NOW!

Yesterday, the weather was perfect. The skies were blue, the waters green, the sun shone bright, and a cool breeze blew. Yes, it did seem picture-perfect as I enjoyed every minute of my lazy afternoon watching little children jump joyously, splashing water at each other in the lake. Nearby, their parents watched them lovingly, enjoying a beer or two, and basking in the sun, wearing the bare minimums. Couples held hands and kissed in the water while I sat there on the grass with a smile on my lips, thanking God for a wonderful day.

And then it happened. On my way back home, I began to dread Monday. Monday blues are something that we all commonly experience at some point in our lives, whether or not we love our jobs or whatever else we do for a living. I began to groan in my head at the thought of waking up to a shrill alarm clock at 7:20 am, dressing up to go to work, juggling my way through horrible traffic, and going through boring training seminars for half the day. For dinner, I stopped by at my favorite cafe to eat a healthy sandwich and enjoyed it thoroughly as I bit into the greens smothered with feta cheese and a mediterranean dressing. The moment I set foot into my car, my Monday blues returned.

I came back home and turned on the TV, a luxury that I have now begun to afford after my school days. And yet, I could not focus. I kept glancing at the clock, wishing bedtime never came. However, as hard as I tried, I was unable to change my destiny. The clock did strike midnight. My eyes did get droopy. I did fall asleep. And I did get up on time to go to work today.

As I write this post, another Monday has passed by. I now await the weekend and am counting my days till Friday. But then I wonder, what is the point? In waiting for the Friday, I am losing out on all the experiences of joy that I could have encountered today or might tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that too.

In waiting for the future, am I spoiling my present? Did I miss out on experiencing the full joy of hearing from someone I had not in ten years today? Did I miss out smiling genuinely when the cashier at the gas station told me that I looked beautiful today? Did I miss out on the great sunset while driving back home on Sunday evening?

Some of us are truly living in the future with the hope of making it better without realizing that in doing so, we are losing out the opportunity of enjoying an already good present. We have to live in the NOW. Not in the THEN. They don't say "tomorrow never comes" without a reason.

The Future

I was asked a few days ago, "What are you looking forward to in life?".

After much thought, I said, "Nothing" and I meant it.

A simple question led to a series of thoughts. I felt ashamed that I had nothing to look forward to in life, and that if I did, I was unaware of it. I wondered if I had reached a stagnation point in life where all my dreams either were fulfilled or not that important anymore, or was I simply weary and sleep-deprived and unable to look beyond my basic needs that day, or better still, was I very present-oriented, like the sages in the Himalayas?

I wonder if others feel the same way. Some people look forward to the weekends, just like I do. Some people look forward to graduation, just like I do. Some people look forward to retirement, just like I do. Some people look forward to marriage, just like I do. Some people look forward to children, just like I do.

But I remember looking forward to coming to the United States. But I remember looking forward to working here. But I remember looking forward to buying my own car. But I remember looking forward to a doctoral degree.

What changed? I was happy and satisfied when I achieved all these, for a fleeting moment, maybe a few months in some instances but then what happened? More wants, more desires. Are we innately not satisfied with what we have, always wanting more? Are we always looking forward to a future that seems more complete than our present? Is that why we run to psychics, get excited when a friend can read our palms, and read up our daily horoscope in the newspaper? Does the unknown seem more exciting? Yet, when asked, I said I was not looking forward to anything.

Is your future better than mine? Are you looking forward to something?

It's All About Control...

It's All About Control..

You control your diet so that you do not put on weight.
But you might still get cancer and die.

You match horoscopes with a potential partner before getting married.
But you still might end up getting a divorce.

You monitor your partner's cellphone bill so that you know that they are not cheating on you.
But they might still not love you and you will be unhappy.

You ask your child to sign up for an engineering or medicine program.
But they might still not do well and fail.

You balance your checkbook each time and keep your extravagant purchases under check.
But you might still be robbed and lose all your savings.

You might keep your car shining bright and sparkling clean so that it continues to look brand new.
But you might still have someone scratch it and bump into it without you knowing.

You might spread rumors or bite someone in the back so that they are not liked.
But you might end up being the one who is disliked.

You might plan your next vacation spot to a T.
But you might still face stormy weather and never take off.

It's all about control, we think. You control our life, your actions, your behaviors, other's choices, and then cry when things do not work out. Planning is good..but control?

It's all about control. Yes! A different kind of control. Control that thought that things should always be a certain way. Control that worry of what will happen if things do not happen they way you planned them. Control the rigidity. Sometimes, things do not work out. And no matter how hard you try to hold them a certain way, they will slip away..just like sand in your palms. Control what you can. And be open to what comes along.

There is only so much you can do.

Spring forward...fall backward?

Daylight savings time..some people react to it like just another event in the million that occur, and some moan and groan like it is the end of the world and take a long time in adjusting to the one hour difference!



How about you when it comes to springing forward or falling backward in life? How often are we put in situations where we have to move ahead of our times or go behind to connect with what we missed on the way?



Example: AGE! As we physically age, we grow wiser ( I hope). Sometimes, a ten year old may have to act like a 2o year old in the presence of abnormal situations such as the lack of parents in the home to tend to a younger sibling and hardships that have made the child stronger and more mature.

How about the example of an older woman who marries a younger man and often needs to go back developmentally in order to "stay compatible" with her partner? Consider the example of a woman who is married and is mentally and emotionally ahead on the path of wanting a child while her partner is not. Is is possible to go a step behind and suddenly not be prepared to have the child. At the most, one can sacrifice one's desire and make a compromise. One might be happy or discontent with one's decision but that would not mean taking a step backward. On the other hand, the partner might be able to take a step forward to keep up with the pace of his partner.

They say ignorance is bliss. I believe it truly is. Once we have the knowledge about something, it is truly difficult to "unlearn" it. Heard of anyone unlearn how prejudice and discriminate affect South Asians in the workplace? No..and we cannot. We have already taken a step forward in gaining that information. Sometimes, I wish I had never known things. That I could live in the paradise of oblivion and stay stagnant in one place. Once I spring forward, I cannot fall backward. I cannot function like the clock in the United States and Europe on the last weekend of October.

When I interact with people younger than me, carefree and unaware of life's hurdles, I wonder if I could step backward and turn into a 20-year-old again. And then I stop myself...because I do not want to go through the pain of stepping forward and bidding silent goodbyes to those who I leave behind, yet again. I now only have to keep moving ahead. And forward, I will spring...into the future...to see what lies ahead.

Thanks, and keep moving ahead..chin up..look forward.

Creating history

I have often heard young children say when asked what they want to grow old to be, "I want to be famous".

Today, my professor, colleagues and I chatted about our heritage; where we all came from, what values we shared, what our ancestors were like, and how our lives had molded up till this point. And as I rattled off my story beginning from the time my grandparents married, I was surprised at myself. Never had I given that part of my history so much thought. It was all taken for granted. Very matter of fact. Just something that had happened and was over and gone. And yet, today I felt this strange emotion, a lump in my throat, and a sense of panic. I panicked that I did not know enough and that it was too late now to discover more.

We may not be world renowned. But one day, our grandchildren will be talking about us and the impact our life decisions had on them the way I talked about my grandparents today. And then we will be famous and a part of their history. Today, for a change, I focused on my present and not on my future. It is my present that will be history tomorrow. The future will one day be my present and that is when I will worry about it.

Thanks, and live in the present to make a wonderful past for those in the future.