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Wednesday, July 23, 2008

You are STUPID. I was FOOLED!

This is a repost for people who have missed knowing how they are stupid but I was only fooled. Do not understand? Let me ask you a few questions!

  • Why is that when you are not able to respond to someone's calls or emails, its because you are "BUSY" but when they do the same to you, they have an "ATTITUDE"?
  • Why is it that when you are being noisy when you have a party, you are being HEP and FUN but when your neighbors do the same, they are being "INCONSIDERATE"?
  • Why is it that when you are late, its because you were "CAUGHT UP IN TRAFFIC" but when they are late, they are labeled as "ALWAYS LATE"?
  • Why is it that when you do not like what someone said, its because its "TRULY RUBBISH" but when they do the same, they are "JEALOUS"?
  • Why is that when someone tells you some good news and all did not end well, its because of "BAD LUCK" but when you tell them something and it fails, its because they cast "THE EVIL EYE"?
  • Why is it that when you hang out with people who speak your native language, you are only being friends with people you are "COMFORTABLE" with, but when they do the same, they are being "CLIQUISH"?
  • Why is that when you forget to share some information with someone, you assumed "THEY ALREADY KNEW" but when someone else does the same, they are being "SECRETIVE"?
  • Why is it that when you don't invite someone to a party, its because its for a "SELECTIVE GROUP" but when someone else does the same its because they "DO NOT LIKE YOU"?
  • Why is it that when you write a post on your blog, its "GENERAL" but when someone else does it, its keeping "YOU IN MIND"?

Now you know why when someone cheats you, you are STUPID but when someone cheats me, its because I WAS FOOLED!

We all commit the Fundamental Attribution Error more times than not, until we become aware that we are doing so. Don't get too bogged down by the term. All it means is that when something bad happens, we attribute it to outside causes for ourselves and internal causes for others. Likewise, when something good happens, we attribute it to internal causes for ourselves and external for others.

Example:
If I do well in an exam, its because I studied hard. If I do badly in an exam, its because the paper was difficult!!

Get it?? Now reflect back and think of the times when you did that. And if you cannot think of any, make sure you are aware of that in the future?

Go forth!

110 Words of Wisdom:

aneri_masi said...

Loved this post. And the previous one too :)

La vida Loca said...

Totally agree w/ u on this one

Keshi said...

Totally agree!

It's always the OTHER person who lacks intelligence, patience, poise, tolerance, class, style, senses etc etc. *rolling eyes*

u know why...cos ppl r about THEMSELVES. ppl r so UP themselves that they cant see beyond their own selves. I, I am, Me, Myself...that's how this whole world runs. Sadly.


Recently I was upset with a friend, and this friend comes and says to me

"u r this...u r that...u should not be hurting...u r being an idiot...ur a drama queen..i hv more probs than u" etc etc


When that same person was hurting, I didnt weigh their feelings on a scale and say

"u SHOULD be feeling like this and that...bla bla bla"


Instead, I was just there for them. Even tho I can't totally u'stand what they were going thru, I didnt call them stupid. But I u'stood that I have times like that too. And thats all that matters.


Everyone dun hv to be the same, or think the same way. But everyone makes mistakes and everybody hurts. If more ppl u'stood that w.o. JUDGING, this world wud be a better place.


And abt ppl thinking that blog posts r abt them. Tell me abt it! They draw all the conclusions and have already weaved a great story on WHO I'm talking abt, and then go and write a reply-post in their blogs, w.o. a single clue. Funny shit :)


Double standards make me wanna puke. tnxx for this post, it's a GREAT one Sol. U rock!


Keshi.

Mel Avila Alarilla said...

People are different. We have to accept that there is such thing as individual differences. We can just live and let live. God bless.

Pavi!!!! said...

true.very true. but i cant help blame the evil eye for some things!

jitendra said...

most of the 'examples' you gave are somewhat ladeeej issues :)

Idling in Top Gear said...

The answer to all those questions is the same and it is very simple:

To you, it's your world; everyone else just happens to live in it!

badshah khan said...

thats the way people are ....

Destiny said...

That is a totally cool (and useful) thing to know. What's amazing is that it seems so obvious when we read it, and yet its so easy to miss it when it happens. :)

Iceman said...

tumara khoon khoon aur hamara khoon pani... :P

Abhishek Khanna said...

"Fundamental Attribution Error"

nice one.. truly agree to it that only i get traffic jams.. everyone else is always late :D

Krazy Krimson said...

This did give me a different perspective on some of my reactions..

Very thoughtful!

Rakesh said...

are gajju kaisa hai....u have learnt so many things that i can tell..keep it up gajju..these things happened to me and i learnt by experience this is so bad and hurt others.thanku:)

lukkydivz said...

;) i can relate to all of them

Karthik S said...

I think most of the people have this attitude... the difference is how much of this attitude they have... lets say if the extremist is the reference scale, i will be 30%. Is this normal????

rahul said...

yes mam..will remember :P!!!
waise I always look at the other side of the situation..what would I do if I was in his place.

but I guess it is very convienent to put the blame on others...the easy way out!!

Solitaire said...

@ Aneri,

Thank you!!

Solitaire said...

@ La Vida,

:)

Solitaire said...

@ Keshi,

Thanks!

I understand what you are saying BUT do realize that this post is not about emotions and how one should be feeling but more about ATTRIBUTION, more about the causes that people give for something happening or not happening.

We all make that mistake without realizing it..the fundamental attribution error. I am sure you too must have thought that certain comments or posts were about you when they were not, right? Its a very common error.

Solitaire said...

@ Mel,

Thanks Mel. This post is more about how we attribute and make sense of why things are happening, not really about how people are different. Were you referring to my previous post? :)

Solitaire said...

@ Pavi,

Haha! Then be prepared to hear that you might have cast the evil eye too!

Solitaire said...

@ Jitendra,

Kya karein. I am a ladeej! Do you have have any jhents issue that be added her?

"When he was bowled out while playing cricket, he was not focusing right. When I was bowled out, the bowler had thrown a spinner and caught me off-guard"

Hows that?

Solitaire said...

@ Idling,

Right! And everyone lives in my world differently than how I do, right?

Solitaire said...

@ Badshah,

Ya. And so leave it at that?

Solitaire said...

@ Destiny,

Oh yes! Its basic human nature to make this error. But once aware, it can become lesser.

Solitaire said...

@ Iceman,

Ekdum sahi kaha! This is what the person at the receiving end would say!

Solitaire said...

@ Abhishek,

Chalo...admit toh kiya.

Solitaire said...

@ Krazy,

Thank you!! :)

Solitaire said...

@ Rakesh,

This post was specially based on your request. I am glad you liked it.

Solitaire said...

@ Lukky,

Aage kya?

Solitaire said...

@ Karthik,

Its all normal. Its a common error. The lesser the better, though.

Solitaire said...

@ Rahul,

Of course! And who would like to speak ill about themselves? Who would like to say, "I am a duffer and that's why I failed"?

Vinz aka Vinu aka Vinayak said...

a common syndrome..
and u post made me realise.at times, i too fall under the same category....

i had a fallout with one of my 'best friend' in ma college times. And i put a mask of blaming him of being non considerate and shielded myself in front of others who tried to pacify us stating my 'extra care for a friend' resulted in such a thing...
mm...

a lesson to learn...

by the way years after that we are in good terms; its really good to realise facts in life..

And thank u for the post with a good narration of this aspect..

Keshi said...

Sol I u'stand that this is abt Attribution and not necessarily abt Emotions. But it involves ppl's Emotions in the end.

In ur last post (WORDS), it was just abt WORDS but I saw some commentors talking abt Blog world and relating it to bloggers. Doesnt suit ur post but u didnt say anything like this post isnt abt Blogs did u? :) I was deriving an example of how I saw this post. But if u think thats not the way I shuld hv commented, I'll make my comments very short next time.



**I am sure you too must have thought that certain comments or posts were about you when they were not, right?


Never. lol I'd be HAPPY if ppl wrote abt me (good/bad). No one does hehe. Im being honest here, I never ASSUMED ppl wrote abt me, unless my name was there.


Keshi.

Keshi said...

continuation of that last comment...

in the end it's all abt DOUBLE STANDARDS...and thats why i gave that example. Sorry u cudnt see it that way. :)


Keshi.

Veens said...

i have that disorder :D

:-/
now what!

Veens said...

did my comment go thru?! darn! not again :)

vishesh said...

yes its the other alright,for we want to feel we are always right...but the thing we never get is by keep on turning right we only go in circles...

Sweetstickychewy said...

I will juz say one thing..lol

We humans often fail to look at our own asses before we try to sniff upon others.

A very good one again!;)

Kudos!

Ghost Particle said...

I saw a Kangaroo. Today. Seriously.

SwAtI said...

"Fundamental Attribution Error".. That sounds like a cool term to describe my stupid foolish behavior.. ;)
Not often, but yes I have committed this error few times..
Its really amazing to have this blog bak Sol.. Really! All posts r awesome.. just d way u r :)


Love
Swati

Aayushi..^ said...

Shhhhhhhhheeeeeeh!!

I SO SO SO SO agree!
But why is it always easy to question people,and not question yourself?
Don'y you do all that?

Hiren said...

reminded me of a quote - “Discipline is like spinach, we may not care for it ourselves, but feel sure that it would be good for everybody else ...”

btw I am just plain busy; therefore not able to catch up on your posts ... hopefully you dont thinkn that I have an ATTITUDE ... ;)

♥bμşγ-ŵŗϊŧēŕ♥ said...

lol, i say the stupid-fooled part a lot, come to think of it!

*rolls eyes at self*

hehe, nice list.
puttin ourselves in the other's shoes everytime we wanted to rebuke em, would make the world so much fair-er a place!

Neeku said...

so so true !

nice write up :)

ceedy said...

There are couple of instances reading this I can think of that I do do this :
- Sometimes when I used to be a designated driver in college - seeing the friends on high I used to call them ridiculous and stupid and when the roles reversed and they call me stupid - I'd say common that me...

- At work it happens a lot - there are times when I have missed something on the drawings...and if we get a call from the contractor - I will be like _ damn he does not understand this - that...but when I am told what the error is - I step back and try to be all self protective....

- and then driving...dont even want to go there...

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

I guess that's human nature.Even the most sensible of persons do that all the time.The problem is,we all tend to see some inner flaw(which we are well aware of)in that incidence,and end up relating it to oneself.

However,there are instances when such notions are true as well,even though the other party denies it.

This error cannot be totally prevented,but one can improvise on it by having a more mature and rationalized outlook on life.Best to ignore and just go ahead focusing on our own business than get into unwanted muddles.

Stupidosaur said...

Hehe I commit Fundamental Atrribution Error of the other kind.If thigs go well, its like serendipity and plain good luck (somehow I think thats how life is, unless we try to steer it to specific ends) , but if thigs go wrong, its like "You messed up Stupid!" (That was MESSage to self)

Dip.. said...

yeah we never want to take the blame

we should just put ourselves in the other persons stilletoes and then im sure everything will be less complicated.

Express said...

Hey true! very true.

Just that usually v always tend to not consider the situation from other's perspective and tend to jump to conclusions coz v think of something in a particular way.

Relevent, and the examples u gave cover it all.
Nice read.

Anindita said...

Bang on target!
Couldn't agree more with you! :)

(¯`•._.•[Raaji]•._.•´¯) said...

i agree with your ideas but not a lot of people do that... yes it is human to put the blame on someone else and never accept what we do but i know people who are better than that...

nicely done though :-)

carolinagal said...

So true! Its always easier to blame someone else for our shortcomings!

Arunima said...

"If I do well in an exam, its because I studied hard. If I do badly in an exam, its because the paper was difficult!!"

This was the best and it drove home the point. :-)

Southpaw unplugged said...

Thought provoking...

Deepti said...

Loved this post and it made me think differently about so amny issues .. Like we always blame bad luck when things go wrong but its hardwork and no trace of luck when we succeed :D

PrAcHi said...

I just LOVED this post. Every coin has 2 sides. All positive sentences can be written as negative sentences, and vice versa! And none of us shud forget this!

Ashu said...

hey sweetheart, i d be back for dtailed comment

Solitaire said...

@ Ashu,

Okie dokie! Sorry have not been around visiting your blog. Been tied up!

Solitaire said...

@ Prachi,

But we will! Cos its a "fundamental error". I wish we did not though. We are not doodh ke dhoole so cannot really point too many fingers at others.

Solitaire said...

@ Deepti,

Its human nature to glorify ourselves, isn't it? :)

Solitaire said...

@ Southpaw,

And what thoughts did it provoke?

Solitaire said...

@ Arunima,

I am glad! :)

Thanks!

Solitaire said...

@ Carolinagal,

OR keep bringing their shortcomings to the fore, very conveniently forgetting that we too have the same!

Solitaire said...

@ Raaji,

Those people that you know are brilliant! I wish there were more like them around.

Solitaire said...

@ Anindita,

Thank you!!

Solitaire said...

@ Express,

Thank you!! Yes, we tend to look at things always from one perspective..forgetting that others have their own.

Solitaire said...

@ Dip,

Aah! If only it were that easy to do...

Solitaire said...

@ Stupidosaur,

There is a name for that too! But it does not come to my mind right now. Will let you know when it does.

Solitaire said...

@ Sameera,

So true! I wish people would ignore and move on without having to absolutely find an attribution for the person's actions. But curiosity always kills the cat.

Solitaire said...

@ Ceedy,

WOW! Thank you for being honest and giving us your real life examples.

Solitaire said...

@ Neeku,

Thank you!

Solitaire said...

@ Busy Writer,

Hey! Where have you been? You kinda disappeared!!

Thanks for stopping by.

Solitaire said...

@ Hiren,

No!! I just think you are LAZY! ;)

Solitaire said...

@ Aayushi,

Who would like to question themselves? We always think we are right, right? Then why would we challenge ourselves? Its easy to question someone else.

Solitaire said...

@ Swati,

AWW! Thanks dear! I am glad to have you back on my blogs too!

Solitaire said...

@ Ghost,

Dude! You ok?

Solitaire said...

@ Sweetsticky,

Hahah!! Maybe this post is like a mirror which shows the reflection of the ass. What say?

Solitaire said...

@ Veens,

Which disorder dear? This is not a disorder! Just a little something that we all do. So now nothing!

Solitaire said...

@ Keshi,

****lol I'd be HAPPY if ppl wrote abt me (good/bad). No one does hehe. Im being honest here, I never ASSUMED ppl wrote abt me, unless my name was there.

In that case, maybe you SHOULD commit the fundamental attribution error and think that posts are about you! At least, you can then be happy thinking that you were written about!

Solitaire said...

@ Vinz,

Oh you are most welcome! So I hope you are not committing this error any more since you have learned about it the hard way?

Rakesh said...

"If I do well in an exam, its because I studied hard. If I do badly in an exam, its because the paper was difficult!!"..sometime people tell that it's out of syllabus.:)

Abhishek Khanna said...

yes
and my boss shares the same views :((

Princess Mia said...

ah absolutely loved this post...its so true....

hey am glad yur back on pyschobabble....

yuhuuuuuuu

AmitL said...

hehe...those are the excuses we use to keep our spirits up,I am sure..even when we lose,it's always a way to console oneself that the other person 'did not win as much as you thought'.:)

But then,perhaps it's for the best. It helps us from going into deep depression mode,na?:)

Which is why,even when I feel mad at someone,I think of at least one good point about the opposite person-maybe a word of praise he/she said someday,maybe the way he/she helped you or your friend out someday, and, well,that's help dissolve the vitriol and helps me keep my cool.Sounds tough,na?Well,it works sometimes,and,it sometimes,there's no time to think thusly and the anger spits out before you can say 'Jack Nicholson'.:)

Sweetstickychewy said...

I say i would agree with ya gurl!;) lol...

WE all need to hear that.:D

Cheerios!

♥bμşγ-ŵŗϊŧēŕ♥ said...

@solitaire
I'm back now! :D the "hola, how you doin? tis been long"--missed typin that on my previous comment.

so, hola! tis been long, how've u been?
:)

Solitaire said...

@ Rakesh,

Haha! Good one! Or that the teacher graded it hard..right?

Solitaire said...

@ Abhishek,

AWW! :(

Solitaire said...

@ Princess,

:) Thanks!! I am glad you are back too!

Balu said...

Very true, Solitaire.
Nice blog!

sid said...

(a) gr8...gr8 thot....i mean u know it m sure..since u have 90 comments above mine...yet...to repeat what others said
(b)its a relevant line of thinking...the WHY...which we dont think/want to think/stop to think....
(c)i am harldy anyone to have an opinion on your blog...but yr this snap is better than the previous one...
PS:-Planning retirement and hence left blogging...just doing sm internal reflecting before i finally quit this space...its heartnin to know...that u visited a space such as mine n made an effort to find out....tks!

jitendra said...

one other statement could be "when he couldnt get that girl, it was b/c he was champu. but when i couldnt get her, it's b/c she is a whore/non-maal/non-ladeeej." so whats the cure, ladeeej?

i would like to think though that i am beyond all this B-)

Solitaire said...

@ Balu,

Thanks! Keep visiting!

Solitaire said...

@ Jitendra,

Oh ya!! So true! Grapes are sour syndrome, right?

Solitaire said...

@ Sid,

(a) gr8...gr8 thot....i mean u know it m sure..since u have 90 comments above mine...yet...to repeat what others said

Thanks!!


(b)its a relevant line of thinking...the WHY...which we dont think/want to think/stop to think....

Haha! I know!


(c)i am harldy anyone to have an opinion on your blog...but yr this snap is better than the previous one...

Oh thanks!! Not many like it. They think its too geeky. But I am a nerd so no big deal!


PS:-Planning retirement and hence left blogging...just doing sm internal reflecting before i finally quit this space...its heartnin to know...that u visited a space such as mine n made an effort to find out....tks!

Whatttttttttttt? Why?????? :(
Will you stop reading our blogs too? When will you return?

Balu said...

Sure Solitaire, your posts do have the sufficient stimuli to excite more visits.

Solitaire said...

@ Busy,

I am hanging in there! You?

Solitaire said...

@ Sweetsticky,

:)
Thanks!

Solitaire said...

@ AmitL,

***But then,perhaps it's for the best. It helps us from going into deep depression mode,na?:)

Ya maybe! But then we also send the opposite person into depression by telling them they SUCK!

***Which is why,even when I feel mad at someone,I think of at least one good point about the opposite person-

That's great!! You will one day master it and save yourself a lot of heartache!

Rakesh said...

haan....

Alok Meshram said...

:)

Well written. And a very commonly found trait this is.

It is this second-hand nature that is the reason for the stale state of matters everywhere. But how many of us have the strength to accept that we are alone and responsible for our own selves?

We just shirk it off by saying, "It's destiny", "It's not in my hands", "It's not my fault".

southpaw said...

Well i'll be more considerate in future...

Confounded-Lady said...

wow. Hits us like a bus.

We are a stupid and unfair lot, arent we?

Confounded-Lady

aqua gurl said...

wao so true, loved it!!

Mampi said...

Can we safely call it SCAPEGOATING?

Nice post, crisp and correct.

Aneesh said...

***If I do well in an exam, its because I studied hard. If I do badly in an exam, its because the paper was difficult!!

Well, thinking like that helps a lot. But the scenario will be like ' you did your best and you got something. if you got something better than what you expected . Then believing that's 'coz of you would build your confidence and if you didn't get what you expected, thinking that you did what you could, but the situation was worse help you from unhappiness.

Yah 'N I agree with other cases you put. But, sometimes, showing too much politeness makes people take advantage of you!!

Ankur said...

well, dont know, sometimes we feel we deserve the reply and we dont get!! :)

hota hai, life is such!! :)

Deepali said...

I like the technical term - Fundamental Attribution Error. It's always good when you can put a name to a process.

My folks do that when we are in restaurants. When other people make noise they have no manners and my and my sis are always like 'come onnnn when we are in a big group we are just as noisy'. They tell us to shut up and we end up rolling our eyes.

Happens only too often unfortunately.

Vandita said...

yeah ive read abt this in OB...
thankfully i don't do it too often... when i do badly in an exam its mostly coz i didn't study hard enough but sometimes it is coz of unknown reasons...