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Thursday, April 3, 2008

Anger Management

Seen the movie Anger Management? Heard about "Anger Management"? It had been a fad a few years back to send a child for "anger management" counseling. Though the fad now is to have one's child be diagnosed as "bipolar", anger management continues to be trendy to some folks. I have one client who is coming to me right now for "Anger Management" (which a lot of you will read about on the weekend on "The Woes of a Psychology Student".

I always am amused when my clients come to me saying we need anger management. "Why! The very reason you are here is that you have managed your anger in some way, just not the right way!!", is what I think to myself!

Anyway, this blog is focused on how I have personally seen some people manage their anger. You might find it appropriate or you might find it amusing. Maybe it is, maybe it's not. Whatever you think, don't get angry...simply manage your anger.

Disclaimer: Any resemblance to any person, living or dead, is surely not coincidental.

Here are some ways that you might wanna try that I have already observed in the recent past..

  • Make faces at the person they are mad at and say "neneenenene.." on their face...
  • Bang doors as well as pots and pans....oh and even the car door of the person you are mad at...
  • Pull your own eyebrows...
  • Clean the kitchen, the bathroom, and whatever else that you can set your hands on to clean...
  • Delete your scraps from the other person's scrap book and delete the ones that you received from them as well, or delete them off from your list!
  • Not respond to their scraps but respond to everyone everyone elses...(Orkut again!)
  • Shake your head like you would in a "halo" shampoo ad and walk away...
  • Shake your leg vehemently while being seated...
  • Give warnings on ORKUT to the other person about getting their act together...

(WOW Orkut seems to be a good medium these days..talk about anger management on the internet huh..)

And maybe there are many others such as speeding and driving as if you are the hero/heroine of a hindi movie and braking with the most unpleasant screech, yelling and being dramatic and rattling dialogues from a movie such as "how could you do this to me?" and "You broke your promise, I will never forgive you", and finding a private place to cry which sometimes turns out to be a dry bathtub. Of course cussing, getting thoughts of slapping the other person, or even punching them to give them a blue eye seems normal these days. My technique is to sulk, yell out expletives, go red like a beetroot, and say "I am pissed" at least ten times!

Anyone got any more interesting observations that they can add to my little list?


Thanks, and don't get mad that this is a repost. :)

56 Words of Wisdom:

Sam said...

Well, for me, I get real mean, say things I should never be saying and then lightning stikes!! I repent every action of mine and end up apologising for a fair bit!! :(

Nirmal's Blog said...

hmmm this a good post but i hardly need this ..(well but friends need it regularly)..
my mom says start counting from 1-10 when u r reallly angry...this cools u off....if i doesnt work first time start doing it again...
no wonder i can hear my mom doing that every time i m nearby.....

and this counting works in other areas too...but this post is not rgt place to share that.....lols..

♥bμşγ-ŵŗϊŧēŕ♥ said...

hehe, orkut? hmm yeah i have this tendency to del stuff when am really angry too...deletin sorta cools me down. even the common, counting..or repeating constantly to myself "not to lose my temper" helps too!

Deobrat Singh said...

I liked the way Irfan Khan helps Konkana Sen handle her anger/stress in the movie "Life in a Metro".

Its a two step process -
1. Go on the rooftop of a tall building so you have a good view of the entire city.
2. Yell at the top of your voice... as loud as you can... just let everything go and just yell


At first, it sounded stupid to me. But when I tried it myself, even I started preaching it :)

Anjuli said...

I need to learn it BIG TIME!

Nachi said...

hey gujjuben, kem cho?? :)

i generally have cooled down a lot in the past couple of years, and my patience threshold has considerably increased. but still there are times when i happen loose my temper and when that happens, i tend to keep away from people. cause otherwise i am at my nastiest and meanest best when mad. and it really doesn't help to have people nearby to face the music.

so i stay by myself, i pick up my books and read, tune into my ipod and listen and cook! yeah cooking helps me big time...

SambY said...

i go to the bee hive... scream my lungs out... and sit bax n relax...

romila said...

The fourth bulletted point is my anger management strategy:)the fringe benifit being at the end of the day, I've my house all spick and span.

dharmabum said...

sometimes one has to feign anger - it works, and is also needed...to pretend to be angry, realy angry, yet not BE angry, not be affected ourselves by it, thats the challenge

vishesh said...

lol....i don't get angry ..well atleast not as much as others do...mostly i throw tantrums at home...but i can pretty much control my anger(swearing at me is no good...for i hear so much of it everyday that i am immune to it..and because i don't get provoked no physical brawls)...but well why do ppl need to get angry...and why on earth when kids get angry it is termed as misbehaviour ?

Bubbles of FireWhiskey said...

"And maybe there are many others such as speeding and driving as if you are the hero/heroine of a hindi movie and braking with the most unpleasant screech"

a friend of mine does that... i just start hunting for the nearest ice cream stand...

AmitL said...

Solitaire-hehe..what advice!!

Would you really tell your client 'Bang doors,pots/pans','shake your leg while seated'(Unless,of course,it's a nice,attractive leg in a skirt!*ROFLs at imagination)?

I wonder what'd happen if they implement it at home!
Would you have husbands or wives(The other half of the people your counselled)up in arms against you!

I have some simpler methods:
- Blog it out!(I haven't needed to,so far)
- Don't react instantly-that's what causes the most fights.Take a deep breath,then,put yourself in the other person's shoes and wonder why he/she said what he/she did.If there's a logical answer,that's it.If not,continue the argument,but,less angrily.
-Avoid talking more than necessary-with people already stressed out,you never know what you might say,even jokingly,which would ruffle their feathers.In other words,think before you speak!

One remedy I haven't tried out yet- break out into singing the song' Hum to aise hain bhaiya'.
(And,watch the other person calm down,if you do a jig as well with it)

(Easer said than done,huh?Yep,takes a great deal of experience..and,even then,I sometimes end up flying off the handle)

Cheers!Hope this comment didn't make you TOOOOO angry!:)

Cinderella. said...

Been there done that !
LOL !

Niyara - Asian Rocxs said...

lol! il go for the clean everything coz i NEVER clean! thats the most productive. id love for the bf to start cleaning up room and kitchen everytime he gets angry! hehe

rayshma said...

apart from what u've mentioned, i've tried the follg:
a. blog. :0)
b. plug in my iPod & dance *this is ONLY if i'm alone at home*
c. go silent.
d. go offline & read/play scrabble/sudoku...
c doesn't always work, because it then pisses off the other person. and then instead of me being cajoled into normalcy, we have a full-blown tiff! hehee!!

Rakesh Kumar said...

i am able to see "The Woes of a Psychology Student"..can u give permission..thanks

Abhishek Upadhyay said...

I make monkey caps for my small nephew.Best for anger management and real stress buster.

carolinagal said...

LOL!! I pretty much do all of the above,,and more.. When nothing works, I start crying...
Good one Sol!! I needed the laugh this AM.

Ashish said...

1) Delete Orkut Profile
2) Go out on to the roof and shout out mother and sister friendly words!
3) Work out
4)iPod

Weird it may sound, but works for me!

aneri_masi said...

I do one of two things...
I talk so much and tell the offending person (if I can) how I feel and things get completely out of hand that I don't even remember what I was venting about in the first place. And I guess once that is forgotten, there is no reason to be angry too :)

Or, I get out of the house (somehow, I never get angry anywhere else! Only those very close to me can get me angry). I walk, drive, whatever. Last time I went out for my angry-walk, I got lost :( Stopped when I reached a dead-end, and had no clue where I was :( Did manage to find my way back though :)

elusive said...

i sure need a lesson i've wrecked a havoc too many times in my life with my not so good anger mgmt, i can be the drama queen, blurt out filmy dialogues and also write filmy posts (read my recent post)..i have done the deleting scraps thing and shift+deleting pictures from my comp is my fav mgmt technique :D

Vandita said...

hmmm i say hmmpf and walk out on the arguement
and then i go back and try to reason...
i have this thing i will shout i will talk but i need answers, i get very irked when the other person cannot give valid reasons for what he /she said or did...

Solitaire said...

@ Sam, are your apologies accepted?

@ Nirmal, Oh I am sure that if no one at least your colleague needs it.

@ Busy writer, haha! Technology at its best.

@ Deobrat, are you serious? You tried it? How did you make yourself do that the first time?

c e e d y said...

I tend to keep quite and leave from the cause.
I actually need to learn to speak and get angry sometimes....is there some classes for that!

Solitaire said...

@ Anjuli, so what's the POA?

@ Nachi, wow all these are constructive things. How the hell did this transformation happen?

@ Samby, glad its your own little bee-hive.

@ Romila, then your family must want you to get angry a lot. ;)

Solitaire said...

@ Ceedy, I think a lot of people here may be willing to give you classes.

@ Vandita, what if the other person remains quiet when they are mad (like Ceedy)?

@ Elusive,oh!!! Filmy dialogues is my favorite thing too. But I never delete pictures. I love pictures too much for that.

Solitaire said...

@ aneri, that's a funny story! I am sure that anger must have turned into confusion.

@ Ashish, I can never delete profiles! Then I would lose all my great testimonials!

@ Carolinagal, crying is my strength too. :)

Solitaire said...

@ Abhishek, monkey caps? Interesting. How does this strategy work?

@ Rakesh, if you give me your email address.

@ Rayshma, you dance when you are angry? Can you send me pictures of that? Must be quite a sight!

Solitaire said...

@ Niyara, hahahahhaha!! My roommate used to do that everytime she had a fight with her bf. Worked to my benefit!

@ Cinderella, :)

@ AmitL, you got it all wrong! This is not my advice. This is just an observation! Gosh! Now I am pissed! :)

Solitaire said...

@ Dharmabum, I already get angry so many times genuinely that feigning anger will only make me crazy!

@ Vishesh, reallly? When kids get angry its misbehavior? I think when they do inappropriate things they are punished. And because some of us were not punished enough as a child, now we are in such a haalat that such posts come up. :)

Solitaire said...

@ Bubbles, I dont think I would do that! If I did, I would look pregnant by now! About the car thing...how long before a cop pulls her/him over, I am wondering.

rOhit said...

Well, truth is its the most easiest of feat to perfectly piss me off. one wouldn't even know when n how it happens. Is that okay?
But anyways, my first step goes opting for sarcasm most of the time, in a very rude too. And after few minutes switch to the worst thrashing for the opposite person, *without* caring whoever it is.
But recently I just alarm them ki dekho ji YOU HAVE BEEN SUCCESSFUL IN PISSING ME OFF BIG TIME. So grant me a leave or lemme kick your but. :)

And yeah, hindi corny dialouges certainly falls in the list. Alongwith, shouting in front of mirror. Talking to ownself loudly. and listening to one of my fav song in anger "I Fucking Hate You" by Godsmack. Trust me the song HEALS big time.

Pavi!!!! said...

I'm sending Vinod to u Sneha...for anger management!

Keshi said...

When Im angry Im VERY ANGRY. Thats cos I dun get angry that often.

Once I lost my temper badly with a friend so I took my car keys and left home..I drove ard in circles like a maniac for over 2hrs! I should never hv driven when I was so angry...I'd hv had an accident and hurt someone else too.

These days when Im angry, I cant even cry...I dunno why..it's like Im frozen and that frustration dun wanna be let out anymore. Its just building within me like a volcano...I dunno when it all erupt :)

One other thing I do when Im angry:

Kick my bed or a wall until I hurt my feet..sometimes I scream so loud n cry...alone in my room.

And one other day, I broke my fone cos I smashed it on the floor.

Yes I can be quite disappointing at times. Im not an angel.



Keshi.

Keshi said...

And I forgot one more thing...


If I didnt hv my iPod during all the times I was angry, I'd be in jail rite now doing time. So THANK GOD FOR MUSIC!

Keshi.

tulipspeaks said...

well.. wht do i do if i got angry?

1. i clean my room, no matter day or night

2. i go for longer walk than usual

3. i go shopping. it works the best.

:P


ammu.

J said...

On a more serious note.. listening to the right kind of music at that point in time helps.. or the other alternative being to channel the anger towards work.

What say doc??

Solitaire said...

@ J, doc says "WONDERFUL"!

@ Tulip, aaaah shopping and cleaning!! Killing three birds with one stone!

@ Keshi, WOW!! That was so painfully honest!!! We all do things when we are mad. Some constructive, some destructive. Maybe you should try and keep some stress balls in your room. The next time you wanna throw something or kick your leg, start using them!!

Solitaire said...

@ Rohit, ok by me. I am sure the others are super cautious though. But it looks like to me that you are using other "better" strategies now than being sarcastic and yelling!! Great job!

Sweetstickychewy said...

I go really silent when i get mad. just really silent. there are many sides to my anger. but right now, when i am hurt and mad going really silent appeals the most. i need time off most of the time. and at these time i rather not talk. just walk off.

They often can't stand that.

yeps.

AaYuShI said...

@ Solitaire..
Wow..lol..it made me laugh..
I'm one terribly pissed creature..ahem..dis one's pretty cool..
you've got a cool blog..
Do visit mines sista..
tc

Prachi said...

hmmmm
strange to see tht orkut is a fav medium. i dont really react when i am angry. i just walk away, take my cooling time and then vent out things in a more arranged manner. if i can not vent it out due to some "reasons" then i write all my frustrations and throw them out of my system. ;)

Solitaire said...

@ Sweetsticky, haha! So often your techniques to cool down make others mad!

@ Aayushi, thanks!! Will do so.

@ Prachi, venting and throwing out of the system is a great method as long as you are not harming anyone in the process!

Bubbles of FireWhiskey said...

lolz... i already look pregnant so im not very worried about that... but yeah, im thinking of subsituting quality walls with ti-amo gelato... [:P]

n as for my speed racing friend... well he stays in delhi... so no cop hassles... a 100 bucks and he's off...

vEENs said...

i slam doors
throw stuff..esp non-breakable kinds.

pinch myself hard

cry

and well... jus go mum for a while.

Rakesh Kumar said...

as u aksed my id to give permission to view ur blog "The Woes of a Psychology Student".."rakesh.spp@gmail".com..once again thanks

peek said...

when am angry or frustrated, i generally start writing on a paper...scribble anything..abuse people there ,cry out and all and then tear it hard into very small pieces...

and sometimes(rarely) ..i punch on the walls.

geet

Satish Bolla said...

i write/type all "gaaliyaan" whn am angry on someone..... :P

vasanth said...

I havent seen "Anger Management" m( would love to see that) but I have worked as a volunteer in a halfway house for youngsters suffering from Schizophrenia. We used to give them a pillow and a stick and ask them to say whatever they wanted to including unprintable expletives as they beat the pillow till the cotton flew out of the ripped pillow cloth. We used to give them one t one counselling too. The incidence of anger would increase if the members had forgotten to take the medicine prescribed bvy their shrink that day.

It was Mark Twain who said "When you are angry count upto ten. When you are very angry SWEAR"

As for me,I vent my anger on my subordinates, who in turn takeit out on their subordinates leading to a chain reaction like bicycles ina cycle stand falling all over like a house of cards. If anger still does not subside I take a valium to come back to normal.

Pavi!!!! said...

When i get too angry..i cry! thats MY way of managing anger.

Solitaire said...

@ bubbles, LOL!

@ Veens, all the other stuff is understandable, but pinch yourself? Go pinch a doll instead!

@ Peek, that's a great idea to vent on paper and throw it but pls...dont be cruel to yourself!

@ Pavi, haha..Same as carolinagal.

Solitaire said...

@ Satish, oh no!! Let me recall if you typed any here..

@ Vasanth, wow. That's quite a remarkable job you were doing working with people who have schizophrenia. As for your way of dealing with it, its funny! You've got some sense of humor. (You were kidding right?)

Mez said...

Do u have tips for someone like me who wants to show Anger else ppl always take me for granted ;)

AmitL said...

hehe...when I read'you might wanna try that I have already observed in the recent past', I thought you were advising.:)And, it was a good piece of advice,na?

vasanth said...

Yes, I was kidding when i said that I take it out on my subordinates leading to a chain reaction. Sounds like slapstick comedy, doesnt it? But what i wrote about pillow beating was serious stuff.

Stupidosaur said...

Be Forrest Gump. Run....run....keep running.
Then just like that...stop.