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Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Love Actually...

When will I fall in love?
When will I find true love?
When will I find my Prince Charming?
Will anyone love me?

Wondering what happened to Solitaire all of a sudden? Nothing really. These are just some of the questions that a million posts ask of the readers. All these posts look similar. They talk of rosy, romantic dreams. They reminisce about old times with a first crush, the first kiss, their first flowers, their first compliments, and all that a first-timer thinks about.

Sadly, when we are blooming in our youth, we mistakenly equate romance with love. Romance can come with love. Love can come with romance. But do the two always go together? Not necessarily! I find that many of us dream about "true love" and then wonder when we will find someone to go out with on Valentine's Day, exchanging butterfly kisses and whispering sweet nothings on the backseat of a car, gazing at the starry skies. Some of us go from one relationship to another waiting for those butterflies in the stomach, the loss of appetite, the fixed gaze into space, and flushed cheeks as a sign of having fallen in love. And then some of us, wait for a guy to "propose" down on one knee, flowers in one hand, and a cheesy poem on their lips.

I wonder if in waiting for these signs that SRK (ugggggggggggh!) so fondly portrays as the epitome of love, we are very blindly ignoring the real signs of "true love". The comfort that we experience, the companionship that we share, the unknowing smiles that we flash, and the feeling of being at ease with the other person WITHOUT the loss of appetite and lack of sleep may not necessarily be romantic or make you feel like Bhagyashree in MPK or Salman Khan in HAHK but it may very well be that you have found your companion for life.

You may be fortunate enough to have a candlelit dinner waiting for you the day you complain about having a hard day at work. BONUS! But do not pooh pooh the warm hug or the concerned, "hope you are doing well" from your mate.

The roses that the flowerman delivers look beautiful for a couple days.
The look in his eye when he/she says, "I love you and will always be here for you" will keep you secure forever.
Romance is great. Love is even greater.

60 Words of Wisdom:

Ghost Particle said...

she doesnt love me anymore..........uwaaaaaaaaa....damn you Amir Khan.

nik said...

romance vs love ... the difference seems really blurred to me. ... oh well i'm no expert to comment on this!!!

Sam said...

Wow!! That was some post.. To me love is being totally at ease with that special someone and getting those tiny lil butterflies just once in a while (as a bonus).. ;)

Keshi said...

Wonderful post as usual!

**SRK (ugggggggggggh!)

LOL u loathe him to the core right? hahaha! Uska dimag Ok re..LOL excuse mah bad Hindi. :(


Romance is great too...but only when u already have LOVE.

Great post hun!


Keshi.

Sweetstickychewy said...

I can't help but smile as i read this post. You said it really well.

***I wonder if in waiting for these signs that SRK (ugggggggggggh!) so fondly portrays as the epitome of love, we are very blindly ignoring the real signs of "true love".

I feel you brought a really good point here. Often we are too caught up with the 'oohs' and 'ahhhs' of love. we fail to see the little things that could possibly be love. :P

I will be doing ya tag. soon. will beep ya on ya blog once its up.;)

Cheers!

Solitaire said...

@ Ghost, hahahaha!! And madhavan too!

@ Nik, roses, candlelight, mushy messages=romance; commitment, trust, honesty, respect and many other intangible things=love

@ Sam, yeah! Bonuses are great! But to rely on bonuses and name them to be love is foolish.

@ Keshi, exactly my point!!! Thanks for that post hun!

aneri_masi said...

Bahut sahi gyaan hai :)

Sam said...

romance and love should go hand in hand.. but then yes... many in search for a little romance pass up on love!! and later say... "never found my true match!!!" duffers!!

SwAtI SeThI said...

Whoaahh!!
Amazing clarity of thoughts...

Its funny how we take gifts n flowers n cards to be a measure of love... and the true meaning of love is lost somewhere...

Sunil Parashar said...

The knock of pure love has a different sound.

I believe love is like a ghost which most of us have heard about but very few have actually seen it. :)

There is no feeling like Love.


Thanks for visiting my blog.

Have a nice time. :)

Neeku said...

First of all..SRK is Ugggghhhh! I agree!

Second, Nice post.

Love Vs Romance... I think Romance can only be enjoyed truely if there exists true love... its like Red cherry on your fav Cheese cake...

If there is no true love... then all the romance-vomance is just shallow attention seeking, time pass, whatever type thing in your life... it brings no meaning, no purpose, no fulfillment.

So I agree to your post,

Romance is great. Love is even greater....This statement hold true every bit of it!

Lena said...

Romance is great. Love is even greater.
Love with romance is the best :D Ok, i am not that naive and realise romance in love lasts for few first weeks, after all hard works starts to maintain the relationship. But then if you know you are loved, and when you love, things are much more easier to deal with.

Satish Bolla said...

another one of those awesome posts. but wouldn't it b more beautiful, if u keep this in ur psychology blog. but more than the post, i liked the difference between love and romance in your comment to nik.
Bbtw, r u a fan of aamir?

Deepti said...

I have a post with the same title but very different perspective, had written it a year ago.
Very nicely written.

maverick said...

And then some of us, wait for a guy to "propose" down on one knee, flowers in one hand, and a cheesy poem on their lips.


koi ho to bata dena :D

Pavi!!!! said...

Good thing u mentioned there is a difference between the 2.n it sooo essential to know this difference for a better life!
As a teenager i used to dream of my prince charming ,roses,candle-li dinners n all tht mush.
But when one grows up one realizes that what matters is not all of that , but care n affection and the feeling of being needed and wanted truly n if i must add , loved! Being told the words "i love u" no more matters to me as much as "feeling loved".
Romance is that icing on the cake. It definetly makes the cake taste better, but cannot substitute the cake.

Vandita said...

hmmm thats clears it up a bit, but i agree love is much more than just romance, its something even more beautiful :)
PS: typing out ur tag...will be up in a bit

divya said...

Romance is great, love is greater :) but me cant get romantic with a person i dont love :)

carolinagal said...

Beautiful post Solitaire. I was feeling kinda down today, and this just instantly made me feel better.
:)

P said...

awwww I am so in love with you for writing my exact thoughts in a beautiful way, once again.

Solitaire said...

@ Sweetstickychewy, media is to be blamed a lot for it. I realized how much value people place on roses and teddy bears after Valentine's Day.

@ Aneri, :)

@ Sam, yeah! Because they never found the one who would whisk them away to a surprise location on their birthday.

@ Swati, yes. If that were the measure of love, I would suppose our grandparents dont love each other for I have never seen them exchanging flowers!

Solitaire said...

@ Sunil. True that there is no feeling like love. Some people mistake something else for love, though.

@ Neeku, you are right! Romance alone will not bring fulfilment but some people seek fulfilment in romance even after they find love.

@ Lena, correct!! Since love with romance is best many people give up love just because there is no romance and go looking for the best!

Solitaire said...

@ Satish, why psychology blog? And yes, I LOVE AAMIR!

@ Deepti, thanks! I visit your blog now and then but you have not updated your blog lately?

@ Maverick, sure! guy or girl?

@ Pavi, I loved your analogy of the cake and icing!! Fits perfectly with this post!

rayshma said...

gr8 post! :) it's really so easy to get carried away by romance and forget the basics that form love...
and heyy... i don't like SRK either! :)

Solitaire said...

@ Vandita, I saw the tag but what's up with the sad poem? :(

@ Carolinagal, aww! i am glad it did. all ok?

@ P, thank you so much!!

@ Rayshma, wow! I am beginning to find more and more people who do not like SRK! GREAT!!!

Cinderella. said...

Cue me in...I hate SRK too..big time !!!!
And ab is post ke liye kya bolu...?
Just read my reply to your comment abhi...maybe that'll work, eh ?

:: Clouds :: said...

True, love is not about mushy messages,a hundred redroses,candlelight dinners and valentines' day. It is definitely more.
I don't think love is beautiful feeling only.It's a mixed bag - ups and downs.It's not about holding hands and walking towards the sunset only ; it's about being there and loving each other for they are and even for what they aren't.
I read this somewhere - "...the greater the feeling of responsibility towards your beloved, the more true the love is.."

Lovely introspective post!

Keshi said...

btw u hv alot of admirers (not surprised at all)...come read the comments in my current post :)

Keshi.

Solitaire said...

@ Cinderella, gooooood that you hate SRK. I read your comment. Dreaming is great. That helps us move ahead.

@ Clouds, thanks dear! It can be good words of wisdom from a fossil like me to a young adult like you! :)

@ Keshi, its funny how everytime I come back to psychobabble after posting a comment for you, I see that you have posted a comment for me! I did read all those comments. My heart is singing!

Bubbles of FireWhiskey said...

oooooh thats so true!!! why oh why do we do that? romance and love together... and then when it doesnt happen, we want out... without realising that romance takes hard work... you have to get down and dirty... and staying in love aint childs play either...

Keshi said...

omg I noticed that too! Every time I finish commenting here and go back to my blog, there's comment from u! I guess we have the same MENTAL clock LOL!

HUGS ur precious!

Keshi.

Gazal said...

poor SRK !!!!

romance is in all the things around us..the candles,the roses,the diamond,the chocolates....and incase you still feel the same without these things...you are in love!!!!

Anurag said...

i guess romance without love has a lot to do with hurrying and a degree lack of self understanding, understanding of the other person...n maybe...maybe lack of maturity

it might also come due to insecurity etc etc

but love...u know when u r in love...its such a nice feeling

n for us introverted engineers...saying it thru the eyes is the best option...though i must agree that we do take proactive steps to be more expressive...to bring in the romance angle to love :o)

nice post re gujjuben

Cinderella. said...

And your latest poll reminded me of this...

http://intelligensia-cinderella.blogspot.com/2006/12/kiss-they-claim.html

Sam said...

how did u knw i had done dat??? :o

BIG Omi said...

Love...
Huh.. Love is just another word... a word to express a fervour feeling about someone you want to go around or would like to spend much of your time with .. But after being in the singles community for all these yesteryears i can state in vanity that you really don't need to engulf this feeling to anyone.. because unknowingly you have this feeling for many people you never realised ..
Paradigm--> I love my parents, grandparents, my friends, their girl friends, their friends, solitaire , ghostparticle, keshi, nik., sam, and whole all damn world.
But yes romance is a different feeling and it cant be there for anyone or everyone.. It is the bond or language that holds or explains the intimate relationship between two individuals or lovers ..

So with context to this particular blog i would like to disagree with Solitaire and say that Love is great but romance is greater when it is limited to two different souls..
(Why the hell my thinking is so vague..???)

Damyanti said...

Love, actually.....
Right.
As if I know, as if anyone knows, but yes, a warm hug everyday is always better than a candlelit dinner once in a while.


http://amloki.blogspot.com
http://damyantiwrites.wordpress.com

romila said...

Lovely post...you've just put down what I've gone through with my marriage, lots of love minus the butterflies and v. less of flowers.
This very realistic post of yours will certainly open up a lot of star gazing eyes.

From my experience, I say it's been great and gets better as years go by.

gunj said...

u shud hav cme up with this post long time ago...i cud hav used d help! :)

Solitaire said...

@ bubbles, its human tendency, I guess. To want what either someone else has or to want something that we do not have.

@ Keshi, or maybe "great minds think alike!"

@ Gazal, well said! Do you like SRK?

@ Anurag, surely romance has nothing to do with introversion/extroversion! And surely all engineers are not introverts. But your point is right! Romance without love means nothing!

Solitaire said...

@ Cinderella, link cut ho gaya..will come look for it.

@ Sam, intuition!

@ Big Omi, you are right that we feel a lot of love for many other people apart from our partners. (Oh and you love me???). But this post is clearly about love for a partner. And I disagree with you. Romance is a not a bond or language. It is only a mere act while love is a bond.

Solitaire said...

@ Damyanti, thanks for visiting my blog! I wish that people would stop running after the materialistic pleasures and realize the value of intangible acts.

@ Romila, people like you should spread the word around of how a relationship can be satisfactory even without the flowers!

@ Gunj, You should have told me earlier!! Any other requests? I do need some food for thought.

Mansi Trivedi said...

I love how you ended it. Very well said in two lines.

When are you publishing your book? :)
or even better, you should start a blog on relationships - you be the love doctor. Call it
"Chikipedia"
:D

Cosmic Joy said...

I feel love and romance are two separate entities altogether. Calling one greater than the other is an individual perspective depending on one's experiences and learnings.

I would say the couple who has them both at the same time are extremely lucky and probably limited in number.

c e e d y said...

Very true and down to earth post.

It is so important to be comfortable than just feel "light" all the time.

And if one of the people involved gets comfortable and the other does not - expecting the same fuzzy reactions after being together for long

has the person who is comfortable lost their love or is the person seeking that lightness still insecure.....

c e e d y said...

sorry off the topic - Rohit just reminded me on my blog...

Happy boiday to aamir - any bloggy celebrations planned????

Solitaire said...

@ Cosmic, I think Pavi nailed it. Love is the cake. Romance is the icing. The cake can do without the icing but without the cake, the icing is meaningless (unless of course you want a sugar high and feel miserable the next day!).

@ Ceedy, thank you! I am not sure if romance is everything to do with insecurity but sometimes people just equate love with romantic actions which is not true. And oh about Aamir Khan, yes..there is something planned! Wanna hear about it?

c e e d y said...

Yes sure - want to hear about it - I am also a big pankha....

and you are right - about the equation - but not many realize that and those who do are not understood....

Solitaire said...

But you might think its silly...can you take my poll on Warm Fuzzies?

c e e d y said...

done

celebrate it and invite him to check it out

http://www.aamirkhan.com/

you never know!!!

BIG Omi said...

Oh yeah, I do... but i love you only as an anglophile.. and may be i should not comment much onthis.. i respect your perception and your idea of love and romance..

Pri said...

simply loved this one...especially the ending :)

but one complain--- SRK...ughhh???
:( :( :( sob! sob!

Sam said...

and what fed ur intuition lady??

Pri said...

and i want all that...the candy..the flowers...the cards..the sweet nothings..the butterflies in the stomach...true love with all the effects...sigh!!
and if i dont get it, il'l wait...main intzaar karungi! :p(like the girl says in the 'asian paints' wala ad) heehee

elusive said...

loved the post. Agree..love is essential, romance is an added bonus.

Anjuli said...

Love.....baba re... ab to actually maine sochna hi chhod diya....my next post coming soon on this...

Whizkid said...

Awesome post..read it just at the right time :)

Deepali said...

See thats the problem when you rely on books and movies to tell you what something should be like. I bet lots of people feel unhappy (cause they don't have the flowers and the flutters) when they have no reason to (cause they might have the comfort).

The other problem is that they actually might 'miss' their true love cause they didn't realized it passed them by because they were looking for something else.

Btw I am assuming you have watched OSO, if not you should catch it. Lol the scene where SRK get nominated for the awards is hilarious.

vEENs said...

Its beautiful Solitaire!

everything in a way is right!

[is this the post yu were saying yu will write...about love..after reading my post?]

well Soli...i m not looking for lov...smething tells me...its not made for me :D

Prachi said...

well.....

thr is nothing more than the comfort zone which makes it all so more special....romance is the icing on the cake.....starts frm dating and may fade out within a few years....
comfort zone develops with dating..... and expands with time...!!!

loved the post