfully, there are not too many people who I am jealous of. But I am most definitely working on getting rid of this negativity in me. Phew!! I actually need to cool off a bit because I just talked about SRK and that has my limbic system overworked. But till then, give this a thought!

Thanks, and let's not get too jealous if we can help it!