Picture this.
1. You get a call from your colleague. The one you sit next to all day and exchange a few pleasantries with every morning. He wants to go out with you...yet again. You call your girlfriend and say, "Honey. I have to go out with a friend. Will call you when I get back." She says ok, with a dejected voice and awaits your phone call all night. You come back from a guys' night out, tired and drunk and fall asleep. She sleeps with the phone next to her pillow.
2. Your friends invite themselves over for your birthday. Panicky, you ask your mother to cook up some nice grub. She does. She slogs in the kitchen for two hours so that your birthday party is a success. When your friends come over, you take them to your room, have a gala time, hoping that your mother does not disturb you. When she does come to interact, you say, "MAaaaaaaaaaa" in an embarrassed fashion. She excuses herself and you get the entire evening to yourself and your friends.
As far as I know, all those who read me, have loved ones. Some love their partner to death, some their parents, and some can devote an entire lifetime to a friend. And yet, we sometimes choose to be nice to those who do not really matter and shun those we profess to be most important to us.
Why is having an old grandmother who cannot speak English embarrassing? Why is dejecting a partner okay to do but not okay to say no to a colleague, neighbor, or casual friend? Why do we take for granted those who have been there for us but seek out the attention of those who never have and probably never will? Do we like challenges or does familiarity breed contempt? Are our priorities messed up or do we like being in control?
There are many souls out there who are loveless in life. So please. Cherish those who have chosen to love you and you have chosen to love back. Your colleague may not be in your life 10 years from now but your loved one most likely will be. Remember, just because someone loves you, it does not mean that you can treat them anyway you want.
Just My Thing
15 years ago
133 Words of Wisdom:
sneh ...u touched me yaar....u actually made me cry...this is really true in some cases..we act in a way to hurt the people who really care for us..and end up as a heartless guys..i never want to hurt my parents or frnds but sometimes i do it with out knowledge and have the guilty feeling till the end of it..:(...but the control of it may be a better thing and yes..
**just because someone loves you, it does not mean that you can treat them anyway you want
this is correct and I think i should really not hurt anyone in future..thnks sneha for reminding me some previous moments :)..
urs..hemu..
Very true said............. :)
Agree completely.....
Actually I realized this just a few months back and after making that change i feel more happier sachii....
:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
YOU see I am so Happy... :P
Nice Post..!!
Coz we take the ones closest to us for granted.
Sigh***
visiting first time. I think we get so focuseed on making farfetched people special, and go beyond limits to please them, that we totally forget those who shower love at us near hand. I would like to blog roll you. Read my post and if you feel ok, send me a comment :)
I have been a silent reader of your blog for quite sometime. Couldn't resist commenting this time.
This is a very thought provoking post. I loved it... We hurt people around us without realizing we are taking them for granted. If only genuine concern for others existed! In the rat race to fulfill our momentary selfish desires and please others, we trample over the
emotions of our loved ones. You ignore them when you choose to and they substitute for a punch-bag when you want to vent your frustrations.
Very true Solitaire. I am guilty of this and I feel very bad after being 'not so nice' to my loved ones. I guess I am not careful with them as I am with others. Maybe we don't think much with close people because we know they won't stop loving us even if they are hurt for a while. That's why we take them for granted.
Thanks for the lovely reminder for all of us.
you know sometimes i wish just to care less to see the other people i am not always there, unfortunately thats not that simple. I guess it is in humans' nature to take the closest ones for granted because we believe they are always there. And most probably they really will be because they just cannot walk away and let the other side experience what it is like to be without them around.
This is a great reminder to many I suppose.
**Do we like challenges or does familiarity breed contempt
I think its most likely that and also that we seem to take our loved-ones for granted.
I know that there's a breed of ppl who get embarassed by their loved-ones or r quick to respect outsiders compared to their loved-ones. It's really sad.
I always make time for my mum n sis...I know I can NEVER be happy if they r unhappy or hv been neglected. I'd rather die!
Keshi.
Never thought of this really.
Bu never been embarrassed by the fact the Grandparents or some other relative cant speak a fluent English.
nice post!!!
so very true ... the people who love you selflessly get taken for granted ... and the people who do not matter and act pricey enjoy your attention and later even smirk at you (saala kya ***** hai ... biwi ko ghar pe chhodkar office ke colleagues ke saath movie dekhne jaata hai ...) .... but even then we never understand ....
p.s. - all my friends get along with my grandmother more than me :)
oh god!
I so relate to some stuff uv written here...am suddenly embarrased and guilty of doing some of these things myself!!
:-((((((
nice message conveyed..!!
thoughtful post...!
people seldom realize the value of close, at times..!!
:)
u always bring to notice the things that go unthought of...
this is why u shd never break ur promises to a loved one and always appreciate they lovingly do for u even though u expect them to...
beautiful post sneha :)
Tussi ne bot true likha hai.. Many of us do this on varied levels at times..
So true.. Don't know why, but we give priority to least known colleagues, friends of friends and even strangers who come to office or some thing. Probably its human nature that we try to be nice with them or try to present good of ourselves. Even on the cost of upsetting our near ones, which we do not realize at that time. Again, I am not sure but I think its more with the boys as we don't take emotional stuff as gals do.
No its not right to be embarassed abt a grandparent who doesn't know English.. I think this is sumthing that happened when we are children..but goes away as we grow older. (of course, im talking abt the majority)
But taking one's parents, friends and others for granted happens w/o even realizing it...We just expect our near n dear ones to understand when we are not able to return a call or when we don't say thank You, for a task that they do everyday for us. n then we may choose some special day to xpress our gratitude.
It ain't correct but also, it isn't a completely wrong thing.Also if my dear frend wanted to cancel dinner plans with me coz of a cute guy at work..i would u'stand..'coz im there all the time..where-as that cute guy may not ask her agn!
True..We sometimes do take our loved ones for granted...
The examples you mentioned are the extreme kind. But I think most of us are just comfortable with our near and dear, that we no longer have any formalities with them... We no longer go out of the way to please them. At times, we even deny them the common courtsey we have for others. But all in the hope that they will understand and not be expecting it in the first place! After all, we are past the 'socializing' stage with our close ones!
Still, that doesn't make it right, esp if it hurts the other person.
Something to think about....
Well,you have mentioned something which (i think) we all know in the back of the mind; but tend to flow with the life and forget things which are important. cause those things are there for us no matter what.
Just saw the movie A wednesday and i cried.Read this post and doing the same :(..and been doing so for the most silliest of things these days.Anyway...take this.You are walking through a mall one afternoon.Suddenly you see ur spouse having lunch with his colleagues.He see you too and you smile and wave and starts to walk towards and he has an embarassed look on his face and look away continuing his convo with the group,ignoring u completely.You suddenly stop and walk away as if a stranger.sigh.
Nice post.
Beautiful post Sneha! Believe it or not i hav never ever misbehaved with the ppl who love me so much coz i value their presence in my life and i dunno wht wud i do without them. I hav always tried to give my best to my relationships...be it with my parents or be it with my guy. But there r ppl who dont realise wht they hav until they lose it. I think this was portrayed beautifully in the movie Namesake too!
Hmmm, true, very true. We do take our loved ones for granted, I'm so glad they are forgiving.
Wonderful post Sneha!
I had a different summer this year - my inlaws and parents visited me for approx 3 months each....and all my friends/colleagues were telling me that I could not do fun things (hiking, camping, poker nights, etc) this summer...but I am more than satisfied with the time I spent with family....
I also experienced the enormous amount of love from all my old aunts and uncles in India during my wedding - how can I not cherish that? and reciprocate?
You are right - we should always nurture our loved ones and try not to hurt them.
Interesting....
Doing this is not tough - been doing it forever - but keeping an expectation to receive the same response from others and then not getting it is - what one has to learn to cope with.....
Treat them as equals. People who are close and not so close. And once majority of the people start doing that, see what the world will transform into :) However, thats one of those ideal situations which would probably never happen.
I agree with everything you have said here. Lovely post!
I made some changes, now i guess there r no glitches on my page, hopefully.
very well written...
:)
so true! I understand the importance of the loved ones, may be because I live away from them, but yes I wish everyones understood the importance! coz what u have written is something that ppl tend to do a lot of times....
so true! I understand the importance of the loved ones, may be because I live away from them, but yes I wish everyones understood the importance! coz what u have written is something that ppl tend to do a lot of times....
Hi,Sol-that's a really good topic,and,it's something which I observe so much everywhere.Typical situations are of a new colleague landing up at a guy's house,and,the guy berating his wife in front of him,just to show off his 'control'.Arghh-I mean,what does this new guy mean to you?What do you want to prove to him?
----
Frankly,I don't fall into this trap,of taking loved ones for granted.But,since I came to Dubai,I have been in another trap-namely,not being in touch with relatives and friends in India,on a regular basis.Why?Heaven only knows..I tried to understand why,and,couldn't come up with a reason,only excuses.I mean,I'm home by 6, I have two days off..so,what's the trouble?I suspect it's the fact that it's been so long since I was out of touch,that all those emotions have vanished,and,been replaced by a tinge of cynicism-one of the few drawbacks of working away from our country!Anyway,will find a solution to this one!I totally agree-just because someone loves you,does not mean that you should treat them any way you want!And,all said and done,the One Above is always watching!
very true...we often tend to take people for granted...especially the ones who care for us the most...
probably its the security that they will be with us no matter what....but what we dont realise is our small deeds and actions hurt them every single time but yet they love us enough seldom to show it....
this post makes a lotta sense :)
Solitaire,
You are right. We all tend to take those closet to us for granted and do not realise what if they too take us for granted. We do feel uneasy if any of our elders does not fit into our circle forgetting troubles he or she may have taken in making us what we are today. Kindly keep writing on this issue as widely as possible to bring some sense to such ungrateful ones.
Take care
Your on the money.. I think we think the ones close to us will "Understand" !! But in the end, the ones who really love you stay through the years, because they know the real you behind the persona
hmmm very well said....but if ones human enough the realisation should dawn as an aftermath...
Hmmmm..i love the way u touch the right strings ...:)
Read this before i try to draw an anaology...
" Pneumatophores :
These specialized aerial roots enable plants to breathe air in habitats that have waterlogged soil. The roots may grow down from the stem, or up from typical roots. Some botanists classify these as aerating roots rather than aerial roots, if they come up from soil. The surface of these roots are covered with lenticels which take up air into spongy tissue which in turn uses osmotic pathways to spread oxygen throughout the plant as needed."
we..have been classified into animals(by other animals..the scientists..the researchers.etc...) ...but basically we are all organisms sharing our living planet..and our basic instincts remain the same at the basic sublime level..
Like the plant mentioned atop..we seek to grow out roots outside our system(read:seeking oxygen/relations outside).....confident that the basic root system(read:our close loved ones)..would continue to do its job..and hold us upright...
The aerial roots(outside bonds) serves...to tittilate our senses...run rejunivating oxygen through the system...i guess the search for the unknown has been a catalyst for this animal/human behaviour..and i guess this act ..forces the basic roots/close realtions to forges stronger roots somehow...
Now someone may contend that we are not plants ..or animals...we are human beings..and we must act appropriatly..
i ask them...who decides..that we are humans beings...and and that as human beings we must behave in a certain way..a way ...a pattern...which is acceptable...who...who...sets the benchmarks ? i never came to this earth with a code book of "do's and Not Do,s",neither did u ..or he or she..or them...
Whatever we feel..we imbibe ..its our personal approach to situations...and no code can bind them together...
Like many of us ..i too beleive in ..nurturing the main root system ,instead of randomly shooting out aerial roots ....
But i just love playing the devils advocate ...:)
In any case i used to love to swing on the aerial roots of the banyan trees...
That was a very nice and lovely post..happy to know about the values you keep..it is always soothing to know people like you..
take care
MIP
so true inne.....most times we take things for granted n just get so selfish n dont even realise what others do for us inne....
a really persceptive piec and very well written...its been sometime i have realised this...what is important is disovering really matters to youi think by and large everyone realises how important parents by the time they grow up and how often we take them for granted...at least i have and trying to be a better daughter now...
I so agree with you on this one. I have been on that receiving end of someone not wanting to be bothered because they have made new friends...
Does it hurt, oh yeah!! But they come back every time . It used to be replayed over and over by one friend, but I decided to break that old record.
You hit the nail right on the head with what has been going on! in my life anyway!
Love has a lot to do with it, but some people just dont get it.
Ne
it cant be more true than this... :)
btw... how u doin??
no blog post has made me think so much after reading it as much as this has.
what an awesome post.
I dunno y.... But for some reason, I always care about what people think. By people, I mean those who dont care about me! I like someone... n he likes me too. But at times, I ignore him...because PEOPLE dont like him. I need to stop doing this but I dunno how!!
Gosh..you said it so honestly and rightfully,Sneha..
I agree totally!
*sigh*
PS_I am in yr blogroll bt you've totally forgotten being thre!
this post made me to think. so very true. we tend to take our loved ones for granted
really wonderfull post...
people always take their close ones for grnated...and more over are more concerned abt what others think....
@ Broca,
Very true. And this happens more in collectivistic cultures than individualistic cultures.
@ Preetilata,
Yes. Sad, isn't it?
@ Crystal,
Sigh!! Its not so dearie. I hardly am online these days. Have neglected not only my own blogs but my blog friends as well. But this going to change next week. I promise.
@ Ash,
Wow! Appreciate your honesty.
This happens when our self esteem is dependent on what others think of us rather than us being confident in being who we are. If you start standing up for him with confidence, people may respect your likes and you may stop worrying about what others think.
@ Vaudevillian,
Am glad. Thank you!!
@ Ankur,
Thanks!!
I am doing just OKAY!
You?
@ Calm,
Yes! In fact it is only love that has got to do a lot with it!! How did you break that cycle? Must have been hard but am glad you did it!!!!! :)
Take care!
@ D writer,
Good!! Sometimes what gets people is that they have to choose between two loved ones and take one of them for granted in the process. Maybe we need to be aware about our behavior with all our loved ones and not just our parents.
@ Princess,
Sometimes it does not even matter what they have DONE for us. The fact that they love us and are respectful of us should suffice.
@ Man in painting,
I do not know if I always adhere to these values. Probably not. But I do try and practice them as much as I can.
Thanks!
@ Blue Kite,
That is a great analogy even though a bit hard for me to comprehend in one shot (since I am not a botanist).Will ponder over this and get back with you later.
@ Aphrodite,
Aftermath? what do you mean?
I am "guilty as charged" to the sin of taking loved ones for granted.
I don't have an explanation for it or an excuse, but I regret it.
Nice touching post!
Subtly penned.
Almost everyone of us can relate to it. We must have passsed through either of the phases at one time or other. taking 4 granted and the one where we are taken for granted. But unfortunately once it happens the relation loses its due respect.
Nice read. :)
it is really a thought provoking post!! it is true ..ppl generally tend to take other people's love for granted :(
guess ppl should read this post and try and change their behaviour :)
Am feeling guilty after reading this...I do the same Sneha...
You made me think...
emotional post for me...sometime my mind go in flashback....then i think i did nothing in my life,..and so many things come in my mind.
Loved Ones - Should we be fastened to them so firmly that we cannot be away from them for a few hours for spending time with old and new friends?
I think we need to have an understanding with our loved ones that both they and we are entitled to have some space and time for ourselves, in absense of each other.
Feeling embarassed about the loved ones is foolish and ignoring them is just bad. But enjoying with friends etc should not be mistaken as ignoring the loved ones.
Just OKAY ??
doesnt suit u lady... so get over it soon!!! :)
i m now doing better than just OKAY, NOW!!!!
Well said.. takes me back to my working days... I was a working mom and end of teh day was so exhausted from working at home and at my job.. I would snap at the hubs, after being nice to the most irate customers and dumb colleagues and demanding bosses!! Finally after a year I quit.. no more of this madness I told myself..
That's a good reminder for today's world where one cares less about one's own parent and more about their boss's ones,for their own selfish means.
All of us might've done it atleast once in a lifetime.
@ Hemu,
Do not cry. The awareness is what matters. We all make mistakes. They are unforgiveable only if we keep repeating them even though we know they are wrong.
@ Rushabhh,
Wow! You ARE happy! What's the secret?
@ Idling,
True.
@ Southpaw
I know. :(
@ Preeti,
Yeah..isn't that ironic?
Feel free to blog roll me. :)
And welcome!
hmmm...i usually am more on the non social side...so now i can see a positive angle to it...i can give more time to my loved ones :D
@ Tintofblue,
Thanks!! What prompted you to write a comment for this one? You are so right. We are all aware of what we do when pointed out. But apparently, when in the situation, we completely ignore what we know and continue to try and please those who do not matter.
@ Anurag,
Ok. Fair enough. But sometimes we even take one loved one for granted while paying attention to another.
@ P,
You are welcome!
How you doing?
@ Lena,
Very true. Our loved ones will not walk away when we take them for granted. They may only suffer in silence.
@ Keshi,
Good for you!! Yes, there is a breed of people who are very conscious about their own image amongst other people and will do anything to keep it up even if it means that they have to bring their loved ones down.
@ Tarun,
That is only an example. We all take our loved ones for granted at some point or the other.
@ Hiren,
Hey! That's a great example. Yes, we may not realize that people actually may mock us for behaving a certain way. Sad situation.
@ Ekta,
Good if you feel guilty! That means you will try not to do it again! It has to start somewhere right? Don't feel bad.
@ Vinz,
And when they do, they don't want to apologize!
@ Vandita,
Thanks!! I am sure you are capable of these thoughts too! Just that I write them out..bus!
@ Urv,
Great toh likha hai but great karte nahi hai na?
@ Scattered thoughts,
I don't know about gender differences but I do think that we are trying to make first impressions last long and so we always try to be at our best with those who have not yet seen our worst. Our close ones have seen it all so we feel free to act however we want to with them which sometimes results in us being disrespectful.
@ Pavi,
I agree that forgetting to say thank you or please to a loved one is not a big deal and not completely wrong. But sometimes we do greater things than that which may sadden them only so that we can please the ones who do not matter. And then not only do we not make up for it, but we also repeat it again if they let go of it once.
@ Jira,
Yup!! Common courtesies may not be expected and may be forgotten about but the acts that hurt them may be way beyond common courtesies and sometimes, we think that doing that is ok too!
@ Neo,
Thanks!
Yeah we think those things are there for us no matter what. What we forget is when they are unhappy, even those relationships might not end, they might not even be fulfilling.
@ Sree,
Aww!
Well, the scenario that you have given is very unpleasant. If I were the wife, I would have been hurt beyond limits and would take a long time to get over it. I would never be able to get used to it, either. But I know that it is a very realistic situation. It happens with a lot of Indian men, especially, because they fear being teased.
@ Ria,
thanks!!
Am glad that someone has had the insight to know about this before learning it the hard way. Most of us do end up learning the hard way. Sad, isn't it?
@ Shachi,
WOW! Must have been an awesome experience. I am glad that you felt that spending time with them was more important than hiking or cycling. I think there are many of us who would go ahead and hike just because we do not want to displease our friends and know that our parents are not going to go anywhere!
@ Ceedy,
Interesting is a strange adjective for this post.
Good for you if you have been doing it forever. I guess expectations do lead to disappointments. I hope you found that post of mine interesting too.
@ Apoo,
Thanks!
I cannot envision treating someone who is close and not so close as equal and cannot really fathom what the world would look like then. Can you? I wonder how it is so hard for me to do that. Help me out a bit here.
@ Southpaw,
Oh ok!
sorry have not been around lately. But hopefully, when I do return to your blog, it will be a smooth read!
@ Humble,
Thanks! :)
@ Anjuli,
Who knows how and why you appreciate them but whatever it is, its great!
I knew that about you from your posts. :)
@ AmitL,
Thanks!
Gosh I know of that situation. Some men do want to appear "macho" and don't want people to think that they are "joru ka gulam" and I hate the way society portrays men who do find great companionship in their wives!
I am glad you are not like that! Makes you an eligible bachelor. Heee heeee!
I guess there could be a lot many reasons why you are not in touch with your relatives. It could be acculturation. It could be a lack of common topics to talk about. It could be their persistence to get you married or their curiosity to know details about your personal life. Maybe you can call them up one of these days and surprise them.. Maybe during DIWALI!
@ Pri,
Thank you!
:)
@ Jack,
Thanks!
I think it also helps to remember how we feel when we are taken for granted and not repeat that behavior to someone else. Alas! Many of us think that if somethign happened to us, we should go ahead and do the same thing to someone else.
Misery loves company!
@ Anu,
And I hate the expectation of "will understand"..when its put on me or when I put it on others.
@ Nik,
Will you repeat the behavior?
If not, then all's well that ends well, I suppose.
@ Mitra,
Thank you! Yes, I think we all go through the phase. Some of us don't realize it and for some of us, its more than a phase.
@ Nefarious,
I guess people should. But then there are some people who may also wallow in self-pity that they are the receiving end of this behavior. Its all about perception.
@ Diana,
:(
But its good to think about it, right?
Who deleted what comment?
@ Rakesh,
What kind of flashbacks?
@ Stony,
****Loved Ones - Should we be fastened to them so firmly that we cannot be away from them for a few hours for spending time with old and new friends?
No. The problem arises when we IGNORE them and their needs or even put them down just to impress the new found friends.
***I think we need to have an understanding with our loved ones that both they and we are entitled to have some space and time for ourselves, in absense of each other.
Once again, this is not about space and time. It is about being sensitive to their feelings. And yes, an open conversation would help.
@ ankur,
Really? And what makes it more better than just OKAY?
@ Preethi,
Good for you! At least you were aware and made appropriate amends!
@ Sameera,
Yup!!! I guess we need frequent reminders, though.
@ Manasa,
I think so too. Sad, that not many are aware about it.
Hi, stranger here..just happened to enter (intrude perhaps) ur space.Couldnt hold back frm writing [confessing rather].Am one of those morons who actually did so..And the results were disastrous..Learnt my lessons the hard way..Some ppl just have a suicidal tendency i guess..
Tagged ya ! You welcome to ignore if ya like :)))
Well, that means i am over the lull but yet not completely normal(i dont know wat else to call it) yet!!!
how u doing now was my question?
its my personal memory...:)
di this was a lovely write-up...
taking people granted just becoz you know they wont leave you sucks big time. they are the ones to be treasured for life!
These were real words of wisdom....very true.
@Sol:Iagree..repeatedly ignoring/taking for granted a dear friend in favor ofsumthing/someone else (that/who is temporary) is being insensitive and not caring for the dear one on our part.
Yes, that's the right phrase, "familiarity breeds contempt." We are all guilty of that. How often have we taken our loved ones for granted and have showered extra attention to newly met acquaintances? The only time we realize the greatness of our love for those familiarly close to us is when they are gone, either forever or through separation in another place or country. If it is the latter, good for us since we can still catch up for lost time and opportunities. But if it is the former, woe to us. We can cry ourselves to death but it will never bring back our loved ones we irretrievably lost. Thanks for the meaningful post. God bless you always.
Too touchy,Sneha!
Was awwesome..and truely said :)
MUAH!
it is very true..sometimes we take for granted those closer to us, and to come to our sense only when it is too late.
ammu.
@ Tulips,
Yes, sometimes we are victim and sometimes perpetrator.
@ Crystal,
Thanks!
@ Mel,
So well said!! You were reflecting all my thoughts.
Thanks!
@ Viks,
You learned it. Period.
Better late than never.
Thanks for visiting!
@ Pranay,
Thanks!
@ Lukky,
Thanks!!
this was really touching..keep writing..tc:)
well said, sneha. i think is some issue that's touched quite rarely. good that u opened it up n along with it, u opened some eyes too(i suppose)
Profound!!
Very nice post. Glad you created it because there is a lot of truth in it. We take a lot of granted in our lives. I think we all know its not right but we still do it.
This is one awezome post... and something that i've been following for sometime now...
just that at times it hurts when the feelings are not reciprocated!!
sigh!!
C'est la vie!!:D
[nice blog u got here..]
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