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Monday, February 18, 2008

I Love To See You Cry

I was tagged recently by Neetal to write about the 51 things that make me smile. Boy ooh boy! It was a huge task. I barely made it to 31. It was hard because I could easily think of 51 things that made me frown and those were the ones that kept popping into my head. That set me wondering..."Is my life really that sad?" and "Am I really that frustrated?".

The answer is NO.

My life is normal. Its not perfect. It has its shares of ups and downs. Just like yours.
I cry too. I feel frustrated too. Just like you.
I have lost relationships. I have suffered some pain too. Just like you.
And I focus on the sadness too, sometimes a bit too much. Is that like you too?

Have you experienced the loss of an intimate relationship or independence or a job or a societal status or physical ability or intelligence or a role or anything that was precious to you? Have you experienced the downs of normal life and asked yourself, "Why me?" Do you really think its just you? Do you really think that the guy next door has never experienced any of that? When you get in an accident, and say why me, did you really want the car behind you to be in your place? Will someone else's misery make you happy?

Have you experienced any recent joy, maybe a new relationship, a new friend, a nice compliment, or something that made you smile? Did you jeopardize that happy moment by pitying yourself and saying, "But he left me. I should not be happy".

Are you holding on to your past? Do you love to see yourself cry?

Think about it. Do not get defensive. Introspect. Are you learning to become depressed and make that your identity? Do you feel uneasy when you are happy? Do you feel like you do not deserve to be happy and that because you are, something bad is going to happen to you? Maybe, just maybe..you are subconsciously designing your life in such a way that you remain unhappy. Perhaps, you are learning to love to be unhappy.

Think about those people who whine, grumble, and complain all the time. Do you want to be like that person? Maybe you already are.

Forget Enrique Inglesias's song.
Next time, when you look into the mirror, flash your best smile.

I love to see you smile.

31 Words of Wisdom:

Ariel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Deepti said...

:) thats all

Keshi said...

Reading this post after wut happened yday and today between a good friend and me, Im crying now.

HUGGGGGGGGZ!
Keshi.

:: Clouds :: said...

This is truly a great post. And yes, I love to see myself smile. :)

I have gone through that phase when I have wallowed in self-pity 'cause someone made his way out of my life and I keep coming back to these phases. Then, in eleven days I have my board exams so I have been belittling myself of late but this post just made me smile. :)
Thanks. Loads of love. *hugs*. For you just told me that every cloud(even me) has a silver lining. :)

Sam said...

I love to laugh, have fun and believe in the saying "all will be good at the end of the day.."

Rahul... in City of Dreamz said...

The answer is yes yes yes! And i dont regret it one bit. . Because thats me :) . . But yes . . Trying to change. . But the past affects the present and threatens to disrupt the future. . Anyway!
Wonderful post ma'am. . And btw. . I am blogrolling u. . Should have done that lot earlier. :)

:: Clouds :: said...

You are tagged!

Sweetstickychewy said...

A beautiful post Solitaire. Expressed well.

Cheers!

Satish Bolla said...

another gud one frm u. u should post this in some self-realization books. definitely boosts lost love for life

That was it... said...

Nice post...:-)

Sam said...

I agree with you here... I've had my share of ups and downs and teh thing taht i learnt was shoudl i decide to stay down coz of that, i'll always stay that way.. but if i chose to smile it away sooner or later i'll grow out of it to lead a normal life!!

Emperor Ropi said...

It is indeed a huge task.

Vandita said...

i definitely love to smile ... it does two really nice things, one its makes me feel better and enjoy the moment that i'm in and two its contagious so i happen to make ppl around me smile when i'm all gung ho abt this beautiful life :)
PS: i still love Enrique's song :P

gaurav said...

"kisi juban me bhi woh labj hi nahi ki jinme tum ho kya tumhe bata saku"

U R NOT BEAUTY WITH BRAIN

U R BRAIN WITH BEAUTY

aneri_masi said...

Wow! That makes a ton of sense!
Yep, I do think I am beginning to love to be sad, while questioning all the time "why the heck am I not happy, I have everything I wanted, and even more, then why am I not happy"? I think you answered the question! Cool!

Another thing I would like to add...we should smile at others as well, not just at the mirror, it makes their day too. I know my husband's smile brightens my world!

Pavi!!!! said...

Oh well.. I did this just a few weeks back..Din't want to, but i thot writing that was the best way to let go of my anger and muster some courage to face situations as is.
And no way...when I ask "Why Me"..I don't mean that the actual trouble should be faced by someone else..Gosh thats mean!

At a certain phase (4-6 odd yrs) in my life i used to romaticize sorrow and cry endlessly.. But these days , tears are hard to come by...

c e e d y said...

but what if your being this happy and cheerful in any damn situation in life - no matter how down it is - a day or two it takes to spring back....makes everyone around worried that you really are not worried about any dire straits....

I had a post to what you are inclining to some months back under Joel Osteen - where he says subconciously we train ourselves to be sad....and then it comes naturally - so then why not train to be happy.....

read it if you can...

also now I will have to brush my teeth - damn

Solitaire said...

@ Ariel, no way! This post made you cry?? I am glad you smiled by the end of it. And I hope you are smiling now too!

@ Deepti, good for you! :)

@ Keshi, you too? :(
Don't be sad.

@ Clouds, yes it does. Don't you worry about your board exams. We have all gone through it. You will too.

Solitaire said...

@ Sam, good belief.

@ Rahul, thank you!

@ Sweetstickychewy, thanks!!

@ Satish, if and when I write a book, I will.

@ That was it, thank you!

Solitaire said...

@ Sam, true. Nothing lasts forever. It applies to all bad things to. Unless we choose to let it stay.

@ Emperor, what it?

@ Vandita, there has been research done and it has been proven that when we make facial expressions that resemble positive emotions, we begin to gradually experience the emotion.

Solitaire said...

@ Gaurav, that is the sweetest thing that anyone has said to me today. Thank you!!!!!

@ Aneri, :) haha! Nice to see you visiting my blog. Keep coming back!

@ Pavi, the tears may be hard to come by but what about the smile? Does it come easy?

@ Ceedy, I think that there are "average" and "normal" periods for people to grieve a loss. But when it goes beyond normalcy, it is then that people need to read this blog.

badshah khan said...

seems like me.. i mean things have not been going my way and i think somewhere along the way it makes me more conscious when i am happy or enjoy it a bit more. I feel that it is not for me. But i try to be happy most of the time hinding my sadness. Hoping tommorow might be brighter and more sunny.Hope it is so.

Pri said...

seriously i never really liked that enrique guy...
u shouldent hear him especially if u r wallowing in self pity..i dont mean his songs exactly...just his facial expressions is enough to make u feel more sad than u actually would be...somehow he always dies or is killed or beaten up in the end in most of his videos is another story though...

nice post...and uve written it perfectly well...often we are the ones who want to see us cry...or rather keep making ourselves miserable...
its funny u realise how sick it actually seems/sounds only when u r our of the phase and someone else is in it...
i cant help but quote 'smile!! it makes people wonder what uve got' :D
haha i for one thrive on arousing curiosity ;)

vEENs said...

My life is normal. Its not perfect. It has its shares of ups and downs. Just like yours.
I cry too. I feel frustrated too. Just like you.
I have lost relationships. I have suffered some pain too. Just like you.
And I focus on the sadness too, sometimes a bit too much. Is that like you too?


did u know me b4 ????

heheh!!

this is a plain simple summary of my life too!@!

Are you holding on to your past? Do you love to see yourself cry?


I do.. I hold on to the past as if.. if I let go.. I might just fell into an open space of unending possibilities kinds.. or whatever!~

I m afraid to acknowledge the fact that I am responsible for my present, my future... I might as well learn that!!!!!

I get a new compliment.. and off I go thinking.. no if this is good.. this is def bad kinds!

what a miserable creature I am hena?

Enrique... Pri is right ... but I think he is sexy... and he way he kisses!! ;)

Lena said...

i guess thats how we all feel. In the end we all experience the same troubles, have the same feelings. Just some of us look at it with a smile and some found themselves happy in being unhappy. Choice is always ours.

c e e d y said...

what if one can take the worst of the conditions in a normal fashion...what then - (wat can i do kinda attitude and move on) - is there smg wrong with that?

Pavi!!!! said...

@ Solitare : The Smile comes on easily. Touchwood! I have this of being able to smile even if deep inside I'm eally troubled and worried.
My previous client gave me an award saying "I keep the Smile come what may" n they have no idea how I could be working frm 6 am to 10 pm, handling unmanagable people and things, know that I won't have a job in the next 2 days and yet smile.. Touchwood, I say!

Mez said...

Yes i am holding onto my past but i dont love to see myself cry.He does.

Alok said...

Pain is good, I feel. It refines you. It helps you evolve, to change. Evolving and changing is a hurting process.

Similarly, anger is one of the most misunderstood of emotions. It shouldn't be taken negatively. It shouldn't be ignored. I think we should wonder why we were angry. What made our instincts abuzz. It helps me to evaluate myself.

I agree with you that many people begin to whine and grumble instead of trying to something. But sometimes, things go a bit too out of hand. Take career for example. A young person in India is still forced by parents to either accept engineering or medicine as their profession, even if the child wants to pursue sports.

Is it not something worth whining about? It's too big a risk to try to change your career, and yet you feel incomplete. I believe some whiners(not all) are better than the acceptors. They still have a realization about what they really want to do. They have the urge to form a plan to a direction they can choose.

Unless you're doing what you wanted to do, is it really worth loving to see yourself happy?

TheAviator said...

What an Awesome post. All my answers to your questions is YES. A big YES. Except for the last one. I wonder how you people write so good with such gravity in it.

I know flashing a smile wont be a difficult task but then it will be a false smile.

Deepali said...

A lot of people do bring misery into their lives themselves. And worse still they say they don't understand why they are sad.
Letting go is such a great thing - it frees you up. It make you move ahead but most people don't want to move on. They don't want to let go.