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Monday, April 7, 2008

Whiners Winners?

They said, "Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone". Recently, I conjured up another quote of my own, "Laugh and the world laughs with you. Whine and the world comforts you.", based on personal experiences and observations.

Picture this.
A girl in her mid-twenties, immigrated to the United States, lost both her parents at age 18, working hard to make both ends meet and goes to school full-time to get an education. No one knows about her family background. Works daily from 8 am to 8 pm. Always has a smile on her face. Only a few close friends know that she is having boyfriend issues, problems with finishing her thesis, and is afraid that she might not be able to return to India soon to visit her older brother. When you meet her and ask her, "How are you?", she says, "Hanging in there!"
An outsider would say, "What a nice girl. What a smooth life."

Now picture this.
A girl in her mid-twenties, immigrated to the United States, lost both her parents at age 18, working hard to make both ends meet and goes to school full-time to get an education. Everyone knows about her family background. Works daily from 8 am to 8 pm. Always has a frown on her face. Her advisor, roommates, teachers, employers, neighbors, friends all know that she is having boyfriend issues, problems with finishing her thesis, and is afraid that she might not be able to return to India soon to visit her older brother. When you meet her and ask her, "How are you?", she says, "Ohhh I am having such a hard time. Life sucks man. Its all so hard..blah blah."
An outsider would say, "Poor girl. What a sad situation to be in."

In graduation ceremonies, I have seen special awards being given to people who have graduated despite hardships and I have wondered, " Who told them about the hardships?". Sometimes, as the MC rattles on the list of those hardships, I picture two other people in my head that I personally know who have gone through harder times and yet not being given any special award of that sort.

When the girl in scenario 1 eventually breaks down at some point, and starts crying, or becomes aggressive, something that she normally is not, people look down at her. Wonder how such a strong girl suddenly became weak. Wonder if she is a weirdo. And wonder if she needs anger management treatment. And no one bothers to ask her what she needs. On the other hand, when the girl in scenario 2 breaks down, cries, becomes aggressive, people lend her a shoulder to cry on, appear sympathetic, and ask her what they can offer her.

Are we punishing people who are self-reliant and independent, when they do reach out for help of some sort, by rejecting their "new personality"? Are we encouraging people to talk more about their problems if that is their habit? Are we reinforcing extroverts who may like to talk about their problems? Are we giving rewards to extroverted people who like to announce to the world their poor plight as compared to those those people who like to suffer in silence so as not to elicit false sympathies?

Are we then as a society rewarding people who whine in comparison to those who do not?

74 Words of Wisdom:

c e e d y said...

Again comments for two posts together

Last post - yes I have two good friends - we take care of each other in any possible way - dont have to worry once we ask each other that we need something to be done - money, effort, etc etc nothing comes into play......

unfortunately for me they are in bombay.....all others I think are more acquaintances who are flowing in the same river at the given moment and time

---------------------------------
for this one - I agree with you - I can identify with this - being jovial and happy all the time - I am not expected ever to say I do also have a problem - or complain - and when I do am never taken seriously - on the other hand someone who I know works half as much earns twice as much is always felt sorry for - cause he always whined :) good post

carolinagal said...

**On the other hand, when the girl in scenario 2 breaks down, cries, becomes aggressive, people lend her a shoulder to cry on, appear sympathetic, and ask her what they can offer her.**

I wonder how many of these people are first-timers for this girl. Hopefully, most people who have experienced the 'plight' of such people, realize soon enough that its only an 'attention-seeking' game for these chronic-whiners.

Keshi said...

Agree. Well, we dun need to give them attention...but some ppl do, and there's nothing we can do to prevent that.

Every person acts and reacts differently.

Keshi.

Nirmal's Blog said...

he he this society is a funny thing..u can find loads of jokers here (we being the one)...
ok above thing has got nothing to do with your posts.

the point is in society everyone wants to prove they are superior than others, thats why they lend shoulders to others.


when they c some people strong enough, they feel insecure and search 4 just one chance where they can degrade that individual.

and the sad part is everyone says we dont give damn bout society ,but they forget that they are part of it.

Gayatri said...

actually i think more to do with the fact that the world is eternally interested in everyone's life.. and if you think about it, whining stories are always more interesting than the "my life is hunky dory" ones. and the masala sells :)

Sam said...

Its funny, but then I think these days people find happiness by others' sorrows..I've seen people feeling better after seeing somebody else in plight and guess thtas the reason for the success of these umpteen news channels..

SambY said...

wow...so true.... when u dnt tell ppl ur troubles and then suddenly break down... ur branded a wierdo...!!!

Bubbles of FireWhiskey said...

i agree too... i think that we penalise a lot of people for being jovial and resiliant... i think its the face value thing... just because someone doesnt show it, doesnt mean they arent having a bad time...

nik said...

fair perspective .. but i think people listen and offer their sympathies for the simple reason that it makes them feel a tad better about their own problema, and that they aren't the only ones whose life in a soup.

viewing it from a different perspective, how would the equation change if the gender of the subject changed (it was a guy trying to evoke sympathy) ... would society judge him in the same way or would they be prejudiced against him for being a "ahem ... Man"?

Crimson Feet said...

This needs a little deeeper analysis -
Person A: Whines for EVERYTHING.
Person B: Faced misfortune. Whines.
Person C: Faced misfortune. Thinks she is strong. Doesn't whine.
Person D: Faced misfortune. Is actually strong. Doesn't whine.
Screw A, Respect D.
B might face short term support (like the scholarship etc) but won't end up leading a fulfilling life.
C is a catch. C will break down someday. But C has a strong intention to live life the right way. She will get to it, one way or the other.

Society doesn't reward anyone. Whiners reward whiners.
And the strong, positive & stoic ones appreciate and back their own type.

Even these are not people, but stages of life. The same person may change from a whiner to a non-whiner over a period of time.

At the end of the day, I feel its all about how fair you are with yourself while evaluating your misfortune. And what do you end up learning from your hardships.

One learning I can share is, "that which doesn't kill you, leaves you stronger."

PREETI said...

hmmm..i wudnt really say only the whiners r comforted...n i also dont think the strong who break down r considered weird...itz more like, people look up at those who can remain strong even thru tough times, n when they break down, i guess those around dont know how to react or how to comfort...cuz someone whoz braved it all has broken down...im sure ppl wud offer their shoulders to them TOO..

n also, itz only the girl whinerz who get away when the sympathy cuz we end up cryin at the drop of a hat...but the guy whinerz r the onez who r considered weird!!!

or atleast tis is hw i look at it!

Lena said...

we are exactly that kind of society, more over we encourage such people to whine more and they use it often for their own needs.
And if you once stand up and tell this person, stop it, sort your life out, stay strong and just do what you have to to pull through most of people will think about you as arrogant, rude and absolutely intolerant person.



PS: TLR are up :)

Rakesh Kumar said...

in both situation...it depends upon surroundings...how people conceive your problems.it depends upon mindset of people where u r staying.ones time i read one article in a magazine about "sympthay"...that was a survey..i do not how much true was that....but i agree with their view that evary country had having differnet helping nature....so it depends upon environment....good post

Rakesh Kumar said...

whiners should never sympthasied..even they are really facing problems.what it means?they want to show their problem to whole world..ahh they r eccentric

♥bμşγ-ŵŗϊŧēŕ♥ said...

hmm, you know..about scenario 2, noone would sympathise with the person more than a coupla times. after that, it becomes an-eday-story and the sympathy, if ny, is all a formality.
scenario 1, i almost never break down, when i have, i've yes, got some "omg, are u srsly you??" reactions..but not, from close-close friends..i guess it all goes back to the same thing....good friends, truly good?

:)

Enigma said...

i think it depnds on the kind of people u r with...i personally have seen both,,,wen u break down and cry some say "enough yar" wat ever prob u hav others dont need to be troubled with it, u have to smile in public and deal wit ur probs in private...on the otherhand in the same case i hav seen people sympethizng and comforting and the 3 rd case is there r some who listen and act all goody goody and the they go behind ur bac and spread stories...

I personally am learning to deal with my probs alone and i make it a point to tell onl;y to really close friends who will give true advice...there hav been times wen i was in deep trouble, and some people knowing that tried to pile on more trouble and many who asked me, ur probs r not others probs, we dont care wat u r goin through better behave, blah blah...

well people seem to be losing their sympathizing attitude

Ekta said...

well..its not that..guess each individual has a different personality...some prefer deal with things better when they talk it out while some prefer managing things on their own!
As individuals we need to be more perceptive and sensitive to different individuals and their personalities!

vEENs said...

Funny we are.

I guess, we are helping whiners :-|

whatever happened to "be strong and face yur own problems with grit and power"

hmhh! Luckily.. my mom always taught me like that. and well what can we do.. we canno go on tell a person who is whining and crying for losing her loly pop.. to shut the fuck up and buy a new one.. can we?

Cinderella. said...

Ppl react differently to situations. And ppl take them in a varied opinion.
Some think they're whining while some think, they outta be credited for the hardships they've undertaken.
Its a wierd world.
Thats all.

Satish Bolla said...

your post robbed 10 minutes of my work hours.... :( this made me think and think before commenting.
it seems that i've to agree with you. people who whine get more support from the people than the people who don't. and the worse thing is this attitude is never changing in the society

vishesh said...

i will agree with you that extroverts get away with things....some times helps going around telling people how miserable you are...but the thing you get bugged of it...because your problem lasts only till you want it to...

AmitL said...

Hi,Solitaire-nice fractured quote(Whine and the world comforts you)...and,the post made me wonder-perhaps we are too comforting towards perpetual whiners,while we happily look down at people who are usually strong will-powered and break down only occasionally.

You know why? It's our mentality. Someone weaker than us is not perceived as a threat,so, we tend to comfort them.

Someone stronger than us is a threat,someone to feel jealous about,since they're better than us...so, we tend to feel smug and are thrilled when,for a change that person is unhappy/feeling down.

In this context, I wrote in a post recently about people who're 'strategically incompetent'-they're,in a way,perpetual whiners,who feign ignorance at doing even simple tasks like photocopying,and,I see others feeling only too pleased to do their job for them. The same logic applies-these people are happy to see someone less competent than themselves,and want to do his job so that he does not learn.hehe.

Reminds me of Tom Sawyer and how he got his friends to paint the fence for him.:)

Pavi!!!! said...

Hmm..I'm not sure i completely agree with this one.
When i read this..the 1st person who comes to my mind is my friend.She is goin thru most of situation 1 with some variations. n she is so strong it amazes me.Inspite of how messy her life is getting, the only person she cribs to is me..n after all the cribbing, we both share a laugh, an old memory n the usual blah blah.
We have many common friends n they know nothing abt all this. They think that she is so blessed to have the perfect life(Being in USA,have a BF, parents who don' pressurize marriage, a car, an xcellent job etc).Li'l do they know the reality.

Now some of these friends may not want to talk to her as often or hang out with her often, if she kept crying and whining abt her problems. Some ppl want to be arnd u, only as long as ur life is a blast n u hv a smile n laughs to offer.
The sympathies are given initially..1 week,1 mth or max 3 mths..after that ppl say "ohh..she just keeps whining" n try to avoid a person with problems. n those are the times whn a person figures out their true friends!
Like Carolinagal said..many of the ppl who sympathize cld be first-timers.

BTW..i don't encourage whining or ppl who seek sympathy all the time. At some times, it is fine, that is being human.

Am In Trance said...

**Are we giving rewards to extroverted people who like to announce to the world their poor plight as compared to those those people who like to suffer in silence so as not to elicit false sympathies?**

Yea..

Its Human Nature To Always Think The Reverse... Na..!!
You Open Your Mouth You Die.. You Don't Open Your Mouth & You Die Harder..!!

I stopped my Guests on the threshold and said, "Nay, wipe not your feet as you enter, but as you go out.."

And They Got Angry...!!!

And You Can Always Analyze The Intentions Behind Saying That..

Nice Post..
:|

Solitaire said...

@ Ceedy, Its so sad that some of us have left behind our closest friends and have not found anyone like them here. Fortunately, I have a few like them all over the world. So far so good.

Ceedy, I have found that many people who quietly work, struggle, smile, and live life as it comes are the ones to suffer more than the whiners in every area. Some whiners manage to tick people off but there are some people who LOVE to encourage them and stick with them, and even reward them!

Solitaire said...

@ Carolinagal, We can only hope that they do not encourage the whining. In my experiences I have seen that even whining is a talent. There are some people who whine everyday about the same thing for years, and still manage to gain their friends' and acquaintances sympathy. I do not know who is greater. The whiner for their talent or the sympathizer for their patience!

c e e d y said...

Ahaaa - I dont agree that all the quiet ones do suffer
I was all irritated and jumpy - but slowly thru different spirtual quests have calmed myself to an extent that such things dont bother me at all - some of these whines and frustrations are meaningless (atleast to me)- and to tell you the truth - there is tremendous respect for us quiet ones too - where people know that THINGS will be taken care off.

aneri_masi said...

Oh I don't know...in the first case, we draw strength from such people, and when they crumble, people feel a little disappointed that they are not as strong. In fact, I was once asked, why did you put on such a show of being ok, while u were not!

Second case, we usually help whoever asks for it, and in the process, we ourselves feel like heroes when we help them. SO we probably like them more? Because they make us and our life better in comparison?

Solitaire said...

@ Ceedy, you are right. Not all quiet ones suffer. But there are many quiet ones who stay quiet about their problems because they do not like to make mountains out of molehills. And those same molehills or even smaller molehills become bigger mountains as soon as the whiner talks about them..and then then "poor you" starts which ticks me off the most! I too admire the ones who can manage to resolve issues on their own or with the help of a few close ones rather than asking the entire world to come to their aid.

Solitaire said...

@ Aneri, seee that's what I am talking about!! The moment an "ok" person is a little under the weather, people begin to question their sincerity of the "ok-ness", while because they are used to the whiner, no amount of whining will perturb them, cos that to them is normal! I think people also like to see other people whine and suffer. It makes them feel better about their lives.

c e e d y said...

hahah - you should keep that admiration a secret - dont spill it out :P (hush hush - if ppl can solve their problems on their own - you will be out of work :P)

Solitaire said...

@ Keshi, yeah! Not some but many people do that.

@ Nirmal, maybe people do want to feel superior to others and lend them a helping hand but the awards to people who whine? Don't you think thats a bit too much! How can they gage who suffered more than the other?

Solitaire said...

@ Gayatri, sometimes the masala also becomes stale. I know of someone who has been cribbing about her horrible class schedule for the past two years. And there are people who continue to listen to the same rants over and over again. What's so juicy about that, I wonder.

Solitaire said...

@ Sam, and what about those who appear happy on the surface but truly are not? What about them who want to move on in life without showing that they have suffered in any way? What are we doing to show them the appreciation and give them the empowerment? Actually a research study has shown that a lot of people's coping technique is to compare themselves to others who are in worse positions than themselves.

Aditi ''Jiggs'' said...

heyaa

waoo that ws smthing !!
yes been thru the same i am quite a strong n independent but i have my moments too n yes i have been thru situation wn ppl come to me n say wt happened to YOU as if i am some kinda rock who does not break dn
n yes i have ppl who keep on viein abt their problems n get away with all the sympathies n favours

well i dono wt to do, shout my emtion or keep them concealed :)

cheers
nice one !!!

Nisha said...

GOSH! This is so much true...

I mean I often find people who have seen don't-know-what-not smilind along whereas few others cribbing over a very trivial.

I so much relate to this post of yours...

Nice write-up :)

Solitaire said...

@ Samby, yeah..or suddenly overnight you are a weakling. But the whiners are the strong ones who have made it so far.

@ Bubbles, yes!! And some people are GREAT at showing it more than it is.

@ Nik, the self-proclaimed MCP is back, and this time with a gender question! Hmm..I think you are right that men will probably look down upon for whining cos they are expected to be strong

Solitaire said...

@ Crimson, I like your DEEP ANALYSIS! I like how you want to screw A and respect D. Unfortunately, not everyone analyzes it the way you do. Most people take things at face value for that is the most convenient. We can learn a lot from our misfortunes. Its really sad that people (and we cannot ignore society because we live in it and make it) do not appreciate people like D and love people like A.

Solitaire said...

@ Preeti, you are so right about the guy whining bit. People will not encourage guy whiners. And people may not even appreciate the strong men who occasionally whine. I really wish that others would look at things the way you do, though. I do not think that everyone appreciates the strength that some people show as much as they sympathize with the whiners. The stronger ones have empowered themselves so may not be looking for that external reinforcement. But the whiners surely are being encouraged by the evergreen supporters.

Solitaire said...

@ Lena, thanks for the TLR! How is the response?

With regards to your comment, I think you are right. When whiners do not get the support they need, they move right along and find someone else who will buy into their sob-stories. Therefore, the whiners do make some foes on the way. However, because there are many who sympathize with them, these foes are the minority.

Solitaire said...

@ Rakesh, to some extent that is true. Every country has its own culture. Just like in India, people like to talk to their family members and friends about their problems whereas people in the US like to talk to professionals about them. True that whiners have issues. But sometimes, I think that their issues are given undue importance keeping aside the issues of those that do not whine just because they are not whining!

Solitaire said...

@ Busy writer, trust me. Maybe you and I will not entertain a whiner for more than 2 occasions but there are some people who LOVE whiners and love to empathize. It could do with the fact that it makes them feel like God's helpers or something.

@ Ekta, precisely! We need to be sensitive to both sets of people. Those who do not whine and those who do. Not just keep giving importance to those who whine!

d SINNER!!! said...

what an apt way to put it...

so d ques is ---to be or not to be?

Solitaire said...

@ Enigma, I think the fact that you are a man changes a lot of dynamics in your interaction. If a girl keeps crying and whining, it is kinda expected. But that is not tolerated in men because men are supposed to be strong in the eyes of the society.

@ Veens, we cannot really tell them to shut up if they lose their lollipop and cry buckets about it. But we really do not need to go buy them a $50 meal in replacement!

Solitaire said...

@ Cinderella, yeah its weird. As simple as that.

@ Satish, first of all apologies for taking away so many minutes from your day. haha! Secondly, only ten minutes? Thirdly, you say "you have to agree"? I wonder if you were thinking in those ten minutes how you should disagree and then came to the conclusion that there is no way out in this one. Haha! Yes, we reinforce whiners!

Solitaire said...

@ Vishesh, some people like the secondary gains that the problems giving them. so many supporting shoulders and listening ears. If the problems go away, then no one might pay attention to them! So they whine and whine. :)

@ Nisha, thank you!!

humbl devil said...

yup...whiners take it all!!!
agree with that...

if at all someone wants to face their demons independently, people ask why does he have such an Attitude problem...

aneri_masi said...

Its almost as if folks feel "cheated" when the strong ones complain. Some of the common retorts would be, you didn't trust me enough to tell me abt this before? You were too insecure to share your problems? Did you think we would not understand? Why did you not let us help you? Blah-blah.

I guess there are those ppl out there with a sense of balance, who reach out when they need help when they break a bone, but don't really crib every time they break a nail! Such folks are usually very low-key though, mostly minding their own business.

Solitaire said...

@ AmitL, do you really think that someone stronger to us is perceived as a threat or just that we enjoy other people suffering so that we feel better about our lives? I like that concept of "strategically incompetent". I can so readily name so many people who cannot do simple things and get people to do them. Even small things like opening a file cabinet!!

Solitaire said...

@ Pavi, with regards to your friend, it may be true that her so-called friends who only like to see her smile may not be around her if she started whining and cribbing. But trust me, if she were to do that, she will get a good audience, if not amongst this social circle, then in another one. And yes, the audience may get fed up (not necessarily though, because unlike you, some people do encourage whining), but a talented whiner will manage to find new audiences to have his or her needs met.

Solitaire said...

@ Aditi, apparently, you are a strong person who does not like to whine in public and like to handle your problems yourself. So even if you start whining to get the better treatment that whiners normally get, you might not enjoy it.

@ humble, so true! I get that all the time. If someone offers me help and I say, "No thank you" in the most polite and grateful manner, I still get a cold shoulder with a "your wish"!

Solitaire said...

@ D sinner, very true! Should we be dramatic and win prizes, or should we be ourselves and maybe lose out?

@ Trance, anything that we do against a norm (which may be abnormal to begin with) is always misinterpreted.

Sutta said...

Hmm.. this is an old concept I thought and left long back. And I agree, since every person is lusting for ever lasting love so the best way they get is by singing out their agonies and pain. And ironically, crying brings back them smiles as well.

But to be honest enough, this disgusts me beyond extent. I so-not-like those "I'm victim" ranters. The one who is quiet maybe suffering a galaxy more than you.
But this IS agitating coz the 'crying' ones are standing head held high with devilish grin.
Fuck 'em all!

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Sweetstickychewy said...

I am beginning to love you more for the way you speak things out loud that not many find easy to express, describe or even talk about. Seriously glad you are around.:)

Thanks.:)

Sam said...

But you know, not telling what you're actually feeling or what all you've gone through is a self preservation technique too..

Satish Bolla said...

buddy, u got me wrong. "i've to agree with you" means that i've to agree with u because it's the truth. i thought for those 10 minutes whether i came across any such things in the recent past and found some.

Macadamia The Nut said...

Gosh! You've voiced something that's nagged me for quite sometime now!
We've been taught to be stoic from an early age... but in the real world, only the the child that cries gets the milk.

maverick said...

well its human nature to comfort ppl who are sad, crying n more often than not as a part of ur reflex we tend to give them a shoulder to cry...

newaz if everything was suppose to b the way it was then how wud life be fun...some variation frm normal patterns is always good :)

m.flowerr said...

Lending a kind ear to whiners encourages them further...isn't it?

Once is fine...but i am a no-no person for a second:)

AmitL said...

Solitaire,in response to your query:'do you really think that someone stronger to us is perceived as a threat or just that we enjoy other people suffering so that we feel better about our lives?'.

Yes, I do believe this happens a lot of times,especially at work.In our personal lives also,I have observed it,but,it's not always.I mean,you might have a best friend,and you empathize with him/her during his/her bad times,and,that's perfectly human,good for you!At other times,you might be envious of a relative for their success,and,their slightest faltering would make you feel happy.(By 'you',I mean,of course,people).

What's your belief?

anuj said...

I would say it is a little complex. What they do now is the usual way of recognising if one is facing hardships and still making it through, and that is by communication. I guess it is only by being told about ones myseries that others would know of it ..

The other possible method could be asking for you know names of students who should be nominated from the class for such n such award, and then may be testimonies from the friends or people who are close, may be a little background check .. but even in that case since the sufferer doesnt really convey his plight to majority of people he would be at loss of little justifications.

I mean recognising someones hardships without being conveyed so is hard, specially for the administration which is not really concerned with being close (emotionally) to the student.

I think at a lot of times we feel that certain policies are wrong, and are less justified, but then if would have a look at the criterions of judgement, I think they are more helpless people then we are, the only factors that they can consider are subjective ..

cheers

Shruti said...

Imagining the 2 scenarios.. this looks true.. but not right at all. Maybe I should start whining too.. instead of shocking people when I suddenly lose cool.. and then all hell breaks loose!

Anjuli said...

I don't really agree with this, people who keep whining and cribbign all the time...no one really bothers to lend a shoulder to them after a while.

Regarding the people who never complain...when they actually do, they do get a lot of support!

Solitaire said...

@ Anjuli, "after a while" is the key word in your sentence. But the talented whiners too know that and move on to other people, continuing to glorify their issues. As for the people who never complain, seems like your experience is different but there is a great consensus here amongst people that when they have opened up, people have wondered why they changed overnight.

Solitaire said...

@ Shruti, hehe. Whine by all means. Only know that people will move on and so you will have to move on to other people.

@ Anuj, I think that these issues are so subjective, that to give people awards may not completely be fair to the others.

@ AmitL, I think that some people do have jealous personalities to begin with and thus others' success does not go well with them while I think the human tendency is to look at people who are less fortunate with pity.

Solitaire said...

@ m. Flower, good! The whiners here will know not to come to you again and again.

@ Maverick, a whiner coming to me over and over again is not fun!

@ Macadamia, yeah!! Nice way of looking at it.

@ Satish, oh ok!

Solitaire said...

@ Sam, a good technique not valued!

@ Sweetsticky, thanks!! Lately have been getting a hard time from some opinionated readers but I guess that's part and parcel of the process! At least a majority of readers, including you, understand!

@ Mel, not looking to increase traffic through tags but thanks!Is your page porn-free now?

Solitaire said...

@ Sutta, OMG! i am so like you. I always say, "I am victim" people stay away!! And lately encountered so many people like that. Its very strange that people don't pick it up. How do people not wonder why that one person is always the victim in every situation, no matter who the opposite person is?

Deepali said...

Brilliant observation. Brilliant post. Brilliant question.

I would say knowing is very important - I mean unless you tell me you are in hell, there is no way for me to know (unless you look it which is like telling me indirectly). But like you said, people who don't 'share' their hardship ARE at a big disadvantage because we do react the way you said - wondering what happened to someone who is so strong. And seeing as we don't know the truth, we also tend to feel that the person is either over reacting suddenly or can't deal with things.

It's tragic but that's the way it is.

Of course I don't think many people 'sympathize' with scenario 2 kind of people either. You know if someone is a whiner, I am going to look at them as being just that.

Alok said...

Independent of society's support, a person who loves what they are doing will continue to work for it.

They aren't doing it for society, but because they enjoy it. Society's approval/disapproval will not matter for them.

Whining is a personality trait, caused due to a lot of factors, and I would not judge a person based on that. Maybe the whiner is a dedicated worker, maybe a lazy person giving excuses.

It's all about the person's sincerity towards their work (something that they love to do).

P.S. I loved Nirmal's comment:

"when they c some people strong enough, they feel insecure and search 4 just one chance where they can degrade that individual."

Enigma said...

hey i am not a guy..LOL...i happen to b a girl..humm a female....lol...phewww...didnt know u thought i'm a guy:P

AmitL said...

Hi,Solitaire-I agree with you,partly-some people are gracious enough to look at those less fortunate,with pity.However,the way the rat race is nowadays..the less said the better.Sigh.

Vandita said...

well don't we all react to what we hear and see or know abt?... even in this case how can we sympathize with or worry abt ppl who we don't know much abt?
maybe im wrong but anyways this did get me thinking...i honestly never really thought abt this up until now.