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Saturday, October 25, 2008

Any presents? Anyone?

We often hear things like..

"Live in the present. Not the past."
"Learn from your past and move on."
"Forgive and forget."
"The present is a gift."

What great words. Great ideology. Great philosophy. Awesome consolation. Words of wisdom. No, really.

But hey, how many times are we constantly reminded of the past even when we want to move on?

A girl married at the age of 22, naive, gullible, and innocent, divorced later, may constantly be reminded of her "one mistake" when she attempts to find a partner again, a mammoth task for those who live in conservative cultures.

A woman who has had an abortion for practical reasons may be told later when she indeed wants to embrace motherhood that her chances of conceiving are now close to minimal due to that one abortion.

A teenager, drunk at a club, involved in a fight, may have charges of misdemeanor placed against him and will continue to face issues when trying to find employment even at 40 after years and years of a dry spell.

A man who has unprotected sex with his partner just this one time realizes that he now has the HIV and will never be able to lead a normal life again.

Rash driving, road antics, cheap thrills causing someone to fall off their motorbike, hitting their head on the pavement, losing consciousness, and perhaps mobility for the rest of their life.

Sometimes, try as we might, we may want to learn from our mistakes. The question is will we ever be able to? Sometimes, try as we might, we may want to undo just that one moment. The question is can we do that? Will we be punished for the rest of our lives only to hear over and over again.....what we always do. Those golden words of wisdom.

42 Words of Wisdom:

preeti said...

hmm. something to think about. Even if the society forgets it, forgives us, the affected stop making an issue ouuta it, our own guilt will never leave us rest in peace.

Ghost Particle said...

if we can only learn from making mistakes, then we have to face every possible outcome to really become who we are. to find out place in the civilized society and to leave a mark.

the extremes of mistakes, and the baggage we take to the future are consequences. causality. we cant also say its fate since we caused it.

the probable solution would be to learn from others, we have had enough chances to do that.

and living in the present is impossible when we need to still settle yesterdays work and write down tomorrows news. :)

Blue Kite Dreamz said...

@Solt..
If you have noticed ..Words of wisdom are very cleverly designed..they possess dual nature..they are modular in nature..they are non- specific..yet can latch on to multiple scenarios...are more like ghahlib's shayari :)..dual natured..

Its up to us to turn the meaning of the words of wisdom to our advantage...let them not be the ultimate guide..lets use our ..whatever...:)

If the past memeory is suffocating..its better to lose it and subsitute it with the memory of a soothing experience...

now how does one lose something which is not tangible..ask me and i will tell you the secret trick :)

as for the resultant part of the experience.."koi zarrori to nahi ki har karm ka phal meetha hi ho "

enjoy the tanginess with a bit of salt...and you wd find that sugar tastes much better after that...

Hemanth Potluri said...

delicate issue...learni9ng from mistakes is one thing but actually if the mistake is soo big that if it ruins ur career life everything ...we cant always just follow wisdom sayings ...it becomes shit in our life...but the making of life totally depends on our perspective of thinking...if we can ruin it...we can even mend it :)...

urs..hemu..

Vinz aka Vinu said...

very true...
such 'wisdom quotes' are always nice to preach...but always those who suffer its very difficult for them...

past is always etched in our present...someor the other how it is gonna be there, always..!! how we face it is what makes us different..!!


thoughtful post...let this post help others to avoid such mistakes..!!

:)

Mamta said...

Very true! I have a million moments that I wish could be undone. But then the consolation lies in the fact that I atleast get to learn from those moments so as not to repeat them all over again.

CяŷştąŁ said...

You got me on this one..living maybe a present..but to achieve a present is hard one in itself.
And the question you put up has set me into thinkin'..
will be back to elaborate!

Anurag said...

That's so true ...But then are you saying that the ones who said "Once you fall ...Try Again and Again" are Wrong ???

I really don't think so....There has to be some truth in there ...If we think that way...we may not acheive anything in life....

One must live in the present ,yes, but learn from his or her mistakes ....Examples you gave are unfortuanate but then it doesn't prove the theory of "Try and Try Again" wrong ...Does it ???

Gauri said...

Thought provoking post Solitaire.

Life is rather cruel at times. As to your question of whether people do learn from their mistakes .... I would tend to think in the positive.

Yes - people do learn from their mistakes. Whether they live to regret that "one" mistake - is circumstantial.

And even if nothing earth shattering happens from mistakes committed, one's conscience never lets one rest in peace, does it ? The inner mind does keep pointing out to the mistake.

And then, of course, there is always society .... with its whole range of "I told you so's"

Vinay said...

hey sneha...
wise words....and true also...
they tell us to forget the past and yet they dont...
its somewhat weird...
also like preeti says, sometimes our own guilt may never let us rest peacefully either...
loved it...!!

harish said...

yeah sneha, its just stupid to say stuff like time heals, forget the past and all the blahs!

time is like a rubber sheet stretched from life to death and each incident, good or bad is like a stone and it stretches it into the future...

Any Sunday Afternoon said...

if I learn from my mistakes, pretty soon I'll know everything - Unknown.

Still thinking said...

Each one of us makes some or the other mistakes in our life Sol and to a certain extent, repurcussions of those mistakes stay all along thru' our life, but is that a reason for not living in the present and making the most of it?

Some of us are lucky enuf to get a 2nd chance and then it's all in our attitude. We need to forgive ourselves and move ahead. We just have one life and we need to make all the amends we can in this life itself. I truly believe that indeed 'Present is a gift'...the only real and tangible thing in life is this very moment.

Sorry abt the long comment. Nice post as always...there's always something to introspect...

AmitL said...

Hi,Sol...now,those were some hometruths,which even I sometimes prefer to turn a blind eye to,rather than delve into past mistakes,and wonder whether they can ever be repaired.:)
----
But,tell me,it's like Hobson's Choice,na...mistakes like the 'practical' abortion,just leave the person with no choice but to accept their future-with or without a smile...or,find alternatives,like,this lady who cannot conceive-so,she has to think of adopting a child!Right?
---
Sigh-strange are the vagaries of life.

Ankur said...

the day we start living our lives on the term and conditions of others, such things happens!!

The day we give others more importance than ourselves such things happen!!!

i love this sayin, suno sab ki, karo maan ki!!
life gives a second chance to everyone, upto us how and when we take it!! :)

Cheers!!!

Prakhar said...

I feel...your words are as true...as the 4 lines you started with...

Life ain't fair..nd we ain't perfect...

Southpaw unplugged said...

And i thought i m the one who keeps having nightmares! sigh!

Pertaining to the question u asked in the last post's comment, yeah its the nature of my job.

sawan said...

Solitaire, Check my new post. U got something there.

brocasarea said...

such things helps u to learn from ur mistake..sometimes its good to remember our past so that we dont do such mistakes again...

Tarun said...

Hence its said prevention is better than cure.
Cost Cutting ...
Just curious to know if Philosophy is also taught to students pursuing Psychiatry?

Diwali greetings.
Ciao

comfortably numb said...

life gives everyone a s second chance...another wisdom saying but does it really???
it is vry tuff am sure to carry d baggage of d past...to forgive n forget is not sumthing wich is vry high on society's priority list:(

Preetilata【ツ】 said...

have to agree with every bit of this post. somehow..somewhr our past haunts us.

Enigma said...

learning from mistakes is a good thing...but some mistakes just haunt u for the rest of ur lives, some destroy lives and some r ok that we can learn and move on.....it all also depnds on ones way of thinking

Iceman said...

err.. damn am so incorrigible.. I have made so many... and whats the use of learning when ever time i end up making newer ones?

on a sober note, Mistakes... hmm...
Whats the use of life? Eventually if its death... I will live life in my terms... even if I make mistakes...
I am happy 2 live with my mistakes and die with them... it doesnt matter!

Manasa said...

A friend whom I trusted the most betrayed. From then on, I've been very choosy in making friends!

PS: the song is good :)

Neo said...

thought provoking!!!!!!!

past often haunt us...

Pavi!!!! said...

no i disagree...i think there is sumthing to learn from every mistake..if we undo any aspect of our life...then we are not we..each experience is wat makes us..
One who has had a divorce n is lookin for her new partner..her lesson wld be u'stand that people change with time..people are not wat they seem like they are..the 1st instant.
one who has had an abortion..won't crib for the rest ofher life abt the "unplanned baby" which so many other mothers do.
The drunk teenager may have trouble findin a job but atleast he didn't b'com a alcoholic!
The one who is infected with HIV..will probably spread awareness n get satisfaction out of that...trying to teach others thru the rough exp he had?

U'll probably say.."Easy fo u to say..coz ur not in that situation"..but really..i blv everything happens for a reson..a good one!

Blue Kite Dreamz said...

The rough seas might force you to change your course ,but then you have to beleive in the strength of your sail...that it would bring you back to the original course..Yes..probably it wd be a longer route ...you would have more bleeding holes in your sail..but then you would have survived...to fight back again..
And when you reach the shore..dont change the sail....make it stronger...add more layers to it...dont forget the the sea..forget the roughness remember the awesome power of it...and start a new journey..

I have read somewhere..that letting go things whcih hurt..creates a vaccum and that pulls in postive things into yr life...
so i guess its about ...facing it...letting go..learning from it..and opening the windows to yr tired and battered soul..so ..the fresh air can enter it...and strengthen it.

let the sutradhar play its game..you dont have to beat him..but you can choose what character you wish to play..:))

I wish i cd say it all in a few words..

CяŷştąŁ said...

Come read my recent post..
I agree with you..like in my post's case its an AIDS patient I saw..who was locked up in the Jail 'cos the people near him wre afriad of the fact tht he might infect someone of theirs.
*Sigh* Now think..just like the examples you gave..even this is one such eg..
And then,living in the present is nearly impossible when we have the troubles of yesterday,and pains of the future on our mind! And trust me..some mistakes can never be erased..even when you want to step down into the past and chuck tht moment or day out of your life..it gets nearly impossible!

I guess thts how the world goes..
I love Psychobabble like anything..trust me! :-)

Kiran Sawhney said...

Rightly and well said. If only humans could erase few mistakes that they really regret. Ctrl all delete. Convenient.

Diana said...

Thought-provoking Sneha.....

These incidents stay in our lives forever as 'mistakes'. I have committed many of then and sadly, cannot erase them out of my life.....The damage had already been done but am trying to move on....

Nyway, Happy Diwali dear...

(¯`•._.•[Raaji]•._.•´¯) said...

ahh.. i can so relate...
sometimes we dont even want to forget the past.

Nirmal said...

to err is human...

and one who reminds that everyday are humans..

Iceman said...

Every thing in life comes @ a cost...
remember I once told?

Even death in itself comes at a cost.
So what price you pay for something depends on the mistakes you make or the choices you make... But @ times, the price one pays for not making a choice is too big for the cost it self... So WTF! Make ur choices even if u r gonna make mistakes & pay for it!

On a flip side, when you do realize what cost you have paid it simply doesnt matter or its just too bloody late....

Either way u r screwed! LOL...

Learn to live with ur self, with all ur mistakes... Theres no escaping... none is spared!

Scattered Thoughts... said...

Like Kiran said.. I often think.. if life could have a Delete or Backspace button.. but then again.. if wishes were horses..

Ghost Particle said...

happy diwali sneha.

Anu said...

Sol ,
Well put. A girl I know of, was getting married again and the wedding which took place was very solemn in its entirety,.it was like everyone there was keeping their fingers crossed.. no one smiled or joked with the bride. Even if we individuals want to get over a mistake, soceity decides to remind us on a daily basis..

CяŷştąŁ said...

I am one of top babblers..yayi :D

jitendra said...

I have noticed a trend in most, if not all, of your posts. They tend to focus more towards the baser elements of human behavior. In my humble opinion, it wont hurt to try and write once in a while on 'happier' topics.

just my opinion. it's afterall your blog.

Nidhi said...

What I have realized so far is that the whole LIFE revolves around this one line...

"If only I could turn back time..."

Meghna said...

SNeha di...ur psots are always so interesting...each posts on ur blogs r a learnign point for me...I nvr thght of such thngs until now.. Thanks to blogging :P

I dunno...I guess u r right in a way...but they who said so, must hav had something in mind na?

Angel said...

May be this is too old a post to comment on... But wanted to give out my thoughts to it.. :)

hmmm... i doubt whether anyone will be able to live a life without having a "fear of past" especially when its been bad. No matter how much ever we try to convince ourselves or say "i dont bother about the past", i feel it would be purely an artificial life.

As said by Preeti, it all matters to our own guilt.

@blue kite dreamz..
ofcourse, everyone would be looking out for the secret trick :)