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Monday, September 1, 2008

Are You Multi-Faceted?

Last week, when I wrote up an intake interview of one of my clients, the first sentence read as...

"Client is a 22-year-old heterosexual White female, majoring in Biology, currently in her senior year, seeking counseling for issues related to depression."

Essentially, I captured her age, gender, sexual orientation, major, educational qualifications, and emotional problems in one sentence. But was that all there was to her? Was she only a young white female majoring in biology, about to graduate, and all that jazz? NO. She was much more than that.

She played the guitar. She had grown up poor. She had been sexually abused as a child. Her boyfriend is in prison. She has a cute dimple. She likes pizza. She has a heart. She loves her boyfriend. She is all that and much more.

Sometimes we focus too much on what we see and less on what we do not see. They say "seeing is believing". But then they also do not see God and yet believe in Him. So maybe not seeing can also be believing. And maybe, sometimes it would do us good to see the entire picture and not just the small dot on a big white poster board.

This post has been inspired by Neeku who beat herself up and called herself a bad person who failed in multitasking. Frankly, I think a lot of us do that...a lot of us are harsh on ourselves (and others) when we do not meet with our own expectations and standards. We forget that that one mistake or failure is not the only thing that makes us.

So what if you failed a test? So what if you lost your driving license? So what if you burned the vegetables while daydreaming? So what if you did not understand the joke? So what if you cannot drive? So what if you put on weight? So what? That does not make you a BAD PERSON. Maybe a bad test-taker, maybe a clumsy person, maybe inattentive, maybe a bit slow, maybe challenged in your motor skills, maybe impulsive....but not a BAD PERSON. Likewise, so what if the person next door wears mini skirts too short for your taste? So what if your classmate got her belly button pierced? So what if your best friend only eats out and does not cook? So what if your blogger friend forgot to give you an award? Maybe it is a flaw that they have, maybe not. But it definitely does not make them a BAD PERSON.

Remember friends. You are all multi-faceted. You all have wonderful qualities. You all have some weaknesses but are also blessed with some strengths. Do not let your weaknesses define you. Do not hate yourself (or anyone else) for slipping and committing an error. We were not all born perfect and learn through our mistakes. So go forth and appreciate all that you do. Be nice!

127 Words of Wisdom:

lukkydivz said...

this one's thoroughly stimulating!
4 years ago,i stopped feeling like a 'bad person' :)

Ghost Particle said...

This is an excellent read. Everyone is struggling and living, fighting and striving and achieving ambitions and desires. everyone has so much going on, there should not be time left for self doubt and also looking back. flaws are specialties, what if they find a niche where they can use it for the good. the same as failing now and achieving later. alot of tricks at hand, just use it one by one and never get tired. its hard to find the key to keep waking up positive everyday, bt if we fail to find it one day, you jst have to live another day longer.
this post made me happy, I know a lot of the readers would feel the same. tc.

Jack said...

Solitaire,

Thanks for your visit. I have posted reply.

Everyone of us has strong points as well as weak ones. One has to make an effort to use strong points and try to overcome weak ones. And not only that one should help friends / collegues / subordinates too in this matter.

Take care

Ash said...

Thank you so much for this post. Just what I need to hear. I'd often label myself a bad person (or loser/useless/aimless) if I didnt exercise or ate too much chocolate cake.

Still thinking said...

So what if I read all your blogs and post few comments? I'm still a good person :p

A very profound post and we all need this affirmation time and again. Thanks Sol.

Ankur said...

Perfecto...
i think now its 2 days since i really dealing with the same issue... was watchin a movie yesterday, The love guru... Swami Pitka... though the movie is less than average even, still i was able to take home a few good things...

and the most important is, believe in urself, even if others dont!! :)
We are good irrespective of wat others think abt us... and if we stop giving that much importance to others we will realise we arent bad at all!! :)

talkin abt being multi faceted, i agree with u that we all r... we all have good n bad, and we all even do multitaskin which we dont realise we are doing...

and technically speakin, multitaskin isnt possible, coz there is always a time sharing on real time basis... so the concept is just an illusion for time sharing!! :)

so yes... its important to do even if we fail than not to do and keep pondering that y didnt we all our life!! !:)

Cheers!!!

harish said...

Remember reading this somewhere...

"Be nice, everyone else is fighting a harder battle"

So very true...So is your post.

It has been kind of built in our psyche right? Take oen single point and thrash someone around repeatedly over the head with that. I was lucky my parents never did the comparative analysis that people do ie; "X or Y got better marks in Biology and blah blah" but I know several of my friends who's childhoods were ruined by it.

There's good in everyone...

Soham Shah said...

Wow !!

Thay was brilliant and I think it was written straight from your heart !!

Awesoem post .. Truely motivating !!

Fight on !!

Prakhar said...

Oye...what happend to client confidentiality?? :P

Nice post..the only problem with puttin on weight is clothes dun fit...nd evryone..i mean just everyone tells you to slim down :X!!

btw Aastha par bhi pravachan aate hain kya aapke maate!! :P

Gauri said...

Nice post Solitaire :)

And yes - it does make a difference when one attempts to see the whole picture rather than focus just on a few aspects of the picture. The macro image of a situation throws so many different angles to it.

About people beating themselves up over something inconsequential - is it a human tendency or is it the eternal quest of a human being to aim for perfection ? Either ways - it does seem to come naturally to humans. :)

Solitaire said...

@ Lukky,

Thanks!

GOOD FOR YOU!

Solitaire said...

@ Ghost,

THANKS!

I am glad it made you happy. Maybe when you lose that motivation to wake up, you should read this post. What say?

Scattered Thoughts... said...

Couldn't agree more! I remember, I was quite bad in sports and used to feel so embarrassed during the hot discussions and events like sports week in college times. However, I came out of that with just thinking positive… essentially about the things I was good at and then gradually working over the things I was bad at. So I suppose we just need to change the perspective, about others and of course about ourselves…

Ghost Particle said...

well true, it hits the right notes. dont want bad dreams to define our lives do we.

Vandita said...

i guess thats why when sometimes i used to be asked who i hate the most, i could never come up with a name...
i can hate things ppl do but not the ppl themselves...
great post dear! :)

madhu said...

hmmm .. i'l try to implement in my life (for me & others) ....

vishesh said...

lovely post :) we need to define ourselves first

Prashant Sree said...

Solitaire,

One thing i got from the article is how we must focus on the strength, rather than the weakness.,. I have been to some personality development coaching programmes, where they say that Everyone is a Super Hero., And everyone can achieve.,. I believe thats not the way to put it.,.

Its like when we start all of us have the same neurology, yet as we grow on, many factors come in to our life and design our identity. After a particular period, we people stick with our identity and thats what determines our attitudes and beliefs.,.

And yes, a person can do whatever he wants , provided he has the spark ,yet that happens in a very less number.,. So in terms of generic remark, Yes, everyone is multifaceted, yet in terms of reality only a few go on to realize their talents and Succeed in their life.,.

Would love to hear your views on this as well as your feedback about my blog.

Cheers.

Prashant
*+

DreamCatcher said...

Good Post.. :)
Every individual is different, No two person in this World have same
attributes! They must be different in one or another aspect (I don't know the reason, why?)
But why some people think that they are Bad?? May be becuase we all are bounded by some rules/Laws of this world(Society, cultural, Law etc etc).From childhood we were taught and filled with some data's and this is the ongoing process, whenever we come across a new experience, new learning we put this information in our mind in the form of data and use this data in Analysis & Decision making in the future.
MOst of the time we are governed by the world not by self, we have those old & crap data and on the basis of those we like to do the work that the World likes!!
A person is different when he analyze those old data's and by reasoning find that it's wrong or he's having some different views then he will delete the old data and put the new data and after that use that data in the decision making..that's refinement of thought!
so in my view a person who self analyze and understand himself would never think that he's bad..but very few people refine their thought process and they only follow what world tells them so off course world's rules applies on them (Bad, True etc etc)!!
and as a psychologist u too know that it's very difficult to change the thought process isn't it?
pata nahi kya likh diya hai maine..

Solitaire said...

@ Jack,

True. When we succeed, we should not glorify ourselves and when we fail we should not beat ourselves up. There is a balance here. You cannot have it good all the time but when its bad, you are not a bad person!

Solitaire said...

@ Ash,

Yeah!! I know what you mean? There are many overweight people out there who think they are losers because they are overweight! But I am sure they have so many other aspects to them that do not make them losers.

Solitaire said...

@ Still thinking,

Haha! When you post a comment, you are a GOOD person..:)

Thanks!

Solitaire said...

@ Ghost,

Correct. Bad dreams should not define our lives but we can definitely learn a thing or two from them.

Solitaire said...

@ Ankur,

***Perfecto...

Thanks!!

***though the movie is less than average even, still i was able to take home a few good things...

Great! So you focused on the strengths of the movie...

***and the most important is, believe in urself, even if others dont!! :)

Yes. There are many people out there who might not like you or not believe in you. But if you believe in yourself, then nothing can stop you.

***We are good irrespective of wat others think abt us... and if we stop giving that much importance to others we will realise we arent bad at all!! :)

Exactly!!! Many of us are too bothered about pleasing other people. And when they reject us, we think we are BAD!

**talkin abt being multi faceted, i agree with u that we all r... we all have good n bad, and we all even do multitaskin which we dont realise we are doing...

Yup!

***and technically speakin, multitaskin isnt possible, coz there is always a time sharing on real time basis... so the concept is just an illusion for time sharing!! :)

You are funny!

**so yes... its important to do even if we fail than not to do and keep pondering that y didnt we all our life!! !:)

Yes...better late than never!

Great thoughts Ankur!

Neeku said...

I was hitting the bottom of the barrel... honestly, I think i am in the process of giving myself up... for failing over things which are so important at this time... but your words are like soothing balm for me... Thank you sincerely for this wonderful post. It kinda tells me to take a break and bounce back again.

:)

Love,
Neekuben

Solitaire said...

@ Harish,


***"Be nice, everyone else is fighting a harder battle"

How true!!!!

***It has been kind of built in our psyche right? Take oen single point and thrash someone around repeatedly over the head with that.

Is it? Never thought about it this way!

***I was lucky my parents never did the comparative analysis that people do ie; "X or Y got better marks in Biology and blah blah"

Awesome!! I am glad that you did not have to go through that.

Solitaire said...

@ Soham,

Thank you!!! Glad you liked it this time. ;)

Solitaire said...

@ Prakhar,

WHAT?? What is that last sentence? Sorry..did I kill a joke by asking?

I know how it feels to have everyone ask you to lose weight. I guess some are bothered by our diminishing value in the marriage market while some are actually worried about our health. And we too should worry about it..but not beat ourselves up over it!

Client confidentiality has been maintained! Go try looking for this female. If you find her, report me!

Solitaire said...

@ Gauri,

Thanks!


***About people beating themselves up over something inconsequential - is it a human tendency or is it the eternal quest of a human being to aim for perfection ? Either ways - it does seem to come naturally to humans. :)

True. I think it is a human tendency strong in some and not so strong in others. Some people could be least bothered to be perfect while some are perfectionists. Some people are imperfect themselves but beat others up when they do something wrong.

Solitaire said...

@ Scattered thoughts,

Thank you for sharing your experience. I am glad you learned to do that and not bring your self-esteem down just because of sports!!! So many of my classmates continued to fail their classes and in India, education being of utmost importance, they were often put down. I wish people would have realized that they were good at other things, sometimes even if it was just being a good HUMAN BEING.

Solitaire said...

@ Vandita,

WOW! You are a great soul with so much insight. People who hate others for just one bad thing that they did lack that. They tend to focus on the dot and make it the entire picture. Way to go gurl!

Solitaire said...

@ Madhu,

:)

Thank you! I hope you do.

Solitaire said...

@ Vishesh,

Precisely! :)

Thanks!

Prakhar said...

haan its dead!!...aiwain tha!

Marriage market...na re..not for me ..its just..slimmer ones make me jealous....so I try...but cant resist good food :D

Peace! :)

Solitaire said...

@ Prashant,

Thanks!

***One thing i got from the article is how we must focus on the strength, rather than the weakness.,.

Yes. But the point that I was trying to make was not to make our weakness our identity and dwell on it and think of ourselves as bad just because of that particular weakness.

***Its like when we start all of us have the same neurology, yet as we grow on,

We don't all have the same neurology. It is not only the environment that defines us but also our genetics. I might have the neurology to be good at languages but you might have the neurology to be good at mathematics.

***Yes, everyone is multifaceted, yet in terms of reality only a few go on to realize their talents and Succeed in their life.,.

In this post, multi-faceted was not referring to talents. It was referring to strengths and weaknesses.

Solitaire said...

@ Dreamcatcher,

Damn! You explained psyche in software engineer language? You are a genius!

****so in my view a person who self analyze and understand himself would never think that he's bad..but very few people refine their thought process and they only follow what world tells them so off course world's rules applies on them (Bad, True etc etc)!!

Exactly!! When people start shouting at the top of rooftops that you are a bad person, you begin to believe so...but all that you need to do is sit back and reflect on who you actually are.

rayshma said...

:)
where are u displaying ur award, eh?!

R3d3MpTioN said...

hmm,
This post bring with itself the calmness and maturity of an adult with the innocence of a child.. It tells you things which makes you feel good inside .. yet somehow leaves behind a lingering thought.. everyone wud be taking somthing from it .. kudos ..

p.s. been a long time since ive commented and have recently updated my blog too .. pls do come by.. [:P]

Ne said...

HEY! This is a wonderful post and very uplifting.

Sometimes we give in the our emotions/weak side and let it take over and we see everything as bad that we do!

I am full of flaws but I have learned that is me I have learned to make the best of it! I am NOT All flawed I called it perfectly flawed.. It is apart of me, I roll with the punches now instead of working against the grain!

Ne.

Solitaire said...

@ Rayshma,

You got to tell me where!! :)

Pavi!!!! said...

True. For some of us..it is the hardest to please ourselves..the self. We are not happy wit the way we look , the way we sing, the way we cook, the timeline by when we complete a task, the way we write n so on...
n then therz another set of ppl...
whoz never happy with wat sum1 else does..they way the other person leads thier life, dresses, dances, dates, talks etc etc.
n to think we complicate life..letting something so trivial n small bother us n spread dissatisfaction n negativity b'coz of it!
Really..how much does it matter whether one "x" thinks i shld be given an award for something or not!

Mike said...

yea, but who DOESN'T like pizza. Freaks ;)

Gauri said...

***About people beating themselves up over something inconsequential - is it a human tendency or is it the eternal quest of a human being to aim for perfection ? Either ways - it does seem to come naturally to humans. :)

True. I think it is a human tendency strong in some and not so strong in others. Some people could be least bothered to be perfect while some are perfectionists. Some people are imperfect themselves but beat others up when they do something wrong

-------
True solitaire. People who are imperfect themselves and don't care to change or do anything about it are invariably the people who bash others up at every given excuse.

I've always maintained that this probably is because at a sub conscious level they know and are aware of their own shortcomings but choose voluntarily not to do anything about it - and instead end up projecting those negative thoughts and feelings on others. Everybody introspects, at some point of time or the other - question is - how much do they help themselves gain and improve from it !

SMM said...

I often label myself as a failure when I did not live upto my expectations. It took me a while to understand that i was setting impossible targets for myself. I had to set a target which was more practical and achievable. That's what I do now. I raise the bar a little higher each time and then jump to reach it. I don't reach it everytime, but now I don't think I have failed. I remind myself of what I have achieved till date

Soham Shah said...

I always like your posts .. They are all straight from ur heart .. There is no articifial flavour in them ..

It's just that u dont like my comments or views .. ;-) but as u said every human being is different in its own kind ..

Arjun said...

"Sometimes we focus too much on what we see and less on what we do not see"

very true Sol!

I go through these "phases" when the world is a rose and I am a thorn!

Otherwise.. all is fine... and the skies are blue!

P said...

Very nice post Solitaire. I wish this could be taught to everyone in some way. The world will be so much more peaceful and a happy place then. Thanks for at least trying to make some of us feel good.

Amrita said...

hey such a positive post!!

Smriti Srivastava said...

Really liked reading it. I am one of those who constantly slips in and out of the "I'M A BAD PERSON" phase.. Was just into it when I chanced upon your blog...makes this head of mine a shade devoid of all those thoughts...

Nice one :)

Keshi said...

Good post!

It's also imp for our loved-ones/friends and others to SEE us beyond our face value...that we r capable of much more than wut we SEEM to be capable of.

Keshi.

PrAcHi said...

Sometimes we focus too much on what we see and less on what we do not see.

So true..
Sometimes we push ourselves so hard that we forget that nobody is perfect. And then sometimes over confidance can also lead to sheer disappointment and as a result you feel like punishing urself..
A little bit let go attitude shud be there in everyone!

AmitL said...

Hi,Sol..u're slowly becoming my favourite psychologist blogger*hands Sol an award**applause is heard*.
--
This post really set me thinking.

**Sometimes we focus too much on what we see and less on what we do not see.

How true-and,how easy it is to be deceived by what we see,right?Frankly,I think it again comes back to instinct. Instead of blind belief, the instincts should be what we follow to make/take decisions.
---
Frankly,even I'm harsh on myself,when I make an error, either at work,or,at saying something harsh(That's rare,but,still,I've not reached the '0' level,so to speak)to someone.It's better than a 'chalta hai' attitude,na?Coz this harshness to the self is what makes me feel better poised to face the next hurdle which life throws!

Princess Mia said...

good read :)

Kris Bass said...

Hmm... interesting. Inspiring. Multi-faceted personality - I have an MPD!

Iceman said...

its not hating myself.. but am so totally cool with all the flaws i have... and well.. there r just many of them... :P

good or bad is a matter of perspective.. isn't it?

KP said...

thanks, even I needed remider for my self:). I tend to beat my self from time to time on my weaknesses:).

good post:)

Anu said...

Your so right, sometimes we sweat the small stuff too much and loose the bigger picture totally.

ceedy said...

Thank you for the inspirational post...

Ankur said...

Thanks!

Ekta said...

so true...I think sometimes we just need to learn to give ourselves a break!
grt post!

Hiren said...

yet another awesome and real post ... time and again you come up with gems :)

I agree to each and every word in this post .... and i try to live by it tooo .... but then at times i do end up making some presumptions and moral judgments ....

and about that multi faceted ... thats like bingo ... i have observed myself being that in different situations ...

Aphrodite said...

i can be a narcissist at times...or masochist too...depends on the ambience and situation...but deep down I know the nice person in me..i try and nurture her..:P v nice post...

Alok said...

Yes! I think most of us are multi-faceted. Sometime I doubt when words like “all”, “everything” and “in general” etc … appears to read. But this time the last paragraph in this post says it “all” :)

“A mis-take, so happened to indicate that we are different and a lesson out of it indicate we are the same. See! We all are so different but same.”

Parul Gupta said...

yeah dear....u r absolutely right..i agree with u...sometimes not seeing is also believing...n also i do agree that that sometimes we focus more on what we see and less on what we do not see...

because of ur specialization in the subject u provide us with insights we do not normally see on our own...must say ur articles are enlightening....

cheers lady
parul

Mansi Trivedi said...

I am going through that phase right now...not exactly depressed but constantly questioning my abilities. Sigh

Southpaw unplugged said...

What is the medical term for someone who's just not satisfied at all?

In general terms i know i m greedy, gross and highly unreasonable...

Ashish Surana said...

hey,

thanks for the nice post, just boosted my confidence once more !!!

even i believe that we should believe in ourselves and there is no point sad coz of other's success !!! Life is beyond materialistic things and wat we all seek for is happiness, so y to be sad coz others are happy !!!

keep blogging

Veens said...

Sneha.. u amaze me everyday :)

lovely motivating post :)

Inexplicably said...

Yes Doc !

Sorry I could't resist that one.

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Very uplifting post!Indeed,we need to love ourselves first to be able to shower love on others.

nik said...

A critique for once :),

I get the point that you are making, but your choice of adjectives was wrong, none of us look at a person who failed a test as BAD, a person who steals from a store is BAD, a person who beats his wife is BAD. I think the adjective that suits better is WEAK, we look at a person who cannot drive as USELESS and WEAK.

Shrutilaya said...

Makes a LOT of sense to me.

Especially since I'm in the 12th, which is like.. "expectation central".

Tarun said...

I think appreciating something,being nice is against Human nature.
Isnt it?

Tarun said...

This is much of an after thought.

Is it normal that my perception about myself could be way different from how people perceive me?

Wanted to mail n this but couldnt. :(

Eagerly awaiting reply.

Rohit Talwar said...

Very very true.

HP said...

hey .. good one ... hope some people get sense knocked into them after reading it.

thanks for dropping by on my blog !

Tuhin said...

"So what if you failed a test? So what if you lost your driving license? So what if you burned the vegetables while daydreaming? So what if you did not understand the joke? So what if you cannot drive? So what if you put on weight? So what? That does not make you a BAD PERSON. Maybe a bad test-taker, maybe a clumsy person, maybe inattentive, maybe a bit slow, maybe challenged in your motor skills, maybe impulsive....but not a BAD PERSON. Likewise, so what if the person next door wears mini skirts too short for your taste? So what if your classmate got her belly button pierced? So what if your best friend only eats out and does not cook? So what if your blogger friend forgot to give you an award? Maybe it is a flaw that they have, maybe not. But it definitely does not make them a BAD PERSON."

Maybe not a bad person. But a person with these traits could be depressed. No one likes a clumsy person. We hate bad drivers. No one wants a non/slow performer at work.

Just a random thought...

Manasa said...

Waah.. Perfect!

"There are best qualities among the worst of us...
..and worst qualities among the best of us."

bently said...

Omg Sneha....thatz such an inspiring thought.I used to be depressed a lot in the past but I have come through really well with time.Now I do not have any fear of failure.It is very important to take a decision in life,does not matter if its right or wrong.If it is right go ahead,If not then change course.
Also having opinions about people is like having preconcieved notions.Preconcieved notions are not CHANGE friendly.And change is the only thing that is constant.
So heres a Formula: Don't have opinions.They will make your mentel clay rigid.God is your potter,so provide him with the water of change.He will turn you out into a masterpiece when you are out of the potters wheel.

tulipspeaks said...

i was relating the post to my own life.. i am letting my incapabilities/weaknesses to overshadow my positive attributes. its damaging but it seems like it is 'easier' to let urself to be doomed by negative thoughts rather than being inspired by ur own plus points.

did a little 'post mortem' and i found myself to be a perfectionist or at least trying to be one. and in that process, all minor weaknesses seems to be larger than life while even my greatest achievement looks like a tiny dot on a paper. i don't know how to revert this behaviour of mine - how to start appreciating my own self??

understanding myself seems like a big mystery to me..


ammu.

Alok said...

:) :) :)

Such a beautiful post, man.

You know, J K Rowling recently gave a speech at some college's graduating ceremony, and she placed emphasis on the importance of imagination, because it enables us to look beyond masks and imagine a fuller picture. This post reminded me of her.

Thank you for spreading the warmth.

jitendra said...

good and bad, afterall, are relative terms. man-made definitions. not absolutes. do you think there is a scientific definition for the 2 from a pscyhological point of view?

Solitaire said...

@ Jitendra,

You are right! Its all about perception. So if someone thinks you are a bad person because you stayed overnight at a friend's place, maybe it is so according to your values, but not yours.

Scientific definition in terms of?????

Solitaire said...

@ Alok,

Did you just compare J K Rowling's speech to this post? WOW! I am flattered. Thanks!

Solitaire said...

@ Tulips,

Self is always complex. It is hard to understand one'se self because are constantly evolving, and hence, constantly learning too! It is important to set small achieveable realistic goals. These will enable you to appreciate your achievements more, I hope.

Thanks!

Solitaire said...

@ Bently,

OMG I love your rule! Honestly, if one is open-minded and accepting of all else, whether negative or positive, one will always learn to have one's chin up.

I always believe that any decision we make can turn out to be the wrong one, no matter how much time we taken to make it. So we have to keep walking whether or not it is the road not taken...

Solitaire said...

@ Manasa,

Absolutely! Thanks!!

Solitaire said...

@ Tuhin,

********Maybe not a bad person. But a person with these traits could be depressed. No one likes a clumsy person. We hate bad drivers. No one wants a non/slow performer at work.

Thanks for your random thought. You say NO ONE likes a clumsy person. Granted that they are not popular, especially at work but so what? They have other strengths to them that we often overlook just because we focus on their weakness. Right?

Solitaire said...

@ HP,

Haha! I hope so too!! But sometimes..."kutte ki doom tedi ki tedi hi rehti hai".

Solitaire said...

@ Rohit,

Thanks!

Solitaire said...

@ Tarun,

With reference to your first comment, I actually think that human beings are innately good. No one is born bad but that experiences shape them into being "bad" for lack of a better word. So it is not against human nature to be nice to other people.

As for your second statement, I think it is absolutely possible and also happens frequently that our self-perception may be completely distorted.

Solitaire said...

@ Shrutilaya,

Uggh! I completely understand. All I can say is "BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!"

Solitaire said...

@ Nik,

Let me critique your critique. :)

A critique for once :),

***none of us look at a person who failed a test as BAD, a person who steals from a store is BAD, a person who beats his wife is BAD. I think the adjective that suits better is WEAK, we look at a person who cannot drive as USELESS and WEAK.

That is a massive generalization. Are you talking about yourself alone or others as well. I beg to differ when you use the phrase "none of us".

Solitaire said...

@ Sameera,

Thanks!! Very well said!

Solitaire said...

@ Inexplicably,

Haha! No probs!

Solitaire said...

@ Veens,

Oh thank you!

Solitaire said...

@ Ashish,

Thank you!!

I believe that we all have so many of our own issues to handle that there is no point digging a hole for ourselves in trying to probe into other's issues as well!

Solitaire said...

@ Southpaw,

I do not know! I do not think there is a disorder.

Solitaire said...

@ Mansi,

Question them...but come back with a great answer! :)

Good luck!

Solitaire said...

@ Parul,

Thank you!! I try my best to make a difference in other's lives.

Solitaire said...

@ Alok,

Exactly! We are all different and yet have the same tendencies that play out time and again.

Solitaire said...

@ Aphrodite,

If you are narcissist, you love yourself, right? That means you knew you are a nice person! Make sure it stays that way and that people also perceive you that way! :)

Solitaire said...

@ Hiren,

Thank you!! I am glad you appreciate my posts. It is readers like you that keep me going!

Solitaire said...

@ Ekta,

Not sometimes! All the time! :)

Thanks!

Solitaire said...

@ Ceedy,

Thanks!

Solitaire said...

@ Anu,

Focusing on the big picture is not bad..just not the right thing to do sometimes!

Solitaire said...

@ KP,

Thanks!!! And you are welcome!

Do you focus too much on your weaknesses on the cricket field? :p

Just kidding!

Solitaire said...

@ Iceman,

It is! That is why, when someone else says you are "bad", it may not necessarily be true.

Solitaire said...

@ Kris,

You do??????? Uh oh!

***red flag goes up.

Solitaire said...

@ Princess,

Thanks!!

Solitaire said...

@ AmitL,

***u're slowly becoming my favourite psychologist blogger*hands Sol an award**applause is heard*.

Thanks for the award but I would like to know how many psychologists bloggers you know already for me to become a FAVORITE!

****Instead of blind belief, the instincts should be what we follow to make/take decisions.

But how can we learn to trust our instincts?
---
***Frankly,even I'm harsh on myself,when I make an error, either at work,or,at saying something harsh(That's rare,but,still,I've not reached the '0' level,so to speak)to someone.

What's a 0 level? And can we normal human beings attain it?

***It's better than a 'chalta hai' attitude,na?Coz this harshness to the self is what makes me feel better poised to face the next hurdle which life throws!

It might be better as long as it does not make your self-esteem go for a toss!

Solitaire said...

@ Prachi,

Thanks!!! "A let-go" attitude is nothing but a forgiving attitude. I wish we all had that...for ourselves and for others.

Solitaire said...

@ Keshi,

Thanks!! I think charity begins at home. Sometimes, we have to learn to love ourselves more so that others can model ourselves and love us too!

Solitaire said...

@ Smriti,

I am glad this post helped! We are not bad persons. We just end up doing something not so nice sometimes.

Solitaire said...

@ Amrita,

Thanks! :)

Solitaire said...

@ P,

Did I make you feel good? I hope I did. Sometimes, people have closed doors and will turn their face away when I knock. Some people leave their door ajar and that's when a whole difference can be made.

Solitaire said...

@ Arjun,

Nice! So what are you today? A blooming rose or a prickly thorn?

Solitaire said...

@ Soham,

Haha!! I think your comments are quite candid too. And you know what happens when we are genuine? People find issues with us!

Solitaire said...

@ SMM,

That is a brilliant idea. I always tell people to set realistic goals. We have our limits. We just need to know what they are.

Solitaire said...

@ Gauri,

***People who are imperfect themselves and don't care to change or do anything about it are invariably the people who bash others up at every given excuse.

Bingo!! I had written a post about this ages ago. When people cannot bring themselves up, they bring others down!

***I've always maintained that this probably is because at a sub conscious level they know and are aware of their own shortcomings but choose voluntarily not to do anything about it - and instead end up projecting those negative thoughts and feelings on others. Everybody introspects, at some point of time or the other - question is - how much do they help themselves gain and improve from it !

Tell me honestly...are you a psychologist? :D

Solitaire said...

@ Mike,

WHATTTTTTTTT!

Solitaire said...

@ Pavi,

***True. For some of us..it is the hardest to please ourselves..the self. We are not happy wit the way we look , the way we sing, the way we cook, the timeline by when we complete a task, the way we write n so on...

I have no problem when people recognize their flaws and strive to improve them. The problem lies when they find a problem with everything and make everything a problem even when its not.

***n then therz another set of ppl...
whoz never happy with wat sum1 else does..they way the other person leads thier life, dresses, dances, dates, talks etc etc.
n to think we complicate life..letting something so trivial n small bother us n spread dissatisfaction n negativity b'coz of it!

True..Another example of a person who wants to make everything a problem and bring others down.

****Really..how much does it matter whether one "x" thinks i shld be given an award for something or not!

Hahahah!! Who does THAT?

Solitaire said...

@ Nehya,

Thanks!!!

****Sometimes we give in the our emotions/weak side and let it take over and we see everything as bad that we do!

Precisely. We make a dot the entire picture!

****I am full of flaws but I have learned that is me I have learned to make the best of it! I am NOT All flawed I called it perfectly flawed.. It is apart of me, I roll with the punches now instead of working against the grain!

Good for you!!!

Solitaire said...

@ r3d3mption,

***This post bring with itself the calmness and maturity of an adult with the innocence of a child..

Gee thanks!! Makes me feel good inside now!

Solitaire said...

@ Neeku,

You are most welcome!!! I hope you are doing fine now.

AmitL said...

Hi,Sol..
LOL..arre,obviously,you're the only psychologist blogger I know.But,then,if I didn't like your writing,I wouldn't term you as a 'favourite',na?
---
Instincts-well, I do trust my instincts.They've usually proved to be right.But,more than that,the good part is that I don't have anyone else to blame if they go wrong.:)
---
'O' level-as I said,I haven't reached it yet-but,yes,to a certain extent,I've learnt to be calm n collected,rather than bursting out instantly when I get bugged..saves misery for me and the opposite person,na?
---
**It might be better as long as it does not make your self-esteem go for a toss!**
..Agreed,one hundred percent.I hope to see a post from you on this,one of these days..about how people's self-esteem goes for a toss,sometimes,when they blame themselves for everything.
---

Blue Kite Dreamz said...

This facet of yrs ...to see the human part of others..rather than just clinically understanding them..is amazing..and sure is a gift..Tussi great ho....how do you do this...