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Sunday, April 6, 2008

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

Some people have lots of friends. And some people few. But most people have friends. Correct?

As a 5-year-old, the entire kindergarten class was my best friend. As a first-grader, the first girl to offer me candy on my first day of school was my best friend. Later on, the girl who sat with me during lunch became my best friend. And then the girl who also talked to me in the auto rickshaw back and fro to school became my best friend. Then as I grew older, the girl who knew about my first crush was my best friend. And later, the girl who comforted me when I found out that my crush already has a girlfriend, became my best friend. In high school, the girl who lent me her notes when I bunked classes became my best friend. In college, the girl who shared the same fashions as me became my best friend. In my Master's degree, the girl who took me home because I was not a localite, and fed me home-cooked food became my best friend. And then in the United States, the girl who offered me rides to school became my best friend...and amongst all these best friends, I had a gym best friend and a work best friend and a class best friend and a phone best friend and many others. And these days people have orkut and facebook and myspace best friends.

I can boast of over 200 friends on Orkut. And I can boast of over a 100 contacts on Yahoo Messenger. But I cannot boast of being in touch with all these people. Hell yeah...I do not even know what some of these people are doing, where they are, whether they are married or not, and if they still remember me. And yet, they are "friends".

I have been realizing over the years that we categorize our friends too.
Today, I have a group of friends that I know will always be ready to go out to eat if I give them a buzz. Another group will always be ready to have me over and play games all night. Yet another group will always be ready to travel with me. And another group will be ready to go to a club or movie with me. And then there is an online group, blogger friends, orkut friends, IM friends.

But how many of these people will be there when I need them? Who is that friend that you can call in the middle of the night when you need to go to the emergency room? Who is that friend who will answer your call even when at work in a meeting when you might be in an accident? Who is that friend who will come help you clean out your apartment and help you pack when you are moving permanently? Who is that friend who will cook dinner for you when you have a broken leg? Who is that friend who will answer your call to hear you wail and yet not get bored?

Who is that one friend?
AND
Are you that one friend to someone?

109 Words of Wisdom:

SambY said...

Yes I have such friends... us 3 roomies who have been staying together since we were 10.. hell 2 of us even sold our moblies to make cash for him when there was need...and got kicked at home... similarly they to help me.. goingout of the way... i have any frineds... but these 2 frinds are the friends upon whom i have trust.. idnt trust anyone else...

gaurav said...

ya

Ria said...

Gr8 post Solitaire.Yep u r right its not important to hav friends to hang out and hav fun...but what matters is tht do u hav a friend who will be there at a time when u really need him/her!? I hav only one such friend who i can count on...she's 'Geetu', we hav known each other from the past 7 yrs!and v hav gone thru the highs and lows of life together...and i knw things will never change between us.

elusive said...

nice post :)

It's really sad how ur girl-frds drift away once they're married off or say once they go abroad..I mean am generalizing but girls somehow dont keep int tuch :(

My bestest friend -sushi wat the hell her real names roshni :)
Am sure no matter wot we gonna be thr 4 each other n talk abt boys even wen we turn 80 :)

PoisOn CoAtEd ELiXir said...

Very well said.
I have been through all these phases (well, at least most). and still find myself lurking with the last questions.

aneri_masi said...

Yep. My husband is the one for me :) He works from home if I am sick and knows I will get bored by myself at home. He cooks for me, listens to my woes relating to my family, holds me close with no questions asked when I am feeling low and don't really know why!

And I DO have another friend who will help us when we need her, and who we help when she needs us. And a lot more! We are truly blessed that all these people are in the same town as us. There are others as well elsewhere in the world, but your question was more abt who will be "THERE". Yep, we are truly blessed :)

Enigma said...

that absolutely true..we do categorize friends..and i always think who is it that i can depend on for emergencies..i think i hav some....i always try and be that friend to most, its only that wen many hurt me so much, i just pulled away into my own cocoon and stopped being there for everyone...but still i do forgive easily and see people through their troubles.

Keshi said...

good post girl.

different ppl act as different kinds of friends, playing different roles. I hv a set of friends for different needs in me...one for Pizza, one for dancing, one to share tears with, one almost like family etc.

Its amazing how Im a different Keshi when Im with each group. I dun do that purposely, but my personality changes to cater for each friend..not drastically..but its more like Im fitting into each friend's personality too.

I usually try my best to be there for my friends, as much as they do for me. But I dun expect them to be there for me if/when I need them. u get disappointed when u expect.

Most of the time, I am my only best friend...the kind who'll stick by me no matter what.

Keshi.

humbl devil said...

am happy to say, have more than 10 friends who will be there for me...


btw, did you get inspired by this song???

click

Nirmal's Blog said...

well i dont believe in tag like beast frinds or bad friend....
as u will always be with a person who suits u best .....
and if a person is bad to u than he/she cant b ur friend..
so i will stick with the word friends..
and bout who will come to help u wont decide wheter that one is ur friend as its not possible everytime for him to come 4 ur reescue...
so b ur best friend and njoy......

rahul said...

well..I have a few I guess...never tested them...salle dhokha na de jaye :P

Ashu said...

The choice of friends who could help you out in the tough times is a difficult one. For me the choice is simple enough -- not to rely on anybody. do it yourself is the mantra for me. it doesnt at least break the heart and doesnt kill the expectations.

Sweetstickychewy said...

Awesome post i tell ya.

I juz whipped up a post on friendship too. perhaps under a different light

But geez i loved yours!

I guess as the saying goes,

we can have many friends but there are only a few that keep close to us. Whom we know will be there whether the sun is shining or drowning.

I have about 5 or more friends who would be there if i need someone. And one played that very wonderful part for me this weekend.

:D its so important to have strong bonds out of the many that says hi and spend time once in a while. so important i feel.

Anvita said...

u know wat i really enjoy reading yur posts, good one again.

yur so right u have best friends for different set of things. Luckily I have my bestest friend whom I can count on for anything, times when your low, u wanna go out, U wanna just chill, u wanna bitch, any kinda emergency, and we r there for eachother. Its a blessing to have such friends.

@elusive yeah I so agree with you that one we girls get married, we tend to drift away from r friends with other responsibilities, we sometimes dont land up chatting n meeting em as often as we wud like to. Yeah its sad :(

anuj said...

I would say it depends a lot on situations. There would be some people who would have faced such situations and thus can have proper answers ..

If staying in the hospital overnite when your friends ill is supportive then sure that has been done, but haven't come across any life critical situations yet .. but I am sure my friends are so, that if it comes ever .. they would be there ..

and I assume for now, that I will be there too ..

and seriously, even I never undrstood this concept of 'best friends' .. now I can still categorize a little .. but if u asked me 3 yrs ago .. I would have said 'what is this 'best' friends exactly?'

hope you find someone in your list worth that trust .. and moreover you never know, many a times those are of help whom you would have considered least likely .. u never knw ..

Vandita said...

i always thought everyone cstegorised frnds if not consciously atleast subconsciously but then recently while talkin to one of my frnds i realised that not everyone does that...he said he doesnt categorise at all...its just one special frnd and everyone else is a frnd...frankly i found that a lil hard to digest.
anyways comin to my frnds...thankfully i do have a couple of 4am frnds as i put it but not all of them live close by to drop in :(

♥bμşγ-ŵŗϊŧēŕ♥ said...

nice post...pretty much summed everything up! and yeah, i'm thankful that i do have such friends! and yes, am bankable too..:)

cheers!

rOhit said...

This makes me hell senti Sneha. Sacchi! :(
Coz you know if I consider someone as a real mein "Friend" then I don't care for anyone else when it comes to them. And the history of having and loosing friends is not-so-good. But nevermind!

To answer your questions:

Who is that one friend?
I did got 1-2 names in mind, but then honestly not so worth. So the answer is I, ME,MYSELF!

Are you that one friend to someone?
Well, again to be true YES! I feel I'm that one friend to definitely a couple of people.

So hows the case?

vishesh said...

hmmm....i donno...only now do i have real friends...but still i can't say they will die for me...might be one person...i have always been the lonely extrovert...but well i am changing my self and well making more friends...

Prachi said...

nice post :)
i have frnds who have been thr for me even in the wee hrs at nite.

Solitaire said...

@ Samby, good for you!!! Hope you all are friends forever!!!

@ Gaurav, ok.

@ Ria, You hope that things never change between you. In my experience, a lot changes after women get married. Till then, enjoy your friendship!!

Solitaire said...

@ Elusive, you are so very right. Maybe my next post will be about that. I hope that you and Sushi are always there for each other even when you have a husband and two kids in tow.

@ Poison, yeah. Sometimes we assume that these cool friends who we hang out with each weekend will always be there. But come trouble, and everyone gets "busy".

Solitaire said...

@ Aneri, I assumed and hoped that readers with spouses could and would name them as their best friends in times of need. But I am also interested in knowing if you have friends who will be there for you as a couple. Seems like you do! Yes, you are truly fortunate to have found that circle.

Solitaire said...

@ Enigma, I think that it is quite hard not to categorize friends because they seem to categorize themselves into one box anyway. And I think we never know if someone will be there for us or not until a situation arises.

@ Humble devil, 10 friends! You are lucky! And no I just try to find a song that fits my post..

Solitaire said...

@ Keshi, That's so honest. Many people like to pretend like they are these cool dudes with everyone and that people are the one who do not take them for they are. But in reality, I think that we act differently in every situation. We are different at work than when we are at home with our family. So it is but natural that that will happen even when we are in amongst different sets of friends!

Sometimes Keshi, it is not enough to be one's own best friend such as in times of sickness. That means that your best friend is sick too and cannot really do much for you. Yes, its not right to have expectations from anyone but sometimes we just know that someone will be there for us just like we for them.

Solitaire said...

@ Nirmal, I do not believe in a "bad friend" tag too. That is an oxymoron. And "best friend" does seem very regressive. We are also not talking about whether to discard or keep friends based on the fact that they will come to our rescue when we need them. We are talking about the security that one has in knowing that a friend will be there in dreadful times. Of course, we all understand that they too have lives and cannot always drop everything for our needs.

ŋεεяѕ said...

This is like ure busy living life and suddenly u r shown a mirror...u r asked to do a reality check..and thats when it gets ugly.

This post speaks my mind..i recently wrote abt it...sadly i dont have such a frnd...not close by atleast...but i hope somebody thinks of me as such a frnd..

nice post :)

Solitaire said...

@ Rahul, haha ! Have they tested you? For all you know, you may turn out to be the dhokebaaz!

@ Ashu, that is the best mantra in certain situations. But sometimes, we have to rely on other people to come to our aid. At least times of physical weaknesses. But you are right, expectation does lead to disappointment.

gunj said...

well i hav v few frenz but those few mean family to me nw!! ppl im sure will always b thr, n so will i b thr fo thm..always!!:)

Solitaire said...

@ Sweetsticky, Thank you! Yes, it is very important to take the time out and live and relive the bonds that you share with your special friends. Friends like that are far, few and rare!! 5 of them..! You are really fortunate. Hold them close!

@ Anvita, I hope that you and your best friend can stay the way you are even when you are married!!

Ghost Particle said...

Who is that one friend? --> I have none.

AND

Are you that one friend to someone? To many I would give my life.

They say, some people are just not lucky with friends. Im one.

Solitaire said...

@ Anuj, I think this concept of a "best friend" is something we carry from our school days when everyone was obsessed with having "best friends" and even had two or three or four best friends, which is quite an oxymoron. I am lucky to have people who will be there for me when I need them. I also find it funny that this list keeps changing because just as I move on, people move on. But I am always invariably sent an angel when one leaves.

Solitaire said...

@ Vandita, did it occur to you that it may be a "guy thing" to not categorize? I had also once asked a guy friend, who is his best friend was, since his friend's circle seemed to be changing quite frequently. He was surprised by that question and he said "everyone is the same".

@ Busy writer, good for you!!

Aditi ''Jiggs'' said...

heyaa

hmmmm
well the last line got me thinkin
n as u said uv got colg , school , movie et etc etc friends
but i personally have no one ' as least now cant recall any one as so', n i was that frnd to sm ppl but now i am not :(

well will try to fix things:)

cheers
btw piercing this post on my blog

τ ħ€ ĐάЎđяёάmёя said...

seems like u r quite influenced by the net life..
and orkut is quie an inspiration to u...
lol
I passed the phase...now I believe in one thing
no one is ur frnd and everyone is ur frnd..it's about keeping and not keeping the expectations :)

Anvita said...

I think everybody needs a friend, I mean everybody needs a person whom they can depend on, we r humans after all.

For people who r single it cud be their best friends and for people who r married it could be their partners or their best friends too, but everybody needs one.

@Rohit - 'I, ME, Myself ' may be its just that you have yet to come across a person whom u can depend on or may be its just one of those phases in life where we sometimes dont trust anybody, but I guess its temporary, but glad that even though u cant name one u are that dependable friend to some one....good on ya.

@Ashu 'do it yourself' totally agree that its best not to expect that way u never get disheartened, but deep down i still believe we all need someone whom we can depend on.

Solitaire said...

@ Anvita, spot on once again. If we were so independent as to be able to live by ourselves and with ourselves alone, we would not have been labeled as "social animals" and would not have partnered up. Even those who have no partners as of now yearn some kind of a partner, may it be in a lover, friend, parents, sibling or even a pet!!

Deepali said...

1) Don't have one.
2) I don't think so.

Nicely done post. I couldn't connect with the start but it reminded me of how I always wondered (when I was in school) how my sis changed her 'best friend' thrice. I always found it strange. Anyway she stopped finally hehe.

Solitaire said...

@ Daydreamer, oh yes. I am so influenced by the net that that's why I write about real people, real issues, pour out all my feelings on all my blogs, am not a psychologist, but a computer programmer.:p
What phase have you passed? To have friends is not a phase. That is a life-long thing. We all need companions at every step up. To have or not have expectations from them is altogether another matter.

Solitaire said...

@ Aditi, don't be sad that you have no one in that role or that you are not in that role to anyone. Sometimes we get so caught up in having fun, especially in college, that life's responsibilities seem far away. It is in trying times that we find out who is there to stay and who is not. Maybe that trying time has not come for you yet. And maybe, if and when it does, you might realize that you do have a shoulder to lean on.

Solitaire said...

@ Ghost particle, :(
Why do you say you are not lucky with friends? Maybe you have not met the right people? And maybe you are yet to meet them? Do not give up. Those friends who have you are lucky, though. I am one of them. thank you for bringing that blog to my notice. You are a gem!

Cinderella. said...

Hmm....you are blessed.
So am I.

Solitaire said...

@ Gunj, they say its not important to count your friends but to keep them close. I think that's what you are doing. Great going!

@ Neers, I have such close friends and I will be for them when I need them. Even I am not sure if they know about that or not.

@ Prachi, thank you! Lucky you!

Anjuli said...

Me and my younger sister are each other's best friends :)

Solitaire said...

@ Cinderella, :)

@ Anjuli, awww.. How young is she? Is she as crazy as you are?

@ Vishesh, we are not asking friends to die for us here!! All those instances are rare in real life and common in movies. I am just asking for a friend who will be available when I call them in the middle of a Saturday night to run down to my apartment because I just found out that my boyfriend is cheating on me. :)

Solitaire said...

@ Rohit, you already have one answer by Anvita. My response is that you yourself can bring yourself down many a times and you might need SOMEONE else to pull you up. Or you might have an injured leg and you yourself cannot carry yourself to the hospital and so you might need someone to come over right away, someone willing, supportive, and caring enough.

Niyara - Asian Rocxs said...

thats so true! especially about the facebook (which is open and im guility looking at it) and having so many 'friends' who you never will, or have spoken to on it!

i'm glad my bf is also like my best friend, because he'd definiatly be the one i could call anytime anywhere. only if i got dumped id lose both.. so id be screwed... LOL! ArGH :|

rayshma said...

yes to both.
i have few "friends"... and a lot of acquaintance-friends...
but there are 4 people i can count on; come rain, hail or snow to be there for me. unfortunately, for me... none of them is in the US. but i know, that if need be, they won't hesitate to catch the next flight out & be with me. and i'd do the same for any of them too.

rayshma said...

and oh yeah, forgot to add... this remains despite sunshine, tears, geographical distances or marital status... everything! tried & tested. :)

Sutta said...

Hmm.. I agree this time. But perhaps its just a matter of "trust".

And ya I forgot to mention.
Another good post! :P

Gayatri said...

very very true.. and thank god, I can think of at least 3 such people.. and sometimes I wonder if I should've made more "timepass" friends just to boast of a bigger social circle :) but that was more a college popularity thing!

Nirmal's Blog said...

if u understand that not all the time friend can be with u during bad times,then i guess u even know the amount of security u feel during those times...
friends and family will be there for you most of the time...but its better if u help urself then rely on someone..

Solitaire said...

@ Niyara, yes. Its good you have that realization that if (god forbid), your relationship with your boyfriend ends, you will lose both, a partner and a best friends. That's a mistake a lot of girls make.

@ Rayshma, I think what you added is very valuable because in my experience, and in many others who have commented here, once a girl marries, she tends to give up her friends and focus more on her spouse. I am glad that you have friends who are tried and tested!

vEENs said...

I don't really know.

But I am there... when they have to talk to me... and well at this distance.. thats all i can reall think of doing.

divya said...

priya..my friend who i knw will be my support..

Solitaire said...

@ Sutta, agree this time? HAHA! You disagree each time or what? I don't think so! Anyway, THANK YOU!

@ Gayatri, thank YOURSELF that you have been able to be so endearing to someone that they will be right over to help you when you need them. Timepass friends are good for timepass. Not bonding!

Solitaire said...

@ Nirmal, I would love to rely on myself but sad as it is, I am not born as a superwoman. Therefore, when my apartment is flooded, I do need help in moving my stuff. Therefore, when I am injured in an auto accident, I do need someone to stay by me by my bedside. Therefore, when I am in dire need of money to fly to my country in times of distress, I do need someone who will trust me enough to lend it.

Solitaire said...

@ Veens, have you made no friends within close proximity who will be there for you in your times of need without having to worry about the distance?

@ Divya, divya and priya..what a sweet combo!

Bubbles of FireWhiskey said...

i cant believe it... i was actually writing a post yesterday and here's what i wrote...

" I have acquaintances here – I think the word “friend” is highly abused (someone you met a half an hour back and hit it off with can’t be labelled a friend – they know nothing of you and you know nothing of them) – a network of people if you must… "

so to answer your question... i have 8 people who i hope i am a good friend to because they are exceptional friends to me...

Nirmal's Blog said...

so did u had same friend during all these 3 crises???..
i guess only person comman wud be u..so ther u r...relying on urself..
and bout superwoman..u dont have 2 be one....i guess u stay in Us..so u have got sipderman ther whos ther to help beautiful ladies...

Sam said...

You know, I too have had friends at various stages of my life and I consider them the most important people, just like my family..
Honestly speaking, this question of yours got me thinking whether I "actually" have friends I can count on for anything or have I lost them somewhere and also the fact if somebody thinks on the same lines for me..

Anjuli said...

:-( main crazy hoon?????

Satish Bolla said...

if u r still in good touch with some of the people who were your "friends" 5 years back, then they are ur good friends.
i can't say how many friends allow me to knock at their doors at the time distress but i've many friends who like to knock my doors at the same time.
the best of my frnds r two of my classmates in my 9th std. it's been 12 years since we first met and and 10 years since we studied together. but still the doors r always knocked upon.

Meghna said...

Hi Solitaire,
Finding a true friend in life is really difficult but the main reason for this is that we ourselves are not true friends to others! i can say that I have lots of friends but no true fried.......
Really nice post and well written :p

Ekta said...

aaah grt post and touchy one too!
Have realised that friends u make in the initial years of your life are the ones that really stay woth u in thick or thin!
My school frd whom I know since the last 17 yrs has been with me thru all kinda of crap..
Guess all other "friends' in life have just been passe...

Nachi said...

:)

i thought i knew the answer to that question, turned out i had no clue!

but yes, friends we all have plenty. lovely post Solitaire. it made me think back, it made me smile, it made me sigh* and remember that life is made up of plenty and not just a few!

brocasarea said...

yeah i have 3 such friends...we know each other from past 10 years!.....

vasanth said...

Simply put, A friend in need is a friend indeed! It is hard to find such a friend these days what withthe world being too much with us.

But if and when you do find them, "grapple them to yuor heart with hoops of steel" as Shakespeare said.

PREETI said...

this is one topic i LOVE! like totally absolutely love...n iv alwayz alwayz wantred to write abt my friendz...or rathr juz friendz in general...

thnkfully i do hv a set of friendz who r truly the BEST in every way...i do have my groupz like u mentioned...thr mayb some i would call for a reason while otherz for somethin else bt i love them all the same n i knw they love me the same too...n i know i will be thr for them thru it all...iv been thr with my frenz thru their breakupz, broken marriagez, death of a sister n it all....n theyv been with me thru it all...

Alok said...

Great post!
You have a way with words and moods.

Well, I am glad to say that I have had great friends many times in my life. Friends who care about me, know me deeply, friends who are ready to do anything if I am in need.

And I on the other hand grow deep bonds with them, and care for them as if they were my own self. They know that I care for them enough (though I am hell careless, even regarding myself). That is sometimes the reason why they care for me.

But I have moved on from place to place many times in life. I have lost many "best friends", and have made many new ones. I forget about them soon (that has become one of my habits), and a year or two later, I forget to even contact them on birthdays.

Yet, when I remember old times, I remember these people and feel shameful. Well, just wanted to repeat these great lyrics from Dave Mustaine:

"Moving on is a simple thing,
What it leaves behind is hard"

Pavi!!!! said...

First....Me n V n love this song!it was my 1st dedication to him..a cpl of yrs back:)

Next: I don blv in Best Friends..I have a post on this in draft for a while now and for some reasons haven't posted it..But i will try publish it today

n to ans ur Q...Do i have that Friend...To most of ur Qs..Vinod was the name that popped up in my head..he wld do those things for me and I for him.

I used to have a friend here who V n I could rely on for anything or she could rely on us for anything. Unfortunately, she had to move from here.
As for my other friends...i can think of many who i can call at any time of the day or nite if all i want is a lending ear or some help that they can do inspite of the distance...vice versa with them.
Its the distance that makes things difficult.As children, only friends who were present physically around us were our good friends but now that can no more be the same, so it makes somethings really difficult!

Sam said...

i guess i got them all categorized.... so, can't talk abt soemone who'd fit into all teh roles... there are two though... might just slip into all of them but then never put them to teh test!!

Lena said...

i never believed in the concept of having many friends. In orkut i have only the few amount of people i can keep track of. In all the messengers i hardly had 20 people all together, mainly the same ones as from orkut plus few university friends.
I am trying to be a good friend and there are around 6-7 people for whom i would be there if they need me no matter what is going on in my life. And i know there are few, maybe not these 10 but little bit less who would do the same for you. And i am proud i have them in my life and i believe it will remain this way forever :)

as for the rest of people i would do most possible to help them when they are in trouble, not sure they would do the same for me. But in the end we dont help people to wait for them to help us back, right?

Rahul... in City of Dreamz said...

Guess what.. i fell i am that friend for atleast 5-6 people in life... but i am not sure if they are the same for me!!

and yes.. that doesnt take away anything from the friendship does it?? you really dont be friends with someone having all these expectations rite?

vishesh said...

lol...i will be there :)

Solitaire said...

@ Bubbles, what should I say? Great minds think alike! :) And I like your statement,

"have 8 people who i hope i am a good friend to because they are exceptional friends to me."

I like how you hope that you are a good friend to them..that you are not absolutely sure. Sometimes we just assume that people are liking what we have to offer them because we would have liked that for ourselves.

Solitaire said...

@ Rahul, it takes away nothing from the friendship. It all comes down to what you are ok with and not. And having expectations leads to disappointments. I hope those 5-6 people realize that you are there for them and I hope you realize who those people are who will always be there for you, regardless of your expectations.

Solitaire said...

@ Anjuli, haan. Haven't I always told you ke tu pagal hai?

@ Vishesh, :)

@ Sam, and even if they do not fit into all those categories, that does not mean that they are not the "true" friends. I have not met one of my best friends in the past 8 years. I am not even sure what categories he would fit in today. All that I know is that if I ever need him, he is going to be there for me.

Am In Trance said...

I've Got One..
I Know..!!

Solitaire said...

@ Lena, right! We do not. And its best that we do not have expectations. I know that I am secure in the fact that there are some friends who will do no matter what for me, and if they don't, I know that they will have valid reasons not to do so.

@ Trance, good!! As long as you know...

Solitaire said...

@ Pavi, yeah.."best friends" is a term we use a lot as first graders and then carry it over to our adulthood. I guess its only a title that one likes to give others in a way to show, "I like you very very very much", rather than saying those words themselves. I am glad you have your someone who will stand by you. I hope that you BOTH find someone else apart from each other to be able to call a social support in times of need.

Solitaire said...

@ Alok, what a wonderful response. Seems like you got my post to a T. You put "best friends" in quotes which I really like, giving me the idea you know how overrated the term is and yet we have such people in our lives. I can totally relate to what you are saying and I think that is how most people experience their friendships when they move from one place to another or immigrate to another country. But those memories never fade. Beautiful phrase.

Solitaire said...

@ Preeti, it is so refreshing to see a comment from someone who has actually been with friends going through some really tough times rather than only hypothesizing about it. I hope your friendships remain intact all your life!

@ Vasanth, what Shakespeare said totally made sense!!

Solitaire said...

@ Nirmal, yeah I did have someone with me through all these times WITHOUT me having to command them. That's why I say I am very fortunate in having found angels for friends.

@ Broca, good for you!

@ Deepali, How do you feel about answering no to both those questions?

Solitaire said...

@ Sam, so after having given it some thought, what is the conclusion you came to?

@ Nachi, thank you! Keep the thought process flowing!

@ Ekta, wow. I have had a totally different experience. Friends made during early childhood have been married and long gone into their new lives but newer friends made during college years are by me through thick and thin.

Solitaire said...

@ Meghna, that's quite thought provoking and there is a lot of truth to that. How can we expect from others what we are not able to give them? :)

@ Satish, I am "in touch" with many but I do not think I can knock on their doors. Just like you, my best friends are the ones that I have not met in years, and maybe do not talk to more than once in 4 months and yet we are super close!

Anjuli said...

:( :( :(

Ghost Particle said...

Anytime for you, You my crush...hugs :)

//Maybe you have not met the right people? And maybe you are yet to meet them?// Maybe ive met them, and I just dont know? now thats not a good thing, I have to be patient with life. :)

Deepali said...

Haha - too many questions sneha.

Well I think no to both is alright. I mean it's not like there is no one I can fall back on in times of crisis. My family is around and oh man I am sure they all loveeeeeee drama. Ya I would assume it might be different with friends but I don't have friends like that. I am sure there are a couple of people whom I can call up in a time of need and they will show up but I wouldn't be comfortable calling them.

Also it would have been an issue if 1 was no and 2 was yes. I always believe if 2 will be a no, then 1 being a no is perfect. A yes would seem wrong. Don't know if that makes sense to many people but that sort of thinking makes sense to me. As you sow, so you reap. It could be that if 2 was a yes then maybe 1 would be a yes too but the bigger issue is 2 being a yes. If you connect, you connect. If you don't, you don't.

I use to beat myself up (when I was younger) about not having real friends. I don't anymore. There are better things to beat yourself up about. I don't know, I am just at peace with myself so it doesn't matter. Maybe when my life is a little more shaken up, then I might feel the need and then act upon the same.

τ ħ€ ĐάЎđяёάmёя said...

solitaire..

about the phase...it is the phase wen you actually need sumone to tell all about your life..
one day u will feel that in today's world..life is so complicated that it actually consumes up all of your time..u urself said..u not talk to all 200 in ur frndlist...so never keep an expectation..and u will find that everyone actually takes out his/her time for you..it may not be in the time of your need..but then u will learn to appreciate that too...

I kno u r a psychologist and u neednot had to mention that to me that sarcastically...
:)
wat i feel is u need urself an anger management session..but u kno it better after all u had got the degree in human understandings.. after all u r the psychologist..

cheers

Vandita said...

no it did not occur to me coz i had only heard that the first time when i specifically mentioned priorities like "who wud u call first this person or this person?"
if its a guy thing then its a relief... coz honestly i felt like a commoner coz i wasn't 'the one special frnd" i was 'just a frnd'...

Solitaire said...

@ Daydreamer, I need an ANGER MANAGEMENT session? ROFL!!! Projection at its best! Daydreamer, I have gone through every possible phase in life that one can only imagine. Just that I do not like to talk about it. Thanks for your kind words of wisdom,

@ Vandita, I am also speculating. It never occurred to me until I made some observations in the comments section. Nevertheless, I do not think there is any right or wrong here.

Solitaire said...

@ Deepali, I completely get what you are saying. I am relieved to know that you do have family that you can turn to in times of distress. And I am sure they will be there for you because they care for you and not the drama. :) Its wonderful that you are at peace with yourself. And even more wonderful is that you are not pretentious and know that at certain times, you MAY feel the need to reach out.

Deepali said...

Okay so it is because family would care but they do LOVEEEEE drama hehe.
I do have pretty cool cousins and lotsss of them - we all hang out and stuff but someone cousins are cousins, I wouldn't count them as friends. Same way my sis is my sis. We can be friendly, we can be close but in my mind we will be sisters not friends. I never understood how these sort of boundaries (for lack of a better word) are blurred for so many people.

Pavi!!!! said...

@Deepali : i LOVEE it that u mention about the boundaries..Even for me..im super close to my sis, mom , hubby...but thats the kinda relationship i share with sister, mom and hubby! They are exactly that and not my FRIEND!
I frankly don't agree with / understand the thot completely when ppl say "my husband is my best friend" ; "my mother is my best friend" !

@Sol : V n I do have friends who we trust and will do many things for us...the only problem is, they are not close by. n that is a big limitation! I really do hope that altst 1 or 2 of our friends and we could stay in the same vicinity. Life will be such a blast!Sigh!

Mez said...

Finally after 90+ comments, i manage to make my entry here (o btw congraz u gettin popular in bloggerville eh).

So at one time my orkut frd listed boasted of 250+ friends n only a handful of 'em ever used to scrap. Imagine comein to rescue wen I would ne in need...i wud give a safe no. at 5 sumtin. So that is what frnship means to today eh.

Talking about best friends...ironically..i had a best frd in every edu institution i atttended.Lol. Best is also available in variety now. But skool bfz will always remains to be bump chumps.

Deepti said...

i often wonder too .. who are real and who are fake .. but there are just few to whom i bare my soul... rest dont even know that the smiling facade hides so many frowns ..
Guess what, its eerie, I have a post on similar lines somewhere in my list of unpublished posts ... left it half way through, had no clue how to end it :)

AmitL said...

Hi,Solitaire-as they say,it is only in times of trouble that you realize who your true friends are!I'm glad to say,here in Dubai,since we are a small circle of friends,most of them fall into this helpful category.

In India,on the contrary, I cannot count more than five such people who'd rally around in times of distress!!:)Perhaps that's coz most of my friend's circle has moved out of Baroda and into the WWW(Whole Wide World).:)

Nirmal's Blog said...

tats cool yaar.....

even no prob with mine too....touch wood..

Solitaire said...

@ Deepali and Pavi, I think that there are boundaries when it comes to any relationships but these boundaries are always so small, that it is easy to cross them. Just because you are related or not related to someone by blood does not make you a friend or no friend. Many people in the comments section have said that their husband is their best friend. And I truly believe that this should be the case otherwise life will be hard to live.

Solitaire said...

@ amitL, Its amazing how some friendships never come back to us in the form of other friendships. I too have a lot of friends close to me but they are in the WWW.

@ Nirmal, :)

@ Deepti, did you check my latest post? Its to do with smiling facades too!

Solitaire said...

@ Mez, Friendship today means whatever you mean it to be. I do not think there is a clear-cut definition but the definition sure is evolving with lifestyle changes.

rashmi said...

nice post...
yes. i too have a a lot of friends... different people for different reasons. but i also happen to have a couple of friends who will and have helped me out when i needed someone.

but yes, insipte of all this sometimes you do wonder that one day if u just disappear somewhere without a trace, how long will it be for them to know that u are missing...

mohak mehta said...

definitely one of ur best posts till date :)!
Thankfully , i hv got a couple of such frnds and i m tht frnd for a couple as well...
Rest all are just frnds... people who enjoy my company and vice versa...

anuj said...

hmm .. luck you :)

Shruti said...

I feel so proud and nice to say that I have such friends.. and I am such a friend to a few too :)

Solitaire said...

@ Rashmi, oh i wonder that all the time!! That if I were kidnapped or dead, when will people eventually find out and come looking for me? Maybe that's why we need to have a roommate we get along well with, a parent, or a spouse living with us!

@ Mohak, thanks!! :)

@ Anuj, touchwood!

@ shruti, same pinch!

rashmi said...

I was specifically thinking about friends....and many times its strange that the most unlikliest of friends whom u always thought as meer acquantainces come to bail u out....it has happened with me...

badshah khan said...

awesome post ....sorry that iam late to comment nevertheless...der aaye lekin durust aaye ....Yes I guess I do share a large group of frnds and one of the greatest ones i guess..but I feel I have a elite close group as well which seems to be fading ....but bottam line is Yes I do have some great frnds and I hope somebody belives the same about me .....

one more to add to ur post "I have a group of friends that I know will always be ready to go out to eat if I give them a buzz" DO i fall in this category or a lil modified version of this .....